Lois: Peter, there's a hooker on the bed!
Hooker: Hi.
Peter: Stand perfectly still Lois, their vision is based on movement.
[they don't move]
Hooker: Where'd you go?
Lois: "It was like that time Peter pretended to be racist to get out of jury duty." *cuts to Peter looking around in jury duty*
Peter: "Awwwful lotta honkeys in here!"
*Stewie sees the car return after being left home alone*
Stewie: Mommy! Daddy! Chris! Dog! Brian!
Vader (Stewie): Join me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son! Y'know? I mean it doesn't have to be as father and son, it can be just as, a-y'know- as two really close guys who just happen to be men y'know, just, two good-lookin' guys sharin' a cramped office runnin' the galaxy together — y'know just, gettin' the job done y'know — maybe we, maybe we do it occasionally, but its not weird, y'know, cause we're just, two guys with ragin' goals, y'know? I mean its not even about the doin' it part — but thats a part of it — but its not- its not the whole thing.
Usually occurring after Peter causes an accident to damage part of Cleveland's house whilst he's in the bathtub.
Cleveland: What the hell? No, no, no, no, no, noooo. I gotta stop taking my baths during Peter's shenanigans.
Cleveland: What the hell? No, no, no, no, no, noooo. Wait! I can't feel my legs!
Joe [off screen]: Welcome to the party, pal.
Cleveland: Oh wait, there they are
Joe [off screen]: Aww
[On The Cleveland Show]
Cleveland: What the hell? No, no, no, no, no, noooo.
Tim the bear: I uh, don't get it.
Cleveland: Boy, this election's gonna be a tight one.
Quagmire: Probably gonna be decided by just a couple of votes.
Peter: And here we are sitting here like a bunch of lazy paraplegic cops.
Joe: Huh?
Peter: Oh, I'm sorry, Joe. It's just an expression.
Joe: Ah.
Cleveland: Boy, this election's gonna be a tight one.
Quagmire: Probably gonna be decided by just a couple of votes.
Peter: And here we are sitting here like a bunch of lazy paraplegic cops.
Joe: Huh?
Peter: Oh, I'm sorry, Joe. It's just an expression.
Joe: Ah.
Hahahahahaha, I must've missed this episode. That's brilliant.
The Arabgram, Alalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalgh, From Joan and Keith.
Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?
Diane Simmons (sighs): Ghostbusters, Tom.
Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said.
Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.
Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!
Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.
Lois: So doctor, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month.
Peter: What?
Doctor (revealing comic he was reading): Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and eating giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.
Peter: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, eh?
Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Argh! There's a spider in here. Now, here we go. Mr Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.
Peter/Lois: Argh!
Doctor: This is your driver's licence, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...
Peter: Argh!
Doctor: ...when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.
Lois: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?!
Doctor: Ah, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim Bassinger? Bass singer? Bassinger? But now, onto the cancer.
Lois: Oh my goodness!
Doctor: You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? Now onto these test results. My, they're much worse than I thought.
Peter/Lois: Oh!
Doctor: My son got a D minus on his history test. Now Mr Griffin, that liver's got to come out.
Lois: What?!
Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes, it'll get dry. Now-
Lois: Please, please, we can't take any more schtick.. Please just tell us, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: Oh, yeah, he's fine, he's just really fat.
Lois: So doctor, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month.
Peter: What?
Doctor (revealing comic he was reading): Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and eating giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.
Peter: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, eh?
Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Argh! There's a spider in here. Now, here we go. Mr Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.
Peter/Lois: Argh!
Doctor: This is your driver's licence, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...
Peter: Argh!
Doctor: ...when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.
Lois: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?!
Doctor: Ah, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim Bassinger? Bass singer? Bassinger? But now, onto the cancer.
Lois: Oh my goodness!
Doctor: You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? Now onto these test results. My, they're much worse than I thought.
Peter/Lois: Oh!
Doctor: My son got a D minus on his history test. Now Mr Griffin, that liver's got to come out.
Lois: What?!
Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes, it'll get dry. Now-
Lois: Please, please, we can't take any more schtick.. Please just tell us, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: Oh, yeah, he's fine, he's just really fat.
