My beautiful Cavalier King Charles died today

[Deleted User] · 25/09/14 - 22:02

My beautiful boy Bingo died today, he was 9 years old (10 next month), He had heart failure, and although we knew he was poorly it has hit me real hard and I just don't know what to do. I suffer from real bad anxiety and fear of open spaces and when Bingo was 4 he had meningitis and there were lots of up and downs during the months he was ill with this and they didn't expect him to pull through, during him being poorly I developed severe OCD and through my OCD I can't help but feel guilty I made Bingo suffer in the process, my OCD started when Bingo had meningitis, I cared for him and did nothing, I stopped going out totally, I stopped doing all the things I enjoyed, and then when he started to get better after a few weeks of being poorly, I decided to play on my games console for the first time since the day he got poorly, and during me playing on it he had a bad episode and I got it in my head its cause I went on the games console and had to put everything back in the same place how everything was before he had this bad episode, and since then I have had it severely, like If I did things so many times that's the age he would live to, It caused arguments at home (I live with my mum and younger bro) because I thought if things moved he would become ill again, or if I didn't do things a high number then he wouldn't live to be a high number, and in the process I know he suffered because of it, but I did only do it for him, I love him so much and he was all I had, I would spends months at a time indoors and the only time I got out was to walk him, my mum and bro would go on holiday and my Bingo would be the only thing I would see or speak to for a fortnight until they got back, he was my everything and even saved my life once and was through this I will for ever be thankful to him, but it just hurts to much and don't know how I will cope.

StressMonkey · 25/09/14 - 22:24

Loosing a much loved pet is never easy but with your anxiety its got to be so much harder to cope with.

It sounds like Bingo was very well loved and I don't believe for one moment he suffered because of your illness. Your mum would have stepped in if it was affecting Bingo. Bingo probably was oblivious to OCD and just knew that you loved him.

I do wonder whether it might be worth seeing your GP to see if there is anything they can do to help you cope with the grief and OCD - are you on medication at all? Cognitive Therapy?

Look after yourself & be kind to yourself. Sorry for your loss xx

[Deleted User] · 25/09/14 - 22:43

Thanks for the kind words. I just thought this site people have been through what I have been through and I am not really one to talk about my feelings face to face and keep things locked in. I have a bad relationship with my mum through my OCD, she thinks I am just trying to be controlling with my OCD, and says if I wanted to stop it then I could, even though I have tried not doing it for a day and anxiety and stress just builds up and then when the dog coughed which was cause of fluid on his lungs from the heart failure, I thought it was because I hadn't done my OCD routines so went back to doing them, and then it seemed to be even worse then it was before. I know it may sound silly, it does to me and I am the one who has it but its hard to fight. I went to the doctor about a year after I started with OCD after there were arguments at home and I felt the arguing wasn't fair on Bingo, the doctor said if I wanted to stop then I could ( I went with my mum and because of this she thought I could stop if I wanted to) and he said I could have CBT but there was a 17 month waiting list and by then I would be cured if I helped myself. I am scared of trying meds because I have read they make you not feel yourself and make you feel like a zombie. I still feel like I made him suffer because of it, the arguing and shouting, me closing doors so many times or making him wait before I took his lead of so I could do the door so many times, Its just every where I look there's his bed in the corner, his water bowls on the side, his blanket on the floor, his teddy father Christmas left where he last played with it, his teddy dog he had near the tv. I know he knew he was loved and know he loved us, he really couldn't of been loved more, everyday for hours a day he was sat on one of our laps getting stroked and he loved nothing more then curling up on sofa watching NFL, He is still here with us, he is wrapped in a blanket and lay on the sofa cause he is booked in to be cremated in the morning, but are we doing the right thing not burying him? he loved going out but he loved it even more in the house infront of the fire and if we ever moved home then he will be left here buried alone, so is having him cremated the best thing to do?

Hogzilla · 25/09/14 - 23:35

Aw, he sounds like a lovely, lovely dog and you like his perfect owner. He will have loved you very much. Your love for him is obvious.

Be kind to yourself during this difficult time. The rational part of you knows that where you put things had no effect whatsoever on his earlier illness or recovery. I suspect if Bingo could take one thing with him, as he leaves, it would be your OCD and anxieties. Try and let him leave with those?

