Wow, he is indeed a very generous man. In fact, he's told me that he wants to give you a facial as an extra special treat. He's so thoughtful isn't he.
Well if I die you can always have Lem or missy take my place. I fear Merlin and Arthur will completely fall apart without me though.
Despite your shortcomings, I feel reluctant to have to train up another maid, especially one as insouciant as Lem, although I had not considered missy. She may do at a pinch.
However, I shall be having stern words with Arthur at the river this afternoon while he is practising his breast stroke and remind him that I expect him to ensure your safety even over that of Merlin (which should not be too onerous for him), and he tends to promise me all sorts of things while he is perfecting his strokes
Wow, he is indeed a very generous man. In fact, he's told me that he wants to give you a facial as an extra special treat. He's so thoughtful isn't he.
He is, my lovely generous Gwaine *sigh*
But it wouldn't be the first time he has given me a facial. We usually keep it to after a session with the harp and bodhran when we are quite exhausted from all that plucking, strumming and banging
He leaves only a couple of candles lit and then insists I lie with my eyes closed while he prepares the cream. Don't tell Uther, but I think there might be some magic involved. I peeked once to see him holding a giant rod and stirring furiously, and he was muttering words under his breath that could have been a spell
Anyway, he assures me that his special fluid is full of protein, vitamins and minerals (whatever THEY are) and it is very good for my skin, and, indeed, it does bring a flush to my cheeks when he administers it so tenderly, although he can be quite out of breath with all that stirring
Princess Smint your dedication to the tutelage of Camelot's finest continues to be a source of wonder and inspiration.
It is nothing short of a full time job, Natarhi! Thank goodness that the knights are so willing and eager to please, and that the king is also full of encouragement for my work
But it wouldn't be the first time he has given me a facial. We usually keep it to after a session with the harp and bodhran when we are quite exhausted from all that plucking, strumming and banging
He leaves only a couple of candles lit and then insists I lie with my eyes closed while he prepares the cream. Don't tell Uther, but I think there might be some magic involved. I peeked once to see him holding a giant rod and stirring furiously, and he was muttering words under his breath that could have been a spell
Anyway, he assures me that his special fluid is full of protein, vitamins and minerals (whatever THEY are) and it is very good for my skin, and, indeed, it does bring a flush to my cheeks when he administers it so tenderly, although he can be quite out of breath with all that stirring
But it wouldn't be the first time he has given me a facial. We usually keep it to after a session with the harp and bodhran when we are quite exhausted from all that plucking, strumming and banging
He leaves only a couple of candles lit and then insists I lie with my eyes closed while he prepares the cream. Don't tell Uther, but I think there might be some magic involved. I peeked once to see him holding a giant rod and stirring furiously, and he was muttering words under his breath that could have been a spell
Anyway, he assures me that his special fluid is full of protein, vitamins and minerals (whatever THEY are) and it is very good for my skin, and, indeed, it does bring a flush to my cheeks when he administers it so tenderly, although he can be quite out of breath with all that stirring
Gosh Sir Gwaine really does go to an awful lot of effort for you. :eek:
I'm sure you already know this but for the benefit of the others, that's not the only way he can produce his special fluid. Apparently he has a horn that he can put in a lady's mouth. She sucks really hard and the special fluid gushes out. I've heard that it tastes rather salty but is full of healing properties and goes down a treat after you've had meat and two veg.
Anyway, there are 2 schools of thought as to what is the best way to absorb this special fluid. Some people slosh it round their mouth and spit it out and some swallow it all. I don't think there's conclusive evidence either way as to which is the best one but I know Sir Gwaine finds the spitting very uncouth. I have however assured him that you're definitely a swallower, Princess Smint. See, I do have my uses.
