But she doesn't put the boot into other people, doesn't strike me as spiteful, vengeful and vindictive Just deluded, but in a harmless way.
Actually, she did have a go at Mary Beard if I remember correctly. Some rubbish about how "ugly" people shouldn't be on TV, I believe. (where's that rolleye smilie?)
Actually, she did have a go at Mary Beard if I remember correctly. Some rubbish about how "ugly" people shouldn't be on TV, I believe. (where's that rolleye smilie?)
Oh dear. But I still reckon that on the scale of sheer baleful spitefulness, Brick is way WAY down the list below the execrable Jones. As for Sibary, I'd put her a close second after Jones.
On another topic: any news of poor Prudence the Cat? Is she still held prisoner in the Jones Yorkshire fastness, along with the other seventeen cats, the toothless/sheep worrying dogs, sickly ailing horses? Or has the Baker's lovely ex girlfriend insisted that Prudence is returned? I think we should be told.
I haven't posted anything here for some time but this Sunday's Dreary entry gave me the idea for a 'take off' on it.
By the way, amikolaichek, I think your posts are brilliant.
In which I am in a Quandary.
Oh, dear God - decisions, decisions! What shall I wear today - the Victoria Beckham dress or the Prada one? Which designer footwear shall I put on - the Jimmy Choos or Christian Louboutin shoe-boots?
What news can I write in this week's Diary? Will David propose or do I really want him to? Is this the real thing or an extension of my youthful crush? Does David really love me or is he using me as a meal ticket?
Why oh why does all this happen to meeeee? How can I cope with all this decision making?
At this point my negative musing was interrupted abruptly when I looked across at David. He was scratching his crotch with one hand, picking his nose with the other while simultaneously lifting up a dropped cigarette butt with his toes!
Well, dear reader, I could only marvel at his amazing co-ordination.
Why on earth you can't have your cat back is... well I don't know what it is. Unfair is what it is. How long has Liz had her, a couple of months?
Drear Diary
In which I weigh up my relationship options, by which I mean, I return to passive aggressive whining about why David, who doesn't measure up and sickens me with his foie gras eating and dirty ways, didn't want to throw me up against the column when I was young and fair. Because that's easier than taking some responsibility for my own feelings about him NOW.
Is it because I didn't HAVE a column back then? Is David really just in this for the column and the cashmere and the gold Dunhill lighters? Is life better without David and his inconsiderate procreative tendencies, and with more room for product placement? VB VB VB? What does he see in me now I am old and haggard? Why didn't he want me when I still had breasts? Is he a latent homosexual? Is that why he loves to bite my bottom? Or is it simply that he knows my bottom is gluten free and won't upset his coeliacs like the bread he piggishly insisted on eating while we drove from the South of France with my wedding finger still bereft of adornment? Does he simply want to devour me? Lord knows I would not be very nutritious due to my decades of anorexia which once saw me hospitalised on the end of a drip. Though I am at least grass-fed. If only I could convert David properly to veganism I wouldn't have to worry about that, at least.
I suffer from such low self-esteem because nobody ever told me I was pretty as a child. That is why I wanted to become a model, because everybody knows models look like aliens in real life. It was a horrible wakeup call to me to realise that I could not even be a model. One of the friends I always claimed not to have, but that I now admit to, told me I should just accept that I look like a perfectly normal human being, neither hideous nor stunning, but neither of these is acceptable to me you see. Years of malnourishment both cultural and physical left me with only one option: to be extraordinary.
Oh Dreary it is so draining to be extraordinary all the time! I have had to work so hard to cultivate my bile, you really have no idea. Every day I immerse myself in woman-hating media just to remind myself of my failings, so that I can lash out at someone. Anyone. Anyone at all! You, over there! You look like the carefree girl David aged 31 went off to play squash with 30 years ago, a little, if I squint. I blame YOU. For it all! ALL OF IT!
And then there is my family. You have no idea drear Dreary how fortunate it is that I am profoundly deaf. That ensures that their quiet middle-class expressions of gratitude go unheard. It makes it much easier for me to reveal their alcoholism and other failings in public. For that is not what an ordinary person would do, you see. No. It is the act of one who is extraordinary.
Extraordinary. Yes, I am that. That, I have achieved, though the upkeep is neverending. Worse than the plucking of my beard and knees. But David. David. Where I am extraordinary, David is... merely... extra.... ordinary.
I have asked for prudence to be returned to me but I can't have her back.