I'm sure cremation is the right thing, if you all feel it is. My old neighbour had to move unexpectedly, and not long before her much loved, elderly dog had died. I know he is buried in her garden. And now strangers live there. I know she would have been sad about that. So I think you have a point re. moving in the future.

Move his bowl etc when you feel ready to. I still have my late dogs' bowls and their leads and collars are still hanging on hooks in the back hallway.

This is going to be a very difficult time for you. The only thing that heals these feelings, is time passing. So for now be very kind to yourself and your family and at some point, you will be able to think of him with a smile, as well as a tear.

[Deleted User] · 26/09/14 - 00:33

We only found out he had heart failure in February, and I did say I was going to stop my OCD for him, and I did try, it's just with the stress of him being ill it seemed to make it worse, and I do tell myself I only got the OCD cause of the stress of him having meningitis cause of how much I love him, but I did think before how can I stop my OCD now and didn't stop it before for him, and the thought of it makes me feel guilty, I do know how loving and caring he was that he wouldn't want me to suffer and in a way its like he knew I had my problems and did seem to be extra patient with me, he was a great dog who I will always love and know he knew how much he was loved, it is still hard though the house just seems really quiet and empty, its the little things like when he was ill with meningitis he wouldn't eat his food, so we had to hand feed him one biscuit or one piece of meat a time and since the first day we did it he wouldn't eat his food again out the bowl, it took us over a hour every time to feed him, I think he loved the attention and the games we played like telling him we was going to eat it and he would sit there looking at you and then at the food and then you and then at the food daring you to grab it, then he would let us grab the food and he would run up and get the food in his mouth, but he had this little run what he did, it was like bunny hops bouncing along as he ran away all excited, or keep the food in his mouth and walk towards you and slap his front paws on the floor and crouch down and then run away then run towards you and then run away and repeat until you chased him, we got him 10 years ago this Christmas for my brother who was 8 at the time and we got the breed cause it said there the most loving and calm and playful breed, my brother has achondroplasia which is dwarfism, fluid on his brain, compression of the spine and is death and every morning he would wait outside my brothers bedroom door and walk next to him down the stairs like he was looking after him, and it would take my brother minutes to get down the stairs and Bingo would be next to him walking at my brothers pace, he was a special boy

molliepops · 26/09/14 - 08:27

Oh I am so sorry to hear that, so hard when a much loved dog dies and it's clear he was very much loved from your posts.
I think there are no words can help you just have to take one day at a time and remember your dog loved you and wouldn't want you to be unhappy, he spent his life trying to make you happy !
You need to look after yourself and know whatever you feel is OK and will pass.
If you find yourself struggling come and talk to us here because it is a rare person in this part of the forum who won't understand what you are going through. I found some wonderful people here when we lost both Duncan and Molliepops.

mrsgrumpy49 · 26/09/14 - 10:39

Oh dear so sorry.
The house WILL feel empty and it will hurt. But so many of us go on to get another companion at some stage - why do we do it? It's because the love of a dog is so precious. Whatever your beliefs about an afterlife, he is at rest now and he would want you to be happy.
One day at a time.

Porcupine · 26/09/14 - 10:44

I am very sorry for your loss OP, and Bingo is a fabulous name.

Take comfort in the fact he was well loved and a massive part of your family. He was loved throughout his whole life.

I love Cavaliers. My parents had one when I was growing up, so I view them with much fondness.

Take care, and virtual hugs from me to you.

moonlily · 27/09/14 - 09:54

I really don't know what to say except I'm so sorry. Bingo sounded like a wonderful friend to you

[Deleted User] · 28/09/14 - 16:54

I am also so very sorry to hear about the loss of Bingo, yes a wonderful name.

I have no words of advice because I know how much it hurts to lose a doggy pal.

I am just so sorry.

farmer bob · 28/09/14 - 16:58

Sorry you lost Bingo, OP. We also lost our old Grey earlier this year, we re-homed another Grey since then but you never forget your buddies, know how you feel.
Best wishes to you

yellowlabbie · 28/09/14 - 19:07

Sorry about your loss OP, dogs are incredible and to lose one is heartbreaking.

My best wishes to you.