Gosh Sir Gwaine really does go to an awful lot of effort for you. :eek:
I'm sure you already know this but for the benefit of the others, that's not the only way he can produce his special fluid. Apparently he has a horn that he can put in a lady's mouth. She sucks really hard and the special fluid gushes out. I've heard that it tastes rather salty but is full of healing properties and goes down a treat after you've had meat and two veg.
Anyway, there are 2 schools of thought as to what is the best way to absorb this special fluid. Some people slosh it round their mouth and spit it out and some swallow it all. I don't think there's conclusive evidence either way as to which is the best one but I know Sir Gwaine finds the spitting very uncouth. I have however assured him that you're definitely a swallower, Princess Smint. See, I do have my uses.
Ah yes, the Horn of Plenty, which has certainly lived up to its name!
And again, there are certain rules that accompany this ritual. Apparently I have to be blindfold and kneeling on the floor with my hands tied behind my back. I did find this supplication alarming the first time, but Sir Gwaine assured me that it was entirely necessary and he held onto my shoulders in a most reassuring manner.
There were also mystical words whispered (some did sound like "faster" and "deeper" but I was told they were part of the incantation), and the horn appeared strangely mobile, as though it were truly alive. It was all VERY exciting!
Goodness, I hope NO ONE would expect a princess to spit :eek:
Sir Gwaine must have heeded your words, Keren, as he told me that I must swallow in order to gain the full effects of the magical liquor, so of course I obliged, followed by a discreet dabbing of the lips once my hands were untied. Sir Gwaine declared himself to be most satisfied with my participation, and I myself found it to be quite stimulating to the point where Sir Gwaine had to strum my instrument quite vigorously until I, too, was completely satisfied with the evening's procedings
Ah yes, the Horn of Plenty, which has certainly lived up to its name!
And again, there are certain rules that accompany this ritual. Apparently I have to be blindfold and kneeling on the floor with my hands tied behind my back. I did find this supplication alarming the first time, but Sir Gwaine assured me that it was entirely necessary and he held onto my shoulders in a most reassuring manner.
There were also mystical words whispered (some did sound like "faster" and "deeper" but I was told they were part of the incantation), and the horn appeared strangely mobile, as though it were truly alive. It was all VERY exciting!
Goodness, I hope NO ONE would expect a princess to spit :eek:
Sir Gwaine must have heeded your words, Keren, as he told me that I must swallow in order to gain the full effects of the magical liquor, so of course I obliged, followed by a discreet dabbing of the lips once my hands were untied. Sir Gwaine declared himself to be most satisfied with my participation, and I myself found it to be quite stimulating to the point where Sir Gwaine had to strum my instrument quite vigorously until I, too, was completely satisfied with the evening's procedings
Ooooh that does all sound very exciting and stimulating indeed. Of course princesses don't normally spit but Sir Gwaine produced his horn for Princess Elena once a very long time ago and she was apparently a spitter. :eek: So Sir Gwaine never likes to assume anymore although he was 99.9 per cent certain that you would swallow.
But he's told me that you will be able to feel the full benefits of the magical liquor the most out of anybody he's ever produced the horn for. I gasped in amazement when he told me how when he thrusted the horn into your mouth you were able to get it all the way down the back of your throat. A very fine talent indeed! Apparently he's tried it with others but no-one has been able to take his horn quite like you can.
Ooooh that does all sound very exciting and stimulating indeed. Of course princesses don't normally spit but Sir Gwaine produced his horn for Princess Elena once a very long time ago and she was apparently a spitter. :eek: So Sir Gwaine never likes to assume anymore although he was 99.9 per cent certain that you would swallow.
But he's told me that you will be able to feel the full benefits of the magical liquor the most out of anybody he's ever produced the horn for. I gasped in amazement when he told me how when he thrusted the horn into your mouth you were able to get it all the way down the back of your throat. A very fine talent indeed! Apparently he's tried it with others but no-one has been able to take his horn quite like you can.
