It sounds like your friend likes spending as much time with her family as she can while she is over. But you resent this and complain that she cooks you dinner! What a crap friend you are.
It sounds like your friend likes spending as much time with her family as she can while she is over. But you resent this and complain that she cooks you dinner! What a crap friend you are.
What a crap reply. I am complaining that we can't have a proper chat, that she changes the arrangement at the last minute and that I have to go out of my way to get to where her parents live instead of meeting up at a restaurant in town, and I can't have anything to drink while she can because she only has to toddle up the stairs to bed afterwards.
What a crap reply. I am complaining that we can't have a proper chat, that she changes the arrangement at the last minute and that I have to go out of my way to get to where her parents live instead of meeting up at a restaurant in town, and I can't have anything to drink while she can because she only has to toddle up the stairs to bed afterwards.
It's a perfectly reasonable reply to your post. You are selfish and immature.
I think in her mind, you don't have a problem with it, and for her the family takes priority over friends. In a way, she may think she is giving you a special 'privilege' of being part of her family group.
If you were to suddenly 'crack' and have an aggressive go at her, you might end up losing the friendship so I think it's worth just mentioning that you'd rather go out for a meal together, and perhaps not go to the next family thing. She probably just needs a reminder to think about what you want for a change.
I agree. Not worth having a huge row about and don't want to completely break the friendship as our families have been friends since we were kids. But I will get the message across if/when she does it again.
Life becomes so much easier if you learn to say NO
1) at door: you want windows: NO
2) at work: you have a postage stamp: NO
3) can you lend me a fiver: NO
4) can you give me a lift: NO
5) can you babysit while i got out with me bf: NO
My former friend was very aware I had little other friends so she would make arrangements (after making sure that her two girly friends were busy) and then come out claiming she only had a few hours during the day.
On the actual day it is likely her girly mates would say they were actually free, she'd either totally ignore any messages and then for about 2 weeks after or she would come but literally go in a few hours knowing she would meet them bang on time as my house is near our town.
She did this on my birthday and I still haven't heard from her 2 months later. Regardless to say she is no longer my friend.
My former friend was very aware I had little other friends so she would make arrangements (after making sure that her two girly friends were busy) and then come out claiming she only had a few hours during the day.
On the actual day it is likely her girly mates would say they were actually free, she'd either totally ignore any messages and then for about 2 weeks after or she would come but literally go in a few hours knowing she would meet them bang on time as my house is near our town.
She did this on my birthday and I still haven't heard from her 2 months later. Regardless to say she is no longer my friend.
It's a perfectly reasonable reply to your post. You are selfish and immature.
I was thinking the same thing, she lives in London and is trying to see her family and friends when she is home. op you obviously just want her to yourself.
I was thinking the same thing, she lives in London and is trying to see her family and friends when she is home. op you obviously just want her to yourself.
Nope, I am talking about one night during an entire fortnight which had been previously arranged. Not trying to have her 'to myself' every day.
Yeah but this happened at the same time as my other mate wishing me happy birthday and then me saying, 'You never talk to me when you have a girlfriend' so why bother when your single.
Yes. I do. I am busy, I work, I volunteer, I go university. Admittedly I do try to make way for 2-3 hours every day to go the gym. Something always comes up last minute that requires urgent attention. I have to start changing arrangements to suit myself.
If it's a group thing then it's not a big deal but if it's meeting people one on one you shouldn't arrange to meet them if you don't think you'll make it - you say you're organised but if you really were organised you'd be able to manage it. For example work, volunteering, uni work and the gym are all things you know about in advance so you should be able to schedule around them.
It sounds like your friend likes spending as much time with her family as she can while she is over. But you resent this and complain that she cooks you dinner! What a crap friend you are.
I was thinking the same thing, she lives in London and is trying to see her family and friends when she is home. op you obviously just want her to yourself.
Ah rubbish - I live away from home and rarely get back but if I arrange to meet someone then I meet them - fair enough if this friend started out saying "I can only see you at my house" but to consistently change plans to suit yourself is pure selfishness.
