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My Mum's Ex...

katiemackkatiemack Posts: 7,837
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in Advice #1
Hi All,

I was just looking for peoples perspective on a situation I have...

My mum broke up with her partner of 2 and a half years last week and during this time he had become a father figure to me we would chat and were very friendly. I am in contact with my own dad and I am 25 so never needed him as a replacement or anything, just we got on.

I now don't know if i am allowed to stay in contact with him or should try phoning him, or if i should send a card on his birthday next week?

I don't think my mum would mind but i don't know if he will or not, their break up was very amicable and i won't want to talk to him all the time just see how he is doing maybe once a month something like that.

Do you think this would be ok or should I wait for him to contact me first?!

I'd just like someone elses perspective on this as I don't know who else to ask....

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,161
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    #2
    I'd send the card - I'm sure if nothing else, he might appreciate the thought, and it's being friendly, not clingy. He can decide if he wants to contact you then, I assume.
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    ImaPlumImaPlum Posts: 6,072
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    #3
    It's a difficult situation to be in, where you want to do the right thing and not offend anyones sensibilities. Personally, I think since the breakup was quite amicable, I would be inclined to send the birthday card, and just maybe mention to your mum that you are planning to do it.
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    katiemackkatiemack Posts: 7,837
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    #4
    Yeah that's what I thought i want to do the right thing but not hurt anyone.

    I thought by sending the card it's just a birthday card nothing out of the ordinary people send them to friends and it's a simple way to let him know there are no hard feelings between me and him and yeah it's probably a good idea to let my mum know first.

    Thanks :)
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    smartpicturesmartpicture Posts: 1,404
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    #5
    Just make sure you know where to draw the line, and that your mum is genuinely happy about it, and you should be fine. You sound like you have a sensible attitude to it. He may well be looking for a sign from you that you're okay about staying in touch.

    Just don't be like my mum - she remains overly-pally with all mine & my sister's ex-es, and sometimes it's a bit uncomfortable. I'm okay with her being friendly with my ex-husband as he's the father of my kids and still part of the family, and he spends more time round at hers than I do. But boyfriends I had 20 years ago or boyfriends I had nasty breakups with, why does she need to stay friends with them? They're a different generation to her, can have nothing in common except discussing my failings, and I really don't like it. Not that that makes any difference.
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