I was going to mention this. Sometimes, people go through tough periods and behave erratically. Try not to get angry if someone blanks you for seemingly no reason. Leave them be and try and contact them again later. Mention that you are concerned that you may have done something - you may find out that you have without knowing it or they were having a bad time over something else, or were simply feeling depressed.
I know my mother suffers from clinical depression and has lost many friends due to it (which of course exacerbates the problem).
I like this idea. Sometimes patience is the best choice and in time you do get your answer. It's strange how we want to know right away and eventually it becomes obvious.
I was temping at a large firm earlier this year and was getting on really well with my department boss up until I'd been there for about the first two months. She even gave me a lift home once or twice a week when she used to collect her son from school. However by the time I was halfway through my ninth week my bosses attitude towards me suddenly changed from being friendly to hostile, picking faults in my work for no reason and by the time my contract ended you could have cut the atmosphere in the department with a knife.
Blueblade, i think a private FB is a good start too, because she might not want to say on her wall - thats a bit too public and everyone can read it and who knows what her problem is? At leats with a private message, you have given her the chance to explain on a private level and if that fails to get a reply, write on her wall if you so wish? Just my thoughts anyway.
My best friend throughout Primary School. When we got to High School we ended up in different classes, obviously making new friends in the process. He just seemed to not want to be my friend any more, and even started bullying me for a while!
same here only the friend was female [let's call her K]. We used to be best friends in primary school, then she moved away for a year, then came back and then was horrible to me ever since. I had found a new best friend - and she wanted to be her best friend instead. So she tried her best to turn us against each other. It worked when we got into high school, but then everybody else turned against me aswell. It all worked out OK in the end but I just didn't talk to that girl again. I saw K on the bus a couple of months ago, she sat opposite me as there were no other seats and she just stared at me throughout the whole journey and the phrase 'if looks could kill' ran through my mind. I got off early and walked the rest of the way to where I was supposed to be going. I still don't know what her problem is, because the friend saga was 4 years ago.
Blueblade, i think a private FB is a good start too, because she might not want to say on her wall - thats a bit too public and everyone can read it and who knows what her problem is? At leats with a private message, you have given her the chance to explain on a private level and if that fails to get a reply, write on her wall if you so wish? Just my thoughts anyway.
Well in the end I did post a message on her FB wall, and all I've got is a bunch of jokey messages from other mutual friends, ranging from "She's obviously hormonal lol" to "She must fancy you m8" to "you should be f******g thankful for small mercies" ~ nothing from her at all. Status is offline.
Well in the end I did post a message on her FB wall, and all I've got is a bunch of jokey messages from other people, ranging from "She's obviously hormonal lol" to "She must fancy you m8" to "you should be f******g thankful for small mercies" ~ nothing from her at all. Status is offline.
Will have to wait and see.
do you know this person in reallife or only on the net because net relationships are likely to have more misunderstandings?
It can be dangerous to read too much into something
do you know this person in reallife or only on the net because net relationships are likely to have more misunderstandings?
It can be dangerous to read too much into something
occupy your mind with something else maybe?
It's a colleague from work who I've known a few years.
Most friends on FB are people you know in real life, if only casually in some cases.
I'm not so much bothered with her, as with the fact that somebody else may be telling lies about me, and she might just be the first. That's why I need to find out what is going on.
In my experience it's happened to me ( I think ) because someone has said something about me which is either untrue or exaggerated.
That's the main reason I gather why people would suddeny turn against anyone. But people are stupid. When someone is bitching to me about somebody else I like to find out for myself rather than believe everything I am told, as I am aware there are always two sides to the story.
The other reason why someone would turn against you out of the blue is because they were using you and you've basically served your purpose.
Have you ever come across this from friends, family or colleagues ? Someone you've formerly been on good terms with, suddenly and inexplicably turns against you and becomes either totally indifferent to you, or worse, an outright enemy ~ and you have absolutely no idea why. You search your mind to think if there's anything you've done or said which might have caused this problem, but you come up with nothing.
It seems next to impossible to actually ascertain a reason from the person themselves.
Alternatively, have you yourself ever turned against anyone for reasons which would have been unclear to the person concerned ? If so, why, and did you give the individual a reason.
sorry to hear about your problem - no it's never happened to me and I don't think I've ever done that to anyone else, though I can be sulky if someone's offended me.