Bless you for passing on that information, Keren, I found it very reassuring as neither of us seem capable of coherent speech following our sessions
He did mention that my prowess with his instrument could be down to me being so musical. My blowing on his horn comes second nature to me now
As for that Elena, well, her lips were not worthy of even the lightest of caresses on Sir Gwaine's horn, let alone giving it a good blow!
Now, are you ready to accompany the king, the prince and myself to the riverside? Arthur needs to be told YET AGAIN that the breast stroke is a way of swimming, and that Uther wants to practise floating on his back like a squirrel as that's the way to keep your nuts dry
Bless you for passing on that information, Keren, I found it very reassuring as neither of us seem capable of coherent speech following our sessions
He did mention that my prowess with his instrument could be down to me being so musical. My blowing on his horn comes second nature to me now
As for that Elena, well, her lips were not worthy of even the lightest of caresses on Sir Gwaine's horn, let alone giving it a good blow!
Now, are you ready to accompany the king, the prince and myself to the riverside? Arthur needs to be told YET AGAIN that the breast stroke is a way of swimming, and that Uther wants to practise floating on his back like a squirrel as that's the way to keep your nuts dry
Well I'll let you in on a secret Princess Smint. Merlin performs some very strange spells on me sometimes. He recently got out a candle, proudly told me it was 10 inches and commanded me to stroke it. He suddenly became very breathless and the Incredible Pouty Lips got bigger and bigger. Obviously as I'm a maid I'm always carrying buckets around and he told me that he needed to put his candle in my bucket. I obliged, and all of a sudden my bucket became soaking wet. I don't know what on earth came over me next, but I was writhing around and started screaming. :eek: Merlin assured me this was all very normal and that this happens to all women when he gets his candle out. I must say I felt extremely invigorated afterwards and Merlin is insistent that we perform this spell every day. Apparently it's necessary for servants' physical and mental health, and Gaius and Lem have been indulging in this for months. Of course, I know nothing about medicine but I'm happy to go along with it. Merlin told me I was glowing afterwards so it must be working.
As you know I'm a cook as well as a maid, and a week later Merlin told me he needed to put his candle in between my buns. Then after that Prince Arthur put his sword in between my buns. Well that had an even stranger effect on us and we all started chanting "harder, harder!" whilst both Merlin and Prince Arthur whipped my buns. I was utterly exhausted afterwards and my buns went a strange red colour but we all felt completely energised the next day. In fact, I've never felt healthier. It's so impressive the spells Merlin comes up with isn't it.
I am of course ready to go to the riverside with you Princess Smint. It's a shame it's the summer really. In the winter me and Prince Arthur like to indulge in a bit of snowballing, it's his favourite past time. But I suppose the breast stroke will have to do.
Well I'll let you in on a secret Princess Smint. Merlin performs some very strange spells on me sometimes. He recently got out a candle, proudly told me it was 10 inches and commanded me to stroke it. He suddenly became very breathless and the Incredible Pouty Lips got bigger and bigger. Obviously as I'm a maid I'm always carrying buckets around and he told me that he needed to put his candle in my bucket. I obliged, and all of a sudden my bucket became soaking wet. I don't know what on earth came over me next, but I was writhing around and started screaming. :eek: Merlin assured me this was all very normal and that this happens to all women when he gets his candle out. I must say I felt extremely invigorated afterwards and Merlin is insistent that we perform this spell every day. Apparently it's necessary for servants' physical and mental health, and Gaius and Lem have been indulging in this for months. Of course, I know nothing about medicine but I'm happy to go along with it. Merlin told me I was glowing afterwards so it must be working.
A week later Merlin told me he needed to put his candle in between my buns, then after that Prince Arthur put his sword in between my buns. Well that had an even stranger effect on us and we all started chanting "harder, harder!" I was utterly exhausted afterwards and my buns were a bit tender and red but we all felt completely energised the next day. It's so impressive the spells Merlin comes up with isn't it.
