Have you ever discovered some shocking family secrets?

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,288
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    MrsSpoon wrote: »
    I was given an old postcard album with hundreds of postcards in it from 1915 - 1938. I read the backs and made a study only to discover that my great aunt, who's album it was, and her first cousin were very much in love with each other even though he was married with a child. They obviously got together eventually and I remember them as a lovely kind couple but I always wondered why they had no children of their own.

    It doesn't do to delve to deeply into the family history!

    You can say that again :(
    James2001 wrote: »
    Yes. But I'm not saying what it is, only that it ruins my life because you can't say certain things and have to hide certain interests because the events in question have warped the entire family's minds.

    Sounds a bit like my family. I was told something a few years ago and I just wish I had never been told. It really ruined my relationship with this person and our relationship is still 'strained' now.
  • MenkMenk Posts: 13,831
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    Lego Pig wrote: »
    Well a couple of years ago a found a birth certificate and when I questioned my mother I found out I had a brother who died as a child before I was born.

    This happened to me too.

    Lots of revelations that were made when I became of an age to understand were shocking at the time, but you come around to understand that everyone is human and fallible.

    In the early days of their relationship, before they were married, my dad broke off with my mum, but she tricked him into staying with her by lying that she was pregnant. By the time he realised he'd been duped, she really was pregnant. He stayed with her to do the right thing.
  • birdsongbirdsong Posts: 2,649
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    Abaca wrote: »
    EastEnders must seem tame to you :)

    It's mostly my husband's family tree actually. Before I researched it it seemed so usual, even boring :eek:. Once I scratched the surface there was loads they just had never discussed.

    For instance the unmentioned and unknown about Great Aunt. When we asked a distant cousin about her he said "Oh yes we know about her". Pity they never told my father in law who was shocked to learn he had an aunt he had never known about. There was a lot like that ...
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 892
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    my dad found out (before i was born) that his dad was married to someone eles before he married my dads mum and had 4 children with this person. It was found out when one of of children came to vist and there told my dad and his other 4 borthers and sisters that this person was there uncle. But my dad found out it was really his borther je was not happy about it then amd is still not happy about it now

    my grandad was a busy boy he had 9 children

    4 to his his frist wife and 5 to his 2nd

    i found out my dad has an older sister who was adpoted out when she was born when my gran died. as i allways thought my dad was the oldest out of his 4 borthers and sister and when i read in the paper about my grans death it had some other person name before my dads name. my dad only found that out a 5 or 6 years ago.

    so my gandad had 10 children :o
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 629
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    I recently found out that a relative of mine , when he was young and living in South Africa with his wife and baby, woke up to find an intruder in his bedroom holding a knife over his little girl. My relative had a gun next to his bed and shot him in the head.

    Bit of a shock revelation for me as I gave him a lift to the airport.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 15,072
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    When I found out my sister was not my biological sister. I must have been a teenager when they told me. It explained why she was so much better looking than I was and why we didn't look alike.
  • James2001James2001 Posts: 73,367
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    babymario wrote: »
    Sounds a bit like my family. I was told something a few years ago and I just wish I had never been told. It really ruined my relationship with this person and our relationship is still 'strained' now.

    Well, I don't even know the person responsible, but when finding out about what happenned, it explained a lot about how family members reacted badly to certain comments I've made and things I've done that really are stupidly minor and wouldn't make anyone else raise an eyebrow. At the time I wondered what the hell was going off, but now it has fallen into place- it doesn't make things any easier for me though.
  • sofieellissofieellis Posts: 10,327
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    I've mentioned this on this forum before, but my second cousin was the accomplice of a serial killer, before becoming his victim.

    She was a wife and mum to about 9 children, winning a bravery award for saving some children from drowning, before she ran off to become a prostitute. She helped her friend to dispose of his victims' bodies, whilst stealing all their assetts.

