Options
Preferring Solo Living
_Gizmo_
Posts: 347 Forum Member
✭
Hi
Am I weird for being 33 and much prefering to live alone?. In my younger years I always yearned for a girlfriend, yet was too shy / ugly? for anyone ever to show any interest.
Fast forward and since moving out of the family home, i've lived alone 8 years. Everyone around me seems to be pairing up / moving in, yet the idea of me doing the same scares the crap out of me.
Also, i really don't know where people find the time. After my work day i like nothing more than to come home and chill without having to make small talk to anyone. Should I choose to i'm usually able to find someone to go for a few drinks with after work, have a couple of hobbies so am never lonely.
Anyone else?
Am I weird for being 33 and much prefering to live alone?. In my younger years I always yearned for a girlfriend, yet was too shy / ugly? for anyone ever to show any interest.
Fast forward and since moving out of the family home, i've lived alone 8 years. Everyone around me seems to be pairing up / moving in, yet the idea of me doing the same scares the crap out of me.
Also, i really don't know where people find the time. After my work day i like nothing more than to come home and chill without having to make small talk to anyone. Should I choose to i'm usually able to find someone to go for a few drinks with after work, have a couple of hobbies so am never lonely.
Anyone else?
0
Comments
I have dozens of good friends both male and female (my best mate is a girl) so I usually end up getting loads of cuddles etc and never really want for anything on an emotional level.
I kind of miss sex a bit but if I got really desperate I could hit a nightclub and have a go at pulling a girl who is up for a shag though to be honest the last couple of times I have had it on a plate I have walked away as I really like being a bachelor boy - It is ace, do what you want when you want and see whoever you like whenever you like.
My best mate sometimes texts me at like 2am saying Im sad can I come around and I always say yes love nip round, imagine trying that with a GF lol !!!
Enjoy it mate and if you get totally lonely, trim up, tidy yourself and the house up and go get a girl.
What I most like is being able to get home, shut the front door and lock the rest of the world out.
To be frank, considering my negative experiences of online dating and the recent shocking and messy relationship breakdown that I have seen with a friend and his wife fuelling a dwindling interest in women*, I'd foresee the continuation of solo living. Unfortunately, there'll be a clash of ideology soon enough as I reach my 30th birthday with family wanting me to have children and my father wanting me to pass the family name on.
But you do what makes you happy, as long as it's legal and harms no-one else.
* - the correct term for someone who is disinterested in women and men is asexuality, not homosexuality.
I was single most of my life until about 30, when I met the current GF. Moved in with here quite quickly. It took me literally years to adjust, I found it very, very difficult at first, and that is despite her being very easy going generally, but being an only child, one who didn't really "do" relationships, and then moving into a small flat with my partner mean't I found it a real challenge.
Even now, if anything happened to the relationship, I wouldn't rush out to try and find a new partner, I am quite happy with my own company despite being a very sociable person. Everyone needs their own space at times.
Sometimes I fantasise about being with someone as it can be lonely sometimes, but I know it will never work - not that I would attract anyone now anyway, and that's fine. I'm best on my own as I have to manage insomnia and stress, and it would take someone amazing to understand.
No thing wrong with being single, living on your own, being your own person, being free and actually being very honest. Relationships can be difficult, complicated and full of compromises and family dynamics. Not all of us find it easy or appealing. On the other hand if you meet someone who matches you, it will just flow and feel right.
Much the same only up until I was 40.
Split from the missus then. Lived by myself ever since and loving it. Do now have a long term G/F but her circumstances were similar to mine so neither of us are in a hurry to move in together and it works well.
This.
I think the situation is different when you get older though and have retired perhaps. You won't have the stimulation of going out to work and colleagues to chat to. Parents will probably be dead and even friends might disappear and if your health and mobility aren't as good it must be quite scary and rather lonely.
It is nice to have the company of someone who really cares about you and loves you and who you can rely on when you need it.
.
I do worry about when I get old 'n decrepid, but you could end up alone even if you are married if your partner pre-deceases you.
I split up with my bf Sept 2009 and he moved out, it was a 1 bedroom place, so had no choice but to live on my own
I moved into a 2 bedroom place about 6 months after for a clean start, and loved it, before meeting my ex bf i'd always lived in houseshares
I would be nice to share a home with a partner, if and when one comes along and it gets to that stage, but at the moment, i'm quite happy on my own
I have no idea whether I would still pine for something I hadn't tried if I'd never been there.
That is me, retired so not working, parents deceased, friends died/remarried and/or moved away/gone a bit strange. Insomnia dictates sometimes what I do or do not do - otherwise health ok, which is of prime importance, you're spot on there.
But it's ok, really, we adapt and find a level which suits us. It's scary when I have flu or something awful, lonely sometimes but still would rather the peace of my own company to the variables of a relationship. I can shut the door and bathe in my own misery thus hurting no one else or beating myself up that I have let the other person down.
The whole point being that finding someone committed for the rest of your life to loving and caring for you and that you can 100% rely on is [as I have found from a great deal of experience and deep heartbreak], as rare to find as hens teeth, unfortunately. In any relationship there are no guarantees of anything [or that they can give you what you need at the time you need it].
The only person we can rely on is ourselves as I've also discovered - the hard way.
This is probably what I love the most.
I don't even feel lonely anymore as I can just stick a movie on and have it playing in the background, or stick some music on and just generally not give a flying f*ck about anything. I would hate to have to share with others, I didn't buy a big telly and an awesome sound system to only get to use it once in a while.
Plus, whatever I have after bills etc. is mine, to do with as I please. No parents or wife or girlfriend to question me after buying a few blu-rays or something that I probably don't really need. No kids either that you have no choice but to spend money on. I could live like this forever
are you not married?
We split up 10 years ago and all the kids have flown the nest now.
whos is that question aimed at
OP.....
So the girlfriend you talk about in your past posts was a figment of your imagination?