Hard to say sorry when you don't know what you're supposed to be sorry for though.
Erm not really. I suppose if it's a stranger then yeah sure. If its your sibling, then I'm pretty sure you would have some idea what it's all about. Plus if your actually wanting to sort stuff out, just make up. Say sorry. Doesn't matter what the specific reason is. Try 'look I'm really sorry for what I have done or said. I just want to sort things out and put this behind us'.
I look at things in a basic simple way. Doesn't matter how complicated the argument is, it only takes one person to sort it out.
Really? That's awful, she was working in the hospital? My sister and I have an age gap of 20 years.. Very good when I was growing up, but awful now we're both adults. She sends my friends horrible messages on facebook in secret and it's only recently a few of them have showed me what she's sent. I actually couldn't ask a friend to be my bridesmaid as she is genuinely scared of my sister. I had to move in with her when I was 16 as she told my mum she couldn't cope with her son.. I couldn't cope with a 4 year old and a drunk woman in her 30's any better though!!
I'm married with a baby now, and if I don't see her for two days or so, she will phone my mum and invent a drama or say she is worried about my son as she hasnt seen him, and I think that is totally out of order. It's like she thinks I am inacapable of looking after him myself and yet when i recently asked her 11 year old son to close his mouth when he chews at a meal, she dragged my mum off afterwards and told her I was upsetting her and implying she was a bad parent. She uses underhand tactics and guilt to get her own way. She told my mum that e had bruises on his chest that he did not have, and actually suggested that he should move in with her. I went mental when my mum asked me about the bruises and told me what she'd said, and yet I was told not to cause a fuss and just distance myself so as not to upset her.
She's also taken umbrage with a friend of mine - we are both young, first time mums with husbands who work a LOT for not much money, and she has been a rock to me the past two years. My sister was jealous of this and sent her nasty messages and would just constantly insult her to me, even insulting her baby and saying he was ugly and she wasn't doing a good job with him.
I've ranted now but I just can't help it. I'm usually quite laid back but my parents and brother have moved away, our other brother wisely opts out of everyday family life, and I am the one bearing the brunt of 42 years of always getting her own way. I try to distance myself and then I get tearful phone calls in the middle of the night, so I put on a brave face and am nice to her but I cannot get over lying to my mum about my son.
:eek::eek: You need to put this sister in her place & fast, What a horrible thing to say regarding your Baby & you! Why didn't your mother check your Baby was fine then give it her hot & heavy?...Stop pussy foorting around her she is a grown women for goodness sake...Tell her to get a life & get her nose out of your life...She behaves like this because she has go away with Manipulating everyone around her for all her life by the sounds of it...Tell her you love her but sometimes don't like her very much & to stop all the drama she is creating, If she doesn't then more fool you & your Mum for taking this from her time & time again!:o
You say your sister hasnt done this or that but have you made the effort?
She didnt contact you when your relationship ended - did you contact her or did she find out through other people? She doesnt come to your house - have you ever made the effort to go to hers? Why do you think she would refuse you if you knocked on her door?
TBH if you want to get to the bottom of things then you need to go see her - she could be sitting their thinking the same things as you. Or she coulf just be a bitch. Either way you will know where you stand.
OP it sounds like you have had a near miss, as if she had accepted, she sounds like she would have given you the runaround and maybe created a whole load of problems, anyway.
I know of some brother/sister feuds amongst friends and acquaintances and some of them are truly shocking. One in particular I know of is between two brothers and because their wives do not get on and the hatred for eachother and their families is horrible and they are particularly chavvy that they sling a lot of their mud via Facebook and it has even turned into the parents taking sides in that the mother is on the side of one son and the father is on the other son’s side (split parents) and even those two and the step-parents have taken to Facebook to pass comment, so very sad and childish and one step-parent shocked me as she is a professional worker!
