Firstly I was only kidding about the oxygen tank and the pumpkin. Just wanted you guys to know I do have a sense of humor and I'm not serious ALL the time.
Now. Our house - the back garden looks on to a big playpark. Every year there is a bonfire. Some kids threw petrel over it and set fire to it a week early. It set the old ladys bush alight. Of course, My housemate was at work and I was at hospital preparing for the Halloween party. Uncle Fester and the homeless guy saw the bush had been burnt and went to the garden center for a replacement. (Quite a sight - one a chinese clown the other with PVC hotpants and leather jacket)
They dug the old bush out and started planting the new one. They uncovered the body. They phoned the police, and the old lady's garden was like a scene straight from CSI Miami.
I went home to get some stuff, and noticed all the comotion. Later they turned up at the hospital to question me, but I saw them coming and ran into a field out the back. I stood still with my arms out and they mistook me for a real scarecrow. After they'd gone I ran home once again (sneaking like a ninja) got my laptop, and some clothes and food in a hold all, and ran back through the fields.
I saw this cottage, its a farmhouse actually, so I crept in the open window, and climbed under this bed. After I'd made sure there was nobody at home I hid in the attic. I'm still here. They have an unsecured wireless broadband connection. I'm hiding out here until I figure out what to do. 'I'm going to have to steal food from the fridge when they're out etc...
My wife wont be much use with her amnesia, but I'm hoping my housemate will have the common sense to frame her.
Firstly I was only kidding about the oxygen tank and the pumpkin. Just wanted you guys to know I do have a sense of humor and I'm not serious ALL the time.
Now. Our house - the back garden looks on to a big playpark. Every year there is a bonfire. Some kids threw petrel over it and set fire to it a week early. It set the old ladys bush alight. Of course, My housemate was at work and I was at hospital preparing for the Halloween party. Uncle Fester and the homeless guy saw the bush had been burnt and went to the garden center for a replacement. (Quite a sight - one a chinese clown the other with PVC hotpants and leather jacket)
They dug the old bush out and started planting the new one. They uncovered the body. They phoned the police, and the old lady's garden was like a scene straight from CSI Miami.
I went home to get some stuff, and noticed all the comotion. Later they turned up at the hospital to question me, but I saw them coming and ran into a field out the back. I stood still with my arms out and they mistook me for a real scarecrow. After they'd gone I ran home once again (sneaking like a ninja) got my laptop, and some clothes and food in a hold all, and ran back through the fields.
I saw this cottage, its a farmhouse actually, so I crept in the open window, and climbed under this bed. After I'd made sure there was nobody at home I hid in the attic. I'm still here. They have an unsecured wireless broadband connection. I'm hiding out here until I figure out what to do. 'I'm going to have to steal food from the fridge when they're out etc...
My wife wont be much use with her amnesia, but I'm hoping my housemate will have the common sense to frame her.
What the fu** am I going to do?
Nope, you have gone too far this time, everyone knows to secure their wireless connection these days!
Its really lonely in this attic. They have 2 dogs which bark at me when I go down to steal food. At least theres some books up here. I'm reading the vagina monologues at the moment. Got a bit of Sherlock Holmes for later.
This is madness. I just panicked at the last second. I'm not sure what the hell I'm going to do now. What about my house? everyone whos living there just now? Its just a big mess.
Maybe in a few days I'll leave, raid a womans clothes shop, and live as a homeless woman for a few months. When would be a good time to return home?
edit i'll need to watch out for newspaper reports etc..
When the farmers wife is away he is doing the unthinkable on the computer. My morals are completely torn in two. A man should be able to do what he wants in the privacy of his own home, but some of this is beyond sick. When I hear the sounds my stomach is churning, and some of them are screaming, begging for mercy. I know what I'm no virgin mary, but this kind of stuff really cuts you to the core. I have a good mind to report him now and blow my cover, so he can get help. Its only a matter of time before he moves onto harder stuff, or starts getting urges in real life situations, like walking past schools or while hes milking the cows.
Hes doing it while his wife is away. If she found out it could blow the marriage apart. I really don't know what to do.