I don't mean to be offensive but do you do nasty things to people you don't like? Talk about being vindictive to people? Perhaps your friend thinks you'd dislike her or disapprove of her because of something new in her life,and is scared that because of it you'd try to hurt her in some way, so she thinks the easiest thing to do about it is just avoid you and not talk to you.
A friend of mine had a good friend who hated single mothers on benefits. This friend was always banging on about how single mothers on benefits were to blame for all the ills of society. She had a mutual friend with me
who had to go onto sickness benefits due to a mental breakdown and who later fell pregant after a fling. This mutual friend just cut the single-mothers-hating friend out of her life as she was quite afraid of nastiness due to her predicament and didn't think the friendship would last anyway.
If you realise what precisely you've done in concrete terms, then it's easy (or easier) to rectify the situation. It's when you have absolutely no clue what it is you've done, that it becomes more troublesome.
If I've unwittingly done or said something to piss someone off, I'd far rather they came right out with it up front, and tell me. It's not a trick I'd play on anyone else.
In the vast majority of cases, you know full well what the state of play is between you and another individual, whether good, bad or indifferent, and the reasons underlying the relationships. If you've any sensitivity at all, you also know when you've acted out of line, and will subsequently apologise.
In this case, I simply have no clue. I did ask a mutual friend, who said she had no idea, and that the person had said nothing to her. So I don't know whether to approach this person, blank them back or what.
Dunno Blue.
Have you ever inexplicably refused to speak to people you were previously on good terms with and refused to explain why ?
Alternatively, have you yourself ever turned against anyone for reasons which would have been unclear to the person concerned ? If so, why, and did you give the individual a reason.
I would only turn against a person at work if I thought they had been back-stabbing me and I did not think a confrontation would change their behavior. It would have to be more than a lie to ruin a friendship.
I did have someone who worked for me turn cool to me. I was too preoccupied to figure out why. I just kept doing the right thing and later I got an apology. If you keep doing the right thing it will be apparent.
It's a colleague from work who I've known a few years.
Most friends on FB are people you know in real life, if only casually in some cases.
I'm not so much bothered with her, as with the fact that somebody else may be telling lies about me, and she might just be the first. That's why I need to find out what is going on.
She finally replied on facebook, apologising to all whom she might have apparently ignored over the last few weeks (not just me apparently), but she's had a lot on her mind recently. She'll be taking us all out for a drink next Friday. Fair enough.
She finally replied on facebook, apologising to all whom she might have apparently ignored over the last few weeks (not just me apparently), but she's had a lot on her mind recently. She'll be taking us all out for a drink next Friday. Fair enough.
is that sorta dissapointing? After all that worry?
I have noticed sometimes in families when a death is expected family members who were once friendly suddenly start to view each other in terms of an inheritance threat or are emotional jealous of their relatives better relationship with the deceased and suddenly turn very cool towards other relatives as if everything has come into sharper focus.
If you realise what precisely you've done in concrete terms, then it's easy (or easier) to rectify the situation. It's when you have absolutely no clue what it is you've done, that it becomes more troublesome.
If I've unwittingly done or said something to piss someone off, I'd far rather they came right out with it up front, and tell me. It's not a trick I'd play on anyone else.
In the vast majority of cases, you know full well what the state of play is between you and another individual, whether good, bad or indifferent, and the reasons underlying the relationships. If you've any sensitivity at all, you also know when you've acted out of line, and will subsequently apologise.
In this case, I simply have no clue. I did ask a mutual friend, who said she had no idea, and that the person had said nothing to her. So I don't know whether to approach this person, blank them back or what.
Having read to the end of the thread I won't bother offering ideas - but yes, this has happened to me, with a friend I've known for nearly thirty years and used to be incredibly close to. I know she has a lot on her mind but she's making the effort with the three other girls in our friendship group - none of whom she was previously that close to - but when it comes to me she's ignoring my kids birthdays, my birthday, and if she sends an email or text it's one she has sent to us all, never just to me. We last spoke four months ago because she happened to text me on the day that my mother died and she did then ring me when I replied with that news. She hasn't bothered to contact me since.
No, I'd say it was a huge relief, to be honest with you.
I bet it is, and I'm glad it's set your mind at rest - personally I wouldn't want work colleagues on my facebook account, which is why I use a pseudonym. :cool:
And a lesson for not getting too manic about being 'ignored' in future?