Anyway, someone I knew from my teens came to fit my Sky and when I asked how his sister was he said that they hadn’t spoken in 10 years. I said that was very sad and he said that they just accepted that even though they were born into the same family, they are two very different people with different views and lifestyles and it was harder trying to make a relationship work than it was to avoid eachother and just deal with the fact they did not like one another. This kind of made sense to me and up until then I thought that people should always make an effort to heal family rifts but now I feel sometimes its not really the right or easiest thing to do.
I certainly agree with the jealousy reason for a lot of feuds/unexplained snubs too. I love my sister to pieces and I am certain she loves me but she is very hard work sometimes, cancelling meet ups and telling me to stay away and having swipes and digs at me about my life being better – all down to jealousy in my eyes when there is nothing to be jealous of at all. She is also particularly jealous when my brother and I do things together, which is rare but it is because those two are closer than I am to any of them and I think she feels threatened by that. Silly.
Well if I have done something wrong I would like to at least know what it is.
What if you havent' done anything wrong or if she just doesn't get along with you or you rub her up the wrong way or annoy her so that she wants to avoid you? Like on the thread about some people not liking bubbly, eccentrics etc. Some people just don't get along to well and it is nobodies fault.
You are sisters. Can't you both just sit down and agree to adapt or deal with each other differently, or just be polite, or not see each other too often etc. Just because you are sisters doesn't mean you have to be best buddies, each other's bridesmaid etc. Maybe the relationship will rebuild gradually if you give her some of what she is signalling she wants - room - or maybe it will at least be less uncomfortable for others to be around you both.
Weddings seem to cause all the bother and drama. I really don't get it why people don't just go off quietly on their own to get married, dragging along their best friend only or a randomer off the street. Best wedding I ever went to was one where there were only two guests - me and Mr H.
Is a wedding coming up in our family and it is causing nothing but angst and trouble.
:eek::eek: You need to put this sister in her place & fast, What a horrible thing to say regarding your Baby & you! Why didn't your mother check your Baby was fine then give it her hot & heavy?...Stop pussy foorting around her she is a grown women for goodness sake...Tell her to get a life & get her nose out of your life...She behaves like this because she has go away with Manipulating everyone around her for all her life by the sounds of it...Tell her you love her but sometimes don't like her very much & to stop all the drama she is creating, If she doesn't then more fool you & your Mum for taking this from her time & time again!:o
I had it out with her at the time she said it, or tried to, and she insisted it was a genuine mistake and it must have been dirt and she hadnt done it maliciously, and my mum chose to believe her as its the easy option, I just don't as she suggested taking him. She's had addiction and eating problems in the past so she is allowed to get away with a lot, I do feel like a fool most of the time for holding my tongue but I just don't want to upset my parents by causing a fight.
I'm a bit embarrassed now I really didn't mean to have that rant
If she were my sister I would write her a letter (she will be able to read it again and again) I would tell her I love her and miss her and have a hole in my life that only she can fill. I would tell her that my heart and my door are always open for her no matter how much time or hash words may pass between us.
I would tell her that she will never be without a friend in this world whilst I could help her.
And then I would just wait.
My sister and I are also very similar, I do all the work in trying to maintain our relationship but boy she makes it difficult!!!
She even admitted to me once that if we weren't sisters then she wouldn't even be my friend as we are so different. She was right, we do not act similar or have any similiar interests and frankly we dont like each other's personalities (she's incredibly boring and I'm very outgoing) BUT we both accept that and muddle along because we are sisters.
I guess you just have to accept that is the way she is, and unless you want to cut her out of your life then it seems like you'll have to keep doing all the work.
Tell your sister that if she has a problem with you, to write it nicely on a pice of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up her ass.
Seriously though, I think jealousy/resentment is the issue with siblings. Maybe it's not something you've done, but your parents. Did your parents favour you over her? Or favour your kids over hers? That kind of thing breeds resentment.
Comments
Have you ever spoken to her about it? I am sorry to hear about your son, that must be very difficult without a horrible sister on top!
