Emetophobia question- please help?
angelbabyx
Posts: 742 Forum Member
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Well I'm emetophobic. Not as I have been (anorexia due to it etc) but I do still suffer, clearly as this thing i've experienced has shown, more than I thought I did. I've been seeing a guy (but that is not the main point just a huuuge part of it
) and he told me he has been ill with some virus well this is devastating for me because of my phobia. I really hoped this would never happen (obviously because it's not nice for him) but because I knew it would dig up feelings like this. When we fist started seeing each other I'd be wary when he told me he was ill in case it meant vomiting. 
Now that fear has come true and I cried a lot because this illusion my phobia had created that he would not likely become ill has happened and I can't escape. I did once escape from being with him because I thought he was going to be sick (in bed on me) and I started to almost feel I was going to be sick too prob a psychological thing but I went home cos I was scared. He didn't seem to twig on (if that makes sence:s) tho And i said i 'felt anxious' did not say why.
We are due to meet because we've not met because of stuff but now I won't be able to so he'll probably ask me if I want to see him when he's better but my phobia won't trust he's completely better and I won't pick this virus up from him. So i'll have to hold off and he'll become suspicious.
Thing is he really has no capacity to understand this fear of mine it seems, from things he's said before and he does realise I'm odd about ill people I think and if ill myself weird.(don't want people directly near me or to touch me etc) was one of the first things he learnt about me but because of his 'get on wth it ' attitude I decided not to tel him bcause worried I'd feel ridiculed as he certainly has no problem with being ill even if it's violent.
I know we're all different but how can I feel better about this? (because of my phobia) I feel like I need some kind of reassurance. Really I wish I could tell him- he'd understand and then give me a reassuring cuddle but he is not the type to do that. Not that he's mean just about this, not getting it at all. Mind you, that's without me directly having mentioned this. I'd feel a bit odd to tell him that the reason I am so crazy is because he has been ill. That's why I won't allow myself to say anyway:o the embarrasment factor. Altho did tell a friend today who didnt know. A friend is easier tho. They're not someone I have romantic feelings for and this emet makes me feel I don't want to care about how he's feeling with being ill(yet obviously I do deeply care he has been ill it makes me sad) but it's just because it scares me and i feel vulnerable with that anxiety of it.
What should I do regarding how this/he has made me feel? maybe it'll blow over when he's not ill but it's shown me must speak to my doctor about it because really am determined to have no emet left not just 'less' than i used to face. It's unpleasant how it makes me feel like a right freak and don't fit in/not normal compared to him and wonder if his not understanding contributes to this too? Maybe I wish we could just talk about this face to fact not online and jus have him try his best to understand it.
I'm sure there will be emet people here but whether anyone can relate to what i'm saying I just really hope you can. It's nice to know some non emets relate too, I know i've developed this fear cos of other issues and I'd hope people would realise it isn't easy for me or emets in general some have a much worse experience than me. but i guess friend told me it's/shoud be as acceptable as fear of spiders so not sure why i'm worried also charlie brooker off tv has it and he's amazing! maybe i should face up to it with everyone.
Thx for reading or any advice .
) and he told me he has been ill with some virus well this is devastating for me because of my phobia. I really hoped this would never happen (obviously because it's not nice for him) but because I knew it would dig up feelings like this. When we fist started seeing each other I'd be wary when he told me he was ill in case it meant vomiting. Now that fear has come true and I cried a lot because this illusion my phobia had created that he would not likely become ill has happened and I can't escape. I did once escape from being with him because I thought he was going to be sick (in bed on me) and I started to almost feel I was going to be sick too prob a psychological thing but I went home cos I was scared. He didn't seem to twig on (if that makes sence:s) tho And i said i 'felt anxious' did not say why.We are due to meet because we've not met because of stuff but now I won't be able to so he'll probably ask me if I want to see him when he's better but my phobia won't trust he's completely better and I won't pick this virus up from him. So i'll have to hold off and he'll become suspicious.
Thing is he really has no capacity to understand this fear of mine it seems, from things he's said before and he does realise I'm odd about ill people I think and if ill myself weird.(don't want people directly near me or to touch me etc) was one of the first things he learnt about me but because of his 'get on wth it ' attitude I decided not to tel him bcause worried I'd feel ridiculed as he certainly has no problem with being ill even if it's violent.
