Options
I might be in love with...
![[Deleted User]](https://w9.vanillicon.com/v2/913a100d8e1b6aea702a8f61f6db55db.svg)
[Deleted User]
Posts: 8 Forum Member
Hi guys. I've been a regular reader of this forum for a few years but only registered yesterday as I require some in regards to a pressing matter. It is about my feelings for a guy that I should not be getting close to. But I can't help it.
I am a 25 year old female with an average kind of life. Have had a few relationships but nothing serious.
Eight years ago I saw this guy for the first time. He was my elder sister's fiance. I never had any feelings for him like I am having now. I just regarded him as my would-be brother-in-law. He did marry her and they have a 5 year old daughter. However, few years back, he had an accident and lost most of his independence. He had to start using a wheelchair and get care.
My sister, who I am sure loved him, started to get estranged from him. I guess because of his injury and so. Then she started seeing other men behind his back. She would tell me and take me along to meet them. I found this odd but refrained from saying anything to brother-in-law. I didn't think it was my place to tell him. I did tell my sister that she is not doing the right thing and she should either break off the affairs or tell her husband. She said it's just a bit of fun she is having and nothing serious. Said she loves him and is planning to stick with him for the rest of her life. But then I came to know that someone else told him about his wife but he kept it to himself. He did not ask her anything about it. I found this weird. He was letting her play around.
My brother drowned. And that was a tragedy. I was upset. Few days before he told me he had been to see my birthday present. As it was my 21st he was going to give me something special. But before he could, he died. My brother-in-law saw I was upset and asked my sister why is she crying her eyes over her birthday. She told him that he was going to get him something from the jewelers but died before buying it. So my brother-in-law then went to the exact same jewelers and asked about the pendant. He bought it and got it delivered to me on my birthday but made sure I thought it was from my brother. That he had done it all before he had died. I did not know that my brother-in-law did this. He never told anyone but his wife. And she told me only a few months ago. I thought it was a great thing to do to make me remember my brother by. Very unselfish.
At the start of this year my mum was diagnosed with cancer and was given a few weeks to live. She was in hospital until the last few days. My brother-in-law made sure that he took me and brought me back every single day - hospital. He would also sit with my mum for hours when there was no one else free. He was making time while my sister was out with her guys.
He then brought mum home for her last few days. She only had 2 in the end. Was very ill and out of it due to sedation. We were all waiting with her as GP said she could go anytime. His house is very small so it was all cramped for space and in one room was mum and the other us all. Me, my sister, her husband and daughter. I was on the bed with my niece, who was fast asleep and my sister and brother-in-law were talking. I did not know what happened but I fell asleep. I woke up after a few hours, early morning, and I saw that he had moved himself onto the floor and was sleeping there. And my sister had not been in the room for hours. She was with mum. I found this very kind of him.
Mum passed away and he offered to pay for her funeral and stuff. He borrowed money. I would be upset a lot so he would tell me not to be upset and that she has gone to a better place. So so. Now, as I have no one else, he is always keeping in touch and keeps offering me help. He never says anything untoward.
And I think I'm in love with him. I know some people will say that I have gone through a bad period in life and he has been there, therefore these feelings have surfaced. That they will recede. But mum died like 2 and a half months ago. I still have them. I can't go an hour without thinking of him. I try and find time to call him. And the other thing is that he is not like any other guys I have dated. He is disabled. He has a tough life. Plus his wife is cheating on him and he is letting her be. He has genuine care for me. I think he might love me too. Why else would he help me out so much and look out for me. Especially if my sister is doing the dirty on him.
I am a 25 year old female with an average kind of life. Have had a few relationships but nothing serious.
Eight years ago I saw this guy for the first time. He was my elder sister's fiance. I never had any feelings for him like I am having now. I just regarded him as my would-be brother-in-law. He did marry her and they have a 5 year old daughter. However, few years back, he had an accident and lost most of his independence. He had to start using a wheelchair and get care.
My sister, who I am sure loved him, started to get estranged from him. I guess because of his injury and so. Then she started seeing other men behind his back. She would tell me and take me along to meet them. I found this odd but refrained from saying anything to brother-in-law. I didn't think it was my place to tell him. I did tell my sister that she is not doing the right thing and she should either break off the affairs or tell her husband. She said it's just a bit of fun she is having and nothing serious. Said she loves him and is planning to stick with him for the rest of her life. But then I came to know that someone else told him about his wife but he kept it to himself. He did not ask her anything about it. I found this weird. He was letting her play around.
My brother drowned. And that was a tragedy. I was upset. Few days before he told me he had been to see my birthday present. As it was my 21st he was going to give me something special. But before he could, he died. My brother-in-law saw I was upset and asked my sister why is she crying her eyes over her birthday. She told him that he was going to get him something from the jewelers but died before buying it. So my brother-in-law then went to the exact same jewelers and asked about the pendant. He bought it and got it delivered to me on my birthday but made sure I thought it was from my brother. That he had done it all before he had died. I did not know that my brother-in-law did this. He never told anyone but his wife. And she told me only a few months ago. I thought it was a great thing to do to make me remember my brother by. Very unselfish.
At the start of this year my mum was diagnosed with cancer and was given a few weeks to live. She was in hospital until the last few days. My brother-in-law made sure that he took me and brought me back every single day - hospital. He would also sit with my mum for hours when there was no one else free. He was making time while my sister was out with her guys.
