Nope. Don't do it. It's who you are and you don't want to start concealing parts of yourself. I drink, but aren't the "have to get drunk" type.
I guess some guys want an easy target. More you get the girl drunk, the easier their agenda is. Just reading the guy who tried to push you into meeting; what an arse. That sort of thing doesn't come into play until you're well into a relationship. Not a first date!
Good you're sticking to your guns. The effort will be rewarded eventually.
LilNikki1987, the "drinker" guy sounds weird. Fair enough that he needs a drink or two to feel relaxed on a date (although even that sounds a bit strange if it's a must), but why does he insist his date must drink as well? I think he's best avoided if it's such a big issue for him.
And definitely keep the non-drinker thing on your profile - if only to eliminate men such as this who you clearly will not be compatible with if they have such an issue with your sobriety.
LilNikki1987, the "drinker" guy sounds weird. Fair enough that he needs a drink or two to feel relaxed on a date (although even that sounds a bit strange if it's a must), but why does he insist his date must drink as well? I think he's best avoided if it's such a big issue for him.
And definitely keep the non-drinker thing on your profile - if only to eliminate men such as this who you clearly will not be compatible with if they have such an issue with your sobriety.
Hmm I think you're right, It makes me feel that it'll be more difficult to meet somebody as I'm not what's considered a 'normal' or for a better word 'typical' 26 year old
Hmm I think you're right, It makes me feel that it'll be more difficult to meet somebody as I'm not what's considered a 'normal' or for a better word 'typical' 26 year old
I'm teetotal and whilst I do get the odd comment that I should loosen up and have a drink, at least the people I know are understanding of the fact I don't drink.
Unfortunately there is still a stigma attached to teetotalism and socialising in Britain mostly being geared towards alcohol does not help. However, I agree with previous posters, stick to your principles and if other people cannot accept your decisions, that's their loss, not yours.
I'm teetotal and whilst I do get the odd comment that I should loosen up and have a drink, at least the people I know are understanding of the fact I don't drink.
Unfortunately there is still a stigma attached to teetotalism and socialising in Britain mostly being geared towards alcohol does not help. However, I agree with previous posters, stick to your principles and if other people cannot accept your decisions, that's their loss, not yours.
Unfortunately the people who try to encourage others to drink are sheeps themselves. Then they attempt to push someone else's attitude.
You are who you are. If you try to change yourself, then you're doing yourself and the other person no favours.
Nikki - If I wasn't so tied to London, I'd love to meet a lovely Liverpudlian lass like yourself.
Awww thank you hotmat3k I guess I didn't realise how difficult online dating really is :-|
Online dating is crap at most times . My last 3 dates have ended up in good dates, but all the girls said there was "no spark". Guess it takes time and numerous attempts; but I've slowed down on the online dating.
Anyone still following Miss29's blog? She seems a nice person and takes criticism well (based on her good-natured response to people's comments), but I do think she places a bit too much emphasis on looks and instant physical chemistry.
She always seems to be attracted to the cads, and I thought her attitude towards The Pupil was a bit mean.
Definitely be honest about the drinking thing, it'll save a lot of wasted time I think!
I kinda have to agree with you Shappy. I know the instant spark thing doesnt always happen and that you shouldn't veto people because of it, but its maybe a bit tooo far. The pupil one made me feel a bit uncomfortable tbh.
Good to see you post Matt, was just thinking about you the other day..in a non creepy way haha!
I've had a sudden influx of Scousers messaging me, wondered why, then remembered I'd changed my location to Liverpool when I was home the other month! Oops! Knocked it back to down south now haha. One guy was convinced because I was from Liverpool I'd want to go on a date to Anfield...not quite!
Anyone still following Miss29's blog? She seems a nice person and takes criticism well (based on her good-natured response to people's comments), but I do think she places a bit too much emphasis on looks and instant physical chemistry.
She always seems to be attracted to the cads, and I thought her attitude towards The Pupil was a bit mean.
