I don't know how to move on :(

[Deleted User] · 01/07/11 - 11:17

Hi,

I'm a bi-sexual 20 year old and I'm completely heartbroken.

I've had one girlfriend and I was so in love with her, she was everything I wanted and made me so comfortable with my sexuality, I was with her for around 6 months. We split up after she slept with someone else, but we did remain very close friends however I've always kept my feelings for her despite what she did and I've always wanted to get back with her even though it was around 8 months ago that we split.

I know what she did was unforgiveable, and why would I want to be with someone who would do that but I do. As I said we remained best of friends and she's been an amazing friend to me since we split, she's been there for me through highs and lows and has celebrated my good times.

However now, she's got a new girlfriend, and I can't stand it. I'm gradually losing her all together even as a friend but I'm still completely in love with her. And I can't stand the thought of her being with someone else like it makes me feel physically sick, but if I tell her I'm still in love with her I've a feeling I'll loose her completely because it'll seem like I'm trying to ruin her happiness, and she's been with this girl for a few months now and I've said I'm happy for her etc even though I'm not.

I've got myself in such a mess and now I'm just miserable. Her new girlfriend doesn't like her having other friends who are girls which I think is completely outrageous but my ex just goes along with and has told me many times she is in love with this girl. And I can't deal with it.

Sorry to sound so depressive but I really don't know what to do.

[Deleted User] · 01/07/11 - 11:49

This is gonna sound harsh. The reason you are still feeling crap about it is because you haven't made any attempts to let go. Strangely, the best thing for you is to have not contact with her. You will have to suck up the pain and then you can move on with your life. Actually hanging on, which is what you are doing is causing you pain, not doing you any good.

The first step you need to take is to cut all contact, delete phone numbers and block facebook and anything else that enables you to have contact with her.

Of course her new partner doesn't want you around, or you being friends with her, you are still in love with your ex. It is normal that your ex would back her new partner up.

*this advice comes from somebody who has also recently split up with and still has feelings for the ex*

[Deleted User] · 01/07/11 - 12:38

eng123 wrote: »

This is gonna sound harsh. The reason you are still feeling crap about it is because you haven't made any attempts to let go. Strangely, the best thing for you is to have not contact with her. You will have to suck up the pain and then you can move on with your life. Actually hanging on, which is what you are doing is causing you pain, not doing you any good.

The first step you need to take is to cut all contact, delete phone numbers and block facebook and anything else that enables you to have contact with her.

Of course her new partner doesn't want you around, or you being friends with her, you are still in love with your ex. It is normal that your ex would back her new partner up.
*this advice comes from somebody who has also recently split up with and still has feelings for the ex*

Thanks for your advice, but my ex doesn't know that I still have feelings for her, nor does her current girlfriend know that we were together she just knows we're close friends, but my ex has now lost a ot of her close friends since getting with her new girlfriend because her gf doesn't like her spending time with anyone else even if it's just friends.

[Deleted User] · 01/07/11 - 13:07

I agree with eng123 completely - it's harsh but you need to cut all contact with your ex. I've been in that position before and it really is the only way to move forward, sadly. She isn't going to come back to you.

humdrummer · 01/07/11 - 13:24

Agree with all the above advice. Keep seeing her is akin to constantly picking at a wound. It's never going to heal and neither are you.

This is a blessing in disguise I think.

[Deleted User] · 04/07/11 - 19:40

I'm sorry for not thanking you all for your advice sooner, although what you are saying is true it's not what I want to hear and I think I'm starting to go into depression with the whole situation..I've a good set of friends around me who know the whole situation and are there to talk etc so they're keeping me going at the moment.

Cutting her out of my life is something that I don't feel I can do, although I know it'll help me move on from her. Right now she's a very good friend and someone whose very important to me, I think I just need some time to sort my head out.

Natuk80 · 04/07/11 - 20:53

I agree with Eng123. My ex cheated on me, I was devastated and heartbroken. But in the end I cut all ties with him and moved on. I know It's hard for you at the moment, you need to forget about her and move on. If you don't want to lose her friendship, maybe you should keep your distance from your ex for a few months or so. Give your time to heal. Try and go out with other friends etc. Keep yourself busy! Good Luck.

whackyracer · 04/07/11 - 23:16

Another vote for cutting her out. The longer you put it off, the more painful it will be when you eventually do, that way, you may be able to salvage the friendship at a later date. However, if you insist on keeping her in your life at this stage, it's more than likely you'll just become bitter and resentful.

[Deleted User] · 05/07/11 - 09:09

So the title of this thread is wrong then.. You do know how to move on, you just don't want to.

[Deleted User] · 05/07/11 - 15:47

orangebird wrote: »

So the title of this thread is wrong then.. You do know how to move on, you just don't want to.

Really helpful advice there....:rolleyes:

madlh100 · 05/07/11 - 16:03

Ohhhh treacle. *hugs*

Best thing you can do is try to lose contact. Every time you see her you'll just go back into the depressive cycle. Believe me I know the feeling. It's easy said than done when sometimes it is unavoidable that you are going to see them.

It gets easier, but unfortunately it can take some time for these feelings to pass.

Maybe try and imagine this person to be really ugly or something? That's going to be really hard to do!

I get like this with many amounts of people. I'm like a stalker, watching their move, fantasising and imagining unreal situations.

Because you feel so strongly about this person the only thing you could possibly do is to not see them. You say about being friends, but I get the impression you'd always want more so it just wouldn't work as a friendship anyway.

Contact from this person will just spire the depression off again, along with the painful thoughts. Through time the thoughts get easier, but if contact is kept then history just repeats its self.

I really do feel like I know how you're feeling.

Try and be positive.

madlh100 · 05/07/11 - 16:06

orangebird wrote: »

So the title of this thread is wrong then.. You do know how to move on, you just don't want to.

A lot of the time we have all the answers in our head, but taking action on them is another kettle of fish.

When we're not in the right mind set we often want to hear what we already, realistically, know but just can't do.

[Deleted User] · 05/07/11 - 16:42

xButterflyWingx wrote: »

Really helpful advice there....:rolleyes:

You been told what to do. You acknowledge you know what to do, but you can't do it. So you do know how to move on, but don't want to do it. Sorry I didn't sugar coat it for you. It's shit, I know. The same sort of thing happened to me about 12 years ago. I cut him out of my life until I could bear to imagine him going out with someone else. I'm glad I did as we're still friends now and always will be. That's just how it is.

plymeverton1878 · 05/07/11 - 17:15

orangebird wrote: »

You been told what to do. You acknowledge you know what to do, but you can't do it. So you do know how to move on, but don't want to do it. Sorry I didn't sugar coat it for you. It's shit, I know. The same sort of thing happened to me about 12 years ago. I cut him out of my life until I could bear to imagine him going out with someone else. I'm glad I did as we're still friends now and always will be. That's just how it is.

I cannot help but agree with this.

Did you post this for advice or sympathy?

marieukxx · 05/07/11 - 17:32

My advice and I know it is harsh and very hard to do but CUT OFF ALL CONTACT. never see her or speak to her again. That's the only way you can move on when you have feelings for an ex. Believe me I know from experience. You're just torturing yourself.

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I don't know how to move on :(

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