My girlfriend has been dumped

Leicester_Hunk · 17/12/14 - 22:54

My girlfriend has been friends with this woman for about 15 years since she came to work in her team & she was her line manager despite being young enough to be her daughter. They kept in touch when C changed jobs about 2002 now, and always met up from time to time for a drink and a chat - maybe once every 6 weeks, couple of months etc, and usually on birthdays and Christmas to swap (inexpensive) presents - £10 limit. This lady is in her 60s now and has always been very family oriented and her 4 grown up kids mean everything to her. She used to say that all she ever wanted to do was get married and have a family and was always asking my gf when we were getting married. She was always obsessed with the idea of grandchildren and being upset that none of her children showed any signs of producing any but now she has three courtesy of her two youngest.

She has made lots of excuses not to meet up for the whole of this year when C contacted her saying she is "helping" her daughter or daughter-in-law and my gf was a bit concerned. When they did meet last or have talked on the phone, all she talked about was the grandchildren and nothing else. She brought her iPad out last time she saw her which was on my gf's birthday which is in April and showed her 108 photos of them. Since the babies, she's never been the first one to make contact, but when C did all she got was an email back full of the grandchildren, the same with a phone conversation. Yes it is nice to hear her good news, but it was all she could talk about, nothing else. So C just sent a Christmas card this year.

It crossed with a card from her, which asked after me, my gf and the cats, and said she hoped C wasn't offended if they didn't exchange Christmas or birthday presents because she couldn't afford it (£10???) and also a message saying that she had no time to meet up ever again because she was so busy with the grandchildren, they were the best thing that had ever happened to her and she was so happy.

I'm happy that she is happy but I think it a rubbish way to treat a friend. C was upset and she sent her this message back:

Hi,

Thanks for your Christmas card. Yes, me, M and the cats are all fine, thanks very much!

No I'm not offended at all, but I am rather disappointed not to be able to meet and catch up once in a while.

Let me know if you ever have any time for a catch up.

Hope you have a great Christmas and a very happy 2015,

Love (C, M and the cats) xx

She's had no reply and she is worrying over it. I asked her if this person actually added anything to her life now and she said no, not any more now. I told her just to let it go.

It's never happened to me has anybody else any experience of this?

QT 3.14 · 17/12/14 - 22:58

108 photos? Who counted?

Leicester_Hunk · 17/12/14 - 23:02

My gf did, she saw "X of 108" on the photos as she was scrolling through.

Hypnodisc · 17/12/14 - 23:03

Some people are crap friends and you lose touch - either deliberately or otherwise.

I've lost scores of supposed friends over the years.

I don't see the problem or why this is special? The whole point to me would be they didn't seem that close in the first place?

Unless I've misunderstood?

Leicester_Hunk · 17/12/14 - 23:06

Hypnodisc wrote: »

I don't see the problem or why this is special? The whole point to me would be they didn't seem that close in the first place?

Unless I've misunderstood?

I think the same as you actually but C is a bit "sensitive" she has only ever fallen out with two people in her life neither of which were her fault and she made up with one of them, the other she wasn't that bothered about (not counting me, we have fallen out more times than I care to remember

) and she takes it badly if people don't like her. Don't know why. Just wanted another viewpoint. She thinks I'm an insensitive git.

Oml · 17/12/14 - 23:11

If this lady has specifically written in her card that she has no time meet up ever again then I think it's best to just leave it at that and forget about her. It's quite a weird thing to say to a friend so maybe she was trying to drop a hint to your GF. I don't necessarily agree with what she had done but you can't force someone to be your friend.

Leicester_Hunk · 17/12/14 - 23:11

I think this woman is a bit barking as well, obsessed in fact with these children, it's not that healthy is it?

muggins14 · 17/12/14 - 23:12

The woman does sound decidedly obsessed if she can't find the time to maintain a casual friendship with your girlfriend due to obsessing over her grandchildren to the exclusion of everything else. Yes, of course grandparents love their grandchildren, but they don't spend 24/7 with them, everybody has time for a 5 minute phone conversation or an hour to have a cup of tea with a friend every few months of months, or even 5 minutes to write a catch-up note occasionally ... IF they want to, obviously.

It seems to me that your girlfriend filled a void in this woman's life that has now been filled elsewhere and your girlfriend is now surplus to requirements. It's not very nice, most people can maintain more than one relationship/friendship in their lives without it consuming them.

I'd let it go if I were your g/f, the woman is obviously not worth it and isn't spending her time worrying about your g/f, who does seem to be worrying about the woman (which makes your g/f a nice woman I'd say!)

maggie thecat · 17/12/14 - 23:14

You walk a path with someone for a time and sometimes at some point the path diverges and you go one way and they go the other. It's sad, but it's a part of life. If your partner has had a very consistent life, not moved around much and such, this may be a bit of a shock. But change can be good! And she should focus on that aspect rather than dwelling on the loss. It's possible when the novelty of grandkids wears off the friend might be interested in some grown up conversation, but if not, it was fun while it lasted.

Leicester_Hunk · 17/12/14 - 23:16

muggins14 wrote: »

(which makes your g/f a nice woman I'd say!)

She is, I am a very lucky bloke and have been since I met her at university in 1992

Banana Rama · 17/12/14 - 23:16

she clearly doesn't want to be friends with her anymore so leave her alone, your girlfriend seems like the one that is barking for continueing to pursue it, take a hint...