OP I know you've said you don't make plans with her so much anymore but if you do want to see her and she does this just say "ah I won't come over to you, I was kind of hoping to see you on your own and it's a bit of a trek"
If it's a group thing then it's not a big deal but if it's meeting people one on one you shouldn't arrange to meet them if you don't think you'll make it - you say you're organised but if you really were organised you'd be able to manage it. For example work, volunteering, uni work and the gym are all things you know about in advance so you should be able to schedule around them.
Ah rubbish - I live away from home and rarely get back but if I arrange to meet someone then I meet them - fair enough if this friend started out saying "I can only see you at my house" but to consistently change plans to suit yourself is pure selfishness.
OP I know you've said you don't make plans with her so much anymore but if you do want to see her and she does this just say "ah I won't come over to you, I was kind of hoping to see you on your own and it's a bit of a trek"
Thanks Charlie. You're right. I will be MORE ASSERTIVE. (or was that just aggressive there? I'll have to practice )
Thanks Charlie. You're right. I will be MORE ASSERTIVE. (or was that aggressive?? )
Well I just think of it as honest If she can't be bothered to stick to a plan you've made why should you not be allowed to think "I work and don't have that much free time - why should I bother changing my plans to suit you when I don't want to do that" - I stopped doing things I didn't want to do just because they were expected of me (that doesn't mean I turned in to a selfish twonk!) I just started thinking "Do I want to go to that?" Will I be missed if I don't go? Would it be mean if I didn't go and would that person do the same for me.
i had a friend once who lived in london too and when she came home i would phone and make arrangements to meet her etc. one day i rang and she said i am watching a video...i am busy....i never phoned her again....the minute people start messing you around like that drop them they are just not interested have some self respect. no second chances..... otherwise people just walk all over you.... i have learned this the hard way. now i am cynical and hate everyone, and i am much happier!!!!
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What a crap reply. I am complaining that we can't have a proper chat, that she changes the arrangement at the last minute and that I have to go out of my way to get to where her parents live instead of meeting up at a restaurant in town, and I can't have anything to drink while she can because she only has to toddle up the stairs to bed afterwards.
It's a perfectly reasonable reply to your post. You are selfish and immature.
I agree. Not worth having a huge row about and don't want to completely break the friendship as our families have been friends since we were kids. But I will get the message across if/when she does it again.
1) at door: you want windows: NO
2) at work: you have a postage stamp: NO
3) can you lend me a fiver: NO
4) can you give me a lift: NO
5) can you babysit while i got out with me bf: NO
see its easy.
On the actual day it is likely her girly mates would say they were actually free, she'd either totally ignore any messages and then for about 2 weeks after or she would come but literally go in a few hours knowing she would meet them bang on time as my house is near our town.
She did this on my birthday and I still haven't heard from her 2 months later. Regardless to say she is no longer my friend.
She sounds like you are better off without her.
I was thinking the same thing, she lives in London and is trying to see her family and friends when she is home. op you obviously just want her to yourself.
Nope, I am talking about one night during an entire fortnight which had been previously arranged. Not trying to have her 'to myself' every day.
Yeah but this happened at the same time as my other mate wishing me happy birthday and then me saying, 'You never talk to me when you have a girlfriend' so why bother when your single.
He's ignoring me now :yawn:
I think you have to face the fact that she considers her family's company more important than yours. Right or wrong, that's what it seems like.
If it's a group thing then it's not a big deal but if it's meeting people one on one you shouldn't arrange to meet them if you don't think you'll make it - you say you're organised but if you really were organised you'd be able to manage it. For example work, volunteering, uni work and the gym are all things you know about in advance so you should be able to schedule around them.
Ah rubbish - I live away from home and rarely get back but if I arrange to meet someone then I meet them - fair enough if this friend started out saying "I can only see you at my house" but to consistently change plans to suit yourself is pure selfishness.
OP I know you've said you don't make plans with her so much anymore but if you do want to see her and she does this just say "ah I won't come over to you, I was kind of hoping to see you on your own and it's a bit of a trek"
Thanks Charlie. You're right. I will be MORE ASSERTIVE. (or was that just aggressive there? I'll have to practice
Well I just think of it as honest
Life got a lot easier then
So why not say to her that you don't want to go to her Mum's as you want a drink, to get out for dinner etc.?