I am of course ready to go to the riverside with you Princess Smint. It's a shame it's the summer really. In the winter me and Prince Arthur like to indulge in a bit of snowballing, it's his favourite past time. But I suppose the breast stroke will have to do.
Keren, two things:
1. You must never speak of this to anyone else as Uther will be stringing you up from the gallows in the courtyard! :eek:
2. That is not a candle. Or a sword. Or a bucket, for that matter. Please learn some basic anatomy
Now, let us make haste to the riverside where the king and prince are waiting to impress us with some master strokes
1. You must never speak of this to anyone else as Uther will be stringing you up from the gallows in the courtyard! :eek:
Oh don't worry, I haven't spoken to anyone else of this. Not that Uther would notice anyway - he doesn't care when shifty strangers turn up despite them always being evil masterminds with magic plotting to take over Camelot. He did question me once but I offered him my melons to suck and he immediately forgot everything he'd accused me of.
In that case, what on earth has Merlin been asking me to set light to??? :eek:
What?! Now I can tolerate Arthur asking other women to sharpen his sword because he's a prince and he can do what he likes but I am NOT having any other woman light Merlin's candle. :mad: I will be having stern words with him about this!
I do hope Lem has given you a good reason for her absence. There is no excuse for us ladies being left to our own devices - heaven knows what trouble we might have got into :eek:
Honestly, you ladies and princesses really don't have a clue about the amount of hard work that goes on to keep you happy do you? When I said I was enjoying the sunshine, I was actually tending all the hundreds of rose bushes in the gardens that provide the petals for Stars numerous baths and I've had several very exhausting meetings with beeswax suppliers to ensure we have enough candles for Princess Smint, she seems to get through them far too quickly!
Well I'll let you in on a secret Princess Smint. Merlin performs some very strange spells on me sometimes. He recently got out a candle, proudly told me it was 10 inches and commanded me to stroke it. He suddenly became very breathless and the Incredible Pouty Lips got bigger and bigger. Obviously as I'm a maid I'm always carrying buckets around and he told me that he needed to put his candle in my bucket. I obliged, and all of a sudden my bucket became soaking wet. I don't know what on earth came over me next, but I was writhing around and started screaming. :eek: Merlin assured me this was all very normal and that this happens to all women when he gets his candle out. I must say I felt extremely invigorated afterwards and Merlin is insistent that we perform this spell every day. Apparently it's necessary for servants' physical and mental health, and Gaius and Lem have been indulging in this for months. Of course, I know nothing about medicine but I'm happy to go along with it. Merlin told me I was glowing afterwards so it must be working.
BIB - :eek::eek: shudder
As for the last 2 pages of this thread - OMG, I should not have read that at work, I almost spat my tea over the keyboard!
Honestly, you ladies and princesses really don't have a clue about the amount of hard work that goes on to keep you happy do you? When I said I was enjoying the sunshine, I was actually tending all the hundreds of rose bushes in the gardens that provide the petals for Stars numerous baths and I've had several very exhausting meetings with beeswax suppliers to ensure we have enough candles for Princess Smint, she seems to get through them far too quickly!
We have gardeners for that Lem.. don't think that poor excuse will get you out of it :p
How did you find the entertainment by the riverside yesterday afternoon Princess Smint? I hope Prince Arthur's breaststroke was to your satisfaction. He has improved a lot hasn't he. Arthur was so pleased with his performance that he offered Merlin and I a few bites of his peach. He even gave some to Avi the Horse as he thought she must be fed up of just eating his and Merlin's carrots all day. I think she enjoyed it, she was neighing very loudly and stomping her feet.
Merlin even performed a spell on Arthur's peach to make it "extra tasty." I'm not entirely sure what he did but I saw him do this. I won't go into all the ins and outs of what happened but it involved a lot of banging against the table, Merlin's head started wobbling so much it looked like it was about to fall off and then he started shouting in a voice that sounds very similar to his dragon call. Afterwards, Arthur was so exhausted that he couldn't pull his own trousers up. However, the spell was a success - chocolate sauce started coming out of Arthur's peach. Incredible isn't it!
