Male friend and boyfriend..
Egg Monster
Posts: 102 Forum Member
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Hello all,
I'm not quite sure what advice I'm looking for, but here goes.
I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years, we live together and are generally very happy together. I also have a male friend who I've known for about 2 years. We see each other once every week or so, usually for breakfast or lunch at the weekend.
I should point out that my friend is single, and has been since I met him. He's a lovely guy, has known that I have boyfriend since we first met and has never once tried to make a move or insinuate that we should be more than friends. My OH has met him once or twice, and isn't exactly enamoured with him, but has never stopped or tried to stop me from seeing him.
Recently, my friend invited me and my OH to see a comedy show locally. I'm really interested in going, but OH isn't. I asked OH how he would feel if just I went with my friend, and his response was "I can't and won't stop you going if you want to, but I don't like the idea. It feels too much like a date to me."
Now, on the one hand I really want to go and see this comedian and I want to spend some time with my friend. On the other, I don't want to upset my OH if I do go.
Should I try to convince my OH that it's really not a date and just a couple of friends going to see a comedy show? Or should I just go and enjoy myself regardless and deal with the potential fallout afterwards? Or just not go at all?
I'm not quite sure what advice I'm looking for, but here goes.
I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years, we live together and are generally very happy together. I also have a male friend who I've known for about 2 years. We see each other once every week or so, usually for breakfast or lunch at the weekend.
I should point out that my friend is single, and has been since I met him. He's a lovely guy, has known that I have boyfriend since we first met and has never once tried to make a move or insinuate that we should be more than friends. My OH has met him once or twice, and isn't exactly enamoured with him, but has never stopped or tried to stop me from seeing him.
Recently, my friend invited me and my OH to see a comedy show locally. I'm really interested in going, but OH isn't. I asked OH how he would feel if just I went with my friend, and his response was "I can't and won't stop you going if you want to, but I don't like the idea. It feels too much like a date to me."
Now, on the one hand I really want to go and see this comedian and I want to spend some time with my friend. On the other, I don't want to upset my OH if I do go.
Should I try to convince my OH that it's really not a date and just a couple of friends going to see a comedy show? Or should I just go and enjoy myself regardless and deal with the potential fallout afterwards? Or just not go at all?
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Comments
We trust each other so it isn't a problem
The boyfriend hasn't said that you can't see this guy, he's not even trying to stop you from going to the comedy gig. He's just tellling you that he doesn't like it.
Don't sweat too much when he goes out for an evening with a new female friend.
And if you don't like that then I'm sure your male friend will be there to support you.
What makes you think that? A girl and a guy can just be friends you know?
Another vote for go! And as your friend has been polite enough to invite your OH as well, its his issue if he doesn't want to go, it shouldn't stop you going!
If he feels like it's too much like a date why doesn't he go to then?
he's not telling her she can't socialise with anyone.
he simply offered his thoughts on the matter and left it at that.
Whatever you do, don't start seeing more of your male friend just to prove some kind of point.
It's all very easy to say that your boyfriend shouldn't stop you from seeing certain friends, but doing something you know will upset him isn't great for a relationship either.
women don't understand that most guys they are friends with want to have sex with them, guys do, however if i was your boyfriend i would expect that you wouldnt jump into bed with him and would have no problem with you going
What i have friendships with women and i do not want to have sex with them they are just friends and i like their company thats all.
Not all men are the" we want to get into your p-nts" you know.
Its is possible to have freinds of either sex.
The answer to the OP yes do go why would you not.
Because she's taking her boyfriend's feelings into account.
To answer a few points:
My friend is in no way "after me" - for one thing I'm certainly not his type. Even if he were, he's kept it hidden for the last 2 years and he knows that if he were ever to try it on it would get a swift rebuttal and end the good friendship we have.
Certainly not, and as another poster pointed out, he's not telling me I can't socialise with this male friend. He's just saying he doesn't like the idea, which is fair enough and that's what I'm trying to take into consideration, hence the post.
I wouldn't - as far as I'm concerned there's no point to prove. My OH has given me his opinion on the matter, but hasn't told me not to go. If I did decide to give it a miss, I wouldn't hold it against OH at all - it's my decision.
blinkered, chauvanistic nonsense. imo, obviously
another vote for "go" from me. one of my closest friends is female and in a long term relationship and i've been plenty of places with her that would be considered "date-like".
OP, Once the boyfriend sees you've come home in one piece with your chastity still intact, he'll wonder what all the fuss was about
The thing is, he won't be able to tell just by looking. In the OP's shoes, I'd be wary of arousing jealousy and suspicion.- once that gets into a relationship, it's poisonous, and the more she protests that all is innocent, the less convincing she'll sound. Her OH has already expressed a dislike of this arrangement and I think he's right.
If your friends then hook up you can double date with them. Then you, your other half and your friends will all be happy.
The did O/P state in the opening post her boyfreind has given his opinion but would not stop her going,so as far as i read it the boyfreind does not like her male friend,but would not stop his O/H being friends and going out which is right.:)
Her B/F has already met her friend and is not to keen on him in the O/P.:)
But I'm not sure if your bf's just being insecure or whether he can see this guy does fancy you & you haven't noticed.
Guys sometimes can get a bit funny if their girlfriend socialises with male friends (same with women not liking their boyfriend's female friends) however seem perfectly fine if that friend is of the same sex.
Your female friend could be gay and makes a move if she fancies you, so it's not always heteros wanting more from friends of the opposite sex!
Tell your OH not to fret also let him know it is fine for him to have female friends too (only if you're OK with that)