Options
Anyone been in a posessive relationship?
pink star 28
Posts: 1,728 Forum Member
✭✭✭
What were the early signs?
0
pink star 28
Posts: 1,728 pink star 28
Posts: 1,728 pink star 28
Posts: 1,728 pink star 28
Posts: 1,728
Comments
Jealousy mainly of everything and anything you do and who you were with etc, well in my case that was the first signs.
It is a form of control.
T shirt person here, but one who can not be bothered to type all the fulness of that rubbish up on here.
Stuff like checking emails, phone, who I'd been talking too, not liking me talking to female friends; mainly stuff like that; jealously, extreme paranoia and a load of other things... but there was a lot more to it which escalated from that.
Fortunately she faced up to the problems behind it and all is well now. She had very specific reasons for being like that though.
That's so lovely to hear. Often, and I've got to say usually my own, advice to people is that such relationships do not change. In my experience those with these issues (usually) do not want to face up to the root causes.
It's brilliant your girlfriend did, she deserves a huge amount of credit for that
The reason i ask is iv been on a date with someone and i really like them. We met on a dating site and he wants to see me again. I really fancy him but he rings me at least 5 times a day.Hes always texting me asking what im doing. He also wants me to remove my profile off dating website which i find weird as we are not together. Am i being paranoid? I know it seems early but does it seem like the warning signs are there already?
I'm sorry to say it does, and what's worrying is that you hardly know each other. I'd be very wary if I were you.
I would not remove my profile if I was you, if you do it would seem to him like you are really 'in to him' and doing as he requested.
Ringing that many times and texting merrily away could be deemed as a nice thing, but for me now I would look it as behaviour that is a bit OTT.
You are not being paranoid at all, just wary and sensible IMO.
All the best to you.
That 'but' is your inner voice which I wish I'd have listened to more often when I was younger.
You're not paranoid in the slightest.
These are all the early warning signs of someone who has power/control/insecurity issues and IMO you should get out now as it's only going to get worse.
If everyone did that (walk away at the first sign of this shit) these damaged people would have to do something to address their problems rather than getting into relationships and damaging others.
It is toxic behaviour, deeply unhealthy and you can't heal him.
Like another poster I have the t shirt, and the things you describe positively scream Run to me. I've been unfortunate and ended up getting involved with possesive control freaks twice. Both where very scary and absolute freaking nightmares to get away from. We are talking car chases, kidnap attempts and court cases with one of them.
It pretty much destroyed any faith in men, and I'm still very very wary of getting into relationships. I don't think it worth the risk.
The other poster who'se partner addressed her issues I am really glad for you and her, but I think it's rarer than hens teeth that possesive types can change. Most often they can't see they are at fault at all, and blame the object of their attentions for their behaviour in my experience.
Hi this is a very helpful site.
http://www.newhopeforwomen.org/abuser-tricks
The problem is we are indeed often very attracted to possessive partners as they have a superficial charm. It looks like caring but is often more sinister.
He's a serial killer.
Dump him immediately.
Excellent link, thank you
Oh my god that sounds scary. I have a 5 year old little boy so the idea of being with someone like you have described is scary. Think ill cancel my nex date with him. Thankfully he dosnt know where i live.
I too have been there.:(
Keep it that way lol.
Seriously my kids were all at primary school with the second guy (the first was their Dad) and I still haven't forgiven myself for what they went through when I met the second one.
Luckily they are all grown up now and they don't blame me, the two girls are actually probably much stronger women for it in a weird way, know exactly how a healthy relationship should be and don't take crap from any man as adults.
My son is a really easy going supportive man, I think they saw how not to love or be loved and it's shaped their attitude in some ways. But I would much rather they hadn't been through those years of utter hell and seeing me in fear and a nervous wreck. You can never wipe out a child seeing it's Mum in fear, it's a life long stain imo.
I'm sure you will find a nice normal healthy guy who will build a happy stable relationship with you, I just really don't think the one you've described is him. I wish you lots of luck hun
Thanks; and I would agree normally. But there are two types of people who abuse their partners. Those who have possessive, controlling personalities (which may have reasons behind it) and those who have stuff in their pasts that simply needs to be dealt with.
My OH had a heap of stuff from her early teens that's rather dark and was never dealt with at the time, all of that kinda manifested itself in very unpleasent ways and it probably goes without saying, went way beyond controlling and possessive behaviour.
When it reached its peak, she kind of realised what she was doing and did what should have been done years ago; as much as she felt she could. She didn't go as far as I would have liked but she did what she felt she could in order too get past her own issues and for that I have a huge amount of respect for her.
If I'm entirely honest, if she didn't have the reasons she had then I would not have stood by her.
Point is though; some people have reasons that you can look beyond, the question then is whether they will confront the stuff behind it, which she did.
I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope you're out of it now? If so be proud of yourself, so many never escape, it's so hard to do. They really mess your head up don't they.
Survivors are always much stronger :cool:
Personally, I would say this looks worrying and also that its like this already, before anything has started, would worry me even more. From my experience the controlling stuff emerged gradually as the relationship became more serious, it wasn't like that from the get go and also others who I know that have been in these kinds of relationships found that issues started as stuff got more serious.
So personally, I think that possessiveness from the get go like that is a very bad sign.
Took me years but with the help of a great friend I finally got out. Should have got out much earlier tho. It undoubtedly affected my children and I deeply regret that.
Aww im sorry to hear what you been through. And im glad that you no longer live in fear. It must of been awful. Iv only ever been in 2 long term relationships and both exes have been nice blokes. Iv been single for a couple of years now and only recently been intrested in men again. That is why i joined a dating site. At first when i met this new fella i really liked all the attention. I felt i needed it but then it sort of feels a bit to much now so thats why i thought id get advice on here. I suppose i already knew the answer just wanted a second opinion. But i have definetly taken on the advice from the replys on here. So thanks again for the advice and wish you all the best.
I do hope you read the link I posted, it is very helpful. In fact I think all young people should be given it to read. Women can also be terribly possessive and controlling and make young men's lives hell. Although predominantly a male on female thing it happens in all relationships. Stay safe.:)
No, I don't think you are, and yes they are! Constant phoning/texting?? He is keeping tabs on you already. He is also telling you what you should do/be doing too. Sorry, although you fancy him, through past experience, I would highly recommend you do not take this any further.