(so she wasn't involved in the lies? )
Well as it turned out, there were no lies, but I'm always mindful of the old phrase, "just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you"
Comments
I like this idea.
same here only the friend was female [let's call her K]. We used to be best friends in primary school, then she moved away for a year, then came back and then was horrible to me ever since. I had found a new best friend - and she wanted to be her best friend instead. So she tried her best to turn us against each other. It worked when we got into high school, but then everybody else turned against me aswell. It all worked out OK in the end but I just didn't talk to that girl again. I saw K on the bus a couple of months ago, she sat opposite me as there were no other seats and she just stared at me throughout the whole journey and the phrase 'if looks could kill' ran through my mind. I got off early and walked the rest of the way to where I was supposed to be going. I still don't know what her problem is, because the friend saga was 4 years ago.
all those people that you hate
I'm not in love with you
but I won't hold that against you
You daft cow
Well in the end I did post a message on her FB wall, and all I've got is a bunch of jokey messages from other mutual friends, ranging from "She's obviously hormonal lol" to "She must fancy you m8" to "you should be f******g thankful for small mercies" ~ nothing from her at all. Status is offline.
Will have to wait and see.
do you know this person in reallife or only on the net because net relationships are likely to have more misunderstandings?
It can be dangerous to read too much into something
occupy your mind with something else maybe?
It's a colleague from work who I've known a few years.
Most friends on FB are people you know in real life, if only casually in some cases.
I'm not so much bothered with her, as with the fact that somebody else may be telling lies about me, and she might just be the first. That's why I need to find out what is going on.
That's the main reason I gather why people would suddeny turn against anyone. But people are stupid. When someone is bitching to me about somebody else I like to find out for myself rather than believe everything I am told, as I am aware there are always two sides to the story.
The other reason why someone would turn against you out of the blue is because they were using you and you've basically served your purpose.
sorry to hear about your problem - no it's never happened to me and I don't think I've ever done that to anyone else, though I can be sulky if someone's offended me.
I don't mean to be offensive but do you do nasty things to people you don't like? Talk about being vindictive to people? Perhaps your friend thinks you'd dislike her or disapprove of her because of something new in her life,and is scared that because of it you'd try to hurt her in some way, so she thinks the easiest thing to do about it is just avoid you and not talk to you.
A friend of mine had a good friend who hated single mothers on benefits. This friend was always banging on about how single mothers on benefits were to blame for all the ills of society. She had a mutual friend with me
who had to go onto sickness benefits due to a mental breakdown and who later fell pregant after a fling. This mutual friend just cut the single-mothers-hating friend out of her life as she was quite afraid of nastiness due to her predicament and didn't think the friendship would last anyway.
Dunno Blue.
Have you ever inexplicably refused to speak to people you were previously on good terms with and refused to explain why ?
If so, you can probably answer your own question.
I would only turn against a person at work if I thought they had been back-stabbing me and I did not think a confrontation would change their behavior. It would have to be more than a lie to ruin a friendship.
I did have someone who worked for me turn cool to me. I was too preoccupied to figure out why. I just kept doing the right thing and later I got an apology. If you keep doing the right thing it will be apparent.
She finally replied on facebook, apologising to all whom she might have apparently ignored over the last few weeks (not just me apparently), but she's had a lot on her mind recently. She'll be taking us all out for a drink next Friday. Fair enough.
What can I say Flik ~ and here's me complaining about being ignored. But you caught me at a very bad time a few months ago.
Anyway, no hard feelings I hope [highlight]♥[/highlight] Let's draw a line under that.
is that sorta dissapointing? After all that worry?
No, I'd say it was a huge relief, to be honest with you.
And a lesson for not getting too manic about being 'ignored' in future?
(so she wasn't involved in the lies? )
Glad it turned out OK.
Having read to the end of the thread I won't bother offering ideas - but yes, this has happened to me, with a friend I've known for nearly thirty years and used to be incredibly close to. I know she has a lot on her mind but she's making the effort with the three other girls in our friendship group - none of whom she was previously that close to - but when it comes to me she's ignoring my kids birthdays, my birthday, and if she sends an email or text it's one she has sent to us all, never just to me. We last spoke four months ago because she happened to text me on the day that my mother died and she did then ring me when I replied with that news. She hasn't bothered to contact me since.
I bet it is, and I'm glad it's set your mind at rest - personally I wouldn't want work colleagues on my facebook account, which is why I use a pseudonym. :cool:
Well as it turned out, there were no lies, but I'm always mindful of the old phrase, "just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you"
Cheers guys