Keren, I have spoken with Merlin this morning to clarify the situation
He assures me that he was, indeed, dipping his wick with you and may have taken you unawares. I have told him in no uncertain terms that he should explain to you exactly what he is doing and should obtain your consent. I do not want him waving his magic wand willy-nilly and getting my maid into any sort of trouble
As for Arthur, I have also had stern words with him, and that his sword-waving should also be curtailed without your express consent
I have a duty of care to you, and will have no hesitation in taking the situation firmly in hand if they do not behave
Now, Sir Percival has requested that we resume his bagpipe practice this evening and I have offered myself for his squeezing, sucking and fingering training. Can you make sure we are not disturbed (unless it is by Sir Gwaine or Sir Leon). I shall be wearing my dragonskin thigh length boots as it is important he progresses up the scales
How did you find the entertainment by the riverside yesterday afternoon Princess Smint? I hope Prince Arthur's breaststroke was to your satisfaction. He has improved a lot hasn't he. Arthur was so pleased with his performance that he offered Merlin and I a few bites of his peach. He even gave some to Avi the Horse as he thought she must be fed up of just eating his and Merlin's carrots all day. I think she enjoyed it, she was neighing very loudly and stomping her feet.
Merlin even performed a spell on Arthur's peach to make it "extra tasty." I'm not entirely sure what he did but I saw him do this. I won't go into all the ins and outs of what happened but it involved a lot of banging against the table, Merlin's head started wobbling so much it looked like it was about to fall off and then he started shouting in a voice that sounds very similar to his dragon call. Afterwards, Arthur was so exhausted that he couldn't pull his own trousers up. However, the spell was a success - chocolate sauce started coming out of Arthur's peach. Incredible isn't it!
Ah, we crossed posts - and fortunately I cannot open those links at work!
Yes, I was very impressed with Arthur's breast stroke - he's coming along nicely . . . and frequently
I'm so glad you enjoyed his peach - I declined on the grounds that I'd been nibbling on Gwaine's cucumber earlier. I'm sure Avi would have been dlighted with her snack as well, I'm not sure a horse of Avi's calibre could be sustained on Merlin's carrot alone
But please bear in mind my previous post. Don't let them persuade you to do anything you don't want to. But, as your mistress, you should keep me informed (in case I'm missing out on anything )
Keren, I have spoken with Merlin this morning to clarify the situation
He assures me that he was, indeed, dipping his wick with you and may have taken you unawares. I have told him in no uncertain terms that he should explain to you exactly what he is doing and should obtain your consent. I do not want him waving his magic wand willy-nilly and getting my maid into any sort of trouble
As for Arthur, I have also had stern words with him, and that his sword-waving should also be curtailed without your express consent
I have a duty of care to you, and will have no hesitation in taking the situation firmly in hand if they do not behave
Now, Sir Percival has requested that we resume his bagpipe practice this evening and I have offered myself for his squeezing, sucking and fingering training. Can you make sure we are not disturbed (unless it is by Sir Gwaine or Sir Leon). I shall be wearing my dragonskin thigh length boots as it is important he progresses up the scales
Thank you Princess Smint but do not worry, I trust Merlin and Arthur implicitly. I have never come to any harm as a result of their sword waving or dick wipping, in fact I find it most enjoyable. They know that if they do something I don't like that I will chain the both of them to Arthur's bed again.
And of course, I shall make sure you are not disturbed. In fact, I've had words with Sir Gwaine and Sir Leon and they've both assured me that they will be able to join you to help the music reach its climax.
Ah, we crossed posts - and fortunately I cannot open those links at work!
