Among other things - That you can't change the past only the future. That the number of previous partners is no indication of a persons moral fibre / trustworthiness and that sitting in judgement over a partners life "pre-me" is a good way to kill a relationship stone dead
Having consensual sex with another adult isn't using anybody. It's having fun together. As long as nobody is cheating on anybody I don't see how it makes anybody involved untrustworthy.
Among other things - That you can't change the past only the future. That the number of previous partners is no indication of a persons moral fibre / trustworthiness and that sitting in judgement over a partners life pre-me is a good way to kill a relationship stone dead
No it doesnt bother me as long as they havent lied or cheated in the past.as long as theyve been 100% honest in their past relationships and are with me.what theyve done sexually id maybe rather not know about but i wouldnt throw a wobbler if they told me.weve all done it after all.
Having consensual sex with another adult isn't using anybody. It's having fun together. As long as nobody is cheating on anybody I don't see how it makes anybody involved untrustworthy.
depends on the number
i know it's an unpopular view but it's just my view
all this free and easiness about sex and past partners is a load of tosh, it shows lack of commitment or caring.
Of course it doesn't bother me,what is the point in being bothered about something you had no control over and cannot change?? If a person is bothered ,then the relationship cannot be very strong.
My hubby was married before and I deal with his ex on a regular basis, but not once have I ever felt bothered about the love and relationship they had before I knew him. I had a lot more partners than he did before we met, and it doesn't bother him either, I have past lovers on facebook,as they re friends, and he is totally fine with that.
No it doesnt bother me as long as they havent lied or cheated in the past.as long as theyve been 100% honest in their past relationships and are with me.what theyve done sexually id maybe rather not know about but i wouldnt throw a wobbler if they told me.weve all done it after all.
Having consensual sex with another adult isn't using anybody. It's having fun together. As long as nobody is cheating on anybody I don't see how it makes anybody involved untrustworthy.
I agree, all my sexual partners were fun, they thought the same of me, I wasn't in love with any of them and they weren't in love with me.
I remained close friends with many of them until I met my husband.
When I did fall in love (my husband) I did all the usual stuff, settled down, had kids and made a home.
i know it's an unpopular view but it's just my view
all this free and easiness about sex and past partners is a load of tosh, it shows lack of commitment or caring.
SO what number of past lovers makes a person untrustworthy? If they sleep with one less tha that number they are trustworthy?? I do not understand that at all. Sometimes life does not pan out how we wish and relationships end,does that mean we should never look for love again in case our new partner is bothered about past loves or conquests.
It'd only bother me if they brought up the subject themselves and confessed to hundreds of past lovers, in which case they're either an egomaniac or a sleaze (or heaven forbid, both).
and in which case, I'd expect him to be fabulously incredible in bed.. if not, the git also LIES... lol lol lol lol lol
I trust my wife implicitly (extensive sexual history notwithstanding), and I've had personal experience (and emotional scars) to prove that a virtuous front does not necessarily mean a pure heart.
SO what number of past lovers makes a person untrustworthy? If they sleep with one less tha that number they are trustworthy?? I do not understand that at all. Sometimes life does not pan out how we wish and relationships end,does that mean we should never look for love again in case our new partner is bothered about past loves or conquests.
I'm now in a relationship with a man who was a boyfriend for a few months nearly 25 years ago. We've remained close friends throughout the intervening years, and he was in a relationship with one of my best mates for 19 years. He knows all about my misspent youth (well, misspent 20s and 30s, actually) and has helped me through the aftermath of much of it.
Despite the fact that I am vastly more sexually experienced than him, he's not at all bothered either. In fact, he has been known to say things like "Remember that night when you were really pissed and got off with so-and-so...." and quite often, I don't. He finds this very amusing, and keeps threatening to write my memoirs for me.
We need to know, so that we can tell whether we are untrustworthy or not
Is it double figures?
Got to be treble at least, surely?
I suppose it depends how old you are. If you're 20, and have shagged 100 different people, then you've been very busy. If you're 70, it's barely one a year.
I am not bothered by my OH sexual past. I also think the number of previous partners is irrelevant when it comes to trust. We have only really discussed the more 'serious' relationships in our past.
