Well I managed a few hours sleep, woke and for a split second every thing was fine, then I remembered what was going on.
Well she assures me it's not the sex, but how can I believe anything she says.
Yes that's a horrible feeling, when you wake up and then remember.. Have you two had a decent talk yet? Are your feelings starting to settle? Hope you are being kind to yourself
You are very lucky. Get angry, demand that she leaves and chuck all her stuff out on the pavement. Change the locks, and ensure she does not nick the car. Phone a lawyer and start proceedings.
Hardly the best thing to do when the man has a heart condition is it?
Yes that's a horrible feeling, when you wake up and then remember.. Have you two had a decent talk yet? Are your feelings starting to settle? Hope you are being kind to yourself
We've not talked yet she doesn't seem to want. I'm being made to feel like the guilty party and that it's all my fault. I can't believe how Ok everyone is about it, my daughter said to me get over it, it happens. wtf!
Hardly the best thing to do when the man has a heart condition is it?
I went to the doctors yesterday, my blood pressure is high, problem is my blood pressure is always low due to my meds. The doc wasn't bothered but he was a locum, if it was my usual doc she be having every blood test done she could.
Oddly enough, it hasn't affected the use of his tongue - his wife still gets a touch of intimate pleasure. Does your tongue still work?
well that's obviously not enough for my wife. It's that we've not had any sex life come and the thought that I've been there after another man. I just can't get my head round it, I've said I can forgive her but I want answers, but I'm not getting answers.
We've not talked yet she doesn't seem to want. I'm being made to feel like the guilty party and that it's all my fault. I can't believe how Ok everyone is about it, my daughter said to me get over it, it happens. wtf!
That's shocking, I'm sorry she is projecting blame onto you probably to try and justify the immoral way she has behaved to herself. It must feel like a triple blow - bad enough she betrayed you, but she isn't even sorry, and she's now painting herself as the victim to make you look llke the bad guy..
Talk about kicking a dog when he's down.. Like someone said before you can probably do without such characters in your life... It must do nothing for your confidence. And she is too cowardly to even talk to you it is clear you adore the woman though and it's early days. You definitely do need a serious chat when the dust settles but til then is it really good idea to be around each other?
One thing I learned about love is there's no place for trying to manipulate or control anyone, ever and if you love somebody (cliche alert!!) let them go, let them discover whether the grass really is greener! If they love you, they will return.
Sounds like she's chomping at the bit to go start her new life with lover boy - if you can find the strength in you, just let her, out of love.. However most people's instinct would probably be to cry and beg, plead and fight for their love to show how much they care - i'd never do this cos my version of 'love' is really wanting the other one to be happy n I'm ok alone.
and now my son has just called me a selfish prick for being angry and slamming stuff. I just can't cope, well I've taken one of her trazadones hope that calms me down.
However most people's instinct would probably be to cry and beg, plead and fight for their love to show how much they care - i'd never do this cos my version of 'love' is really wanting the other one to be happy n I'm ok alone.
Did all that the other night, I was on my hands and knees begging and sobbing like a baby.
I'm sure you know that it's never a good idea to take someone else's prescribed medication, and particularly if you have a heart condition. Allow yourself to grieve what has been lost, (for me, it was the loss of the idealised version of the marriage), and work out what you really want in the future.
Its not really normal for the kids to be on the side of the parent that has cheated. Maybe time to look at your own actions? Even on here you come across as very self indulgent.
Hey you hurt me, I'm going to take pills and booze and make you sorry.
Maybe I'm wrong but what your children say make me think I am right.
Maybe you can learn from it rather than blame everyone but yourself, look at your own actions in your married life and see if there was anything you could have done to make this happen.
I would be saying the same if you were female before anyone jumps on me.
I'm sure you know that it's never a good idea to take someone else's prescribed medication, and particularly if you have a heart condition. Allow yourself to grieve what has been lost, (for me, it was the loss of the idealised version of the marriage), and work out what you really want in the future.
I know but I've lost everything. I've been laid in bed for I think 2 days now I just don't know what to do, I don't even know who I am aby more its been we fir 22 years, I really don't want ti go on without her.