DD you have been used as bitter column fodder by Liz and worse, by your ex who clearly does not deserve the loyalty you have shown and such dignity. It is never made clear in the brief mentions of Liz's animals now exactly where they are being kept (there was that one horrific mention of Michael the Collie being kept in a cellar!). Does Prudence live with David or at Liz's? Or does the sainted Nic now look after her as well?
Nic may be many things... but "sainted" she ain't: from what I've been told, a nasty piece of work.
But she can't be because she wuvs the ickle fluffy animals (and by all accounts has the use of a certain New Convertible Mercedes - I wonder who owns that?).
Oh dear. But I still reckon that on the scale of sheer baleful spitefulness, Brick is way WAY down the list below the execrable Jones. As for Sibary, I'd put her a close second after Jones.
I agree that Brick is nowhere near as vile as Jones and is still mostly just laughable rather than harmful.
What IS it with female columnists being so nasty/totally nuts? Is it some sort of suvival of the meanest thing? We've had/have high profile "writers" like Liz Jones, Amanda Platell, Jan Moir, Melanie Phillips, Shona Sibary, Julie Burchill, Samantha Brick...it's like this endless list of vile/unhinged women who are either trolling for clickbait or who really are certifiably insane.
The only really awful male "journalists" I can think of off the top of my head are Richard Littlejohn and Dan Wootten in terms of being outright bullies.
I find it sinister and upsetting that the red tops seem to actively want to portray women in the media in such a bad light, but it obviously works for them.
Dunno Suzy-cat - I was just glad to have a rest from the relentless "I love you, only you, never loved anyone like you" DScrace tripe!
I have to admit that I just gave the column a cursory look but if she really is next to being bankrupt then what the hell was she doing buying a top of the range new car No wonder she's in the doo-doo, she has absolutely no sense financially!
Or perhaps she's trying to prove that DScrace can't be wanting her for her 'riches' even though she's indirectly bigged herself up this way by quoting friends/associates/employees in conversations e.g. 'he's lucky to have you, you're successful, lovely house yada yada yada'. I wonder if he knows about her financial straits or if he'll find out via the column?
If it's all true then yes she has a teeny bit of sympathy from me as her need for status symbols to prove her worth is a bit sad if it's ultimately led to this. But at the same time she's so damned nasty about other people - who could forget her 'fructis washing' jibe as if using a cheaper product somehow made them less worthy? Perhaps if Lizard had dumped the expensive shampoos (and other luxury brands) and washed her own hair in fructis she might not be in this mess. What good are posh shampoos if you haven't got a bath/shower to wash in?!
But ultimately - she's on a fantastic salary, what the hell does she do with all that money if she still owes so much to HMRC even though she supposedly gave them her fee for Big Brother?
EDIT: keep forgetting to say 'Bravo!' to all the people who post Liz satires on here, great work!
Exactly. "Oh I've been too generous" - balls. She is buying cars and houses for herself and raking in, supposedly, half a million pounds a year for writing a column and one or two articles a month. That is not 3000 words a day, which is what she claims and which is, indeed, an onerous amount. (Though given that Liz Jones' writing seems to consist mostly of unedited scredes of repetition all about herself, it's probably not as hard as it could be.) So theoretically this writing is producing MORE money, or will (if it's the novel, perhaps not). If you can't afford to spend money, you don't spend money. If you can't afford to give someone a very expensive gift, you get them a cheaper but equally thoughtful one. If you can'f afford to write a novel, put it aside. If you can't live on half a million pounds a year, learn to budget.
Her mockery of people who don't use her preferred brands, given her supposed financial state, just irks more than ever.
I presume quite a lot of the stuff she has did not cost her. I have a couple of beauty editor friends and they get so many freebies every year that they sell the stuff they don't want ultra cheaply to colleagues and donate the money raised to charity. That's AFTER they've nabbed the Creme de la Mer and prestige lippies in favourite colours. And they make a lot.
There's something rather passive aggressive, too, about this coming on the heels of the doomed minibreak narrative and the exhalting of the manicured lawns and brand new Mercedes. "I worked so hard argh argh to pay the money... I wanted one holiday, just one.... but still they press me for money. More money MORE MONEY!!!"
For someone who supposedly grew up in penury, LJ doesn't seem to comprehend the value of a pound.
What I don't understand is how LJ has found herself in this financial fiasco. She has an accountant who, presumably, submits tax returns on her behalf. And, as a matter of course, would advise her of tax/NI owing to HMRC and when it should be paid - also advising the penalties which are applied for late (or non) payment.
Wasn't there an "issue" with HMRC a few years ago? Or perhaps this a continuation of the same thing?