[Deleted User] · 28/09/14 - 23:57

I appreciate the kind words. It still isn't any easier, people say it gets easier over time, but how does it get easier if the more time goes by the more you miss them? The house is just horrible without him here, everything I do I forget that he isn't here in person anymore, like I open the fridge and check he isn't behind it, I go upstairs and look behind me to see if he is walking up behind me to make sure my foot doesn't catch him, I go for a bath and look over the edge of the bath because he always used to come in and lie on the towel whilst I had my bath, when I go in the bathroom in the morning I think why isn't he standing next to the bath because he used to come in the bathroom every morning and we had to put the tap on so he could stand on the edge and drink from the tap, and his tail used to wag like mad so much you could see his little bum going side to side, making a sandwich in the kitchen he isn't stood there waiting for some ham, or when my mum and bro came home, he could be asleep and as soon as he heard the car door shut he would jump awake, then he would hear the other car door shut and then his tail would start wagging and then he would stand up waiting just to hear the door handle open and he would run to them, I used to wake up few times throughout the night since we found out he was poorly and I would always wake up and instantly look at his chest to see if it was breathing and now I wake up and go to check and then remember, and now to make it worse my mum wants to pack away his stuff, I can't do it yet, its to soon but all she says is that its her house and she can do what she wants

We got him a kitten last month because he started to look sad, we once had a cat who got put to sleep 3 years ago she was 13 after she had been poorly for 4 months, and he loved the cat and he was down for a bit after she went, so we got him one to cheer him up, she made him like a puppy again and the sparkle came back in his eyes for the last few weeks he was alive, my brother recorded the first time he met his kitten and put it on youtube yesterday and I thought I would show him off how lovely he was and why we loved him so much and proud of him, it was recorded on the 23rd of August, just look how loving and happy he was to see her, I miss him like mad and it hurts so much

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ps0nbag-htg

Summer Breeze · 29/09/14 - 00:40

My heart goes out to you.
What a little smasher your pal looked.

Its does get better with time though.
When my little pal went it was tough for ages and ages, I still fill up at times even now and it was years ago when he died.

All the best love xx

yellowlabbie · 29/09/14 - 17:47

RampageOC wrote: »

I appreciate the kind words. It still isn't any easier, people say it gets easier over time, but how does it get easier if the more time goes by the more you miss them? The house is just horrible without him here, everything I do I forget that he isn't here in person anymore, like I open the fridge and check he isn't behind it, I go upstairs and look behind me to see if he is walking up behind me to make sure my foot doesn't catch him, I go for a bath and look over the edge of the bath because he always used to come in and lie on the towel whilst I had my bath, when I go in the bathroom in the morning I think why isn't he standing next to the bath because he used to come in the bathroom every morning and we had to put the tap on so he could stand on the edge and drink from the tap, and his tail used to wag like mad so much you could see his little bum going side to side, making a sandwich in the kitchen he isn't stood there waiting for some ham, or when my mum and bro came home, he could be asleep and as soon as he heard the car door shut he would jump awake, then he would hear the other car door shut and then his tail would start wagging and then he would stand up waiting just to hear the door handle open and he would run to them, I used to wake up few times throughout the night since we found out he was poorly and I would always wake up and instantly look at his chest to see if it was breathing and now I wake up and go to check and then remember, and now to make it worse my mum wants to pack away his stuff, I can't do it yet, its to soon but all she says is that its her house and she can do what she wants

We got him a kitten last month because he started to look sad, we once had a cat who got put to sleep 3 years ago she was 13 after she had been poorly for 4 months, and he loved the cat and he was down for a bit after she went, so we got him one to cheer him up, she made him like a puppy again and the sparkle came back in his eyes for the last few weeks he was alive, my brother recorded the first time he met his kitten and put it on youtube yesterday and I thought I would show him off how lovely he was and why we loved him so much and proud of him, it was recorded on the 23rd of August, just look how loving and happy he was to see her, I miss him like mad and it hurts so much

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ps0nbag-htg

It is hard and even though our labrador was PTS four months ago, I still miss him, our house is empty without him. He was always there with me, every day of his life but he had a great long life of over 15 years and he was loved and whenever I feel sad, I just remember how much he loved us all and how much joy he brought to our house.:)

snowy ghost · 29/09/14 - 21:13

no words , just my thoughts xx

[Deleted User] · 29/09/14 - 22:17

So very sorry for your loss OP, be kind to yourself, it takes a while but honestly, it does eventually start to get easier. How are you feeling today? xx

