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How do people cope? I've been on my own now for nearly 10 years after my divorce.
I have had a couple of relationships, one serious. I say serious as in for me. I met a bloke on line and together for about 5 years. I absolutely adored him but he didn't feel the same. I would like to be in a relationship but it doesn't seem to happen for me. I always meet the wrong ones.
I hear a lot these days about lonely people and the answers to it, most advice i have taken or taking. I have done the night classes, voluntary work, i go to busy public places where i can people meet, i've done it all but still on my own. I am and have been very proactive in not sitting at home being miserable.
I've taken a good long look at myself to try and work out what is it that puts people off spending time with me. I don't think i'm a horrid person, i'm kind to the point of being a pushover, I never argue, not opinionated, take as i find all that kind of thing. So why? Every Christmas has been on my own and i've not minded it. I've taken it as a positive telling myself at least i've not the hassle and am lucky to be able to please myself but this year i wanted something different. I got up this morning but by midday i went back to bed i just couldn't face the day. I do suffer from depression so trying to keep myself from falling into a deep depression is really hard work. I feel so lonely sometimes that it brings on a panic attack. It feels physically painful, my whole body aches with loneliness.
How do people cope? its not just a christmas thing for me but an all year round thing ....every single day of my crappy life.
I have had a couple of relationships, one serious. I say serious as in for me. I met a bloke on line and together for about 5 years. I absolutely adored him but he didn't feel the same. I would like to be in a relationship but it doesn't seem to happen for me. I always meet the wrong ones.
I hear a lot these days about lonely people and the answers to it, most advice i have taken or taking. I have done the night classes, voluntary work, i go to busy public places where i can people meet, i've done it all but still on my own. I am and have been very proactive in not sitting at home being miserable.
I've taken a good long look at myself to try and work out what is it that puts people off spending time with me. I don't think i'm a horrid person, i'm kind to the point of being a pushover, I never argue, not opinionated, take as i find all that kind of thing. So why? Every Christmas has been on my own and i've not minded it. I've taken it as a positive telling myself at least i've not the hassle and am lucky to be able to please myself but this year i wanted something different. I got up this morning but by midday i went back to bed i just couldn't face the day. I do suffer from depression so trying to keep myself from falling into a deep depression is really hard work. I feel so lonely sometimes that it brings on a panic attack. It feels physically painful, my whole body aches with loneliness.
How do people cope? its not just a christmas thing for me but an all year round thing ....every single day of my crappy life.
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I've been divorced for 5 years and apart from some on/offs and some occasional shags I'm spending this Christmas alone, I did last year as well..
I have my kids here which is great but I know what you feel, I felt a bit pissed off the other day actually
Spend time with friends, neighbours, family
Merry Xmas
I do find it very difficult to deal with people who act as if they've known me for years - it's really quite unnerving for me personally. Maybe this is something you could be unwittingly doing Sarah ?. Maybe your eagerness to find companionship is coming across as too needy to people ?
Either way, I think it would benefit you greatly if you could somehow find contentment being alone. I know it's probably not what you want, but i think if you can find happiness in yourself then you might find that everything else falls in to place.
i hope that doesn't come across as a rather random stream of consciousness though
Loneliness is a real issue, especially at this time of year when family becomes such a focus.
You say you are nice to the point that you don't argue, or don't disagree. I'm telling you now, for Christmas lunch, I want a pork pie.
You can regard that as a genuine request for a pork pie, you can take it a a facecious attempt at humour, or you can stand up and say, well bugger the lot of yous
I dont work no but i do do voluntary work( 2 jobs) which i do both outside the home and also do some at home to fill my days. I doesn't feel as if im doing everyting right as im still in the same postition i was in 10 yrs ago.
I'm not a pushy person, i don't throw myself at people exact opposite. I can be a bit on the shy side and have to really make the effort.
Contentment , thats what i've been looking for but for me it seems unobtainable. I can tick along i can ignore my situation but it all comes back and bites me on the bum.
I don't have any family myself but i see that as a positive. Pork pie it is then.... would like pickle with that.
Bring some cheese, I'll get the crackers in
it sounds like you might be having the opposite effect of being too forward then and might be coming across as "weird" because you're shy. believe me, i speak from vast experience in this area
i know this might sound like a crazy idea, but have you thought about speed dating ?
it could be a good way of actually getting a better sense of what other people think of you without going through all the hassle of trying to put yourself out there and be friendly and seeing if you can form a bond with someone.
as long as you went along with an open mind and went along looking to answer some questions about yourself rather than get a date, you might ultimately find it helps you.