Erm not really. I suppose if it's a stranger then yeah sure. If its your sibling, then I'm pretty sure you would have some idea what it's all about. Plus if your actually wanting to sort stuff out, just make up. Say sorry. Doesn't matter what the specific reason is. Try 'look I'm really sorry for what I have done or said. I just want to sort things out and put this behind us'.
I look at things in a basic simple way. Doesn't matter how complicated the argument is, it only takes one person to sort it out.
:eek::eek: You need to put this sister in her place & fast, What a horrible thing to say regarding your Baby & you! Why didn't your mother check your Baby was fine then give it her hot & heavy?...Stop pussy foorting around her she is a grown women for goodness sake...Tell her to get a life & get her nose out of your life...She behaves like this because she has go away with Manipulating everyone around her for all her life by the sounds of it...Tell her you love her but sometimes don't like her very much & to stop all the drama she is creating, If she doesn't then more fool you & your Mum for taking this from her time & time again!:o
My sister doesn't seem so bad now, compared to the stories on this thread, some throughly nasty sisters out there.
I will try and contact her in a couple of days when we have both cooled down and will try to get to the bottom of this.
Well if I have done something wrong I would like to at least know what it is.
She didnt contact you when your relationship ended - did you contact her or did she find out through other people? She doesnt come to your house - have you ever made the effort to go to hers? Why do you think she would refuse you if you knocked on her door?
TBH if you want to get to the bottom of things then you need to go see her - she could be sitting their thinking the same things as you. Or she coulf just be a bitch. Either way you will know where you stand.
Everyone's a know it all
I think the OP should have put this in Advice, might have got some better responses.
Anyway, someone I knew from my teens came to fit my Sky and when I asked how his sister was he said that they hadn’t spoken in 10 years. I said that was very sad and he said that they just accepted that even though they were born into the same family, they are two very different people with different views and lifestyles and it was harder trying to make a relationship work than it was to avoid eachother and just deal with the fact they did not like one another. This kind of made sense to me and up until then I thought that people should always make an effort to heal family rifts but now I feel sometimes its not really the right or easiest thing to do.
I certainly agree with the jealousy reason for a lot of feuds/unexplained snubs too. I love my sister to pieces and I am certain she loves me but she is very hard work sometimes, cancelling meet ups and telling me to stay away and having swipes and digs at me about my life being better – all down to jealousy in my eyes when there is nothing to be jealous of at all. She is also particularly jealous when my brother and I do things together, which is rare but it is because those two are closer than I am to any of them and I think she feels threatened by that. Silly.
You are sisters. Can't you both just sit down and agree to adapt or deal with each other differently, or just be polite, or not see each other too often etc. Just because you are sisters doesn't mean you have to be best buddies, each other's bridesmaid etc. Maybe the relationship will rebuild gradually if you give her some of what she is signalling she wants - room - or maybe it will at least be less uncomfortable for others to be around you both.
Is a wedding coming up in our family and it is causing nothing but angst and trouble.
I had it out with her at the time she said it, or tried to, and she insisted it was a genuine mistake and it must have been dirt and she hadnt done it maliciously, and my mum chose to believe her as its the easy option, I just don't as she suggested taking him. She's had addiction and eating problems in the past so she is allowed to get away with a lot, I do feel like a fool most of the time for holding my tongue but I just don't want to upset my parents by causing a fight.
I'm a bit embarrassed now I really didn't mean to have that rant
I would tell her that she will never be without a friend in this world whilst I could help her.
And then I would just wait.
She even admitted to me once that if we weren't sisters then she wouldn't even be my friend as we are so different. She was right, we do not act similar or have any similiar interests and frankly we dont like each other's personalities (she's incredibly boring and I'm very outgoing) BUT we both accept that and muddle along because we are sisters.
I guess you just have to accept that is the way she is, and unless you want to cut her out of your life then it seems like you'll have to keep doing all the work.
Why be so nasty??
Seriously though, I think jealousy/resentment is the issue with siblings. Maybe it's not something you've done, but your parents. Did your parents favour you over her? Or favour your kids over hers? That kind of thing breeds resentment.