Leaving young children to go on holiday

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  • AddisonianAddisonian Posts: 16,377
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    Ber wrote: »
    The only criticism I would have is you should afford other parents the same opportunity to do the same without passing judgement on them.
    duckylucky wrote: »
    So allow others be the judge of whats best for their family while you are allowed judge whats best for yours . Fair ?
    That's fair enough I suppose. Perhaps I was a bit hasty in judging the couple mentioned in the OP.
    It's still not something I would dream of doing though, especially if my child was only 15 months old. But each to their own then I suppose.
  • What name??What name?? Posts: 26,623
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    I pity these kids who get left behind while their parents go off and enjoy themselves (how can they?) without a thought.
    Spare a thought for those parents who have to watch photos and videos their kids grinning on the beach with grandparents whilst they pine at home. Or maybe they understand that it works both ways and each are happy for the other to get a treat.
  • netcurtainsnetcurtains Posts: 23,494
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    Kids are like dogs, they don't really give a crap who is looking after them as long as someone is catering to their every whim.
  • What name??What name?? Posts: 26,623
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    Addisonian wrote: »
    It's still not something I would dream of doing though, especially if my child was only 15 months old.

    That's a pretty traditional window for a weening holiday. It normally means the family get together to super indulge the child and the mum stays away to prevent them getting tetchy.
  • frisky pythonfrisky python Posts: 9,737
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    I think this is very personal and individual for each family.

    Myself, I wouldn't do it. Mr Python and I see that our kids are our responsibility, and we're a family unit. My parents may have the kids for a few hours but that's about it. It's the values that were instilled in us from our parents.

    However I can see for some that have different values that the kids and parents and grandparents are happy with holidays away and kids left in the care of grandparents. It is what works for them.

    As long as everyone is happy with the arrangements made, I don't see the problem.
  • AddisonianAddisonian Posts: 16,377
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    Kids are like dogs, they don't really give a crap who is looking after them as long as someone is catering to their every whim.
    Totally disagree with that.
  • duckyluckyduckylucky Posts: 13,828
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    Kids are like dogs, they don't really give a crap who is looking after them as long as someone is catering to their every whim.

    Tell that to young babies who scream blue murder if handed to a stranger . Babies know very well who a care giver is and who they trust . Toddlers are very well aware of who they know and who they dont .
  • DMN1968DMN1968 Posts: 2,875
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    I guess its down to each families individual circumstances. They might have good reason for taking such a holiday (e.g. recovery from serious illness).

    Personally, I would not dream of going on holiday and not taking the kids. If its somewhere that's not suitable for kids, then we simply won't go there. I certainly would not leave a 15 month old behind for two weeks whilst I went of enjoying myself somewhere.

    I also fail to see the point in people who drag their kids on holiday, then put them in a creche/kids club for the duration the moment they arrive. What's the point in bringing the kids along in the first place if you are going to ignore them whilst you are there?
  • Pisces CloudPisces Cloud Posts: 30,239
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    duckylucky wrote: »
    Tell that to young babies who scream blue murder if handed to a stranger . Babies know very well who a care giver is and who they trust . Toddlers are very well aware of who they know and who they dont .

    Dogs don't like being handed to strangers, either. :p
  • netcurtainsnetcurtains Posts: 23,494
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    duckylucky wrote: »
    Tell that to young babies who scream blue murder if handed to a stranger . Babies know very well who a care giver is and who they trust . Toddlers are very well aware of who they know and who they dont .

    I've looked after hundreds of babies, I've never known any of them to scream blue murder no matter who was holding them, they're just happy to be cuddled. As for young children, some will cry when their parents leave them but it soon passes. I've only ever had one child in my care who continued to cry long after her mother had left but she was very unusual. Those that are clingy criers will only cry fry for a minute or two at most, start playing and will only cry again when they clap eyes on the mother coming to pick them up. The vast majority of small children are quite happy to be left in in the care of others and I'm talking about a nursery situation here, they'll be even happier to be left with grandparents to be spoiled rotten and indulged in a way they wouldn't be with their parents.

    My daughter used to love sleeping over with my parents, they'd be sat in bed at silly o clock watching a film chomping on Maltesers. I got the feeling that she certainly wasn't missing me and my insistence on fruit eating and a sensible bedtime.
  • netcurtainsnetcurtains Posts: 23,494
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    Dogs don't like being handed to strangers, either. :p

    Really? Mine don't care as long as the other person is willing to pet them and has food.
  • nancy1975nancy1975 Posts: 19,686
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    I went on holiday with my parents a couple of times up to when I was 12. I think that was the only times we did go abroad anyway. When I was 14 I think, I wanted to go on a riding holiday (here) and couldn't do both. So my grandparents came and stayed in our house which is in a seaside resort, my parents went abroad, my grandparents took me to the riding holiday centre just a bit further up the coast, and they had a nice holiday as well. Everybody won. I think it happened twice as well...two succeeding years.

