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Tell the story of your most memorable fart
TheTruth1983
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When I was young I was an altar boy (no jokes please) and once, when I was serving Mass, I felt an awful rumble in my guts. After a while it got so unbearably uncomfortable so I had to let rip. I did my best to keep it quiet but it didn't work. The resulting trump was loud, watery and lasted for 10 seconds. It was at communion time too so people had to have heard it.
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I persuaded him to go to the kitchen and get me a drink and as he left the room and walked into the hallway I let rip it was so loud and bassy and long!
Next thing I heard "was that you?!"
He'd heard it all
I was mortified.
Not sure why women are so prudish about farting, even early on. If someone trumpeted loudly, I would be impressed
Memorable enough, all that MSG.
I'd not had a poo all weekend and the wind had built up nicely from two days of holding trumps in. We went out for a Chinese meal and by the time we got back my stomach had blown up like a balloon, was rock hard and I was desperately uncomfortable!
I had to say something instead of keeping up the pretence that I neither did poos nor trumps so I told him I was in agony to which he replied 'awww are you too embarrassed to go for a big, smelly poo?'
At that point I blew off. It was a magnificently massive trump and the relief was instant. We both fell about laughing and the trump ice was well and truly broken
a) Let rip
b) Carried on without pausing for a second, and acted totally as if nothing had happened.
We had to sit there, with our fists stuffed in our mouths, tears of laughter running down our faces. Every time we calmed down and stopped laughing, someone else would start us off again. I think I nearly peed myself. She was the last person on earth you could imagine farting. It was like the Queen farting.
Hahaaaa I always run the basin taps when in that situation to " muddy" the noise lol
We were both in hysterics!
Cat kept mythering me so I asked son to feed it. At which point he informed me we were out of cat food. My cat has to have Royal Canine otherwise she gets a squirty bottom so I have no choice but to go to Pets at Home.
I felt my stomach drop and realised it wasn't due to the cost of the bloody cat food - but to the fermenting pork & beans. It was painful and I knew clenching wasn't going to work for long. I had to let a little out. On realising it was pretty much silent I decide to let it all out. Bliss at which point a little old lady carrying a Bichon Frise came round the aisle. She looked like she was going to throw up. To be fair it was possibly the most disgusting aroma I've ever smelt and disproved the theory 'You always like your own'. You most certainly do not. I looked at her, I looked at the dog. Back to her and said 'Is he not very well?' in my most sympathetic voice. She looked a bit confused then a shop assistant entered the aisle and actually gagged. Little old lady says "I'm ever so sorry, I don't think he's very well" Shop Assistant suggested Charcoal Biscuits might help:D
I made it as far as the car before my laughing induced another monumental fart which in the confines of a small car was deeply unpleasent
I did it once in work and damn it stank.
We were stood around a coffee machine and someone said "phwoaarrr whats that smell". I was like "oh dear lord, who did that" they all blamed this other lady and she went bright red, so they were convinced it was her. I felt bad for like a split second:D
I don't feel so bad for blaming a dog now
:D:D:D
Although I have doubts if my colleagues heard it or not but my boss must have. I didn't dare turn around and carried on as normal but inside I was cringing with embarrassment!
One of my brothers has some of the stinkiest farts going, I know they're supposed to smell, but his are ones where just fanning it away with your hand is pointless, you just need get out the area and take in some fresh air.
When you say follow though.......:o:D