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Online Dating...yet again! Sorry!!
ChateauMarmont
Posts: 2,373 Forum Member
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Hello,
I seem to post every random dating problem I have on here! So, I got rid of the first girl which was good. We still talk but as friends.
And here lies my next problem. I've talked to girls, I've gone so far as to give them my number but I get bored and it all fizzles out after a couple of days when the boredom sets in. I matched with a girl on Tinder, we messaged for a day. Then randomly she told me to add her on Facebook, we flirted, she came across as very forward on FB messenger and at the end of the evening gave me her mobile number to text her and made me promise to the next day.
This was two days ago! Now. I'm very very intrigued by her, she holds my attention and this is the first time I've thought since I broke up with my ex last year...hey! she could be a potential girlfriend!
I text this morning to tell her good luck for a big thing at her work today, we text around lunchtime an awful lot and then it went silent. However how long do I wait before I just chalk another one up to experience? See, I think she's great and this is a total diving in right now thing, but I'd meet her tomorrow if I could!
We haven't text enough to figure out what our texting etiquette is like, but how would you guys play it? Just cool and not reply for hours, wait for her to reply to the message from this afternoon? Dating is a minefield. Oh and I'm well aware I sound like a 12 year old!
I seem to post every random dating problem I have on here! So, I got rid of the first girl which was good. We still talk but as friends.
And here lies my next problem. I've talked to girls, I've gone so far as to give them my number but I get bored and it all fizzles out after a couple of days when the boredom sets in. I matched with a girl on Tinder, we messaged for a day. Then randomly she told me to add her on Facebook, we flirted, she came across as very forward on FB messenger and at the end of the evening gave me her mobile number to text her and made me promise to the next day.
This was two days ago! Now. I'm very very intrigued by her, she holds my attention and this is the first time I've thought since I broke up with my ex last year...hey! she could be a potential girlfriend!
I text this morning to tell her good luck for a big thing at her work today, we text around lunchtime an awful lot and then it went silent. However how long do I wait before I just chalk another one up to experience? See, I think she's great and this is a total diving in right now thing, but I'd meet her tomorrow if I could!
We haven't text enough to figure out what our texting etiquette is like, but how would you guys play it? Just cool and not reply for hours, wait for her to reply to the message from this afternoon? Dating is a minefield. Oh and I'm well aware I sound like a 12 year old!
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If someone txts you, reply when you can, whether that's straight away of 10 hours away. Trying to play the 'txt game' is for 14 year olds. There's no golden rule for texting; at least not for adults. Or better yet, call her. It's been less than a day since you texted her and as she had a big thing at work today, she could be out with work colleagues, so I would leave it till tomorrow. Txt her tomorrow and ask how her work thing went. If she doesn't reply, I would knock this one on the head. She's either ignoring you or she's playing 'the txt game' herself, in which case she's too immature for dating.
There's so much drama!
Sadly, you say yourself you get easily bored. So do they. Things have a very slim chance of working out in any meaningful way, yet despite the huge shallow nature of online dating, you're over analyzing every last second of every conversation. Don't bother!
Just chill. If you want to online date then just chat, spread your e-seed far and wide and see what happens.
But DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT form any kind of attachment with a person you've just started talking to online - that way insanity lies. Wait until (if) you actually meet them to form a proper opinion. And even then be content in being single so you're not as needy as you honestly appear to be.
Oh and stop playing any kind of games immediately. They are for children.
I'm not doing online dating anymore but I met plenty of great guys through it (including current boyfriend!). Some of the greatest guys came across as just 'meh' on emails/texts but in person were warm, hilarious, confident, etc. Likewise a guy who seemed really interesting, clever, and chatty on email was like death warmed up in person. I think you have to see it that the aim is to meet up in person before you have any idea what they are like, and anything as a pre-amble to that is just part of the process to arranging the meet up (not the start of any kind of romance). If someone stops replying, only replies once a week, or whatever, then of course follow it up - but be prepared that it might be the sign to move on. Try not to pin any hopes on one particular person - message others as well. I do know that guys have a harder time with online dating and have to message lots of women to get a reply, so I do feel for you there OP but you have to not focus on the only girl you are currently messaging.
Hope that doesn't sound too harsh, but I really do believe you just have to get on with it. If you have other issues which mean meeting up is hard (such an anxiety) then it will be very difficult to tackle dating without addressing that, unless it's something that can be improved the more you push yourself to do things (for some people that strategy works, for others it doesn't).
I agree. I surprised myself that I jumped in feet first with online dating. I had messaged a guy a few times and he said how about meeting then. I thought it was too soon but decided to go for it and glad I did. That one didn't work out (he was a lovely guy but just not for me) but it gave me the confidence to keep going. 3rd guy I met after 4 days of sending a few messages back and forth, was I think successful. It will be 2 months in a couple of days and we became "official" after 4 weeks of dating.
If you keep the messaging thing up too long it tends to just fizzle out or as you say you build up a picture of someone and they often aren't what you thought.
THIS.
No idea how old you are, but I'm mid 20s and if I starting seeing someone who starting doing the whole text game/power thing I'd not bother with them. It's so immature, adults just talk if they want to talk and don't if they don't. That is really it.
It's amazing how things have changed in what...10 days? I've stopped with online dating. I've realised I'm actually just doing what everyone else wants me to do by looking for new people when I should be concentrating on myself and what makes me happy.
Although, thank you for all your opinions. I was like a child ten days ago! And yes, I'm still talking to the same girl, and I've met her, and told her we'll be friends. It was nice!