    He eventually killed her for being careless with valuables that could have identified them as the killers. :o
  • LaVieEnRoseLaVieEnRose Posts: 12,836
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    I searched for some names from my family tree in the Victorian newspapers which are online and found, manslaughter, wifebeating, horse theft and as for one young lady, she was in court half a dozen times, once for "shocking depravity" :eek: I've since obtained her birth certificate, and she was only 12 at the time :eek::eek:
  • Pugwash69Pugwash69 Posts: 3,787
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    My uncle (by marriage) took early retirement. When he died, we found out he was actually 10 years older than anyone knew. Not even his wife or kids knew.
  • QwertyGirl1771QwertyGirl1771 Posts: 4,472
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    It wasn't until 2002 (when I applied for my first passport) and kept asking my 'mother' for my birth certificate and she kept putting it off and refuse to give it to me. It was only when my hubby threatened her she gave me it without 'fathers' name. I knew in my heart of hearts that 'dad' wasn't 'dad', but to see it in front of me in black and white really hurt me. I could have killed my mother there and then, especially as she knew what he did to me. I have never had any intention of looking for 'father' as I don't miss what I never had.
  • MissbegottenMissbegotten Posts: 1,095
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    I searched for some names from my family tree in the Victorian newspapers which are online and found, manslaughter, wifebeating, horse theft and as for one young lady, she was in court half a dozen times, once for "shocking depravity" :eek: I've since obtained her birth certificate, and she was only 12 at the time :eek::eek:

    Yes, but they were easily shocked in those days, you know.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 12,613
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    bobplop wrote: »
    I had a great-aunt who spent a few years in the 1920s living in Paris (montmartre). I only met her a few times and she was a wonderful, interesting woman. I had this romantic vision of her being a muse to the various artistic types who lived in Paris at the time. I recently discovered her 'talents' were of the horizontal nature (for which she was remunerated). She also had a huge appetite for illegal substances!


    :D Sorry to laugh but you wrote this so well!
  • RadiomaniacRadiomaniac Posts: 43,510
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    I have a cousin who had a child when she was unmarried and 17, back in the 60's. It was still a shameful thing then, so it was agreed that her Mum brought the child up as her own. He never knew that his 'Mum' was really his Grandmother and his 'sister' was really his Mum, until he was an adult - whereas all the rest of the family knew. It was most awkward to remember not to say anything about it.

    Great thread, OP.
  • RadiomaniacRadiomaniac Posts: 43,510
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    A couple of years ago, my parents started on the family tree thing. Discovered that my father is actually Jewish. For over 70 years, he never knew that his mum was Jewish.

    Funny you should say that. Looking through old papers belonging to my Dad's mother, her maiden surname was most definitely Jewish.

    No-one else has ever picked up on it or mentioned it, and as anyone who would know anything about it are long gone, it remains a mystery.
  • lawrenma2lawrenma2 Posts: 4,060
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    My cousin had a party when I was about ten. There was a girl there and my Mum said she looked really like me. My uncle told her that it's a girl who lives down the road, and my other uncle had an affair with her Mum - So she is my cousin! :eek:

    Turns out he has about 3 children that his wife doesn't know about. He died about 18 months ago, and she's still none the wiser. He told my Mum he would kill her if she mentioned it to his wife.
  • rockerchickrockerchick Posts: 9,255
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    My great uncle. He died when i was a child of primary school age. I was told then that he had hanged himself, but only a few years ago i found out that wasn't true and hes actually gone and sat in his car, wound the windows up and gasseed himself to death.
  • suki csuki c Posts: 6,075
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    My father in law told me before he died that his daughter wasn't his as he was away fighting in the war and came home to find his wife (who died before I met OH) had had a baby by an American GI.

    He told me not to tell anyone but, of course, I eventually told my husband who remembered, as a child, his mother saying that the handsomest man she ever knew was a red indian!

    The thing is, it's left us with a terrible dilemma whether or not to tell my sister in law who adored her 'father'. We just don't know how it would affect her, but there's a medical reason that she should know as she has the disease Lupus - which apparently is quite prevalent in North American Indians.

