Can't say I agree with the generalisations being stated about women on this thread. That is the consequence of consistent rejection, it can knock you for six in terms of self worth. You can end up becoming jaded and defensive. At least if such people are going to make such a claim, back it up with hard evidence noting that such things are based on propensity, not everyone is the same and that biology and environment are factors.
Agreed, and similar to what I said before. Too many people on here give their own experience as fact and write off entire sections of people. I get that horrible experiences happen, they do to all of us, but it's bad enough when we let them skew our own view of the world, let alone other peoples.
maybe you are trying too hard for that relationship??
Not likely. I have admittedly only tried dating sites and the odd app, but even apps such as Tinder which I've tried using before, I get zero recipients. Zero. What are the chances of that? I'd say I'm normal; two eyes, hair, no deformities etc, and yet no interest, regardless of hookup or relationship.
Some people are just not relationship material. There will always be a small percentage of people who will never find a partner or engage in a long term relationship.
This, unfortunately is a belief I'm starting to ... believe.
This is why people state that you should live your own life and do the things you enjoy. If you do end up being one of those small number of people, at least you won't regret what you have done in life.
Unless one of the things that you do want to do is become involved in a relationship and eventually settle down with children, in which case you live your life in regret.
Can't say I agree with the generalisations being stated about women on this thread. That is the consequence of consistent rejection, it can knock you for six in terms of self worth. You can end up becoming jaded and defensive. At least if such people are going to make such a claim, back it up with hard evidence noting that such things are based on propensity, not everyone is the same and that biology and environment are factors.
Another guy has already provided the evidence, so it's there for your reading. If any given person (myself or otherwise) is getting constant rejection though, it would further extend the belief about said generalisation.
tghe-retford is making the implication that the suggestion about many (not all) women have high and/or above realistic expectations for what they want in a partner as false.
tghe-retford is making the implication that the suggestion about many (not all) women have high and/or above realistic expectations for what they want in a partner as false.
Actually, I've provided evidence on an old thread to suggest that there may be truth to this by providing other scientific papers backing up that study, but also advise caution in that the OKCupid only deals with people on dating websites and isn't an accurate picture of men and women as a whole, plus you have to deal with these findings through propensity - ie. not everyone fits the rule, environment is also a factor.
tghe-retford is making the implication that the suggestion about many (not all) women have high and/or above realistic expectations for what they want in a partner as false.
Hello, since creating the thread i have actually found a bit more confidence. I am trying to lose some weight now and trying to build more confidence and look more attractive. What other steps could i take. Im not really into online dating. I Do like traveling and going out places but i just am not sure where to start?
I'm so glad you've begun to feel more confident about yourself. That is the key to so much in life. Sadly, you will always have some people who will try to knock you down and make you feel bad about yourself. Sod them! As long as you know you are a good person, trying your best to be kind and thoughtful, you'll be fine.
You'd be amazed the places you meet people, without even trying. When you're out and about, smile at people, chat to them when you can and just be friendly. You never know, you may bump into the woman of your dreams in Sainsbury when you are looking for a choloclate muffin or fish fingers!
Just be yourself, don't make out you are someone you are not, be chatty, flirty and most importantly.. Listen to a girl...listen to what they want and dont bore them with me me me
I'm so glad you've begun to feel more confident about yourself. That is the key to so much in life. Sadly, you will always have some people who will try to knock you down and make you feel bad about yourself. Sod them! As long as you know you are a good person, trying your best to be kind and thoughtful, you'll be fine.
You'd be amazed the places you meet people, without even trying. When you're out and about, smile at people, chat to them when you can and just be friendly. You never know, you may bump into the woman of your dreams in Sainsbury when you are looking for a choloclate muffin or fish fingers!
A little bit of an update. I am now going on evening and Morning walks to get some much needed exercise and tomorrow I am going to watch my local team play football. I've decided to live my life and hopefully meet the right person along the way. I can't do much when i'm crying/depressed looking at a computer screen.
Thanks everyone for their advice and I will keep you posted
Hi, im 23 years old and nearly 24. I've never had a Girlfriend before or even kissed any girl. It is really getting me down as my Step Bro/Step Sis and Friends have all found people. They have all learnt to drive and i don't seem to find any confidence. I Have autisim and it just seems like no Girl will be ever interested in me. What do i do
If I was you. I would try new things ie clubs or go out more and try and meet new people, take a few friends with you so it doesn't look like your on your own and it will help build your confidence as you'll have support of your mates too.