Maybe we should be cynics too ourselves... do we expect too much when online dating? It does work both ways. Maybe because the natural stance to the internet is instant results (instant information, instant processing etc), we expect instant results and focus too narrowly.
Being honest, I might focus too much at looks sometimes. But I know I'd have to be physically attracted to them to a degree. That's an element to a successful and healthy relationship.
Definitely be honest about the drinking thing, it'll save a lot of wasted time I think!
I kinda have to agree with you Shappy. I know the instant spark thing doesnt always happen and that you shouldn't veto people because of it, but its maybe a bit tooo far. The pupil one made me feel a bit uncomfortable tbh.
Good to see you post Matt, was just thinking about you the other day..in a non creepy way haha!
I've had a sudden influx of Scousers messaging me, wondered why, then remembered I'd changed my location to Liverpool when I was home the other month! Oops! Knocked it back to down south now haha. One guy was convinced because I was from Liverpool I'd want to go on a date to Anfield...not quite!
Hows everyone else getting on?
Ha ha! I've been very distracted from the dating scene. Lots of training for a marathon I'm doing in the states in October. Work has been manic too.
I've taken a lapsed attitude to online dating and will probably slant my efforts to links I already have in real-life (work, friends of friends). Nothing came out of my friend trying to set me up. Actually, I must chase that up.
Anyway; I've got my cousin's wedding next month and limited time until the end of October. On another note, I do have a weak spot for Liverpudlian girls. It's that accent I tell ya.
i had a conversation about this with someone recently (actually it was the Scot...pre rather than post date!) and we agreed to go in no expectations and no pressure. I think when its online dating you seem to meet people and think 'right can I see myself with you in 5 years time' rather than actually just getting to know the person? I think sometimes the idea of a relationship overshadows the actual meeting maybe? I know what I'm trying to say here, but just can't phrase it right! haha
I'm withdrawing a lot on these. Fed up of dodgy messages haha, and then the ones you actually like disappear!
Liverpool accents eh? Second person today whos said they like them, although I don't think a girl in work quite counts haha. I wasn't aware how much of an accent I had until I moved further south...pretty sure the guy who runs the choir doesn't even know my name. Just get referred to as 'Scouser'
Also it might be worth saying that I'm not big on going clubbing etc but the odd occasion I do go one of my friends seems to think we should just stick side by side all night and if someone does cone over to chat it's like she expects me to be like 'hi, let's swap numbers, bye' (She seems to think I'd get off and leave her (not my style at all) as she's had people ditch her for guys before. So am now confused as to how I would meet people if I'm not into the conventional way?
Also it might be worth saying that I'm not big on going clubbing etc but the odd occasion I do go one of my friends seems to think we should just stick side by side all night and if someone does cone over to chat it's like she expects me to be like 'hi, let's swap numbers, bye' (She seems to think I'd get off and leave her (not my style at all) as she's had people ditch her for guys before. So am now confused as to how I would meet people if I'm not into the conventional way?
Hobbies, sports, friends of friends, drinks down the pub with friends... life is full of doors. I even class possibly bumping into someone on the transport network in London a possibility. Very small chance, but possible.
Just don't think the "norm" is clubs and so forth. You make your own opportunities and luck.
Not being shy about it is a lot easier said than done though The amount of times I've come up with some amazing line and just not had the guts to say it!
Not being shy about it is a lot easier said than done though The amount of times I've come up with some amazing line and just not had the guts to say it!
Ditto! It's about taking the chance though.
Jane - you might want to clear some of your private messages... can't reply!
Hmm I think you're right, It makes me feel that it'll be more difficult to meet somebody as I'm not what's considered a 'normal' or for a better word 'typical' 26 year old
I sympathise as I'm also a teetotal 26 year old! I agree with everybody else though, be honest on your profile; if it's such a big deal for someone that you don't drink, they're probably not somebody you want to be with! You want somebody who will be accepting of you exactly the way you are.
