Funeral Mass? (Roman Catholic)
GrannyGruntbuck
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My wife has been invited to a funeral mass (Roman Catholic).
Would I be right in thinking this is not an actual funeral with a journey to the graveyard or crematorium?
I am thinking it is just basically a religious service. Am I correct?
I don't have a religious bone in my body so know little of these things.
Would I be right in thinking this is not an actual funeral with a journey to the graveyard or crematorium?
I am thinking it is just basically a religious service. Am I correct?
I don't have a religious bone in my body so know little of these things.
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Comments
She will have to play it by ear!
It will be up to her to decide if she wants to attend the graveside/crematorium, sometimes family members only, go to the graveside.
I have quite a few Catholic friends and most of them now choose to be cremated, very few seem to opt for burial.
If that was done by the family members, there would be no problem with her attending the graveyard / crematorium and then the reception afterwards.
I don't think most families are bothered by who turns up at the graveyard : it's a public cemetery after all and anyone is free to be there if they like, as long as they are not imposing themselves.
this happened with my mother too,gentlemen only at the graveside
The family have requested that she attend because the deceased thought very highly of her.
My wife was quite attached to the deceased and is ok with attending the actual burial / cremation but doesn't want to offend anyone and is unsure what to do.
I believe that she will just go with the flow and do what seems right at the time.
Maybe it is just people of a certain age. My father was very clear he did not want cremating for religious reasons. But younger people maybe don't have that belief. I'm not sure if it's even part of Catholicism now.
Ps also know in lots of cases you have funeral mass then crematorium then the lunch etc after.
The evening before the funeral the body, in an open coffin, can be viewed by friends and family in the funeral parlour and prayers are said by the family priest (and usually a decade of the rosary). The deceased is then ''removed'' in a hearse to the church, referred to by Irish Catholics as the ''removal''. Lots of people gather in the church for a short service. In Ireland the church would be full, particularly if many people cannot make it to the actual funeral mass the following day, eg it it's a work day. At the end of the service the attendees make their way up to the front of the church and take it in turn to convey their sympathy to the mourners in the front row.
The funeral mass is the next morning. Anybody wishing to pay their last respects can attend the funeral but only those who are invited go on to the buffet lunch afterwards - usually a local pub or a hotel, sometimes a large restaurant. The mass is not of standard length (unless it's part of the normal Sunday mass service) and, particularly in England, a family member will often deliver a eulogy on the deceased. This rarely happens in Ireland (in my home town anyway) - parishioners thought we were very ''English'' when my cousin delivered a lovely short eulogy for my uncle who died suddenly a few years ago.
The burials in England are often some way away from the church so only those who particularly want to, follow the funeral cortege in their cars. Others go home, or if invited go on to the place where the lunch is to be held. In Ireland, in my home town, up to about 80 people have a proper 3 course waitress served lunch but in England it's generally a help yourself buffet so more people may be invited - or just turn up!
I have never attended a Catholic cremation but I understand it is becoming increasingly common now that it has been accepted by the Church. The problem is that there aren't that many grave plots available, they are incredibly expensive too and often not that easy to visit if they are some distance away. They need regular maintenance or they look very tatty and some people just lose interest after a while in keeping their loved one's grave tidy. Cremation is a lot more straightforward.
I quite like visiting graveyards however. When I visit my parents in Ireland, I always drive up to the church to walk around the graveyard and remember with nostalgia all the many people I have known since my childhood who are no longer here.
As a nurse I often get invited to funerals but I've never attended a patient's funeral, only colleagues' who I worked with and was close to. I like to keep my work and personal lives very separate but I still think fondly and sadly of a few patients who died many, many years ago.
Maybe because it is cheaper to be cremated, than to open a new grave, unless it's a family plot.
- The evening before the funeral, the body is received into the church. This is normally attended by a fairly small number of people, mainly the family and those who will be unable to attend the funeral the next day due to work commitments. There is a short service of prayers, nowhere near the length of a full Mass, and rarely contains hymn signing.
- The funeral itself is very similar in length and structure to a standard Sunday Mass, in other words, 45 minutes to an hour. The main difference being the hymns are more sombre and the sermon takes the form of a tribute to the deceased, usually by the priest or sometimes by a family member.
- There is no objection to Catholics being cremated and hasn't been for at least 20 years, probably a lot longer than that. At the conclusion of the Mass, the deceased will be taken to the crematorium or the cemetery. There is usually no cemetery in the church grounds (or at least, not one with plots available), so the deceased is taken to one which is normally a car journey away, as is the crematorium.
- If it's a cemetery, there are no rules as such as to who is allowed to attend, although typically it is just family and close friends. The priest will say some prayers as the body is lowered into the grave.
- If it's a crematorium, all who attend the Mass are usually welcome to attend, but those who have to return to work, or don't have transport to the crematorium, will not do so. Sometimes an announcement will be made at the end of Mass that the crematorium is family only, though. There will be another service of hymns and prayers at the crematorium, but it'll be shorter than the Mass you've just been to.
- Light refreshments are often served afterwards, often at the deceased's home. I often get the impression (I may be wrong) that the family would like some private time so I don't tend to stick around for too long.
In my experience, Catholic Requiem Masses are often slightly lighter in tone than traditional Anglican Funerals, in that there is quite a bit of emphasis on the deceased being in Heaven and the hope of the Resurrection.
She did attend the cremation.