Could you not ask a friend who can already drive to take you to an empty carpark or something early hours in the morning/or late evening (when the shops closed) and you could have a few lessons just to ease your nerves and build your confidence. Then when you feel ready you could book a few lessons. I am sure if you explained to the driving instructor beforehand that your really nervous etc.. they will be understanding and support your needs.
Truth is when finding a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you really shouldn't go out looking. Most people I know have met their girlfriends/boyfriend/partners by accident.. it just happened. They didn't look for it. I know you might think 'oh i will be waiting forever if i just wait around' but thats not true. You keep busy, have fun and dont think about it and live your life and then when you least expect it she'll turn up.
You are 23, you are still very young. There is no rush, honestly.
A little bit of an update. I am now going on evening and Morning walks to get some much needed exercise and tomorrow I am going to watch my local team play football. I've decided to live my life and hopefully meet the right person along the way. I can't do much when i'm crying/depressed looking at a computer screen.
Thanks everyone for their advice and I will keep you posted
That's the spirit. It's rare (not impossible though) that you'll meet Mrs Right behind a computer screen. So you're doing the right thing in getting out more. It will happen eventually, just stay positive and let it happen whenever it happens.
Good luck, I too would like to hear of your progress,
A little bit of an update. I am now going on evening and Morning walks to get some much needed exercise and tomorrow I am going to watch my local team play football. I've decided to live my life and hopefully meet the right person along the way. I can't do much when i'm crying/depressed looking at a computer screen.
Thanks everyone for their advice and I will keep you posted
That's a really positive attitude Sam.:)
Being in a relationship IS lovely, but it's not everything. It can also cause terrible pain if you are with the wrong person. So you at doing the right thing, living your life and just seeing what happens.
Hello all, just thought i would update this page. Well 5 months have passed since i posted and still no girlfriend. I am at college but i have decided as this is my 25th year i am entering i am going to quit college after June and start looking for a job. I have decided that I am going to be losing weight and i am also starting to budget my money to save for the future.
I have set the goal to 2020 which is now only 3 years away to be living independently from my parents, to have found a good job and to hopefully have been on a few dates and who knows maybe in a relationship.
Sam, forwhat its worth I think you're doing the right thing. Yes, tonnes of people have had relationships through meeting on line but for many its not that great.
I think doing more activities and meeting new people is the best way to go. A job will also give you a wider circle of friends and contacts. So much emphasis is put on being part of a couple but having good friends and interests are just as important.
Hello all, just thought i would update this page. Well 5 months have passed since i posted and still no girlfriend. I am at college but i have decided as this is my 25th year i am entering i am going to quit college after June and start looking for a job. I have decided that I am going to be losing weight and i am also starting to budget my money to save for the future.
I have set the goal to 2020 which is now only 3 years away to be living independently from my parents, to have found a good job and to hopefully have been on a few dates and who knows maybe in a relationship.
Relationships, getting married and having children is not the be all and end all. For example, one in three marriages end in divorce. And don't feel pressurized to have children if you don't want to. It's not enshrined in law. Some of us simply don't want to get married and/or have children.
A bit off topic, I realise, but higher priorities are like you said.
It can be difficult I know, all my family members are married and at social events I'm often left out (literally sometimes) just because I'm single.
Perhaps the time is just not right for you OP. Relationships can be rewarding but are also a lot of hassle in my experience and god help you if you get her pregnant !
Enjoy being single while you can is my advice. I'd definitely like to find someone in later life since I think it's comforting to know that there is someone there as things start to go creaky. However even at 43 I think I'd feel a little restricted/ conformist in a long term relationship.
I know a man who everyone thought was a lifelong bachelor and then at around 50 he met and married the lady of his dreams and nearly 20 years down the line they are still happily together.
Relationships, getting married and having children is not the be all and end all. For example, one in three marriages end in divorce. And don't feel pressurized to have children if you don't want to. It's not enshrined in law. Some of us simply don't want to get married and/or have children.
