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Older partners
AnnaliseZ
Posts: 3,912 Forum Member
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I recently read an argument that a reason young men and women sometimes sought older partners was that they wanted a paternal or maternal figure. Do you think this is the case? In which case what does this say about older people who have much younger partners - is it empowering to have someone younger or just a bit desperate because you can't pull someone your own age?
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However I'll give it a couple of minutes just for this post.
Do I think people with older partners have mummy or daddy issues? I have no idea and neither does anyone else, it's one of those generalisations we people like to throw around. Shrinks do it too and they're just guessing most of the time and trying to make problems in people's heads fit in with some theory they learned at university.
And as for older people who have younger partners, well nobody really knows about that either do they? Most of the time it's probably quite nice to feel that you can pull someone younger. In the past few years I've had relationships with people 10 years older and also 10 years younger than me, plus one with someone who was around the same age. We all like different stuff, arre attracted to different people, we're this amazing diverse species that does all sorts of different things because we're all different. Trying to analyse us is a waste of time.
There's a film I watched recently called 'whatever works'. It's mostly about a very old man going out with 21 year old girl. As the title goes: whatever works. Bugger what anyone else thinks.
Yeah there was a similar age gap between my mum and dad and it worked out ok for them
Actually, AnnaliseZ, I'm surprised you got such a negative reaction to your OP
thats also our age gap
When we first got together I used to feel a little insecure about it, in terms of worrying if other people would think I was a bit of a perv and more importantly in terms of whether the relationship would last, on account of the age gap.
Those thoughts never enter my head now though and I couldn't be happier.
I was worried about the relationship lasting (its been almost 6 years now) - and I was worried about meeting his family and their reaction.
I didnt feel like a perv! A lot of reaction I got was very much 'good for you'. We live in London and you see much stranger combos of people Im sure!
His family were actually totally fine and I get on with them really well. And also in actual fact hes a lot more responsible then me about a lot of things also!
But its good to see that it can work for people... I guess maybe we were just too different rather than the age gap being the problem
lol - thanks ninja - I probably could have worded it differently
But those issues could just as easily happen with a couple the same age. They're personality based not age based, surely?
He's far more responsible than I'll ever be in most respects too.
He lived to be a few months shy of 80, so had the best of both worlds really, a kind of double life. He quite liked a drink and was able to lead a fun, free and easy life without responsibility. Then, when he was ready to settle down and have a family, he met a 21 year old and married within a year.
Not necessarily... 10 years previously I wouldn't have thought twice about heading out straight after work for an all-nighter and then got up the next morning for another day at the office... and I still would have done it but I just wasn't physically up for that... I tried but ended up like a zombie at work the next day
What are "Daddy issues?"
Oh, I expect older partners can pull someone their own age, but younger partners are more lively.
Actually the theorists identify the relationship with the primary caregiver as being the most influential in later life, there is no gender bias and it has nothing to do with girls having protective daddies.
A secure child will grow into a happy adult and have relationships which follow the same pattern of security. Chilren who are not secure will also follow the same pattern as they have lower expectations about relationships.
As for age gap relationships....who gives a stuff if its a good healthy one.