I know we're all different but how can I feel better about this? (because of my phobia) I feel like I need some kind of reassurance. Really I wish I could tell him- he'd understand and then give me a reassuring cuddle but he is not the type to do that. Not that he's mean just about this, not getting it at all. Mind you, that's without me directly having mentioned this. I'd feel a bit odd to tell him that the reason I am so crazy is because he has been ill. That's why I won't allow myself to say anyway:o the embarrasment factor. Altho did tell a friend today who didnt know. A friend is easier tho. They're not someone I have romantic feelings for and this emet makes me feel I don't want to care about how he's feeling with being ill(yet obviously I do deeply care he has been ill it makes me sad) but it's just because it scares me and i feel vulnerable with that anxiety of it.
What should I do regarding how this/he has made me feel? maybe it'll blow over when he's not ill but it's shown me must speak to my doctor about it because really am determined to have no emet left not just 'less' than i used to face. It's unpleasant how it makes me feel like a right freak and don't fit in/not normal compared to him and wonder if his not understanding contributes to this too? Maybe I wish we could just talk about this face to fact not online and jus have him try his best to understand it.
I'm sure there will be emet people here but whether anyone can relate to what i'm saying I just really hope you can. It's nice to know some non emets relate too, I know i've developed this fear cos of other issues and I'd hope people would realise it isn't easy for me or emets in general some have a much worse experience than me. but i guess friend told me it's/shoud be as acceptable as fear of spiders so not sure why i'm worried also charlie brooker off tv has it and he's amazing! maybe i should face up to it with everyone.
Thx for reading or any advice .
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Comments
I try to look at it as pragmatically as possible. Yes to you and me and others that have this issue it may seem like the biggest thing in the word but to other people its just a personality quirk. Please don't be embarrassed. Think of all the people who have phobias of spiders? Do you judge them? No you probably wouldn't even think twice about it. No one like sick and yes, that does make it tricky when you have to explain its much more than disliking it. No one is going to judge you.
I've found since accepting the phobia it impacts my life a lot less, I certainly don't get wound up about it and I lead a normal life, like most people that have a phobia. I'm open and honest about it, and yes my boyfriend laughs when I insist on sleeping on the sofa when he's ill, but its not a big deal. I joke about it with my friends, they take the piss but they know not to cross the line a pretend to be sick or anything like that. Just like you wouldn't shove a tarantula at someone with a spider phobia.
Defo gonna beg my gp who I'll see to refer me to anyone who can help with emet and has helped people with emet if nothing I'll find a private cbt person online id pay for this!
was searching tho dont suppose there is any free cds or hypnotherpy stuff or just any free emet help resources out there?something i could download and work on or at a really cheap price ie not £50-£60 which well i think that emetophobia recovery system program is. tho i really want to try that to see if itd help.
I really doubt the emet forums are that useful tbh because they seem to reinforce negative thoughts and beliefs, to some extent they're good to realise you're not the only one with this tho but I realise this from some these replies!, till this happened I was feeling pretty confident I wouldn't hang around on them! I need to not rely on them.
Still seeking help for this is the best possible thing I can do what has happened here has realy shown me that. I think in a sad way if this hadn't happened I may not have felt forced to get help.
She would almost drop the baby and run away if they even brought milk back up, when they got ill, she would leave and go and stay with a friend, not just for the period of the sickness but for the period of contagiousness too, we had to be at least 4 days clear before she came home! She would call me at work and I would have to go home to deal with most minor of situations, many of which were simply that she 'thought' they were going to be sick (she would literally scream down the phone at me or plague me with calls if I refused to leave work) fortunately I was in a senior management job and the CE was a friend so there was enormous understanding but that was no consideration for her!
She used to tell me that she would rather be dead than be vomiting and the emetophobia then started to manifest into OCD type symptoms, particularly with cleanliness, she would spray everything with a bleach spray before she touched it (she carried it with her) she was obsessive about washing hands (every 15 mins) and would keep food only up to 3 days before the best before/use by date.
Sadly, while we are no longer together (and the emetophobia contributed to the split) she has now passed the behaviour on to my children, both of whom get extremely upset if they or anyone else feels sick. They are obsessive about washing hands and they must 'see' not just be told the expiry date of food before they eat it!
I'd be upfront about it OP, if he doesn't understand the condition you are going to have to prepare him for how bad it can be! In the mean time, see your GP and try to get help for it otherwise it will control your life!
I have emetophobia and it comes and goes in severity depending on other life circumstances.
There is a lot of help out there but I agree forums aren't great as they teach you new ways to obsess. Good luck.
If you are serious about this guy you need to talk about it as it just takes over your life and I'm sick of it ruining my nights as I panic every night expecting trouble although I am working on this so am starting to feel better, its good to know there are so many of us actually!