A bit off topic, I realise, but higher priorities are like you said.[/QUOTE
Given your appalling and well deserved reputation you are the last person he needs advice from.
Relationships, getting married and having children is not the be all and end all. For example, one in three marriages end in divorce. And don't feel pressurized to have children if you don't want to. It's not enshrined in law. Some of us simply don't want to get married and/or have children.
A bit off topic, I realise, but higher priorities are like you said.[/QUOTE
Given your appalling and well deserved reputation you are the last person he needs advice from.
Comments
Agreed, and similar to what I said before. Too many people on here give their own experience as fact and write off entire sections of people. I get that horrible experiences happen, they do to all of us, but it's bad enough when we let them skew our own view of the world, let alone other peoples.
This, unfortunately is a belief I'm starting to ... believe.
Unless one of the things that you do want to do is become involved in a relationship and eventually settle down with children, in which case you live your life in regret.
Another guy has already provided the evidence, so it's there for your reading. If any given person (myself or otherwise) is getting constant rejection though, it would further extend the belief about said generalisation.
Evidence for what?
The evidence I speak of (which was actually posted on a different thread, whilst on similar topic) is this post here: http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showpost.php?p=83450524&postcount=130
I blame Disney.
I'm so glad you've begun to feel more confident about yourself. That is the key to so much in life. Sadly, you will always have some people who will try to knock you down and make you feel bad about yourself. Sod them! As long as you know you are a good person, trying your best to be kind and thoughtful, you'll be fine.
You'd be amazed the places you meet people, without even trying. When you're out and about, smile at people, chat to them when you can and just be friendly. You never know, you may bump into the woman of your dreams in Sainsbury when you are looking for a choloclate muffin or fish fingers!
Good luck Sam X
So very true!;-)
Or those little cream slices from Tesco...
Love them
Quite so!
Thanks everyone for their advice and I will keep you posted
A really positive step in the right direction. Take care of yourself, and yes I'd really like to know how you're getting on, so keep us updated xx
If I was you. I would try new things ie clubs or go out more and try and meet new people, take a few friends with you so it doesn't look like your on your own and it will help build your confidence as you'll have support of your mates too.
Could you not ask a friend who can already drive to take you to an empty carpark or something early hours in the morning/or late evening (when the shops closed) and you could have a few lessons just to ease your nerves and build your confidence. Then when you feel ready you could book a few lessons. I am sure if you explained to the driving instructor beforehand that your really nervous etc.. they will be understanding and support your needs.
Truth is when finding a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you really shouldn't go out looking. Most people I know have met their girlfriends/boyfriend/partners by accident.. it just happened. They didn't look for it. I know you might think 'oh i will be waiting forever if i just wait around' but thats not true. You keep busy, have fun and dont think about it and live your life and then when you least expect it she'll turn up.
You are 23, you are still very young. There is no rush, honestly.
That's the spirit. It's rare (not impossible though) that you'll meet Mrs Right behind a computer screen. So you're doing the right thing in getting out more. It will happen eventually, just stay positive and let it happen whenever it happens.
Good luck, I too would like to hear of your progress,
That's a really positive attitude Sam.:)
Being in a relationship IS lovely, but it's not everything. It can also cause terrible pain if you are with the wrong person. So you at doing the right thing, living your life and just seeing what happens.
Be happy and keep us posted.
I have set the goal to 2020 which is now only 3 years away to be living independently from my parents, to have found a good job and to hopefully have been on a few dates and who knows maybe in a relationship.
I think doing more activities and meeting new people is the best way to go. A job will also give you a wider circle of friends and contacts. So much emphasis is put on being part of a couple but having good friends and interests are just as important.
Relationships, getting married and having children is not the be all and end all. For example, one in three marriages end in divorce. And don't feel pressurized to have children if you don't want to. It's not enshrined in law. Some of us simply don't want to get married and/or have children.
A bit off topic, I realise, but higher priorities are like you said.
Perhaps the time is just not right for you OP. Relationships can be rewarding but are also a lot of hassle in my experience and god help you if you get her pregnant !
Enjoy being single while you can is my advice. I'd definitely like to find someone in later life since I think it's comforting to know that there is someone there as things start to go creaky. However even at 43 I think I'd feel a little restricted/ conformist in a long term relationship.