My Mum passed away today ...
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My beloved Mum passed away this morning. It was a blessing for her as she had been very ill for some time and I'm just glad all her suffering is over now and she is at peace.
Is it normal to feel nothing just now? I feel as if it isn't real. I haven't really cried yet. I feel as though all I have done today is tell people - family and friends. I've not had any time to myself.
Is is normal to feel like this?
Is it normal to feel nothing just now? I feel as if it isn't real. I haven't really cried yet. I feel as though all I have done today is tell people - family and friends. I've not had any time to myself.
Is is normal to feel like this?
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Comments
People grieve differently and it may take you a little time for it to sink in.
When my gran died I didn't cry until the funeral. Like you, I knew my gran was very ill and I think her death wasn't so distressing because I knew it was going to happen.
I don't know if I've been any help, but I understand how you feel.
It's up to you, and nobody else how you want to handle this. All I'd say is that balance it - don't totally cut yourself off but tell the people you trust that you need some time to yourself and that you won't be afraid to reach out when you need them and need to talk. And make sure they're the ones who will be around when you want to talk too. Times like this have a great way of showing who really is there for you and who isn't, but I know what you mean, people out of pure kindness can over-compensate and be a little too in your face even though they mean well.
Put up with the visitors, dinners being cooked for you, etc. for the next week or so before the funeral, but don't be backward in coming forward with your feelings either. Been here before with my Dad and my mum is in her 80s so realistically will happen in the future.
I am very, very sorry for your loss - go easy on yourself, put yourself first and your feelings for your mum and take lots and lots of time. Thinking of you xxx
It's completely normal, and it's important to let your self feel, or not feel in your own time. There's no hard and fast template for bereavement and grief, everyone processes it differently, so don't judge yourself because you think that you're not doing it right. Just get through it the best way you can. x
You're so right. I'm driving home fromt he Nursing Home watching people walking down the road having come out of the pub or restaurant and I kept thinking they don't know that my Mum has just died..
it feels all unreal just now. I think it's going to hit me after the funeral. I talked to my Mum at least twice at day every day just to make sure she was okay, and I think when everything is back to normal and all the family have gone back to their various countries etc I'll find that really hard.
I put this poem on FaceBook to tell a lot of my friends as I would have been on the phone all day as I think it sums up my Mum:
You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on
My mum passed away 30 years ago, and I can remember that day as if it was yesterday.
No offence to anyone supportive here, but the internet is not much good for those in shock and grieving. Love and luck to you and yours. X
All things pass
A sunrise does not last all morning
All things pass
A cloudburst does not last all day
All things pass
Nor a sunset all night
All things pass
What always changes?
Earth... sky.. .thunder... mountain... wind... fire... lake...
These change
And if these do not last
All things pass
By: Lao Tzu (Chinese philosopher, 6th century BC)
I doubt there is any "normal" way to feel. You feel the way you feel and you will probably feel quite different tomorrow and the next day.
Hopefully you and your family and friends will help each other to cope.
xXx
Make sure you have good people around you, not just in the first few days but also people that can support you for a good few months. You will have birthdays, Christmas and other occasions when you will particularly miss your mum and these may be difficult.
One day at a time...
Don't feel unusual that the tears aren't immediate. They'll come.
Also, I'm really sorry about the loss of your Mum. xxx
Paulie Walnuts, I won't lower myself to your level but think on this when you've watched someone die after looking after them as you best can for over 5 years from heart failure - when the rest of their organs shut down one after the other - when you had to sit and watch this day after day knowing there was nothing you could do, when they cannot do the simple things in life like go to the toilet and brush their own hair like I have just done, then feel free to come and comment. I also hope that when one of your relatives - whether it be a Mum, Dad, Aunt, Uncle or whoever it may be - dies you receive the same sympathy. Yes we all do die and there is nothing we can do about it, but when someone like me, who has just lost their mother 24 hours ago, it is not helpful to comment like this.
It certainly is, and I believe it is because you have been expecting it to come as your Mum had been ill and suffering for some time.
Both when both my Mum and Dad died a couple of years apart, I had been expecting it to happen. My Dad had been slowly deteriorating and his will and value of life had gone, I sat beside his bed for 5 hours until he passed away, I did not cry when the time came but certainly did the following day when the reality kicked in.
My mum died after 8 weeks in hospital after a major operation which was not a success and not even recognising me or anyone else, it was just a matter of time as I knew there was no chance of any recovery.
Time will take its course depending on the individual and if you feel the tears welling up, try not to hold them back and let them come, it will eventually pass.
Anyone who has lost a loved one will understand how you feel with the exception of a particular callous person who posts on here who just have no feelings for anyone whatsoever, just ignore the fool.
I lost my Mum to cancer after 5 years of illness, just over 11 years ago. And I didn't 'react' for the first 2 days after her death. It was all numb and doing things and telling people. It didn't mean I didn't love her, or wasn't distraught. It just took a couple of days for it to come out. And then it hit me hard. I was ok during the daytime hours, looking after the kids & my brother and sister, making arrangements etc. It was when I went to bed that I lost it and cried and cried.
It will come GG and then it will get better in time.
I wish you well hun.
And keep in your heart that you cared for her the very best you could. That will mean much more to you in time x