Yes, I was very impressed with Arthur's breast stroke - he's coming along nicely . . . and frequently
I'm so glad you enjoyed his peach - I declined on the grounds that I'd been nibbling on Gwaine's cucumber earlier. I'm sure Avi would have been dlighted with her snack as well, I'm not sure a horse of Avi's calibre could be sustained on Merlin's carrot alone
But please bear in mind my previous post. Don't let them persuade you to do anything you don't want to. But, as your mistress, you should keep me informed (in case I'm missing out on anything )
The links are perfectly safe, I promise. Merlin's actually been training me and I think I may have a few magical powers myself now. :eek:
You see, I am able to produce my own special fluid. Sometimes on our quests I fill my bucket with this special fluid which looks like strawberry sauce. Merlin then gets out his candle, pushes it into my bucket and he produces a magical fluid too. We then stir our special fluids together and drink some. Then we have to press our tongues together, or so Merlin tells me, and doing this creates a rainbow. Clever isn't it. But don't worry, we do this very discreetly up a mountain where no-one will know it was us that did it (unlike the time that Merlin created that unicorn or whatever it was and a woman walked past. :rolleyes:)
Comments
:eek: LMAO
Despite your shortcomings, I feel reluctant to have to train up another maid, especially one as insouciant as Lem, although I had not considered missy. She may do at a pinch.
However, I shall be having stern words with Arthur at the river this afternoon while he is practising his breast stroke and remind him that I expect him to ensure your safety even over that of Merlin (which should not be too onerous for him), and he tends to promise me all sorts of things while he is perfecting his strokes
He is, my lovely generous Gwaine *sigh*
But it wouldn't be the first time he has given me a facial. We usually keep it to after a session with the harp and bodhran when we are quite exhausted from all that plucking, strumming and banging
He leaves only a couple of candles lit and then insists I lie with my eyes closed while he prepares the cream. Don't tell Uther, but I think there might be some magic involved. I peeked once to see him holding a giant rod and stirring furiously, and he was muttering words under his breath that could have been a spell
Anyway, he assures me that his special fluid is full of protein, vitamins and minerals (whatever THEY are) and it is very good for my skin, and, indeed, it does bring a flush to my cheeks when he administers it so tenderly, although he can be quite out of breath with all that stirring
It is nothing short of a full time job, Natarhi! Thank goodness that the knights are so willing and eager to please, and that the king is also full of encouragement for my work
Totally lost for words
Incredible! I never thought I'd see THAT day!
Anyway, I don't know why . . . it's only a facial . . .
Stop it Smint *giggles* I can't read it again I nearly chocked on my toast
In that case, I'd better not describe his preparations for the full body massage . . .
No please I beg you don't
I was just going to say . . .
Oh. You don't want to know. Fair enough
Gosh Sir Gwaine really does go to an awful lot of effort for you. :eek:
I'm sure you already know this but for the benefit of the others, that's not the only way he can produce his special fluid. Apparently he has a horn that he can put in a lady's mouth. She sucks really hard and the special fluid gushes out. I've heard that it tastes rather salty but is full of healing properties and goes down a treat after you've had meat and two veg.
Anyway, there are 2 schools of thought as to what is the best way to absorb this special fluid. Some people slosh it round their mouth and spit it out and some swallow it all. I don't think there's conclusive evidence either way as to which is the best one but I know Sir Gwaine finds the spitting very uncouth. I have however assured him that you're definitely a swallower, Princess Smint.
Ah yes, the Horn of Plenty, which has certainly lived up to its name!
And again, there are certain rules that accompany this ritual. Apparently I have to be blindfold and kneeling on the floor with my hands tied behind my back. I did find this supplication alarming the first time, but Sir Gwaine assured me that it was entirely necessary and he held onto my shoulders in a most reassuring manner.
There were also mystical words whispered (some did sound like "faster" and "deeper" but I was told they were part of the incantation), and the horn appeared strangely mobile, as though it were truly alive. It was all VERY exciting!