It's gut wrenching, and I did the same: I was just curled up in misery. The whole horizon of my life had shifted. But your life is about you, and you're just on the brink of a different phase.
The reactions of the children and the fact that you admit you are a difficult person to live with suggest there is more to this story.
I'm in no way condoning the affair, but perhaps your wife had valid reasons to want to leave you and the affair was the easiest way to do it.
Perhaps it will be better if for all if you and your wife split and everyone moves on with their lives. It will be awful now but you will come out the other side and be able to find happiness again.
Chuck her out , you deserve better. You have given her your 20 years, kids, your family surname and she goes out and cheats on you?
Clearly she has no selfrespect or any respect to others including you and her children.
Stop drinking silly or taking drugs etc. She is not worth you harming yourself, wake up, be a man and get rid of her and hopefully you will meet somone who will respect you and love you regardless of health problems you may have.
I know but I've lost everything. I've been laid in bed for I think 2 days now I just don't know what to do, I don't even know who I am aby more its been we fir 22 years, I really don't want ti go on without her.
If she does not want to talk and you are not getting any answers it will do your head no good to stay in that situation, you either need to go away for a few days to think,or ask her to leave for a few days.
Its never easy after such a long time,but if you stay in that situation your mental health will get worse,as it appears to be doing now,not only your physical health.
You really might have to face up to the fact that if your wife is unwilling to talk there is very little you can do.
Its tough i know i am divorced but it does happen and there is life after it if the worse comes to the worse which it may not do, but you do need to spend some time apart to ponder your future in my view.
and now my son has just called me a selfish prick for being angry and slamming stuff. I just can't cope, well I've taken one of her trazadones hope that calms me down..
I think you should consider at this point that you may both be at fault and that emotional blackmailing and pity will not work - especially if that is what she wants to escape from.
What have you actually said you will change? if you wife, daughter and son all call you selfish maybe you are a bit.
Get them out of your life as they are toxic-the fact your children have treated you in this manner says it all. Insensitive scumbags.
Concentrate on your other family- parents and I hope you have brothers and sisters so look to spend Christmas with them and lean on friends during this difficult time.
As for people attacking how you've behaved-ignore them. You have had a major upset and it has obviously affected your emotional health, you should not be attacked for that and if you are genuinely unwell then you are not using emotional blackmail.
It is only emotional blackmail if you are putting on an act of upset.
Either way you have unfortunately found out some people in your life are arseholes so remove them from your life and start over again.
I think you should consider at this point that you may both be at fault and that emotional blackmailing and pity will not work - especially if that is what she wants to escape from.
What have you actually said you will change? if you wife, daughter and son all call you selfish maybe you are a bit.
I'm being called selfish because when I found out I was a little bit angry, slammed doors that sort of stuff, I don't think that sort of reaction is out of the ordinary. my life is going to work coming going to bed and then going to work again, shit life really but someone has to pay the bills, my wife is too I'll to go to work she's even told me she can't leave the house funny how when I'm at work she managed to go out and get ****ed.
I think you should consider at this point that you may both be at fault and that emotional blackmailing and pity will not work - especially if that is what she wants to escape from.
What have you actually said you will change? if you wife, daughter and son all call you selfish maybe you are a bit.
I urge you to go and see your GP urgently. You are hurting and need help - that is only normal. You need help dealing with the range of emotions you are dealing with. What you are going through is traumatic and no one can expect you to cope well with it. Your GP needs to help you deal with your emotions.
You mention taking some drugs with a heart condition and alcohol. You also mention suicide a lot recently on these forums. Please seek the help you need.
In the mean time, I suggest you contact Samaritans urgently to help you deal with your problems (08457 90 90 90 or jo@samaritans.org)
Once you have your head straight, you can then deal properly with the situation you find yourself in. At the moment, whatever you do will not be enough until you deal with yourself first.
I urge you to go and see your GP urgently. You are hurting and need help - that is only normal. You need help dealing with the range of emotions you are dealing with. What you are going through is traumatic and no one can expect you to cope well with it. Your GP needs to help you deal with your emotions.
You mention taking some drugs with a heart condition and alcohol. You also mention suicide a lot recently on these forums. Please seek the help you need.
