Giving one child without the other?

ShadowmaidenShadowmaiden Posts: 3,030
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What are people views on this? When I was growing up, with the exceptions of birthdays, if my brother was given a treat or a present, I was given one too and vice versa. My mum didn't believe in playing favourites and we were treated equally. This has followed me into adulthood and I know if I had children, I'd do the same.

My brother now had a goddaughter and whenever he gets her a present he buys her old sister one too because he think its wrong to buy one child a present without the other. She's old enough to feel left out.

I had a friend however who's little sister was ruined, she was bought presents such as toys all the time and my friend was given nothing. I find this an incrediably cruel thing to do a child. I know it caused lots of resentment.

I appreciate not everyone is like my parents though. I can remember when I was really young my brother loved Ninja Turtles, and one day my Auntie turned up at my house with a Ninja Turtles poster she had picked up for my brother while shopping because she knew he'd like it.

I know she didn't mean to upset me but I can still remember that hurt, left out feeling that there was nothing for me. I was a child and I didn't understand. If that had been my mum she'd have brought a packet of sweets or something for the other child. The best part is my Auntie had four kids of her own, so she must have know its not good to leave one out.

Comments

  • Miss_MooMiss_Moo Posts: 8,997
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    I buy my children things at different times. If I see something my son would like I get it for him but my daughter knows I buy things for her as well at other times and vice versa.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 10,273
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    I bought my little girl a corneto yesterday while my boy was in school and she blabbed! :eek: I felt like the worst mother ever. He was gennuenly upset, he did'nt whinge or demand something for himself, he just looked really sad. :(
    I hardly ever buy one without the other, even on birthdays I'll buy the other child a little something. It's what my mum always did for me and my brother.
  • 2shy20072shy2007 Posts: 52,576
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    I also buy my children different things at different times, none of them expect something when others might have a gift for whatever reason, I dont believe in teaching them to be as selfish, they can deal with others having something whilst they dont, there is no jealousy there.
  • Beth HartBeth Hart Posts: 6,183
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    I'm another who buys my children the same amount but at different times, I was brought up by parents who always gave my brother and I stuff at the same time but it caused them so much stress and slowed us learning the realities of life.

    It is lovely to be able to give one of my children something and the other not to bat an eyelid (and even to enjoy their sibling's excitement) because they know it'll even out.
  • Miss_MooMiss_Moo Posts: 8,997
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    2shy2007 wrote: »
    I also buy my children different things at different times, none of them expect something when others might have a gift for whatever reason, I dont believe in teaching them to be as selfish, they can deal with others having something whilst they dont, there is no jealousy there.

    Exactly. I bought my son a book today and my daughter didn't even bat an eyelid. The same thing happened last week when a DVD my daughter wanted came out and I bought it for her.

    I used the buy a small gift for my other child when it was one of their birthdays but I've stopped now their older as they have to understand that it's not 'their' day.
  • 2shy20072shy2007 Posts: 52,576
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    Miss_Moo wrote: »
    Exactly. I bought my son a book today and my daughter didn't even bat an eyelid. The same thing happened last week when a DVD my daughter wanted came out.

    It's so nice isn't it?:) I would hate it if my children got all jealous and huffy, but they know that they can expect something else some other time.
  • emjemj Posts: 6,737
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    Miss_Moo wrote: »
    I buy my children things at different times. If I see something my son would like I get it for him but my daughter knows I buy things for her as well at other times and vice versa.

    Exactly the same for me and my siblings :) It all balances out and we're old enough to understand that we're all treated equally overall, just at different times. It's never bothered me, and I think it's a very fair way of doing things.
  • Miss_MooMiss_Moo Posts: 8,997
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    2shy2007 wrote: »
    It's so nice isn't it?:) I would hate it if my children got all jealous and huffy, but they know that they can expect something else some other time.

    My children both get pocket money as well and me and my OH have no qualms with only giving one of them theirs if the other one hasn't tidied their room etc.

    They're fine as well if someone gives one of them a 'I saw this and thought of you' present and not the other one.
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