Goodness, I hope NO ONE would expect a princess to spit :eek:
Sir Gwaine must have heeded your words, Keren, as he told me that I must swallow in order to gain the full effects of the magical liquor, so of course I obliged, followed by a discreet dabbing of the lips once my hands were untied. Sir Gwaine declared himself to be most satisfied with my participation, and I myself found it to be quite stimulating to the point where Sir Gwaine had to strum my instrument quite vigorously until I, too, was completely satisfied with the evening's procedings
Ooooh that does all sound very exciting and stimulating indeed. Of course princesses don't normally spit but Sir Gwaine produced his horn for Princess Elena once a very long time ago and she was apparently a spitter. :eek: So Sir Gwaine never likes to assume anymore although he was 99.9 per cent certain that you would swallow.
But he's told me that you will be able to feel the full benefits of the magical liquor the most out of anybody he's ever produced the horn for. I gasped in amazement when he told me how when he thrusted the horn into your mouth you were able to get it all the way down the back of your throat. A very fine talent indeed! Apparently he's tried it with others but no-one has been able to take his horn quite like you can.
Bless you for passing on that information, Keren, I found it very reassuring as neither of us seem capable of coherent speech following our sessions
He did mention that my prowess with his instrument could be down to me being so musical. My blowing on his horn comes second nature to me now
As for that Elena, well, her lips were not worthy of even the lightest of caresses on Sir Gwaine's horn, let alone giving it a good blow!
Now, are you ready to accompany the king, the prince and myself to the riverside? Arthur needs to be told YET AGAIN that the breast stroke is a way of swimming, and that Uther wants to practise floating on his back like a squirrel as that's the way to keep your nuts dry
Well I'll let you in on a secret Princess Smint. Merlin performs some very strange spells on me sometimes. He recently got out a candle, proudly told me it was 10 inches and commanded me to stroke it. He suddenly became very breathless and the Incredible Pouty Lips got bigger and bigger. Obviously as I'm a maid I'm always carrying buckets around and he told me that he needed to put his candle in my bucket. I obliged, and all of a sudden my bucket became soaking wet. I don't know what on earth came over me next, but I was writhing around and started screaming. :eek: Merlin assured me this was all very normal and that this happens to all women when he gets his candle out. I must say I felt extremely invigorated afterwards and Merlin is insistent that we perform this spell every day. Apparently it's necessary for servants' physical and mental health, and Gaius and Lem have been indulging in this for months. Of course, I know nothing about medicine but I'm happy to go along with it. Merlin told me I was glowing afterwards so it must be working.
As you know I'm a cook as well as a maid, and a week later Merlin told me he needed to put his candle in between my buns. Then after that Prince Arthur put his sword in between my buns. Well that had an even stranger effect on us and we all started chanting "harder, harder!" whilst both Merlin and Prince Arthur whipped my buns. I was utterly exhausted afterwards and my buns went a strange red colour but we all felt completely energised the next day. In fact, I've never felt healthier. It's so impressive the spells Merlin comes up with isn't it.
I am of course ready to go to the riverside with you Princess Smint. It's a shame it's the summer really. In the winter me and Prince Arthur like to indulge in a bit of snowballing, it's his favourite past time. But I suppose the breast stroke will have to do.
Keren, two things:
1. You must never speak of this to anyone else as Uther will be stringing you up from the gallows in the courtyard! :eek:
2. That is not a candle. Or a sword. Or a bucket, for that matter. Please learn some basic anatomy
Now, let us make haste to the riverside where the king and prince are waiting to impress us with some master strokes
Oh don't worry, I haven't spoken to anyone else of this. Not that Uther would notice anyway - he doesn't care when shifty strangers turn up despite them always being evil masterminds with magic plotting to take over Camelot. He did question me once but I offered him my melons to suck and he immediately forgot everything he'd accused me of.