I wish you the best of luck, it is difficult when you feel like you're not "normal" (for want of a better word!). I'm also not into clubbing and do struggle to meet people in the ways that other people my age do.
I sympathise as I'm also a teetotal 26 year old! I agree with everybody else though, be honest on your profile; if it's such a big deal for someone that you don't drink, they're probably not somebody you want to be with! You want somebody who will be accepting of you exactly the way you are.
I wish you the best of luck, it is difficult when you feel like you're not "normal" (for want of a better word!). I'm also not into clubbing and do struggle to meet people in the ways that other people my age do.
BIB is the key to all this I think, I don't see why people lie on profiles
I used to enjoy onlne dating, even had a year long relationship from it. However Ive pretty much given up lots of people only after attention, and not taking it seriously. Theres also nothing more gutting than the wall of silence after a date; although I have been guilty of this myself!
I guess I should give a little about myself- maybe you guys on here could maybe elaborate how I could build on my interests/personality to meet people.
Firstly I work as a Nursery Nurse (so mostly a female environment) but retraining as a Teaching Assistant in September via night classes. I love reading, going swimming, for walks, museums/galleries, I love music/gigs (mostly indie/rock). I like travelling and learning about other cultures (currently teaching myself Spanish) .
So yeah I'm not sure what you guys can take from that.
I guess I should give a little about myself- maybe you guys on here could maybe elaborate how I could build on my interests/personality to meet people.
Firstly I work as a Nursery Nurse (so mostly a female environment) but retraining as a Teaching Assistant in September via night classes. I love reading, going swimming, for walks, museums/galleries, I love music/gigs (mostly indie/rock). I like travelling and learning about other cultures (currently teaching myself Spanish) .
So yeah I'm not sure what you guys can take from that.
There's an awful lot there! Don't underestimate yourself. I guess you wouldn't want to be in the pool of girls who have no interests apart from getting pissed in clubs endlessly every week. I certainly couldn't deal with a self-obsessed clubbing poser girl who has nothing else to offer.
You sound determined to find the right job by retraining and do more than sit around on the sofa. The right guy is out there. You just need to spot him and make the opportunity count.
There's an awful lot there! Don't underestimate yourself. I guess you wouldn't want to be in the pool of girls who have no interests apart from getting pissed in clubs endlessly every week. I certainly couldn't deal with a self-obsessed clubbing poser girl who has nothing else to offer.
You sound determined to find the right job by retraining and do more than sit around on the sofa. The right guy is out there. You just need to spot him and make the opportunity count.
Thank you Yeah I guess I need to tune my spotting skills haha .
I kinda have to agree with you Shappy. I know the instant spark thing doesnt always happen and that you shouldn't veto people because of it, but its maybe a bit tooo far. The pupil one made me feel a bit uncomfortable tbh.
Maybe we should be cynics too ourselves... do we expect too much when online dating? It does work both ways. Maybe because the natural stance to the internet is instant results (instant information, instant processing etc), we expect instant results and focus too narrowly.
Being honest, I might focus too much at looks sometimes. But I know I'd have to be physically attracted to them to a degree. That's an element to a successful and healthy relationship.
I definitely thing physical attraction is important, but in my experience, that "rip his clothes off" feeling on first dates only happens when the man is exceptionally good looking, or extremely charming. Unfortunately these are the types that seem to disappear very quickly (as has happened twice now with Miss29) when things start to get serious.
If one is always going for the same types of guys, and always getting the same (negative) results, maybe it's time to open one's mind a bit. I'm not talking specifically about Miss29 here (as she really is trying different types/things with this date challenge).
The guys that aren't such charmers on the first date might actually be really nice and fun on subsequent dates. And they might actually call back too.
Comments
Hopefully
And definitely keep the non-drinker thing on your profile - if only to eliminate men such as this who you clearly will not be compatible with if they have such an issue with your sobriety.
