Really hacked off with my mum, again

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  • GemofaBirdGemofaBird Posts: 1,962
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    You're lucky OP! My mum's usual is denying that we had any plans at all and that she's far too busy anyway, I'm long past getting upset about it, she's done this for years. It's pointless upsetting yourself, I doubt your mum will change, you just have to accept her the way she is, easier said than done I know :)
  • eunicelouise658eunicelouise658 Posts: 1,869
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    OP how old are you? I have 6 adult children and over the years my husband and I have done a huge amount for them all. We love our family dearly but do find they sometimes resent our need to have our own lives now.
  • ShadowmaidenShadowmaiden Posts: 3,030
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    OP how old are you? I have 6 adult children and over the years my husband and I have done a huge amount for them all. We love our family dearly but do find they sometimes resent our need to have our own lives now.

    Thats fair enough. But the meal out had been her idea in the first place.
  • ValLambertValLambert Posts: 11,688
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    I can understand why you are upset and you didn't deserve some of the comments. i dont know why people think things like that help. Anyway, I dont know much about the relationship with you and your mum but it sounds like she doesn't really consider your feelings. I'd have a chat and decline the invitation to the other meal, explain that you were not just looking forward to the meal but some girlie time and make arrangements for another time. I hope she understands as most peoples idea of a good night out isn't usually with their mum and dads friends.
  • mildredhubblemildredhubble Posts: 6,447
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    Why is that always the response from some on this forum when people have grips with their families?I'll go and live in a cardboard box shall I?:rolleyes:

    Come back when you have something construtive to add please.

    There was no need to be rude. I don't read your threads and if I have in the past I certainly don't remember them.

    I was posting something constructive IMO. I don't know your life story but if a situation upsets you that much then remove yourself from it.
  • HelicaseHelicase Posts: 4,791
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    Taking this thread alone and putting any other issues with your mother aside; isn't this really just a mountain made from a mole hill really. It's just a change of venue and company.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 8,555
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    OP, is your mum likely to be upset if you back out of the new plan? If not then just say you can't make it in the end (studies, feel sick whatever!!) and then arrange something just you and her - I doubt she meant to make you feel second best - in fact she probably didn't realise the importance you'd placed on it. One thing is for sure, having grudges as an adult with your parents will doubtlessly cause you more heartache than them (they still see you as a kid basically) so for your own peace of mind just do what suits you whilst making mum know you'd love to spend time with her alone for girly chats etc...
  • speigelspeigel Posts: 1,888
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    I think you need to take a chill pill. You can go out for dinner with your mum anytime. So what if she's arranged to go to someone's house.
  • 2shy20072shy2007 Posts: 52,576
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    I think you need to consider moving out if she upsets you this much.

    I agree, this seems to be an ongoing problem, the OP simply doesnt seem to like her mother much, so moving out is the best option for both, they may then be able to repair their broken relationship. Being a mother is not always easy,they are not perfect, and I really feel for the mother in this case.

    One day she will not be around and you may regret these little spats and sulks.It is best that you distance yourself from her for a while in order to mend what is broken.

    Time to move on.
  • wenchwench Posts: 8,928
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    having lived with her for so long I dont know why you get upset when she does this sort of thing as it seems she does it so often!!

    I think you need to realise that she's not going to change and she does all these things without any thought, not deliberately, and just accept that thats how she is.

    The sooner you accept this then hopefully you wont get annoyed as much with her.

    For example my brother in law is incredibly bizarre and does things which can nark other people but because i'm so used to his ridiculous demands that I just ignore it and dont let it get to me, citing the fact that "its just he way he is". I mean he cancelled a lunch we had planned because he was afraid of catching swine flu, we didn't have it, it was just because we work in London and assumed everyone who goes there will catch it !! :rolleyes:
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 10,970
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    What about asking your Mum for some quality time with a day out shopping with lunch next Saturday? Then you can´t get bumped for her cronies as is in the day.

    I would not want to spend my Saturday night with my Mother´s cronies and sitting in on my own would be preferable or go and meet your mates. Tell her you only wanted quality time with her so if she doesn´t mind you would rather not spend your night with a bunch of oldies, say in humour though. But do arrange next Saturday afternoon having fun.

    My Mum and Dad came out here over Xmas one year and we deliberately didn´t have any food in as we though the parents would take us out for lunch or dinner somewhere. They had 2 other couples that happend to be here at the same time as well so a night out with the cronies but a free slap up meal to boot. How wrong was I....the night before (Xmas Eve, all shops shut) she informed us that her and the gang were all going to a lovely restaurant for Xmas day dinner and we were not invited and it was all booked up now!! Humph! :mad:

    That is one of the rudest things I've ever read on this forum :eek: How awful to have guests and expect them to treat you.

    Anyway OP - as others have said, say you were looking forward to the dinner out but as that's not happening you'd prefer to go out with your friends instead and arrange another night with your Mum.
  • feistyfeisty Posts: 2,987
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    That is one of the rudest things I've ever read on this forum :eek: How awful to have guests and expect them to treat you.

    Anyway OP - as others have said, say you were looking forward to the dinner out but as that's not happening you'd prefer to go out with your friends instead and arrange another night with your Mum.

    I agree with you...I read this last night and felt like replying but I didn't want to detract from the OP...

    Yeah, old cronies until it comes to the free lunch!!....I am so glad the parents took the decision they did!
  • Miss_TrustMiss_Trust Posts: 1,055
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    OP, I understand how frustrating this must be for you, and when I was in my early teens I wouldn't have wanted to spend time with my mum and her mates. My mum and I used to get into all kinds of arguments when I was young, and I always saw her as unreasonable.

    Since my late teens we've become much closer - and I can acknowledge that most of the trouble was caused by me, or by our very similar personalities conflicting. Hang in there, suck it up, and by the time you turn 18 you'll probably find your relationship with your mum will have improved a lot.

    Good luck.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 10,970
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    Miss_Trust wrote: »
    OP, I understand how frustrating this must be for you, and when I was in my early teens I wouldn't have wanted to spend time with my mum and her mates. My mum and I used to get into all kinds of arguments when I was young, and I always saw her as unreasonable.

    Since my late teens we've become much closer - and I can acknowledge that most of the trouble was caused by me, or by our very similar personalities conflicting. Hang in there, suck it up, and by the time you turn 18 you'll probably find your relationship with your mum will have improved a lot.

    Good luck.

    I think (and I could be confusing her with someone else) that OP is in her 20s
  • ShadowmaidenShadowmaiden Posts: 3,030
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    OK, well Ive calmed down a lot today and we have reached a compromise. We are going to go out for a light snack at lunch time instead of in the evening, then we will go across to her friends house later on. It would seem rude not to when she has invited me over there.

    Thanks for the advice people:)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,542
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    Tell her if you want to go or not- and if you don't want to go you have every right not to afterall it's her group of friends not yours. Then tell her your a little disapointed that she chaged your plans as you were reaslly looking forward to speding time with just her and ask when she she is free to arrange it for another day.

    Don't stress over it, if you don't go they will all have a good time anyway it's not going to spoil anything.
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