- is much the same, but salted within is an interesting paragraph (assuming she's not lying as per - third from last).
Oh, and Liz, all mobile phones have this handy feature that hardly anyone uses: it's called an "off switch".
You mean:
"Today, though, having just had the worst week of my life, with a digital death threat, with terrible, terrible news reaching me by email that meant I was about to lose everything I’ve worked for over 32 years, and also a deafening digital silence from someone that meant our relationship was over, I yearn for a few moments’ respite from the internet, which is why I've already requested a press trip to the luxury hotel in Germany that has a kill switch for guests."
Hmm. HMMM.
IF it weren't for the fact that her relationship with the Baker were entirely conducted via text I'd say it's Nic. In fact I will still put my digital nonexistent money on it being Nic, though we're supposed to infer that it's the Baker.
EIther that or it's a passive aggressive go at the Baker for not replying to a text.
ETA I bet it's someone we've never heard of. Oh no but what if it is SUE NEEDLEMAN?
Good call, didn't a recent Dreary include details of something that Isobel had specifically requested NOT be repeated to her staff?
Yes, wasn't that the Dreary, or some other MoS drivel, when she said her 'friend's' new café was haunted or somesuch, and her friend wanted this kept quiet ...! Am sure others can give links - I can't be bothered right now, other stuff on my mind(gastroscopy tomorrow oh joy!!!) Hope they're generous with a bit of sedation!
Wow, this week's diary takes self indulgent rambling to a whole new level! I'll say this for her, she certainly knows how to milk a situation for maximum wordcount-filling. Just lately, almost every sentence is a rehash of a previously recounted story, usually some argument she's had with someone she offended in an earlier column. Which gives her the opportunity to fill half the column by repeating the original comments, followed by the offended person's reaction, followed by the traditional rewriting of history ('I only said......'). It's almost exactly the same pattern every week!
Yes, wasn't that the Dreary, or some other MoS drivel, when she said her 'friend's' new café was haunted or somesuch, and her friend wanted this kept quiet ...! Am sure others can give links - I can't be bothered right now, other stuff on my mind(gastroscopy tomorrow oh joy!!!) Hope they're generous with a bit of sedation!
How did your gastroscopy go, amikolaichek? Hope it wasn't too bad and they gave you plenty of sedation.
Wow, this week's diary takes self indulgent rambling to a whole new level! I'll say this for her, she certainly knows how to milk a situation for maximum wordcount-filling. Just lately, almost every sentence is a rehash of a previously recounted story, usually some argument she's had with someone she offended in an earlier column. Which gives her the opportunity to fill half the column by repeating the original comments, followed by the offended person's reaction, followed by the traditional rewriting of history ('I only said......'). It's almost exactly the same pattern every week!
How did your gastroscopy go, amikolaichek? Hope it wasn't too bad and they gave you plenty of sedation.
It was my third gastroscopy,( if you count the one in Zurich 23 years ago), and rather - well - OUCH this time, still got a very sort throat ... alas, much as I adore UCH London, they are just the TEENIEST bit miserly with sedation, not like the Swiss who, if you asked, would probably pump you full of intravenous Valium before a haircut, ....
Still, a gastroscopy is a walk in the park compared with a colonoscopy! Yup, had one of those recently. Still, as I told myself while what felt like 7000 metres of fibre optics connected to an Olympus camera were delving around in my guts, 'mustn't complain - plenty far worse off than I, like poor Lizard ... all those Brazilian waxes for the delectation of The Baker, god, how that woman suffers'.
(Oh hell! Sudden horrible thought - should I have had a Brazilian before the colonoscopy ... Oh no no, silly me, of course not - I was facing the other way during the proceedings ... )
If the shoes are mine then put them in the bin. You aren't 'allowed' to see me so I can't help. I seriously hope all this is worth it David. I was a good friend to you and you pushed me aside for someone that prints such terrible stuff about you and your family and your so called dirty habits. So sad.
The actual text from the scummy moo to David, which was in response to her having a go at him for having a wicker basket of shoes in his lounge. I realised that they were probably mine so sent the text. Knew it would wind her up if she got to read it though. She changes punctuation, takes things out, changes word placements .... And she still harps on about only writing the truth. You have to go through a wardrobe to get to her imaginary world ! Do I get a share of the fee do you think for having my text printed? And is it ok to call someone a scummy moo in print? What is she - 12!
If the shoes are mine then put them in the bin. You aren't 'allowed' to see me so I can't help. I seriously hope all this is worth it David. I was a good friend to you and you pushed me aside for someone that prints such terrible stuff about you and your family and your so called dirty habits. So sad.