I'm a secret depressive. By that I mean I come across to people as if I'm more than fine. In the back of my mind I'm just waiting to die - that is after my parents are "gone", and then I can make my sisters 3 kids a bit happier from my inheritance to them from my home. Sure they would rather have me alive I know.
Things I do to keep me sane/happy/content:
Movies, TV shows
Computer games, internet things, technology
...that's it! lol
My only secret in life is that over the last 6-7 years I often see escorts (call girls). Being a bit of the shy type I've always shied away from potential flirts sort of thing, and not being much of a socialiser it makes me a bit of a bore I think so I don't bother taking the step of approaching her.
The sex with some of the escorts I've had has been really awesome, better than any ex girlfriend back in the day (I'm near 34). As long as I can afford it - I feel very happy enough as I am right now.
I'd feel most happy if only I could find a suitable woman and settle down have kids. BUT then comes all the stress and worry of all that, I dunno if I'd still be happy. Right now I mostly have such an easy life having total freedom to do whatever I want without issues from anyone and doing what I always wanted to do in my teen years of wanting to shag all the pretty girls, now my only slight worry is hoping I'll never lose my current job because then life would probably get hard, or very boring.
Trying speed dating. There isn't anything like that near me i live on a small town.
I did the dating sites and met a few but well all the stories about dating sites are true.
Yeah, don't go on dating sites unless you want a cavalcade of nutters who think sending you photos of their bits and pieces is akin to saying "hi, how are you doing?"
I do sympathise with your predicament though because i've been there. I'm lucky that i had/have friends and family to get involved with, which i appreciate doesn't help you, but i got there in the end and became happy with my lot, so i'm sure you can as well.
If you can't go speed dating, why not try something else a bit out of your comfort zone?
I haven't tried it myself, but i've heard good things about the website meetup.com
http://www.meetup.com/
It sounds like you've got the right approach to this so perhaps you need a new environment
At the time of my divorce I had a mild interest in theatre - I went on line and registered with a theatre related forum, the chat kept me occupied and it was anonymous which made me feel slightly more secure.
That was 7 years ago, I now travel the length and breath of the country visting friends that I have made over these years.
It took a lot of courage to make the initial move from internet chatting to meeting face to face but it was the best think that I could have done - it changed my life completely and I now look forward to the future.
I'm married, wonderful hubby, two great kids, extended family and friends but my depression and anxiety can make me feel extremely lonely. I'm in therapy for these with my therapist telling me my low self-esteem is making me feel unworthy. Not sure if you've tried the therapy route but it might open up some reasons why and what you can do to help the situation.
http://www.spiceuk.com/home?handshaked=true
Advice.. Not a lot I can say, sorry, have you any hobbies, you can join a group. I nope you have a nice Christmas anyway.
A few of you have advised meetup. I think maybe, back in the past i may have already looked at that site but will over the next few days have a look.
Having therapy for my depression etc, already been there, done that. It didn't really help. It gave me the acknowledgement that i was right in so much it confirmed what i thought about myself, with the prognosis that i may never now be any different. My depression is something to be control and accepted as part of me.
Moving home. I did that a few years ago. Its made me perhaps a stronger person but more vulnerable at the same time. Its made me make the effort with people and situations, which is a good thing but, it has isolated me from everything i have ever known. I won't go back though i know that i'm better off where i am and make the best of it.
I have developed my interests by volunteering myself for various things. I have found over the last few years that the people who enjoy the same things as me tend be married, have families of their own, friends of their own and the major thing i've found is that apart for the one common interest we have nothing in common. We are worlds apart. They are all, well ladies that lunch and i'm on benefits. So i don't push myself forwards having heard their opinion of people like me. My depression doesn't in anyway cloud my judgement of myself, i'm a nice person and i know i am.
I've made myself busy today. Been really good, spring cleaned my whole house. I've just had a glass or two of wine and off to bed, that xmas eve over and done with. If the TV channels didn't put so much shite on over christmas im sure the suicide rate will fall dramatically over christmas.
Thanks for the replies to my post.
Merry christmas.
Just tomorrow to go then its all over... till the next time
Hope all can find some fun this holiday.
I really hope you have a good day, and yes I also have only a few cards, my son is round later, but he will eat the meal I am cooking then go early, leaving me to watch rubbish TV, Are you in Somerset, as well as Devon, Cornwall it was the area I was thing of moving to, selling up Kent. If I could find freelance work in my field. Anyway I hope you and the other person has a great day, and then it is another year.