    I don't know how I'd feel leaving younger children and going on holiday, though everybody is different. Still, if the children are happy abut it, grandparents or whatever family are happy about it, then it's nobody elses's concern.
  • Nicola37Nicola37 Posts: 2,136
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    Funnily enough there's an article in todays Sunday Mirror magazine about this. Some of you woukd just LOVE this mother. Some snippets:

    "I've been going away on my own since my twins were two and I don't intend to stop. People ask whether my kids miss me. Truth is, they don't ant more. They've got used to mum packing her suitcase, waving adios and trotting off to the airport."

    "In 2005 my dad was working as a cruise ship engineer in Florida and I went to stay with him for the anniversary of my mother's death. My eldest was nine and the twins were two and a half. Did the kids cry because they were missing mum? Probably. It wasn't the ideal moment to be jetting off on a transatlantic for the glitz of Miami"

    Talking about another holiday in Italy when the twins were 9...."We did ring the kids when we arrived but after that we were having such a good time we didn't think about them."

    "Since then we holiday together as a couple leaving the kids with dad. We give ourselves a budget of £1,000. We've probably spent £5,000 on five hols for the two of us over the last four years"

    "The kids don't complain. I buy them 'guilt presents' and they love staying with grandad."

    She also spends a fortune before on Botox twice a year, has had a £3,500 tummy tuck and owns 40 bikinis. She says they once went on four'child free' hols in a year and thought nothing of going on hols as her twins started secondary school. "They'd just started a new school, had an unfamiliar routine but I was having a magical time so I didn't dwell on it too much"
    She does say they will try take a family holiday if 'we can afford it' but "we 'can't take the kids out of school but that doesn't stop us going away on our own does it?"

    Apparently according to the article "more and more parents are choosing to leave their kids home when they holiday". They document the 'rise of the me-me-me mum' which is probably an apt description for the lady in question here.
  • duckyluckyduckylucky Posts: 13,828
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    I've looked after hundreds of babies, I've never known any of them to scream blue murder no matter who was holding them, they're just happy to be cuddled. As for young children, some will cry when their parents leave them but it soon passes. I've only ever had one child in my care who continued to cry long after her mother had left but she was very unusual. Those that are clingy criers will only cry fry for a minute or two at most, start playing and will only cry again when they clap eyes on the mother coming to pick them up. The vast majority of small children are quite happy to be left in in the care of others and I'm talking about a nursery situation here, they'll be even happier to be left with grandparents to be spoiled rotten and indulged in a way they wouldn't be with their parents.

    My daughter used to love sleeping over with my parents, they'd be sat in bed at silly o clock watching a film chomping on Maltesers. I got the feeling that she certainly wasn't missing me and my insistence on fruit eating and a sensible bedtime.

    I too have looked after 100,s if not 1000's of babies . Many babies at 5 or 6 months know damn well who is a stranger and let them know they are pissed off
  • Blondie XBlondie X Posts: 28,662
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    DMN1968 wrote: »
    I guess its down to each families individual circumstances. They might have good reason for taking such a holiday (e.g. recovery from serious illness).

    Personally, I would not dream of going on holiday and not taking the kids. If its somewhere that's not suitable for kids, then we simply won't go there. I certainly would not leave a 15 month old behind for two weeks whilst I went of enjoying myself somewhere.

    I also fail to see the point in people who drag their kids on holiday, then put them in a creche/kids club for the duration the moment they arrive. What's the point in bringing the kids along in the first place if you are going to ignore them whilst you are there?

    Agree with every word. Maybe because I'm a working mum but j value every chance I get to spend time with my child and live for our holidays.
    I go away once or twice a year for a weekend with friends and that's long enough to be away. Any longer and I' couldn't cope
  • calamitycalamity Posts: 12,894
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    I don't begrudge anyone a break but a 2 week break away from kids that age is a bit excessive.
    I agree, I never left any of my four kids till they were older teenagers.
  • Tt88Tt88 Posts: 6,827
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    Im not commenting on the original post as i think its distasteful to critisise victims like that.

    My way of looking at it, admittedly as someone without kids, is to wonder if sometimes grandparents are expected to babysit too much?