[Deleted User] · 30/09/14 - 01:32

Many thanks again for the kind words, they do meen a lot and I do appreciate them, and he is a little smasher, he was amazing, his beautiful little face and them big brown eyes, today I am missing him more and more, it feels like I haven't seen him in weeks and its only been a few days, Its worse at night when the house is quiet when it was just me and him snuggled up on the sofa or in the day when no one was in, little things like when he was looking round the room and his eye would catch mine and he would notice I was watching him and his tale would wag like mad, or when I would just talk to him and he sat there taking a real interest taking every word what I said in, and tilting his head side to side, or when there used to be a cat in the back garden he would stand on the sofa and look out the patio and look over and give a little shake of his head towards the garden like to say have you seen this so I would walk over and look, then he would rub the side of his face on my leg so I would stroke him whilst we both stood looking out of the window, he was a big softy, its going to be the hardest when my mum and brother go on holiday a week on Friday, that's going to be horrible

[Deleted User] · 30/09/14 - 01:42

yellowlabbie wrote: »

It is hard and even though our labrador was PTS four months ago, I still miss him, our house is empty without him. He was always there with me, every day of his life but he had a great long life of over 15 years and he was loved and whenever I feel sad, I just remember how much he loved us all and how much joy he brought to our house.:)

I am very sorry to hear about your loss and can imagine you still miss him, and know how you feel with the empty house, like my Bingo, he wasn't a loud dog who barked but its all there little special ways you miss and its the little things that hit you the most, like when the post comes and they don't run to get it, Bingo used to try race me for it and he would grab a letter and run off with it and he would run into the living room and sit on the floor with it between his front paws whilst he would try bite it open, and they do bring a lot of joy, what was your boy called?

jra · 30/09/14 - 07:22

Sorry to hear your loss of a beloved pet. How about about getting a new dog that you can have as a new companion.

And as others have said, Bingo is a great name.

yellowlabbie · 30/09/14 - 19:40

RampageOC wrote: »

I am very sorry to hear about your loss and can imagine you still miss him, and know how you feel with the empty house, like my Bingo, he wasn't a loud dog who barked but its all there little special ways you miss and its the little things that hit you the most, like when the post comes and they don't run to get it, Bingo used to try race me for it and he would grab a letter and run off with it and he would run into the living room and sit on the floor with it between his front paws whilst he would try bite it open, and they do bring a lot of joy, what was your boy called?

His name was Jake, my sons wanted the name, how could I refuse.

He was a beautiful yellow labrador, I always wanted a yellow labrador ever since I was a young girl. It took me many, many years before we got one, we nearly had a black one. We had a choice of black or yellow from the litter and yellow got the most votes from the family. He loved my husband the best, he would follow him everywhere even when his little legs were old and nearly useless.

We have buried him in the garden, he has a wooden cross and flowers everywhere.

[Deleted User] · 30/09/14 - 22:34

jra wrote: »

Sorry to hear your loss of a beloved pet. How about about getting a new dog that you can have as a new companion.

Having been in the same situation myself OP, i do think there's a lot to be said for getting another dog when you feel that the time is right. You will never ever replace Bingo but you've obviously got an awful lot of love to give and you sound like you gave Bingo such a good home, how about considering a rescue dog when you're feeling a bit stronger? I'm sure the last thing Bingo would want is for you to be lonely without him, and there's so many lovely dogs in rescue who really do deserve a chance and who'd do anything to be with someone like yourself.

itsy bitsy · 30/09/14 - 23:58

So very sorry to hear of your loss. Losing any animal, or person that's so close to you and such a big part of your life is always very hard to bear. But rest assured, as others have said, time really is a great healer though it doesn't seem like it now.

When my beautiful old English sheepdog Dolly passed away suddenly at only seven I thought my heart would break. She, like your Bingo, had so many wonderful, almost human, characteristics that I thought I would never find another companion like her. But my family and I got a beautiful little Cavalier KC puppy three months later -we couldn't stand the emptiness either- and we called her Gemma Sunshine because she managed to lift the sadness that hung all around us.

She was very different to Dolly, but a lovely dog too in her own right as was our next Cavalier, Katie who we bought after Gemma passed away at the age of 13. Katie lived to be 14 and we only waited three months again before getting another Cavalier, Heidi who's currently lying snuggled next to me. Every one of our dogs has been precious in their own way, and we remember them all with great love and affection.