The actual text from the scummy moo to David, which was in response to her having a go at him for having a wicker basket of shoes in his lounge. I realised that they were probably mine so sent the text. Knew it would wind her up if she got to read it though. She changes punctuation, takes things out, changes word placements .... And she still harps on about only writing the truth. You have to go through a wardrobe to get to her imaginary world ! Do I get a share of the fee do you think for having my text printed? And is it ok to call someone a scummy moo in print? What is she - 12!
DD you have my complete support and sympathy. I can't imagine how it must feel to be dragged into this soap opera and wondering what is going to appear next.
It's a poor show that David hasn't had "a word" and asked that you are left alone.
You never asked for this.
If the shoes are mine then put them in the bin. You aren't 'allowed' to see me so I can't help. I seriously hope all this is worth it David. I was a good friend to you and you pushed me aside for someone that prints such terrible stuff about you and your family and your so called dirty habits. So sad.
The actual text from the scummy moo to David, which was in response to her having a go at him for having a wicker basket of shoes in his lounge. I realised that they were probably mine so sent the text. Knew it would wind her up if she got to read it though. She changes punctuation, takes things out, changes word placements .... And she still harps on about only writing the truth. You have to go through a wardrobe to get to her imaginary world ! Do I get a share of the fee do you think for having my text printed? And is it ok to call someone a scummy moo in print? What is she - 12!
Well yes, you should get a cut of the fee, at the VERY LEAST. It is pathetic that she is now reduced to using her column to settle scores with people in real life, when they have no right to reply in such a public forum. Are you complaining to the MoS?
(Oh hell! Sudden horrible thought - should I have had a Brazilian before the colonoscopy ... Oh no no, silly me, of course not - I was facing the other way during the proceedings ... )
I believe the Brasilian includes the rear view. And I am sure any Liz-worthy person would have splurged on the anal bleaching beforehand, also.
If she's paying £20,000 an acre for grazing land, then someone's having a laugh at her expense - that's probably more than twice the going rate for the area she's in. Still, when you're (allegedly) on the brink of bankruptcy, what's another hundred grand or so between friends? (That's assuming five acres or so that she'd be needing for her and Nic's equine collection.)
I believe the Brasilian includes the rear view. And I am sure any Liz-worthy person would have splurged on the anal bleaching beforehand, also.
Oh hell, KeepBooks, now I am feeling REALLY disgusting - not only no 'back' Brazilian before my colonoscopy, but I didn't even have the decency to undergo 'anal bleaching' either. How shall I ever face the gastroenterology consultant in the face again at my next appointment???
Mind you, the fibre optic gizmo having 'passed the portals', however un-groomed I now realise they must have appeared, the rest of my innards were apparently a thing of beauty, thanks to the gallons of what I can only describe as 'liquid Brillo' one drinks for 36 or so hours before the procedure. The kind and chatty operatives (two lady consultants and a lady chief registrar, plus three nurses) certainly didn't complain about any hirsuteness of the Amikolaichek backside, nor its lack of a good preparatory soaking in Domestos. In fact, the session was quite like a jolly, gossipy get-together, with wine, and despite my sedated condition, I was able to take part - bit like a party with some fun girlfriends.
I am sure if the Lizard ever has to undergo such an examination, she will be perfectly prepared in every way - depilated, bleached, her nether regions previously soaked in Bliss Softening Knickers etc. etc. NOT that I'm wishing any such procedure on her. Of course not. Never! But if, God forbid, she needs it, then she should INSIST on NO SEDATION WHATSOEVER, as I believe the sedative drugs ARE NOT VEGAN!
Am I alone in wondering what the DM are doing in sending the Lizard to Greece ?
Then again, and upon reflection... may be she's the ideal UK-citizen to discuss subjects such as debt, tax-avoidance, pain and suffering, with those Greeks who own Louboutins and are in search of a local pawn-shop. ;-)
And let us not forget that Lizard is a Buddhist whose mind is full of mindfulness with no overt attachments to material possessions.
Plus... the Greeks must have tons of Garnier Fructis on credit...:D
I am sure if the Lizard ever has to undergo such an examination, she will be perfectly prepared in every way - depilated, bleached, her nether regions previously soaked in Bliss Softening Knickers etc. etc.
I just pity her 'hearing-dog'... no canine should be expected to sit through that.
Comments
You mean:
"Today, though, having just had the worst week of my life, with a digital death threat, with terrible, terrible news reaching me by email that meant I was about to lose everything I’ve worked for over 32 years, and also a deafening digital silence from someone that meant our relationship was over, I yearn for a few moments’ respite from the internet, which is why I've already requested a press trip to the luxury hotel in Germany that has a kill switch for guests."
Hmm. HMMM.
IF it weren't for the fact that her relationship with the Baker were entirely conducted via text I'd say it's Nic. In fact I will still put my digital nonexistent money on it being Nic, though we're supposed to infer that it's the Baker.
EIther that or it's a passive aggressive go at the Baker for not replying to a text.