    When we were kids we were often made to stay with our nan and grandad who lived up the road, so our parents could go away for long weekends without us. We hated it as it was boring, and i once overheard my nan complaining about it so i know they didnt get any enjoyment out of it. Of course they put on a smile and made out they were delighted to have us for a few days when asked!

    My other grandparents however loved seeing us, but that may have been because they lived far away they only saw us a couple of times a year so for them it was great to be around us.

    Taking this example to now, we have friends who have a young son, and are trying for another baby. As they both work, his mum has the child every mon-fri 7-13:00 and then when the couple decide they need a night off she babysits for them saturday nights, and on occasion has the boy overnight so they can go out for the weekend.

    I dont think they fully appreciate how much she does for them because the woman is often slagging her mil off when she says she cant have the son on a weekend because she has other plans, and to me it sound like she is being expected to want to provide free babysitting because of "love".

    I do wonder to myself just how many grandparents actually do more than their fair share of babysitting and are silently resentful? It does seem that nowadays a lot of people stay close to their parents when they do move out so that they have reliable babysitters on tap.
  • calamitycalamity Posts: 12,894
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    When you decide to have a family, thats exactly what it is, a unit.. and everyone should holiday together... I think its very selfish.. unless its the children who want to go and stay with grandparents.. Id be worried sick if I was thousands of miles away on my own ..
  • Toby LaRhoneToby LaRhone Posts: 12,916
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    Just been reading about the Tunisian survivor story of the guy who used himself as a human shield to save his fiancee. Very well done to him and all that but ....................................
    That's magnanimous.
  • duckyluckyduckylucky Posts: 13,828
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    calamity wrote: »
    When you decide to have a family, thats exactly what it is, a unit.. and everyone should holiday together... I think its very selfish.. unless its the children who want to go and stay with grandparents.. Id be worried sick if I was thousands of miles away on my own ..

    If I have learned anything over many years it is not to tell others what they should do . I never left my kids for more than two nights in a row but who am I to say what others should do ? Allow others decide for their own family
  • d0lphind0lphin Posts: 25,327
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    The first time we went on holiday without our sons was when they were 18 and 21 :o

    I could never have left them when they were younger as most of our enjoyment from holidays was seeing them enjoying themselves so we did all the hotels with Kids Clubs, Orlando etc.

    Having said that we didn't really have anyone to leave them with as 3 out of 4 grandparents are dead and my mum probably couldn't have coped with them on her own. Maybe I would have felt a little differently if there was someone suitable to leave them with although the maximum I would have done was a long weekend.
  • jonmorrisjonmorris Posts: 21,680
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    I think it's up to the parents/grand parents and the child to decide - not people who have no connection to any families concerned.

    My son (3 1/2 years old) loves spending time with my parents, and we've been away when he was just 2 1/2 for a few days on a weekend break (a birthday present), and he was just fine. Indeed, we were quite sad the he didn't appear to have missed us more - but that's because he was probably spoiled rotten the whole time we were gone. We chatted on the phone and saw him on Skype.

    We hadn't gone that far, so could have returned if there had been an emergency.

    I did stumble upon this thread thinking it was about leaving children home alone, which is clearly not the case and I don't think it's in any way comparable. We'd never leave our son alone in the house even for a few minutes, bar perhaps being in the back garden (and by that I mean the back garden, not a tapas bar on the other side of a holiday resort).

    At some point, little ones are going to have to get used to the fact that one or both of their parents will occasionally go out without them. There was a time when our son would cry hysterically if my wife left in the evening to go play tennis or go to the gym, and would stand looking at the door for ages - but he grew out of it. Clearly, he HAD to be taught sooner or later that one of us might go out!
  • calamitycalamity Posts: 12,894
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    Addisonian wrote: »
    Totally disagree with that.
    I do too, some children fret for a parent..
  • calamitycalamity Posts: 12,894
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    duckylucky wrote: »
    If I have learned anything over many years it is not to tell others what they should do . I never left my kids for more than two nights in a row but who am I to say what others should do ? Allow others decide for their own family
    the thread is asking for our opinions though and I gave mine.
  • shackfanshackfan Posts: 15,461
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    You are mistaken. Kids that age wouldn't have appreciated it and would have probably played up and spoiled the holiday for the parents and other holiday makers after a bit of relaxation. I've no kids that I know of, but imagine it's healthy for parents to stop being mum and dad for a week or two and enjoy a holiday as partners.

    Plus they'd never remember it in years to come.
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