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Tell the story of your most memorable fart

TheTruth1983TheTruth1983 Posts: 13,462
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in The Games Room #1
When I was young I was an altar boy (no jokes please) and once, when I was serving Mass, I felt an awful rumble in my guts. After a while it got so unbearably uncomfortable so I had to let rip. I did my best to keep it quiet but it didn't work. The resulting trump was loud, watery and lasted for 10 seconds. It was at communion time too so people had to have heard it.

Take it away :D

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    CravenHavenCravenHaven Posts: 13,953
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    #2
    I wouldn't worry about it. Church is full of old people. They let rip shamelessly. It's worst in Waitrose. They should call it Waitdontfart
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    Pumping IronPumping Iron Posts: 29,891
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    #3
    Sometimes it's easy to guess thread starters :D
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    FizixFizix Posts: 16,932
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    #4
    Well there was this town, its a ghost town now... They all died 😔
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    kitty86kitty86 Posts: 7,034
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    #5
    When I was first with my boyfriend we were staying at my mums house babysitting whilst she was away. It was late at night and we were up watching something and I really really needed to fart but it was still quite early days and I was embarrased to do it in front of him.

    I persuaded him to go to the kitchen and get me a drink and as he left the room and walked into the hallway I let rip it was so loud and bassy and long!

    Next thing I heard "was that you?!"

    He'd heard it all

    I was mortified.
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    TheTruth1983TheTruth1983 Posts: 13,462
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    #6
    kitty86 wrote: »
    When I was first with my boyfriend we were staying at my mums house babysitting whilst she was away. It was late at night and we were up watching something and I really really needed to fart but it was still quite early days and I was embarrased to do it in front of him.

    I persuaded him to go to the kitchen and get me a drink and as he left the room and walked into the hallway I let rip it was so loud and bassy and long!

    Next thing I heard "was that you?!"

    He'd heard it all

    I was mortified.

    Not sure why women are so prudish about farting, even early on. If someone trumpeted loudly, I would be impressed :D
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    Duffman2000Duffman2000 Posts: 1,372
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    #7
    When I was having lunch with the Queen. So bad in fact, I ended up demolishing most of Buckingham Palace as a result. :(
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    farmer bobfarmer bob Posts: 27,595
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    #8
    Approx 8 mins ago, after a Chinese takeaway.
    Memorable enough, all that MSG.
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    venusinflaresvenusinflares Posts: 4,194
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    #9
    It was the second weekend I spent with my (now) husband.

    I'd not had a poo all weekend and the wind had built up nicely from two days of holding trumps in. We went out for a Chinese meal and by the time we got back my stomach had blown up like a balloon, was rock hard and I was desperately uncomfortable!

    I had to say something instead of keeping up the pretence that I neither did poos nor trumps so I told him I was in agony to which he replied 'awww are you too embarrassed to go for a big, smelly poo?'

    At that point I blew off. It was a magnificently massive trump and the relief was instant. We both fell about laughing and the trump ice was well and truly broken :D
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    shaddlershaddler Posts: 11,574
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    #10
    Probably when I tried to do a silent poo when there were friends in my flat, but accidentally broke wind which was amplified by the toilet bowl and the unfortunately timed lull in conversation in the room next door.
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    Apple22over7Apple22over7 Posts: 698
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    #11
    On holiday in Lanzarote with my partner of 3 years. It was loud and it was the stinkiest fart I have ever encountered. It was so foul we opened the sliding doors of the apartment and sat outside for half an hour to air the room out.
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    HogzillaHogzilla Posts: 24,116
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    #12
    It wasn't me did the most memorable one, as tbh I never do them, but when I was in the 6th Form, we had this very staid, prim, middle aged History teacher. Right in the middle of Napoleon's foreign policies she:

    a) Let rip
    b) Carried on without pausing for a second, and acted totally as if nothing had happened.

    We had to sit there, with our fists stuffed in our mouths, tears of laughter running down our faces. Every time we calmed down and stopped laughing, someone else would start us off again. I think I nearly peed myself. She was the last person on earth you could imagine farting. It was like the Queen farting.
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    ianradioianianradioian Posts: 74,865
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    #13
    shaddler wrote: »
    Probably when I tried to do a silent poo when there were friends in my flat, but accidentally broke wind which was amplified by the toilet bowl and the unfortunately timed lull in conversation in the room next door.

    Hahaaaa :) I always run the basin taps when in that situation to " muddy" the noise lol
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    ianradioianianradioian Posts: 74,865
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    #14
    I sat in the car once at the lights with my daughter and she let rip. She said " cor I needed that" ( she was about 8 at the time) - I was laughing so much I inadvertantly launched a trouser-ripper.
    We were both in hysterics!
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    StressMonkeyStressMonkey Posts: 13,347
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    #15
    I'd cooked Carnitas and Cuban black beans properly from scratch. Loads of garlic & onion :) Proper fatty pork shoulder :D So delicious that despite being really filling I forced down a second helping.