Quite simply: no. I've dated people with high numbers in the past and would again, it's not something that has honestly occured to me to be bothered by.
But if someone hasn't found the right person, and has therefore had lots of brief relationships, they could easily be with 12 different people in a year without being unfaithful or untrustworthy. Do that for 10 years, and you're up to 120.
The converse applies too. I know someone who's only slept with seven women. Five of those were while he was in a 25 year relationship with his recently ex partner. Low shag count, but definitely untrustworthy.
played the field...as long as you didnt cheat i think its fine.it only irks me if people in relationships do the nasty on their partner,i personally couldnt forgive it.
but if you have an "understanding"with someone thats different..
Comments
Among other things - That you can't change the past only the future. That the number of previous partners is no indication of a persons moral fibre / trustworthiness and that sitting in judgement over a partners life "pre-me" is a good way to kill a relationship stone dead
That too.
Having consensual sex with another adult isn't using anybody. It's having fun together. As long as nobody is cheating on anybody I don't see how it makes anybody involved untrustworthy.
i disagree
depends on the number
i know it's an unpopular view but it's just my view
all this free and easiness about sex and past partners is a load of tosh, it shows lack of commitment or caring.
My hubby was married before and I deal with his ex on a regular basis, but not once have I ever felt bothered about the love and relationship they had before I knew him. I had a lot more partners than he did before we met, and it doesn't bother him either, I have past lovers on facebook,as they re friends, and he is totally fine with that.
all done what?
I was referring, to your admittance, to your Jealously, not your perception, of a life partner.
I agree, all my sexual partners were fun, they thought the same of me, I wasn't in love with any of them and they weren't in love with me.
I remained close friends with many of them until I met my husband.
When I did fall in love (my husband) I did all the usual stuff, settled down, had kids and made a home.
I didn't hurt anyone and they didn't hurt me
SO what number of past lovers makes a person untrustworthy? If they sleep with one less tha that number they are trustworthy?? I do not understand that at all. Sometimes life does not pan out how we wish and relationships end,does that mean we should never look for love again in case our new partner is bothered about past loves or conquests.
Which number would that be then?
and in which case, I'd expect him to be fabulously incredible in bed.. if not, the git also LIES... lol lol lol lol lol
That's your prerogative.
I trust my wife implicitly (extensive sexual history notwithstanding), and I've had personal experience (and emotional scars) to prove that a virtuous front does not necessarily mean a pure heart.
What's the cut off?
We need to know, so that we can tell whether we are untrustworthy or not
Is it double figures?
it's all related, or maybe jealousy was the wrong word....if he'd had lots of partners tho' i wouldn't feel i could trust him entirely
if i say 50 you'll say is 49 alright....it's not
so i don't know, let me do the sums ..
I'm now in a relationship with a man who was a boyfriend for a few months nearly 25 years ago. We've remained close friends throughout the intervening years, and he was in a relationship with one of my best mates for 19 years. He knows all about my misspent youth (well, misspent 20s and 30s, actually) and has helped me through the aftermath of much of it.
Despite the fact that I am vastly more sexually experienced than him, he's not at all bothered either. In fact, he has been known to say things like "Remember that night when you were really pissed and got off with so-and-so...." and quite often, I don't. He finds this very amusing, and keeps threatening to write my memoirs for me.
Got to be treble at least, surely?
I suppose it depends how old you are. If you're 20, and have shagged 100 different people, then you've been very busy. If you're 70, it's barely one a year.
We've discussed significant previous relationships etc.. but not actually gone into numbers...
I think we're pretty evenly matched with our sexual histories - we've both been in LTR before and had a bit of fun!!
After living together for 3 years I can't see any point asking now (and I really don't care to be honest!)
sometimes its better not to know i suppose.
But if someone hasn't found the right person, and has therefore had lots of brief relationships, they could easily be with 12 different people in a year without being unfaithful or untrustworthy. Do that for 10 years, and you're up to 120.
The converse applies too. I know someone who's only slept with seven women. Five of those were while he was in a 25 year relationship with his recently ex partner. Low shag count, but definitely untrustworthy.
played the field...as long as you didnt cheat i think its fine.it only irks me if people in relationships do the nasty on their partner,i personally couldnt forgive it.
but if you have an "understanding"with someone thats different..