    I do feel that he chose me to tell to shift the responsibility for telling her onto someone else.

    I posted this in 'advice' quite some time ago but we're still no further on with making the decision :(
  • CLL DodgeCLL Dodge Posts: 115,488
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    My grandfather's uncle killed his first wife after finding her in bed with another guy.

    He must have gotten off the murder charge to have managed wife No.2.
  • bryemycazbryemycaz Posts: 11,734
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    I found out by doing my family tree that my Great Great Grandad was dead 2 years before my Great Grandmother was born. Although she and her younger sisters took his surname it seems that my Great Grandmother was living as a housekeeper to this fellow who is possibly my Biological Great Great Grandfather. This was all happening in 1870 something.

    My mum was shocked she had no idea as her Grandmother had always seemed such a prim and proper lady.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 224
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    My dad was born out of wedlock, and his (very young) mum was ostracised by her family for it. She threw herself out of a window and broke both her legs but survived. She wasn't allowed to keep the baby though, he was brought up by his dad and his childless wife.
    We tracked her down about fifteen years ago and met her once, but she was dying of cancer :(
    It's not a secret, just a very sad story. She was so young and very bright, with a promising career in journalism, but getting pregnant and being disowned by her family ruined her life. She never got over it and was very bitter and depressed when she died.

    There is also some sort of family scandal involving an affair somebody had with a Spanish sailor in the early 20th century. I'm not sure of the details tbh, I only heard about it after my daughter was born with very Mediterranean colouring and a Mongolian blue spot at the small of her back. My parents said she might be some sort of throwback to this Spanish chap :p
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 14
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    There is something very dark and disturbing to do with some once-close friends of the family but my mother said she won't go into details until they're dead.

    If it's as bad as instict is telling me, I don't think there is anything to gain from finding out seeing as we don't have anything to do with them anymore anyway. I would rather continue to not know.
  • Assa2Assa2 Posts: 10,345
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    There's an awful lot of infidelity about. Statistically 1 in 8 people are not fathered by who they think they are. It seems to be a natural phenomena and is not biased by ecenomic or social circumstances. Swans, those paragons of monogamy, have the same 1 in 8 ratio as do most other species that supposedly mate for life.
  • sofieellissofieellis Posts: 10,327
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    Assa2 wrote: »
    There's an awful lot of infidelity about. Statistically 1 in 8 people are not fathered by who they think they are. It seems to be a natural phenomena and is not biased by ecenomic or social circumstances. Swans, those paragons of monogamy, have the same 1 in 8 ratio as do most other species that supposedly mate for life.

    But if the people themselves have no idea about this, how do they come up with that statistic? I can't see many mothers disclosing this information on surveys, and as most of us will never have our DNA tested, how do they work this out? :confused:
  • Urban BassmanUrban Bassman Posts: 2,230
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    I have a cousin who had a child when she was unmarried and 17, back in the 60's. It was still a shameful thing then, so it was agreed that her Mum brought the child up as her own. He never knew that his 'Mum' was really his Grandmother and his 'sister' was really his Mum, until he was an adult - whereas all the rest of the family knew. It was most awkward to remember not to say anything about it.

    Great thread, OP.

    Quite a common occurence back then I'm afraid to say - most famously Eric Clapton.

    Not family secrets as such but my Great Great Grandmother ran away to join a circus in the 1800's, she was eventually forgiven until she ran away again to marry an Italian.

    Personally I was born in 1956 4 months after my parent got married. Despite the "shotgun" nature of the wedding they stayed together until my Dad passed away 33 years later - mostly happily despite some very hard times during the first few years of their marriage.

    I was shocked to find out that my Mum had an older brother who died two months after being born in the 1930's. It was not a family secret, it was just never talked about.

    And - my Great Great Great Grandfather was an itinerant musician - which I was quite proud about. As a coincidence, when I worked in London I used to eat my lunchtime sandwich in the gardens of a church in High Holborn during the summer. I subsequently discovered it was the same church where he got married in the 1830's.
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