Hmm I think you're right, It makes me feel that it'll be more difficult to meet somebody as I'm not what's considered a 'normal' or for a better word 'typical' 26 year old
Unfortunately there is still a stigma attached to teetotalism and socialising in Britain mostly being geared towards alcohol does not help. However, I agree with previous posters, stick to your principles and if other people cannot accept your decisions, that's their loss, not yours.
You are who you are. If you try to change yourself, then you're doing yourself and the other person no favours.
Nikki - If I wasn't so tied to London, I'd love to meet a lovely Liverpudlian lass like yourself.
She always seems to be attracted to the cads, and I thought her attitude towards The Pupil was a bit mean.
I kinda have to agree with you Shappy. I know the instant spark thing doesnt always happen and that you shouldn't veto people because of it, but its maybe a bit tooo far. The pupil one made me feel a bit uncomfortable tbh.
Good to see you post Matt, was just thinking about you the other day..in a non creepy way haha!
I've had a sudden influx of Scousers messaging me, wondered why, then remembered I'd changed my location to Liverpool when I was home the other month! Oops! Knocked it back to down south now haha. One guy was convinced because I was from Liverpool I'd want to go on a date to Anfield...not quite!
Hows everyone else getting on?
Being honest, I might focus too much at looks sometimes. But I know I'd have to be physically attracted to them to a degree. That's an element to a successful and healthy relationship.
I've taken a lapsed attitude to online dating and will probably slant my efforts to links I already have in real-life (work, friends of friends). Nothing came out of my friend trying to set me up. Actually, I must chase that up.
Anyway; I've got my cousin's wedding next month and limited time until the end of October. On another note, I do have a weak spot for Liverpudlian girls. It's that accent I tell ya.
I'm withdrawing a lot on these. Fed up of dodgy messages haha, and then the ones you actually like disappear!
Liverpool accents eh? Second person today whos said they like them, although I don't think a girl in work quite counts haha. I wasn't aware how much of an accent I had until I moved further south...pretty sure the guy who runs the choir doesn't even know my name. Just get referred to as 'Scouser'
Just don't think the "norm" is clubs and so forth. You make your own opportunities and luck.
You're right about opportunities /luck etc I guess I need to stop being so anxious /shy about it
Jane - you might want to clear some of your private messages... can't reply!
I sympathise as I'm also a teetotal 26 year old! I agree with everybody else though, be honest on your profile; if it's such a big deal for someone that you don't drink, they're probably not somebody you want to be with! You want somebody who will be accepting of you exactly the way you are.
I wish you the best of luck, it is difficult when you feel like you're not "normal" (for want of a better word!). I'm also not into clubbing and do struggle to meet people in the ways that other people my age do.
Take the chance rather than walking away thinking 'damn if I'd just said...'
BIB is the key to all this I think, I don't see why people lie on profiles
Firstly I work as a Nursery Nurse (so mostly a female environment) but retraining as a Teaching Assistant in September via night classes. I love reading, going swimming, for walks, museums/galleries, I love music/gigs (mostly indie/rock). I like travelling and learning about other cultures (currently teaching myself Spanish) .
So yeah I'm not sure what you guys can take from that.
You sound determined to find the right job by retraining and do more than sit around on the sofa. The right guy is out there. You just need to spot him and make the opportunity count.
Thank you
I definitely thing physical attraction is important, but in my experience, that "rip his clothes off" feeling on first dates only happens when the man is exceptionally good looking, or extremely charming. Unfortunately these are the types that seem to disappear very quickly (as has happened twice now with Miss29) when things start to get serious.
If one is always going for the same types of guys, and always getting the same (negative) results, maybe it's time to open one's mind a bit. I'm not talking specifically about Miss29 here (as she really is trying different types/things with this date challenge).
The guys that aren't such charmers on the first date might actually be really nice and fun on subsequent dates. And they might actually call back too.
Internet Dating
Jane Garvey and Tim Samuels present a special programme on internet dating.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007qlvb