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Unwashed daughter.
spotty_cat
Posts: 557 Forum Member
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My daughter just refuses to bath or shower. It's been like this for ages now and my husband and I are at our wits end. We have tried talking to her calmly or got angry with her but nothing works. Our latest tactic is to just ignore the problem which is difficult as she smells and so does her bedroom.
She is a pre teen with attitude and I'm so peed off with her. We have just had a lovely shower fitted and we hoped she would want to try it out but no, in her own words she 'doesn't care'.
Any advice would be appreciated.:)
She is a pre teen with attitude and I'm so peed off with her. We have just had a lovely shower fitted and we hoped she would want to try it out but no, in her own words she 'doesn't care'.
Any advice would be appreciated.:)
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Bear in mind that we are often completely oblivious to our own persistent odours as our brains filter them out. If she was to smell how she reeks with a fresh nose, so to speak, she might feel differently. As it is, she probably wonders what the fuss is about.
It could be more than that, there maybe underlying issues that she may not wish to discuss or open up about, the doesn't care bit would concern me. Maybe she has low self esteem, is getting bullied, is depressed..it may be more than just attitude.
Sometimes parents are "THE ENEMY" and just put on earth to be defied ! so a third party might be listened to.
Tell her to do as she's told and that should be the end of it.
You run the show, not her. Keep it simple. No shower means no TV, no phone and no going out with friends or whatever else she likes doing.
Have you tried shopping for some sweet smelling bath bombs/ bubble foam, lighting candles in the bathroom, stepping back & let her relax and have some privacy ?
I know what you mean tho - My 11 y/o son showers every morning but somehow manages to miss his hair - smells like a dreadlocked hippie (no offence to anyone
Haha - I know that one. My b/f actually has dreadlocks & it is a two (wo)man job to dry them properly but his hair smelt way better than my 12 year old with short back & sides.
One of the few times I have gone all disciplinarian mum was over his personal hygiene. While he does shower every evening as mentioned, he neglected his hair and sometimes forgets his deodorant (Puberty has hit big time so yes, at 12 he needs daily showers and deodorant) I was blunt. As kind as I could be but blunt. I told him his hair stunk and that if he didn't wash it properly I would wash it for him. If he didn't let me, there would be no computer (his favourite thing in the world), no TV, no 3DS. I would change the router password. He went and washed his hair properly and on prompting went and used his deodorant.
I'm not all mean - he loves anything from Lush so I make sure he has plenty of smellies. We pop to the shop on a semi regular basis so he can pick out some bath bombs, soap, shampoo - we're on 'Happy Happy Joy Joy' ATM because of my love of Ren & Stimpy. I will at some point learn to keep my mouth shut.
He also loves Lynx. I'm not a fan, but its not my armpits.
So - I guess I'm advising taking a strong approach to this but also trying to make showering nice. If you haven't got a lush near you, do you have a Bodyshop?
Now, if I could get him to clean his teeth without me having to stand over him, all would be good in the world:D
Teens/pre-teens & hygiene - not a combo made in heaven
If she is still feeling a bit depressed, maybe some quality mom and daughter and dad and daughter time is needed?
No wash = no treats, internet, phone, telly, outings, friends round, pocket money - whatever it takes.
Simple and direct. You are the parent, she is the child. She may not care how she smells but without washing it's not just the smells you'll have to deal with, it's the health implications as well.
Put your foot down mum.
I think there is more going on than just that she dont want to wash. That isnt (IMO) normal for a pre-teen or teen girl.. That is more a boy thing (until they discover someone they fancy)
Is she depressed do you think? Anything else you have noticed about her?
This is the most important and sensible advice you have been given, if this can be ruled out first, then look at the other advice been given. There must be a reason she doesn't care and that needs addressing as it sounds more than an attitude thing.
if you leave it, it could be seen as neglect..and i would inform the head at her school of the situation
and do not pour coke on her
Does she care how she looks, do her clothes get washed regularly? Is there something going on at school? Girls can be bitches and maybe something has happened at school, maybe she is getting picked on. Maybe she has hit puberty/got her period and is embarrassed/scared. You don't say how old she is just a pre-teen but sticking or forcing her in to a shower will make her resent you even more. It sounds like there is definitely more to this than just laziness
I wouldn't call parents who insist on the absolute basic necessity of washing, dictators.
They are when they haven't considered the possibility that there maybe other issues going on, rather than just attitude. The fact she has said she doesn't care, should set alarm bells ringing, more than anything. Maybe I am jumping the gun, but I have seen a similar situation with a partners daughter in the past, and she didn't care. Wouldn't wash, clean her teeth etc...it turned out there was other things going on, not just attitude.
She'll clean her teeth/brush her hair but we have to tell her to do so and I don't think at 11 years old she should need reminding. Do you guys have to remind your older kids to do things that they should be doing automatically?
my line is usually "wash your hands, clean your teeth, use the gel.."
but they do it, im just there to remind them