I genuinely don't understand how it's possible to be beaten like that and go back, it doesn't matter how it's explained to me it doesn't click.
Still I've always wondered how the Police can save these women when they put themselves back in the firing line, I assume they must have some tools to protect women who won't accept help?
Im pretty much the same, but I think there's an element of Stockholm syndrome for many abuse victims.
I finally got round to watching this on I player. I downloaded it and watched it on my flight home from Mallorca yesterday. I knew it was based on a true story but who it was I didn't know. I watched it alone as I was travelling alone and I was in tears after it was so harrowing and disturbing to watch and I was thinking about it all yesterday and today. More does need to be done above educating men and women about abusive relationships and as mentioned in the thread it should be shown in schools, if it's planned to then that can be a positive thing to take from the real life story. Having suffered emotional abuse I can see why men and women struggle to leave the abusive partner, it's not easy and as the lead said during the show about him taking away her hope and once her hope had gone there was nothing left. A truly well acted and thought out show and I really do wish that for the sake of every man, woman or child which suffers abuse regularly something is done off the back of it
One hit and OUT, should be the rule for relationships.
That's easy to say when you're not the victim.
A lot of these women have been manipulated and worn down mentally, where they feel trapped/isolated, the abuser gets them to a point where they can't leave.
A lot of these women have been manipulated and worn down mentally, where they feel trapped/isolated, the abuser gets them to a point where they can't leave.
A lot of these women have been manipulated and worn down mentally, where they feel trapped/isolated, the abuser gets them to a point where they can't leave.
What part of 'One hit and OUT' is difficult?
The first time a partner lays a hand on the other partner (male or female) then they should leave the relationship. Even if that means moving somewhere else.
If possible they should also press charges against them, so that even if they are not convicted, a pattern of behaviour can be made later on.
in reply to your "what part of one hit and OUT is difficult?" (coz i cant figure out how to highlight it) is all those women and men who stay with their abusive partners... so it must be difficult!! and i would know coz i was in one of those relationships.... until you are in that situation, you can never know how you would really react.
I think what hit me hardest when watching this was not that it's based on a true story so much, but that I know 2 girls who came so close to being in a relationship like this, but they thankfully got out long before it became really bad. One of them was being mentally abused to the extreme (the idiot told her to diet when she was almost dangerously underweight and it really affected her) and the other girl used to get screamed at for the tiniest of things and have stuff thrown at her for no reason. I am unsure if either of them suffered physical abuse, if they did then it was nothing on the scale of this story, but they were both strong enough to cut all ties and several years later they have both totally moved on and are leading healthy lives with no contact whatsoever with the past.
This should be shown in all high schools to make people aware of how to spot domestic violence. Totally uncensored is the only way to show such things or don't bother at all. Young adults cannot and must not be shielded from this kind of thing, as to do so allows it to carry on.
I found the end incredibly moving, seeing the feathers falling. We tend to associate feathers with gentleness, even angels and yet here they were falling during the most barbarous attack on a young woman.
Today, I had to move my ironing board and thought, not for the first time, that it weighs a ton. Then I remembered the end of the programme again.
How sad that these terrible things are happening today.
This should be shown in all high schools to make people aware of how to spot domestic violence. Totally uncensored is the only way to show such things or don't bother at all. Young adults cannot and must not be shielded from this kind of thing, as to do so allows it to carry on.
Yes along with the 'This is Abuse' campaign, this should be taught in 'Sex Ed'.
So at what point in the programme would people have left the abusive boyfriend? (or girlfriend if the other way around).
I have never been in a mental or physically abusive relationship but I like to believe that, if a boyfriend beats me for the first time, I would leave, straight away. However, I am well aware that is easy for me to say, when I have never been in that kind of situation.
I watched the programme again, on BBC1 on Sunday. I'm glad that they decided to show it, again.
The first time a partner lays a hand on the other partner (male or female) then they should leave the relationship. Even if that means moving somewhere else.
If possible they should also press charges against them, so that even if they are not convicted, a pattern of behaviour can be made later on.
You're not getting the point. As I said it's EASY for you to say this. But a lot of women who are targeted are vulnerable/haven't had a normal upbringing. These abusers prey on them and gets them to a point where they've earnt trust, so that "ONE HIT and OUT" isn't the same for everybody. The young woman in this case was also pregnant, she was naive and vulnerable and he knew that.
You may have escaped as your circumstances were able for you to do so.
So at what point in the programme would people have left the abusive boyfriend? (or girlfriend if the other way around).
It's easy to say when we would have left but when you're in the situation yourself, it's a totally different ball game. We can all predict/say but you don't know what would happen in that situation. Abusers are very convincing at their apologies and promises to change etc.
You're not getting the point. As I said it's EASY for you to say this. But a lot of women who are targeted are vulnerable/haven't had a normal upbringing. These abusers prey on them and gets them to a point where they've earnt trust, so that "ONE HIT and OUT" isn't the same for everybody. The young woman in this case was also pregnant, she was naive and vulnerable and he knew that.
You may have escaped as your circumstances were able for you to do so.
Not everyone can.
The really sad thing is that she did leave him and tried to make a life but he would not let her. I cannot imagine what her life must have been like constantly being harassed by him, she must have been so terrified.
I do think though no matter what she did he would probably have killed her anyway., he was so totally obsessed with controlling her.
I think its easy to say because you left anyone can..but everyone has different thoughts. She did try and leave him but for whatever reason she kept going back. No one will ever really know why.
The end was awful. I could not believe my eyes. Thank god he is locked up.