In the mean time, I suggest you contact Samaritans urgently to help you deal with your problems (08457 90 90 90 or jo@samaritans.org)
Once you have your head straight, you can then deal properly with the situation you find yourself in. At the moment, whatever you do will not be enough until you deal with yourself first.
Please please please get help now.
ny GP is om holiday now I saw the locum but once I had my 10 mins he was pyssing out off the door. If it was my GP she would never have lot me out so soon
I think I'll try and get help, wife and kids have said uve become paranoid, lets see see cheated on my now sge is arranging to meet some fella she knew in infants in worried for her, she has Wass sexualy abused by her brother raped at 13 by sone 18 yera old and niw she is meeting a complete stranger really. im 42 ib Jan I dont lead an exciting life but I thought that was normal fir most people thar had kids mayve people were right wr were too young wgen we got married.
jusy got off the phone with Samaritans, no help at all, what help can they be, poor Las all she coyld shay is im sorry amd are you feeling suicidal. What can they do
Sorry for going on and on im sure you all have your own ptoblems with me.
I say, that sounds a bit unprofessional, not to mention unhygienic.
sorry bit had to see me phone key pad at the moment but im sure yoy could have worked out it was pushing me out of the door, but hay as long as you can joke aboyt it
jusy got off the phone with Samaritans, no help at all, what help can they be, poor Las all she coyld shay is im sorry amd are you feeling suicidal. What can they do
Sorry for going on and on im sure you all have your own ptoblems with me.
They listen to you, and while you talk you can get things off your chest, and maybe see clearer how things could be changed and what part you yourself may have played in this breakup.
I agree with Natural worrier you should try and get help if feeling this way.
I find if suicidal thinking is getting on top of you going to bed and trying to get some sleep might help- it doesn't always but it's a way of shutting yourself down for a bit and sometimes it can help.
Either way you've had something horrible happen to you so you should put you first and take things easy at first but consider what you want and how you can achieve it and if you can't how best to cope and come to terms with it.
So many people have marriages that breakdown remember the good times and how things can change for the good, if you were not around then you would miss out on any happiness that a new life could bring.
Comments
Well she assures me it's not the sex, but how can I believe anything she says.
Hardly the best thing to do when the man has a heart condition is it?
We've not talked yet she doesn't seem to want. I'm being made to feel like the guilty party and that it's all my fault. I can't believe how Ok everyone is about it, my daughter said to me get over it, it happens. wtf!
I went to the doctors yesterday, my blood pressure is high, problem is my blood pressure is always low due to my meds. The doc wasn't bothered but he was a locum, if it was my usual doc she be having every blood test done she could.
well that's obviously not enough for my wife. It's that we've not had any sex life come and the thought that I've been there after another man. I just can't get my head round it, I've said I can forgive her but I want answers, but I'm not getting answers.
Talk about kicking a dog when he's down.. Like someone said before you can probably do without such characters in your life... It must do nothing for your confidence. And she is too cowardly to even talk to you
One thing I learned about love is there's no place for trying to manipulate or control anyone, ever and if you love somebody (cliche alert!!) let them go, let them discover whether the grass really is greener! If they love you, they will return.
Sounds like she's chomping at the bit to go start her new life with lover boy - if you can find the strength in you, just let her, out of love.. However most people's instinct would probably be to cry and beg, plead and fight for their love to show how much they care - i'd never do this cos my version of 'love' is really wanting the other one to be happy n I'm ok alone.
Did all that the other night, I was on my hands and knees begging and sobbing like a baby.
Hey you hurt me, I'm going to take pills and booze and make you sorry.
Maybe I'm wrong but what your children say make me think I am right.
Maybe you can learn from it rather than blame everyone but yourself, look at your own actions in your married life and see if there was anything you could have done to make this happen.
I would be saying the same if you were female before anyone jumps on me.
I know but I've lost everything. I've been laid in bed for I think 2 days now I just don't know what to do, I don't even know who I am aby more its been we fir 22 years, I really don't want ti go on without her.
I'm in no way condoning the affair, but perhaps your wife had valid reasons to want to leave you and the affair was the easiest way to do it.