If I feel ill..I will fight it for hours and hours, it usually goes away. But I KNOW I would feel loads better if I just vomitted..I would rather put up with excruciating pain that allow myself to vomit. I havent been sick in around 10 years. I am lucky that my partner rarely gets ill, but when she does, far from being the caring OH..I hide away in another room. I hate myself for that.
When norovirus was rife..I didnt leave the house for weeks and weeks. I didnt even go to work (luckily I work for my dad so I didnt get sacked because of this) because I was told that being within 7 meters of someone who has it and is sick..you are guaranteed to catch it yourself.
I have 3 children from a previous relationship, and I very very rarely fed them when they were young. And if I did I would pass them to my ex to burp them, as that was usually when they were sick. When they got older, I pretty much religiously 'trained' them that if they ever felt sick to go immediately to the toilet..as I was scared they would vomit in front of me. I know that sounds absolutely awful, and I am ashamed of myself for doing it..but I cant help it. On the rare occasion they didnt make it to the loo, my ex had to clean it up. If she wasnt in when it happened, it would be left until she got back and I would be in another room.
My doctor told me there is no cure as such, besides facing the fear. In the past few years I have forced myself to watch films with people vomitting in them (kevein and perry go large and such..big vomit scenes) to try and.desensitize myself from it. To begin with in a few cases I actually hyperventilated so much that I passed out. Now, I can kinda watch with no problems, but it still makes me feel a bit ill myself. I do not see the comedy in people vomitting..and I doubt I ever will. I see no need for vomit scenes to be in films at all..but I guess Im just a bit of a freak for that, noone else seems to have a problem.
I now have a 6 month old daughter with my current partner. When she got pregnant I was terrified that she would get morning sickness but it never happened. This time around I am determined not to let my irrational fears rub off on my child. I have forced myself to feed (and burp) her. She has been sick on me many times, but I now have the mentality of 'its only milk'. I dont know how I will handle it when she starts being sick properly, but I am going to have to deal with it like a normal adult would. No leaving it for my partner to clean, no irrationally shouting at her to get to the toilet whenever she mentions a pain in her tummy, no hiding awa in another room while shes ill..etc etc.
I will get control of this one day. Until then I can only force myself into uncomfortable situations until hopefully..they seem quite normal.
I wish you luck with however you decide to deal with your situation. I would suggest having a long drawn out convo explaining everything about how you feel. My partner used to take the mick out of how I was until I explained exactly how I think when someone is, or maybe will be ill. She still doesnt understand fully, but I think it helped things a bit.
My anxiety to do with this is less bad than it has been (maybe I said in orig post but I became anorexic and would not eat due to fear id be sick) realise that was totally irrational but I was just so worried i'd be sick at any given point it was awful.
I am much better. I don't use these 'coping mechanisms' or whatever called? because they won't pretect me from my actual fear. It's better to expose yourself people say. I do wash my hands after toilet (and not touch public toilet door if eating!) prob due to how so many people carry germs as don't wash their hands tho, and bfore I eat. If i feel its neccesery. So mine doesn't seem that extreme to me. I don't know about anyone else but in my experience I seemed to suffer social anxiety to do with being ill even as a child. If I was il I wanted to tell nobody, not let anyone know about it or anyone to tell anyone outside of my family. :S cant be around people when I feel ill or have them touch me. No idea why? It's like if i was to get ill id rather get ill in middle of a deserted island than have people know about it(Though i know some emets have to get ill outside because of fear of it in their house). I'm not sure I'd worry about getting ill if nobody else knew about it or saw. (im thinking maybe it could even be an experience i dont remember of publcly feelin embarrased because maybe i was sick in public:S)
I also had advice from others which make me feel that I know get help is best thing. I'll feel so much better for seeking help for this, because I'm bothered about recovering I probably will be able to right. And even if I have to get private therapy it would be good with someone who specialises in emet or phobias.
E.g. I'm not bothered about other people being sick if I know for a fact that it's not because of illness. E.g. drinking too much - that doesn't bother me. But if they're ill through a virus then I will feel freaked out, wash my hands endlessly, try not to breathe round them etc. as there's a possibility I could catch it.
I also relate to the anorexia thing. At my worst I weighed about 6 stone as I was too frightened to eat. Fortunately that was many years ago and I have more or less got a handle on it now.
Anyway - good luck for seeking help with this OP. Even if you never get rid of it completely, it doesn't have to rule your life.