I think its easy to say because you left anyone can..but everyone has different thoughts. She did try and leave him but for whatever reason she kept going back. No one will ever really know why.
The end was awful. I could not believe my eyes. Thank god he is locked up.
Hope the daughter is being looked after well.
It wasn't easy to leave. I cried myself to sleep every day for over a year. But I'd seen it happen to my parents and said I'd never be in that type of relationship.
Some people believe it is love, which is why I believe that someone who loves someone else would never want to hurt them.
I'm a little late to this thread but only just round to watching it on my Sky+ box, even though I knew the outcome I found it pretty traumatising and still can't help thinking about it now, the fact it's been a gloomy weather BH Monday doesn't help. I'm not one for violence against the violent but the brilliant acting here stirred very angry reactions in me for people like this still out there every day doing this.
I hope the real life scum who did this rots in jail forever and that the little girl grows up ok. RIP to the mother.
I remember watching this..it certainly stayed with me.i think it's hard to answer when she should have left. .For anyone looking in it's simple. .first sign of violence get out of there, when you have an emotional attachment its not so clear cut
I remember watching this..it certainly stayed with me.i think it's hard to answer when she should have left. .For anyone looking in it's simple. .first sign of violence get out of there, when you have an emotional attachment its not so clear cut
But that's why I've always thought it should be an intellectual rule that people leave a relationship at the first sign of violence.
So that they avoid getting in the emotional trap.
I haven't been able to watch the show all the way through as I found it difficult to watch, so I am not sure if he hit her before the time he actually killed her. If so then that would definitely be the time she should have left him. But there might also be a point when he also started to get psychologically abusive that should also be a sign to leave him.
Opps there is the first sign. When he moves her dress strap up because it has fallen down. Obviously not enough to leave him for, but the start of him being possessive.
Comments
Im pretty much the same, but I think there's an element of Stockholm syndrome for many abuse victims.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome
http://www.atvtoday.co.uk/57728-bbc/
That's easy to say when you're not the victim.
A lot of these women have been manipulated and worn down mentally, where they feel trapped/isolated, the abuser gets them to a point where they can't leave.
They also have no dignity and no honour
What part of 'One hit and OUT' is difficult?
The first time a partner lays a hand on the other partner (male or female) then they should leave the relationship. Even if that means moving somewhere else.
If possible they should also press charges against them, so that even if they are not convicted, a pattern of behaviour can be made later on.
I know because I was in one too, and I left.
Why did you stay the first time they hit you?
She will stay with him till she dies, a shadow of the person she could have been if she was with someone who really loved her.
This should be shown in all high schools to make people aware of how to spot domestic violence. Totally uncensored is the only way to show such things or don't bother at all. Young adults cannot and must not be shielded from this kind of thing, as to do so allows it to carry on.
Today, I had to move my ironing board and thought, not for the first time, that it weighs a ton. Then I remembered the end of the programme again.
How sad that these terrible things are happening today.
Yes along with the 'This is Abuse' campaign, this should be taught in 'Sex Ed'.
I have never been in a mental or physically abusive relationship but I like to believe that, if a boyfriend beats me for the first time, I would leave, straight away. However, I am well aware that is easy for me to say, when I have never been in that kind of situation.
I watched the programme again, on BBC1 on Sunday. I'm glad that they decided to show it, again.
You're not getting the point. As I said it's EASY for you to say this. But a lot of women who are targeted are vulnerable/haven't had a normal upbringing. These abusers prey on them and gets them to a point where they've earnt trust, so that "ONE HIT and OUT" isn't the same for everybody. The young woman in this case was also pregnant, she was naive and vulnerable and he knew that.
You may have escaped as your circumstances were able for you to do so.
Not everyone can.
It's easy to say when we would have left but when you're in the situation yourself, it's a totally different ball game. We can all predict/say but you don't know what would happen in that situation. Abusers are very convincing at their apologies and promises to change etc.
The really sad thing is that she did leave him and tried to make a life but he would not let her. I cannot imagine what her life must have been like constantly being harassed by him, she must have been so terrified.
I do think though no matter what she did he would probably have killed her anyway., he was so totally obsessed with controlling her.
I think its easy to say because you left anyone can..but everyone has different thoughts. She did try and leave him but for whatever reason she kept going back. No one will ever really know why.
The end was awful. I could not believe my eyes. Thank god he is locked up.
Hope the daughter is being looked after well.
It wasn't easy to leave. I cried myself to sleep every day for over a year. But I'd seen it happen to my parents and said I'd never be in that type of relationship.
Some people believe it is love, which is why I believe that someone who loves someone else would never want to hurt them.
I hope the real life scum who did this rots in jail forever and that the little girl grows up ok. RIP to the mother.
I would like people to watch it and say at what point in the relationship (and programme) she should have stopped going out with him.
But that's why I've always thought it should be an intellectual rule that people leave a relationship at the first sign of violence.
So that they avoid getting in the emotional trap.
I haven't been able to watch the show all the way through as I found it difficult to watch, so I am not sure if he hit her before the time he actually killed her. If so then that would definitely be the time she should have left him. But there might also be a point when he also started to get psychologically abusive that should also be a sign to leave him.
One more and she should have left him.
Getting pregnant at 17 after only going out with him for 3 months. rolleyes.
Won't get rid of his dogs even for the baby. Oh well mistake was made when she got pregnant. Too late now, strike 3.
There when he threw her against the wall. That's when she should definitely have left him.
But they have a baby now and he'd go mental if she left him anyway. She was in a no win situation as soon as she got pregnant with his baby.
So only 17mins into a 1 hour programme and we already know when she should have left him.