Perhaps it will be better if for all if you and your wife split and everyone moves on with their lives. It will be awful now but you will come out the other side and be able to find happiness again.
Clearly she has no selfrespect or any respect to others including you and her children.
Stop drinking silly or taking drugs etc. She is not worth you harming yourself, wake up, be a man and get rid of her and hopefully you will meet somone who will respect you and love you regardless of health problems you may have.
If she does not want to talk and you are not getting any answers it will do your head no good to stay in that situation, you either need to go away for a few days to think,or ask her to leave for a few days.
Its never easy after such a long time,but if you stay in that situation your mental health will get worse,as it appears to be doing now,not only your physical health.
You really might have to face up to the fact that if your wife is unwilling to talk there is very little you can do.
Its tough i know i am divorced but it does happen and there is life after it if the worse comes to the worse which it may not do, but you do need to spend some time apart to ponder your future in my view.
What have you actually said you will change? if you wife, daughter and son all call you selfish maybe you are a bit.
Get them out of your life as they are toxic-the fact your children have treated you in this manner says it all. Insensitive scumbags.
Concentrate on your other family- parents and I hope you have brothers and sisters so look to spend Christmas with them and lean on friends during this difficult time.
As for people attacking how you've behaved-ignore them. You have had a major upset and it has obviously affected your emotional health, you should not be attacked for that and if you are genuinely unwell then you are not using emotional blackmail.
It is only emotional blackmail if you are putting on an act of upset.
Either way you have unfortunately found out some people in your life are arseholes so remove them from your life and start over again.
I'm being called selfish because when I found out I was a little bit angry, slammed doors that sort of stuff, I don't think that sort of reaction is out of the ordinary. my life is going to work coming going to bed and then going to work again, shit life really but someone has to pay the bills, my wife is too I'll to go to work she's even told me she can't leave the house funny how when I'm at work she managed to go out and get ****ed.
Or maybe his wife and kids are arseholes
I urge you to go and see your GP urgently. You are hurting and need help - that is only normal. You need help dealing with the range of emotions you are dealing with. What you are going through is traumatic and no one can expect you to cope well with it. Your GP needs to help you deal with your emotions.
You mention taking some drugs with a heart condition and alcohol. You also mention suicide a lot recently on these forums. Please seek the help you need.
In the mean time, I suggest you contact Samaritans urgently to help you deal with your problems (08457 90 90 90 or jo@samaritans.org)
Once you have your head straight, you can then deal properly with the situation you find yourself in. At the moment, whatever you do will not be enough until you deal with yourself first.
Please please please get help now.
thank you, why is it always the mabs fault.
ny GP is om holiday now I saw the locum but once I had my 10 mins he was pyssing out off the door. If it was my GP she would never have lot me out so soon
I think I'll try and get help, wife and kids have said uve become paranoid, lets see see cheated on my now sge is arranging to meet some fella she knew in infants in worried for her, she has Wass sexualy abused by her brother raped at 13 by sone 18 yera old and niw she is meeting a complete stranger really. im 42 ib Jan I dont lead an exciting life but I thought that was normal fir most people thar had kids mayve people were right wr were too young wgen we got married.
I say, that sounds a bit unprofessional, not to mention unhygienic.
Sorry for going on and on im sure you all have your own ptoblems with me.
sorry bit had to see me phone key pad at the moment but im sure yoy could have worked out it was pushing me out of the door, but hay as long as you can joke aboyt it
They listen to you, and while you talk you can get things off your chest, and maybe see clearer how things could be changed and what part you yourself may have played in this breakup.
I agree with Natural worrier you should try and get help if feeling this way.
I find if suicidal thinking is getting on top of you going to bed and trying to get some sleep might help- it doesn't always but it's a way of shutting yourself down for a bit and sometimes it can help.
Either way you've had something horrible happen to you so you should put you first and take things easy at first but consider what you want and how you can achieve it and if you can't how best to cope and come to terms with it.
http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showpost.php?p=76157651&postcount=253
So many people have marriages that breakdown remember the good times and how things can change for the good, if you were not around then you would miss out on any happiness that a new life could bring.