It may not have been a sword but it most definitely was a candle. :eek:
In that case, what on earth has Merlin been asking me to set light to??? :eek:
Himself I hope
What?! Now I can tolerate Arthur asking other women to sharpen his sword because he's a prince and he can do what he likes but I am NOT having any other woman light Merlin's candle. :mad: I will be having stern words with him about this!
Honestly, you ladies and princesses really don't have a clue about the amount of hard work that goes on to keep you happy do you? When I said I was enjoying the sunshine, I was actually tending all the hundreds of rose bushes in the gardens that provide the petals for Stars numerous baths and I've had several very exhausting meetings with beeswax suppliers to ensure we have enough candles for Princess Smint, she seems to get through them far too quickly!
I'm quite happy to help an older man with his herbs as it means I also get to flirt with his ward - two for the price of one
BIB - :eek::eek: shudder
As for the last 2 pages of this thread - OMG, I should not have read that at work, I almost spat my tea over the keyboard!
We have gardeners for that Lem.. don't think that poor excuse will get you out of it
Merlin even performed a spell on Arthur's peach to make it "extra tasty." I'm not entirely sure what he did but I saw him do this. I won't go into all the ins and outs of what happened but it involved a lot of banging against the table, Merlin's head started wobbling so much it looked like it was about to fall off and then he started shouting in a voice that sounds very similar to his dragon call. Afterwards, Arthur was so exhausted that he couldn't pull his own trousers up. However, the spell was a success - chocolate sauce started coming out of Arthur's peach. Incredible isn't it!
He assures me that he was, indeed, dipping his wick with you and may have taken you unawares. I have told him in no uncertain terms that he should explain to you exactly what he is doing and should obtain your consent. I do not want him waving his magic wand willy-nilly and getting my maid into any sort of trouble
As for Arthur, I have also had stern words with him, and that his sword-waving should also be curtailed without your express consent
I have a duty of care to you, and will have no hesitation in taking the situation firmly in hand if they do not behave
Now, Sir Percival has requested that we resume his bagpipe practice this evening and I have offered myself for his squeezing, sucking and fingering training. Can you make sure we are not disturbed (unless it is by Sir Gwaine or Sir Leon). I shall be wearing my dragonskin thigh length boots as it is important he progresses up the scales
Ah, we crossed posts - and fortunately I cannot open those links at work!
Yes, I was very impressed with Arthur's breast stroke - he's coming along nicely . . . and frequently
I'm so glad you enjoyed his peach - I declined on the grounds that I'd been nibbling on Gwaine's cucumber earlier. I'm sure Avi would have been dlighted with her snack as well, I'm not sure a horse of Avi's calibre could be sustained on Merlin's carrot alone
But please bear in mind my previous post. Don't let them persuade you to do anything you don't want to. But, as your mistress, you should keep me informed (in case I'm missing out on anything
Thank you Princess Smint but do not worry, I trust Merlin and Arthur implicitly. I have never come to any harm as a result of their sword waving or dick wipping, in fact I find it most enjoyable. They know that if they do something I don't like that I will chain the both of them to Arthur's bed again.
And of course, I shall make sure you are not disturbed. In fact, I've had words with Sir Gwaine and Sir Leon and they've both assured me that they will be able to join you to help the music reach its climax.
The links are perfectly safe, I promise. Merlin's actually been training me and I think I may have a few magical powers myself now. :eek:
You see, I am able to produce my own special fluid. Sometimes on our quests I fill my bucket with this special fluid which looks like strawberry sauce. Merlin then gets out his candle, pushes it into my bucket and he produces a magical fluid too. We then stir our special fluids together and drink some. Then we have to press our tongues together, or so Merlin tells me, and doing this creates a rainbow. Clever isn't it. But don't worry, we do this very discreetly up a mountain where no-one will know it was us that did it (unlike the time that Merlin created that unicorn or whatever it was and a woman walked past. :rolleyes:)