Originally, like you, I in particular wanted to hang onto their familiar things toys, lead etc for as long as possible, but I found it sometimes made it harder to get over the loss. Maybe that's what your mum feels too. Although I know everyone's different in that respect. I discovered recently that a friend and her husband have their dog's ashes in a casket on a bed in their spare room along with his favourite toy and blanket and he passed away around six years ago. I don't think there's anyway I could cope with doing that. The constant reminder would hurt too much.

My beloved, full of character, puss passed away a couple of years ago aged almost twenty and I really didn't want to let anything of his go either, but like with our other pets, we decided to bury his possessions with him in our garden. And I really believe it helped me. Even though I still miss him it's nowhere near as bad as it was in those first few months and now I can talk about him without feeling sad because I know he, like all our other pets, were very loved and had comfortable happy lives. And one day I am sure you will feel the same about Bingo. You will never forget him, but try and focus on the happy times you had and the joy you shared. It's not easy I know when it's so recent. and it's only natural and good to grieve, but believe me, gradually what you're feeling now will lessen.

[Deleted User] · 01/10/14 - 22:51

Right now I think it would hurt to much getting another dog, I am a worrier and know how I would be, worrying that I was paying the new dog more attention more then I did Bingo, I know that I wouldn't because I really did love Bingo more then anything, it was always just me and him, he was my best mate, I do appreciate the replies and it does help having people to talk to, I do miss him like mad, its just not the same the house is sad and empty and I know he hated it when we were sad or down and he was such a happy little thing so I try to think of the happy times, its the times alone when its the hardest, and tomorrow its a week since we lost him, the time has gone by so fast but seems like weeks since I last seem him, its hard because I keep thinking like this time last week he was having abit of shepards pie with me, or when I watched a tv program the other night I thought last week when this was over I went and got him some chicken because he didn't eat all his dinner, its just hard the fact he was doing so well aswell and had his vets appointment a day after it happend

[Deleted User] · 01/10/14 - 23:01

yellowlabbie wrote: »

His name was Jake, my sons wanted the name, how could I refuse.

He was a beautiful yellow labrador, I always wanted a yellow labrador ever since I was a young girl. It took me many, many years before we got one, we nearly had a black one. We had a choice of black or yellow from the litter and yellow got the most votes from the family. He loved my husband the best, he would follow him everywhere even when his little legs were old and nearly useless.

We have buried him in the garden, he has a wooden cross and flowers everywhere.

Jake is a good name and I bet he suited it, even when they do get older they get sweeter, people say when there puppys how they wish they could stay like that forever, but I think as they get older they get sweeter, we couldn't decide on wether to bury or have Bingo cremated, we got him cremated though last Friday, only because he loved being indoors more then out and my mum likes to move house a lot and we would of worried about leaving him here, he now has pride place on the fireplace, being infront of the fire was his favourite place, I used to look at him sat infront of the fire and noticed his tale wagging, I wondered how did he know I had looked at him and then seen him big brown eyes looking at me in metal mirrored border that goes around the fire

Summer Breeze · 01/10/14 - 23:34

RampageOC wrote: »

Right now I think it would hurt to much getting another dog, I am a worrier and know how I would be, worrying that I was paying the new dog more attention more then I did Bingo, I know that I wouldn't because I really did love Bingo more then anything, it was always just me and him, he was my best mate, I do appreciate the replies and it does help having people to talk to, I do miss him like mad, its just not the same the house is sad and empty and I know he hated it when we were sad or down and he was such a happy little thing so I try to think of the happy times, its the times alone when its the hardest, and tomorrow its a week since we lost him, the time has gone by so fast but seems like weeks since I last seem him, its hard because I keep thinking like this time last week he was having abit of shepards pie with me, or when I watched a tv program the other night I thought last week when this was over I went and got him some chicken because he didn't eat all his dinner, its just hard the fact he was doing so well aswell and had his vets appointment a day after it happend

I feel for you so much you know as will many others on here.

When my dog died it was so tough for us all but mainly me as he was more my pal than the rest of the families.
I have not had a dog since as I do not want to go through the death of a much loved pet again.
However the time he gave us with the family did outweigh that, if you get what I mean.

I know many people who do get another dog pretty much straight away and it works for them.
It is such early days for you now, you may give another dog a home again when the time is right for you, but no rush really.

x

Hey there!

Quick Links

My beautiful Cavalier King Charles died today

Comments