Just so theres no misunderstandings, he has entire episodes of "Songs of Praise" saved to hard disk. The last thing we want is for him to lose concentration, sing to Jesus, and be trampled by an ungrateful cow.
I am bored out my skull. They eat old peoples food. I need to get out of here fast.
I smell smoke.
I'm going to leave when they go out next. I'm going to need a sex change. Never had one before. is it easy? expensive? What should I do about my house?
I am bored out my skull. They eat old peoples food. I need to get out of here fast.
I smell smoke.
I'm going to leave when they go out next. I'm going to need a sex change. Never had one before. is it easy? expensive? What should I do about my house?
A sex change? That's a bit drastic Ray, even for you! I have heard they are very expensive and play havoc with your waterworks. :eek:
You would have to get a girly name too and it really wouldn't suit you.
Comments
Of course when someone's on the run from the authority's the first thing to do is to post it on Digitalspy.
Goes without saying.:rolleyes:
Firstly I was only kidding about the oxygen tank and the pumpkin. Just wanted you guys to know I do have a sense of humor and I'm not serious ALL the time.
Now. Our house - the back garden looks on to a big playpark. Every year there is a bonfire. Some kids threw petrel over it and set fire to it a week early. It set the old ladys bush alight. Of course, My housemate was at work and I was at hospital preparing for the Halloween party. Uncle Fester and the homeless guy saw the bush had been burnt and went to the garden center for a replacement. (Quite a sight - one a chinese clown the other with PVC hotpants and leather jacket)
They dug the old bush out and started planting the new one. They uncovered the body. They phoned the police, and the old lady's garden was like a scene straight from CSI Miami.
I went home to get some stuff, and noticed all the comotion. Later they turned up at the hospital to question me, but I saw them coming and ran into a field out the back. I stood still with my arms out and they mistook me for a real scarecrow. After they'd gone I ran home once again (sneaking like a ninja) got my laptop, and some clothes and food in a hold all, and ran back through the fields.
I saw this cottage, its a farmhouse actually, so I crept in the open window, and climbed under this bed. After I'd made sure there was nobody at home I hid in the attic. I'm still here. They have an unsecured wireless broadband connection. I'm hiding out here until I figure out what to do. 'I'm going to have to steal food from the fridge when they're out etc...
My wife wont be much use with her amnesia, but I'm hoping my housemate will have the common sense to frame her.
What the fu** am I going to do?
Nope, you have gone too far this time, everyone knows to secure their wireless connection these days!
This is madness. I just panicked at the last second. I'm not sure what the hell I'm going to do now. What about my house? everyone whos living there just now? Its just a big mess.
Maybe in a few days I'll leave, raid a womans clothes shop, and live as a homeless woman for a few months. When would be a good time to return home?
edit i'll need to watch out for newspaper reports etc..
Its just books, videos, toys and some spraypaint.
Genius!
You are in a pickle Ray, that's for sure. Are you enjoying the Vagina Monologues?
This may sound a little daft but could you not spray paint yourself as a disguise?
When the farmers wife is away he is doing the unthinkable on the computer. My morals are completely torn in two. A man should be able to do what he wants in the privacy of his own home, but some of this is beyond sick. When I hear the sounds my stomach is churning, and some of them are screaming, begging for mercy. I know what I'm no virgin mary, but this kind of stuff really cuts you to the core. I have a good mind to report him now and blow my cover, so he can get help. Its only a matter of time before he moves onto harder stuff, or starts getting urges in real life situations, like walking past schools or while hes milking the cows.
Hes doing it while his wife is away. If she found out it could blow the marriage apart. I really don't know what to do.
Just so theres no misunderstandings, he has entire episodes of "Songs of Praise" saved to hard disk. The last thing we want is for him to lose concentration, sing to Jesus, and be trampled by an ungrateful cow.
be very very careful, keep in touch when you can
I smell smoke.
I'm going to leave when they go out next. I'm going to need a sex change. Never had one before. is it easy? expensive? What should I do about my house?
A sex change? That's a bit drastic Ray, even for you! I have heard they are very expensive and play havoc with your waterworks. :eek:
You would have to get a girly name too and it really wouldn't suit you.
Where is the smell of smoke coming from?