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Falling for my best mates ex
I have the best relationship with my best friend, we know each other over two years, met through work and have been through so much and helped each other through a lot. My mate is really good looking and he gets a lot of attention from other guys. He tells me every detail and I would do the same whenever I go on dates with guys which would not be as often as he does. My mate over the past year has got into the habit of liking a guy, chasing after him, getting it on with him, go steady for about two weeks then gets bored and moves onto a new guy. We jokingly refer to his exes as "Mr August", "Mr September" etc.
Well since the end of the summer there was another guy who came on the scene, my mate expressed interest in this guy but this guy was in a relationship at the time and my mate said to me if he ever became single he would so go there. Well on New Years Eve we found out that this guy was indeed single and that was challenge accepted for my mate. By midnight they were kissing and over the next few days my mate told me that he has never been as happy and could see this guy being the one. Well sure enough January ended and my mate was telling me that he was bored and was going to break up with this guy. I was gutted because I got to know "Mr January" and I really thought they made a great couple. Well my mate has now currently moved onto "Mr March" and as always he seems really loved up and all into this current guy.
Last week I was out with a few other work mates and I bumped into Mr January and we began chatting. He was telling me how much he misses my mate and really fell for him during the short time they were together, he got a bit upset when I mentioned that my mate is with someone new now and I told him that he will find someone that will treat him better. Well after a few drinks I invited him back to mine and one thing led to another and we slept together. We parted ways the next morning agreeing not to say anything to my mate and that was that.
Well the next day I met my mate and I felt really guilty and I told him what had happened. He went really quiet and then changed the subject and went a bit weird with me. I brought it up again and apologised, I told him that we were both really drunk and it just happened. He told me that he wasn't going to lie to me , he was really angry at me, he said mates don't go with their mates exes and if it were to happen again he wouldn't be happy. He thanked me for my honesty and I'm glad I told him because I can't keep secrets from my best mate.
My mate has been away for a few days now with Mr March and last night I got a text from Mr January telling me he was feeling really down and could he call round. I said yeah and when he arrived he talked for ages. As you can imagine we ended up going to bed again and this guy tells me he has feelings for me.
One thing different, today I don't feel guilty, I think I have feelings for this guy too, the way I look at it is we are both singles and not hurting anyone but then there is my best friend, I don't know how to tell him.
Something has popped into my mind, what if this guy is only going with me just to get at my best friend?
Sorry for the rant, I normally talk this stuff to my best mate but as you have read, I can't really on this issue.
Well since the end of the summer there was another guy who came on the scene, my mate expressed interest in this guy but this guy was in a relationship at the time and my mate said to me if he ever became single he would so go there. Well on New Years Eve we found out that this guy was indeed single and that was challenge accepted for my mate. By midnight they were kissing and over the next few days my mate told me that he has never been as happy and could see this guy being the one. Well sure enough January ended and my mate was telling me that he was bored and was going to break up with this guy. I was gutted because I got to know "Mr January" and I really thought they made a great couple. Well my mate has now currently moved onto "Mr March" and as always he seems really loved up and all into this current guy.
Last week I was out with a few other work mates and I bumped into Mr January and we began chatting. He was telling me how much he misses my mate and really fell for him during the short time they were together, he got a bit upset when I mentioned that my mate is with someone new now and I told him that he will find someone that will treat him better. Well after a few drinks I invited him back to mine and one thing led to another and we slept together. We parted ways the next morning agreeing not to say anything to my mate and that was that.
Well the next day I met my mate and I felt really guilty and I told him what had happened. He went really quiet and then changed the subject and went a bit weird with me. I brought it up again and apologised, I told him that we were both really drunk and it just happened. He told me that he wasn't going to lie to me , he was really angry at me, he said mates don't go with their mates exes and if it were to happen again he wouldn't be happy. He thanked me for my honesty and I'm glad I told him because I can't keep secrets from my best mate.
My mate has been away for a few days now with Mr March and last night I got a text from Mr January telling me he was feeling really down and could he call round. I said yeah and when he arrived he talked for ages. As you can imagine we ended up going to bed again and this guy tells me he has feelings for me.
One thing different, today I don't feel guilty, I think I have feelings for this guy too, the way I look at it is we are both singles and not hurting anyone but then there is my best friend, I don't know how to tell him.
Something has popped into my mind, what if this guy is only going with me just to get at my best friend?
Sorry for the rant, I normally talk this stuff to my best mate but as you have read, I can't really on this issue.
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You've done nothing wrong, he can't lay claim to a guy he had a brief fling with and then berate you for having a go yourself! Really, some people.
If he continues having a whine about it, politely point out he's being a tad unreasonable.
i dont want to sound horrible but your friend seems quite manipulative towards you, going all quiet then changing the subject and making you bring it up again and apologise for absolutely nothing. I bet you felt even worse having to bring it up a second time. If I were you I'd take time out to evaluate your friendship with this person. Perhaps it came across wrong to me in your post but he sounds like one of those friends whos a taker.
Continue to pursue this relationship and see where it goes, if your friend is a real friend he'll come round.
good luck xxx
However... It could be awkward if you and your new boyfriend socialise with your friend, which you may do if you are together. Particularly as your boyfriend said he really misses your friend. There may well be some lingering feelings that come to the surface if you all spend time together. I would be cautious if I were you.
I would also clarify with mr January what you both would like to happen between you, 'the relationship talk' as it were. To make sure you're both on the same track.