You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois.
Because if I'm a child, do you know what that makes you? A pedophile.
And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
Peter: Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Peter (to next Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Peter (to Jackie Chan): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Jackie Chan: Great to see I have a fan! Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Peter: No I'm not.
Jackie Chan to Chris: Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Chris: Nope.
Jackie Chan to Meg: Oh my God it's Malcom in Middle!
Meg: Im not a boy!
Jackie Chan: Yes you are.
Comments
Hooker: Hi.
Peter: Stand perfectly still Lois, their vision is based on movement.
[they don't move]
Hooker: Where'd you go?
West: Ahhhhh a wall!
I loved that scene
Holy Crip, he's a crapple!!!!!!
and
Lois : What are you doing Stewie
Stewie : playing house
Lois : but that boy's tied up
Stewie : Roman Polanski's house
Tom Tucker: Coming up, handsome newsreporter reads the news in pleasing baritone, stay tuned for that, [deeper] and mooore.
Tricia Takanawa: Diane, i'm standing outside the Park Barrington Hotel because they don't allow asians inside.
*cuts to Peter looking around in jury duty*
Peter: "Awwwful lotta honkeys in here!"
*Stewie sees the car return after being left home alone*
Stewie: Mommy! Daddy! Chris! Dog! Brian!
Meg "No"
Quagmire "Hey chris, how are you?"
Chris "well..."
Quagmire (Walking off): "aallllriiight!"
Cleveland: What the hell? No, no, no, no, no, noooo. I gotta stop taking my baths during Peter's shenanigans.
Cleveland: What the hell? No, no, no, no, no, noooo. Wait! I can't feel my legs!
Joe [off screen]: Welcome to the party, pal.
Cleveland: Oh wait, there they are
Joe [off screen]: Aww
[On The Cleveland Show]
Cleveland: What the hell? No, no, no, no, no, noooo.
Tim the bear: I uh, don't get it.
"I'm free! Free! I claim this mouth in the name of Incisor."
"...I think not."
*Gasp!* "Bicuspid!"
Quagmire: Probably gonna be decided by just a couple of votes.
Peter: And here we are sitting here like a bunch of lazy paraplegic cops.
Joe: Huh?
Peter: Oh, I'm sorry, Joe. It's just an expression.
Joe: Ah.
Cleveland: Would you like a carrot?
Penelope Cruz: Yes
"I bought these gifts for you, thery're up in my bum"
Sung to the tune of Little drummer Boy
Hahahahahaha, I must've missed this episode. That's brilliant.
Joe's reaction is the best bit about it.
Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?
Diane Simmons (sighs): Ghostbusters, Tom.
Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said.
Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.
Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!
Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.
Lois: So doctor, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month.
Peter: What?
Doctor (revealing comic he was reading): Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and eating giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.
Peter: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, eh?
Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Argh! There's a spider in here. Now, here we go. Mr Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.
Peter/Lois: Argh!
Doctor: This is your driver's licence, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...
Peter: Argh!
Doctor: ...when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.
Lois: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?!
Doctor: Ah, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim Bassinger? Bass singer? Bassinger? But now, onto the cancer.
Lois: Oh my goodness!
Doctor: You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? Now onto these test results. My, they're much worse than I thought.
Peter/Lois: Oh!
Doctor: My son got a D minus on his history test. Now Mr Griffin, that liver's got to come out.
Lois: What?!
Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes, it'll get dry. Now-
Lois: Please, please, we can't take any more schtick.. Please just tell us, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: Oh, yeah, he's fine, he's just really fat.
Tom: "Bit of breaking news, we now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane"
Diane: "And now to Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa, who filed this report...all by herself!"
hahaha...one of my faves!
You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois.
Because if I'm a child, do you know what that makes you? A pedophile.
And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-fQ32qz4d0
Peter: Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Peter (to next Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Peter (to Jackie Chan): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Jackie Chan: Great to see I have a fan! Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Peter: No I'm not.
Jackie Chan to Chris: Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Chris: Nope.
Jackie Chan to Meg: Oh my God it's Malcom in Middle!
Meg: Im not a boy!
Jackie Chan: Yes you are.