Leicester_Hunk · 17/12/14 - 23:18

Banana Rama wrote: »

she clearly doesn't want to be friends with her anymore so leave her alone, your girlfriend seems like the one that is barking for continueing to pursue it, take a hint...

She hasn't continued to pursue it. She just replied to her card once, that's all.

And she is not barking.

boozer3 · 17/12/14 - 23:19

People grow, change and move on. I think your wife has done all she can and should leave the ball in her court, as it were.

I've been there recently. Me and what I did consider my best mate ( we are both men and the same age) yet have different interests and lead different lifestyles, despite that were closest of friends for years until recently. Over the past year we've had career changes and saw less of each other but still kept in contact by text but now he doesn't even bother when I say let me know when you're free and we'll meet up. And he won't even acknowledge me in a group message that another friend set up about arranging a get together.

I feel sorry for your wife but ultimately she just needsto move on .

Frankie_Little · 17/12/14 - 23:21

She says she can't meet up ever again? How odd. I think your girlfriend should remember the good aspects of the friendship, and still be there for her friend if she needs her later on. Obviously the grandchildren are the main focus of her life right now, but maybe when they're a bit older, she might need a friend outside the family.

muggins14 · 17/12/14 - 23:22

Leicester_Hunk wrote: »

She is, I am a very lucky bloke and have been since I met her at university in 1992

Aww, that's lovely

abarthman · 17/12/14 - 23:23

The woman sounds a bit odd.

I think your girlfriend is well shot of her.

Leicester_Hunk · 17/12/14 - 23:25

abarthman wrote: »

The woman sounds a bit odd.

I think your girlfriend is well shot of her.

I did actually always think that about her tbh but C got annoyed when I said it. She was obsessed with horoscopes and tarot cards, dressed a lot like Barbara Cartland and read a lot of Mills and Boon, Danielle Steel and liked soppy ballads, the opposite of my gf! She was amusing though at times.

wilehelmas · 17/12/14 - 23:30

It could simply be that from the friend' pov the friendship has run it's course and she is busy with grandkids, etc.

Or, it's being used as an excuse.

Or, there's something more sinister going on here and someone is being manipulated. As option c seems far-fetched for a sometime friend, it might be more likely option b or a. Friendships do end, and maybe she was finding a way to cut down on friend time and allow more family time but couldn't say it before? I agree it seems a bit curt though. I'd be a bit suspicious too, esp if she is a social type.

MargMck · 17/12/14 - 23:33

Leicester_Hunk wrote: »

I did actually always think that about her tbh but C got annoyed when I said it. She was obsessed with horoscopes and tarot cards, dressed a lot like Barbara Cartland and read a lot of Mills and Boon, Danielle Steel and liked soppy ballads, the opposite of my gf! She was amusing though at times.

Then my thoughts are that this woman is an obsessive who likes to have acolytes hanging on her every word. She simply has no use for your girlfriend now because the grandchildren can 'adore' her instead.

wilehelmas · 17/12/14 - 23:34

People think grown adults don't dump one another but they do. And it hurts as much as childhood friends doing it. Almost more really because adults should have more tact by then.

Frankie_Little · 17/12/14 - 23:50

Leicester_Hunk, if you and your girlfriend have a baby one day, I bet this Barbara Cartland lookalike will come tottering back into your lives. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

cat's whiskas · 17/12/14 - 23:51

Forever is a long time! It occurred to me there could be another reason for this. The lady is in her sixties and it's possible she has been diagnosed with something terminal. This could be a way to politely end the relationship without having to explain her illness. Some people don't like to talk about their illness - I've recently experienced this with my uncle.

Whatever the reason, there is not a lot you can do but respect her decision, and let it go.

muggins14 · 17/12/14 - 23:52

cat's whiskas wrote: »

Forever is a long time! It occurred to me there could be another reason for this. The lady is in her sixties and it's possible she has been diagnosed with something terminal. This could be a way to politely end the relationship without having to explain her illness. Some people don't like to talk about their illness - I've recently experienced this with my uncle.

Whatever the reason, there is not a lot you can do but respect her decision, and let it go.

bib - have to admit that thought did cross my mind too. Hopefully she's not though!

ste1969 · 17/12/14 - 23:56

Leicester_Hunk wrote: »

I think this woman is a bit barking as well, obsessed in fact with these children, it's not that healthy is it?

fancy her being more interested in her grandchildren than someone she used to work with

Leicester_Hunk · 17/12/14 - 23:57

cat's whiskas wrote: »

Forever is a long time! It occurred to me there could be another reason for this. The lady is in her sixties and it's possible she has been diagnosed with something terminal. This could be a way to politely end the relationship without having to explain her illness. Some people don't like to talk about their illness - I've recently experienced this with my uncle.

Whatever the reason, there is not a lot you can do but respect her decision, and let it go.

Never thought about that at all, but the card she sent did say she hoped we were all well, she was so busy with the grandchildren and that they were the light of her life, she had never been so happy etc.

Leicester_Hunk · 17/12/14 - 23:59

ste1969 wrote: »

fancy her being more interested in her grandchildren than someone she used to work with

Oh behave it's not like that at all. It wasn't just "somebody she used to work with" either, you don't really know what sort of relationship people have.

Silly unhelpful, pointless and sarcastic response.

Hey there!

Quick Links

My girlfriend has been dumped

Comments