    Cat kept mythering me so I asked son to feed it. At which point he informed me we were out of cat food. My cat has to have Royal Canine otherwise she gets a squirty bottom so I have no choice but to go to Pets at Home.

    I felt my stomach drop and realised it wasn't due to the cost of the bloody cat food - but to the fermenting pork & beans. It was painful and I knew clenching wasn't going to work for long. I had to let a little out. On realising it was pretty much silent I decide to let it all out. Bliss :D at which point a little old lady carrying a Bichon Frise came round the aisle. She looked like she was going to throw up. To be fair it was possibly the most disgusting aroma I've ever smelt and disproved the theory 'You always like your own'. You most certainly do not. I looked at her, I looked at the dog. Back to her and said 'Is he not very well?' in my most sympathetic voice. She looked a bit confused then a shop assistant entered the aisle and actually gagged. Little old lady says "I'm ever so sorry, I don't think he's very well" :D Shop Assistant suggested Charcoal Biscuits might help:D

    I made it as far as the car before my laughing induced another monumental fart which in the confines of a small car was deeply unpleasent :D
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    Kayleigh2010Kayleigh2010 Posts: 1,242
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    #16
    I am the best at silent farts and keeping a straight face and blaming others.

    I did it once in work and damn it stank.

    We were stood around a coffee machine and someone said "phwoaarrr whats that smell". I was like "oh dear lord, who did that" they all blamed this other lady and she went bright red, so they were convinced it was her. I felt bad for like a split second:D
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    StressMonkeyStressMonkey Posts: 13,347
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    #17
    Kayleigh2010 wrote: »
    I am the best at silent farts and keeping a straight face and blaming others.

    I did it once in work and damn it stank.

    We were stood around a coffee machine and someone said "phwoaarrr whats that smell". I was like "oh dear lord, who did that" they all blamed this other lady and she went bright red, so they were convinced it was her. I felt bad for like a split second:D

    :o I don't feel so bad for blaming a dog now :D
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    Fred SplungeFred Splunge Posts: 654
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    #18
    My most memorable one was many years ago when I was single. I had a particularly dopey cat at the time who would follow me everywhere. Went to the loo, he came in and balanced himself around the edge of the basin. I let rip, with an echoy one, amplified by the pan, and the cat fell off the basin in shock.
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    Kayleigh2010Kayleigh2010 Posts: 1,242
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    #19
    StressMonkey wrote: »
    :o I don't feel so bad for blaming a dog now :D

    :D:D:D:D
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    ramraiderukramraideruk Posts: 1,190
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    #20
    I was on a bus and I let one rip. It was so bad that I had to move. You should have seen the look on people's faces when they sat in the same seat. I thought they were going to be sick! :o:D
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    ianradioianianradioian Posts: 74,865
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    #21
    Kenneth Williams: Edith Evans Anecdote: http://youtu.be/z-lwA61hkPk
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    myssmyss Posts: 16,527
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    #22
    Working in a busy open plan area, with my boss sitting behind me, and it was near winter time, so there was enough little bugs going round the office. I felt the need to do a well-embodied fart but subdued it with the intention of finishing an email I was typing and then going off to the ladies to release it. Unfortunately for me, just as the fart was starting to retreat, a sneeze decided that it was coming out whether I liked it or not, and the fart decided to follow through too.
    Although I have doubts if my colleagues heard it or not but my boss must have. I didn't dare turn around and carried on as normal but inside I was cringing with embarrassment!

    One of my brothers has some of the stinkiest farts going, I know they're supposed to smell, but his are ones where just fanning it away with your hand is pointless, you just need get out the area and take in some fresh air.
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    StressMonkeyStressMonkey Posts: 13,347
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    #23
    myss wrote: »
    Working in a busy open plan area, with my boss sitting behind me, and it was near winter time, so there was enough little bugs going round the office. I felt the need to do a well-embodied fart but subdued it with the intention of finishing an email I was typing and then going off to the ladies to release it. Unfortunately for me, just as the fart was starting to retreat, a sneeze decided that it was coming out whether I liked it or not, and the fart decided to follow through too.
    Although I doubts if my colleagues heard it or not but my boss must have. I didn't dare turn around and carried on as normal but inside I was cringing with embarrassment!

    One of my brothers has some of the stinkiest farts going, I know they're supposed to smell, but his are ones where just fanning it away with your hand is pointless, you just need get out the area and take in some fresh air.

    When you say follow though.......:o:D
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    myssmyss Posts: 16,527
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    #24
    StressMonkey wrote: »
    When you say follow though.......:o:D
    :D Oh I meant the fart followed through after the sneeze! Nothing else came out!! :D:D
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 32,379
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    #25
    I have IBS, my excuse anyway. I was sitting on a barstool in my local. I let out a real ripper, a voice behind me said, thank's very much woodbush. I turned around and it was my mate and wife who were sitting at the table. I thought it was empty:blush:
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