ETA I bet it's someone we've never heard of. Oh no but what if it is SUE NEEDLEMAN?
If only there was some kind of bus service in Rome.
How about the Editor in Chief of the Mail?
Good call, didn't a recent Dreary include details of something that Isobel had specifically requested NOT be repeated to her staff?
Yes, wasn't that the Dreary, or some other MoS drivel, when she said her 'friend's' new café was haunted or somesuch, and her friend wanted this kept quiet ...! Am sure others can give links - I can't be bothered right now, other stuff on my mind(gastroscopy tomorrow oh joy!!!) Hope they're generous with a bit of sedation!
I suspect it's Isobel after reading this:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-3107481/Liz-Jones-s-Diary-wish-somebody-lean-on.html
Scroll down to the seventh comment.....
"Can this be right? Maybe I panicked last night. I can still order a quinoa salad from room service, after all."
So that's all right then
How did your gastroscopy go, amikolaichek? Hope it wasn't too bad and they gave you plenty of sedation.
It was my third gastroscopy,( if you count the one in Zurich 23 years ago), and rather - well - OUCH this time, still got a very sort throat ... alas, much as I adore UCH London, they are just the TEENIEST bit miserly with sedation, not like the Swiss who, if you asked, would probably pump you full of intravenous Valium before a haircut, ....
Still, a gastroscopy is a walk in the park compared with a colonoscopy! Yup, had one of those recently. Still, as I told myself while what felt like 7000 metres of fibre optics connected to an Olympus camera were delving around in my guts, 'mustn't complain - plenty far worse off than I, like poor Lizard ... all those Brazilian waxes for the delectation of The Baker, god, how that woman suffers'.
(Oh hell! Sudden horrible thought - should I have had a Brazilian before the colonoscopy ... Oh no no, silly me, of course not - I was facing the other way during the proceedings ...
The actual text from the scummy moo to David, which was in response to her having a go at him for having a wicker basket of shoes in his lounge. I realised that they were probably mine so sent the text. Knew it would wind her up if she got to read it though. She changes punctuation, takes things out, changes word placements .... And she still harps on about only writing the truth. You have to go through a wardrobe to get to her imaginary world ! Do I get a share of the fee do you think for having my text printed? And is it ok to call someone a scummy moo in print? What is she - 12!
DD you have my complete support and sympathy. I can't imagine how it must feel to be dragged into this soap opera and wondering what is going to appear next.
It's a poor show that David hasn't had "a word" and asked that you are left alone.
You never asked for this.
Well yes, you should get a cut of the fee, at the VERY LEAST. It is pathetic that she is now reduced to using her column to settle scores with people in real life, when they have no right to reply in such a public forum. Are you complaining to the MoS?
Wonder if anothe rpaper would be interested? ;-)
Maybe she's just p*ssed off that Garnier discontinued Fructis, making her wonderfully witty "nickname" for you redundant
I believe the Brasilian includes the rear view. And I am sure any Liz-worthy person would have splurged on the anal bleaching beforehand, also.
No wonder she's edgy...
Oh hell, KeepBooks, now I am feeling REALLY disgusting - not only no 'back' Brazilian before my colonoscopy, but I didn't even have the decency to undergo 'anal bleaching' either. How shall I ever face the gastroenterology consultant in the face again at my next appointment???
Mind you, the fibre optic gizmo having 'passed the portals', however un-groomed I now realise they must have appeared, the rest of my innards were apparently a thing of beauty, thanks to the gallons of what I can only describe as 'liquid Brillo' one drinks for 36 or so hours before the procedure. The kind and chatty operatives (two lady consultants and a lady chief registrar, plus three nurses) certainly didn't complain about any hirsuteness of the Amikolaichek backside, nor its lack of a good preparatory soaking in Domestos. In fact, the session was quite like a jolly, gossipy get-together, with wine, and despite my sedated condition, I was able to take part - bit like a party with some fun girlfriends.
I am sure if the Lizard ever has to undergo such an examination, she will be perfectly prepared in every way - depilated, bleached, her nether regions previously soaked in Bliss Softening Knickers etc. etc. NOT that I'm wishing any such procedure on her. Of course not. Never! But if, God forbid, she needs it, then she should INSIST on NO SEDATION WHATSOEVER, as I believe the sedative drugs ARE NOT VEGAN!
Then again, and upon reflection... may be she's the ideal UK-citizen to discuss subjects such as debt, tax-avoidance, pain and suffering, with those Greeks who own Louboutins and are in search of a local pawn-shop. ;-)
And let us not forget that Lizard is a Buddhist whose mind is full of mindfulness with no overt attachments to material possessions.
Plus... the Greeks must have tons of Garnier Fructis on credit...:D
I just pity her 'hearing-dog'... no canine should be expected to sit through that.