He then brought mum home for her last few days. She only had 2 in the end. Was very ill and out of it due to sedation. We were all waiting with her as GP said she could go anytime. His house is very small so it was all cramped for space and in one room was mum and the other us all. Me, my sister, her husband and daughter. I was on the bed with my niece, who was fast asleep and my sister and brother-in-law were talking. I did not know what happened but I fell asleep. I woke up after a few hours, early morning, and I saw that he had moved himself onto the floor and was sleeping there. And my sister had not been in the room for hours. She was with mum. I found this very kind of him.
Mum passed away and he offered to pay for her funeral and stuff. He borrowed money. I would be upset a lot so he would tell me not to be upset and that she has gone to a better place. So so. Now, as I have no one else, he is always keeping in touch and keeps offering me help. He never says anything untoward.
And I think I'm in love with him. I know some people will say that I have gone through a bad period in life and he has been there, therefore these feelings have surfaced. That they will recede. But mum died like 2 and a half months ago. I still have them. I can't go an hour without thinking of him. I try and find time to call him. And the other thing is that he is not like any other guys I have dated. He is disabled. He has a tough life. Plus his wife is cheating on him and he is letting her be. He has genuine care for me. I think he might love me too. Why else would he help me out so much and look out for me. Especially if my sister is doing the dirty on him.
0
Comments
Please don't tell him you have these feelings for him because I truly think he would be aghast and would then feel he had to distance himself. At the moment you are grieving for your Mum and this has intensified your feelings to something more than they really are.
Good Luck x
Mum - cancer.
Brother - Drowned
Brother in law - disabled
Sister - cheating.
To say you have had a lot to deal with is an understatement. You need to deal with the tragedies in your life before anything else. Even if you think you have dealt with them, your sister will always be your sister, something you can't change. Keep these feelings to yourself, no good will come of them.
ignoring those tragedies for a moment - let say they didn't happen, and you developed feelings for your brother in law. What would the advice be then? Well it would be the same - your sister will always be your sister, something you can't change. Keep these feelings to yourself, no good will come of them
The tragedies that have occurred should have affected my sister the same - if not more. She just chose an easy but dangerous way of coping I guess. I don't feel angry towards her. I just think she should try and offer him a happier life. If she can't then she should let someone else.
There is one other potential angle to this. I am getting evicted soon from my flat and my brother-in-law has said I can move in with them until I sort myself out. It is the best, and only offer, I have had. I will have to take it but am scared as to what might happen when living together.
He does seem a nice guy but he is your sisters husband and not yours. If they get divorced then tell him how you feel otherwise do nothing. Just imagine how you will be treated by the rest of your family if you act on your feelings? I have been tempted myself in the past but I always think what the consequences of my actions would be and would never betray my family ever.
Thing is he is not the kind of guy I would usually go for. He is the exact opposite. If I am falling (or have fallen in love) with a person in a wheelchair then it must be special. I want to give up everything, not that I have much, for him. Just to make his life better. I truly feel that something is bringing us together. There are too many variables at work here that are making him and me come closer.
The fact the he's married to your sister being the main factor.
Hardly a mad coincidence is it - it's just a way of you justifying what you wish to do, you know it's wrong and trying to imply it's fate is just a defence mechanism.
Absolutely! It's not fate, Yasmin, and you know it. Don't go there.
If you do have to move in with them nothing has to happen between you. Dont make a move while hes with your sister.
Forget it. Forget the feelings, forget the thoughts, forget this thread, forget everything.
Sorry to be harsh but there is no right way to deal with this except to reiterate that you cannot have him and it's tough shit and then move on.
The more you dress it up as fate, or like the stars aligned and brought you together, the more you're gonna go to cuckoo land.
It cannot happen, the end.
All of you have been through so much, your sister no less than anyone and more so than some. Unless you want to lose your remaining family, I would put this rose-tinted notion out of your head.
Spot on I would think, your brother sadly died before he could get your present, so your other brother got it for you. You needed a brother's shoulder during your mum's final days, and he provided it. He sounds an very lovely man who wanted to take care of his sister - because that's how he sees you.
As to the relationship between your sister and brother in law, you don't actually know what goes on behind closed doors, what works for them, what's been said between them.
You've been through an awful time, but I think you're putting a romantic spin on the situation, which simply isn't there - it's not stars aligning, it's a very lovely sounding man being a very good big brother to someone who needed his support and kind actions.
Is the question "Am I unlucky?" ?
This is awful, awful advice.
OP I agree with everyone else on this thread, he is acting like any normal brother would. He obviously loves you like a sister and with regards to the whole, "my sister is cheating on him so I'd be better for him" thing really doesn't sit right with me. If he knows as you say he does and has chosen to accept it then that's his choice. You don't have the right to judge other people's relationships, they all work in different ways.
I would guess these feelings are there because you see him as the one person that has been there for you after two terrible situations, when really he is just doing what any other brother would do.
The feelings of a brother!
He has done nothing romantic but just looked out for his wife's sister through a tough time. If she does something she will lose her remaining family member, her niece and him. If he knows his wife is seeing other men it may be that they have an agreement that she gets her sexual enjoyment that way and comes home to him to be a family still. We don't know that he can have sex still, and if he doesn't he may realise his wife has needs in that way.
Utter bollocks. Please do not pay attention to this, unless you are coveting more drama and heartache.
I agree. It's better to regret the things you did, rather than regret the things you didn't do.
If you want to keep the family you have you must love him like a brother in law and keep your feelings to yourself. Be there for him as a loving sister. Sorry you have had such a sad time and good luck.
I'm presuming that their child was born before the accident.
The OP should be ashamed of herself really, fostering ambitions of stealing her neices father away from her mother.
Yes let's encourage her to do the dirty on her own flesh and blood and lose her last remaining family! :rolleyes:
Exactly my thoughts on it but far better expressed!