So the Garnier Fructis using twerp maybe had the right idea. Don't buy high end products if you can't afford them. Not such a twerp really. Don't use Garnier Fructis BTW. And she was going to email and gloat about her brand new Mercedes whilst all the while she had only put £800 down and couldn't afford it. My little old convertible is quite cute really but the debt was obviously more attractive. And don't get me started on the breakdown. When it was relayed to her that her treatment of me was causing a breakdown she said 'what is she, 12?' Even the DM didn't reply to my anguished email. So am I sympathetic ? Well David has chosen her, so I don't want to wish them ill at all. But sympathy - no chance!
If nothing else, Dominodarling, surely this is a sign to Liz that since she's so desperately poor and all she should give up Prudence to her rightful owner. She can't afford to feed her AND Lizzie the wonder horse.
To be honest I'm inclined to take all this guff with a pinch of salt. She's exhausted the I love him, I love him not stuff and must be absolutely desperate to find something to write about. Why not resurrect the debts story? The animals have reappeared, watch this space for the return of the RS.
If she's so broke, why buy the car? And can you walk into a Merc dealership and drive away a 40 grand car by putting down £800?
Not the world I live in, so not sure.
To be honest I'm inclined to take all this guff with a pinch of salt. She's exhausted the I love him, I love him not stuff and must be absolutely desperate to find something to write about. Why not resurrect the debts story? The animals have reappeared, watch this space for the return of the RS.
If she's so broke, why buy the car? And can you walk into a Merc dealership and drive away a 40 grand car by putting down £800?
Not the world I live in, so not sure.
My thoughts exactly, Wynne_Evans. Not that I know anything about owning cars (never have, never driven) but it doesn't ring true, bragging she's 'bought' a convertible Merc. ... for eight hundred quid down payment? Really?
As for Dominodarling's comment today: she sounds far more charitable and kind than I'd be in the circumstances. As for emailing the Mail about Lizard's appalling comments about her - can anyone be surprised? The Mail Group doesn't care, ever, about the hurt and sadness it causes. Such as the distress that must be caused to her teenage kids by the awful Shona Sibary woman, invading their privacy just to make a few quid. And the Mail doesn't give a flying whatsit that Lizard traduces Scrace's ex girlfriend in print. But the greatest shame of all is that Scrace goes along with it.
Am I sorry for the Lizard? Lost her agent (now I'd like to hear about that)? HMRC after her for back tax? Car in danger of being repossessed?
She has been in this position before - she wrote a whole load of "how I learned to deal with my debt problems" articles. I think it was about the time she moved to Yorkshire. It's hard to have any sympathy. She clearly hasn't been paying her tax, and she's been living way beyond her means if she doesn't have the money put aside or other savings with which she could meet the tax bill. I wouldn't put it past her to ignore her accountant (he can do the returns, but he can't actually make her pay). I'm a bit sceptical about how much she actually earns - I know she's said herself it's £500,000 p.a. but since when can she be trusted to tell the truth. Even so, whatever she earns, her outgoings are substantial. She has a mortgage on the Yorkshire place (she is supposed to have bought it a couple of years back - given her age and credit history the mortgage payments will be hefty I think, there's no way for example it would have been a 25-yr term), plus staff (Nic), upkeep for the animals, various expensive upgrades to the house (kitchen etc.) plus at least til recently the rent on that flat in London (the Ziggurat building - several thousand £ per month, not really a "cupboard"), plus a Merc, plus an expensive holiday, plus the expensive presents for David, etc. etc. At least some of this has been financed out of money she owed in tax. The position she finds herself in is all of her own making. And yet she wants sympathy? I'm fed up with people who think the usual rules about paying tax don't apply to them.
I heard a rumour that proletarian people and even Royals sometimes commute by a thing called a "train" and, on those occasions when the train doesn't stop outside their door, another thing called a "bus". I wonder if Liz has heard of them? Of course she might have to slightly dirty the Louboutins and walk a few metres.
No sympathy from me for Ms Jones. She has earned thousands of pounds over the years (doing not a lot from what I can see) and squandered it all on buying ridiculously overpriced fripperies with which to adorn herself.
All her writing is based on being unkind to others and looking down her nose at us mere mortals.
The reference in today's Dreary about wanting to live a 'normal' life which in her world equates to ironing sheets and measuring flower stalks just about sums her up for me. She's totally out of touch with reality yet denigrates everyone else because they don't live their lives according to her creed.
Ask for not giving poor DD her cat back - that's appallingly behaviour and smacks of the actions of a very selfish individual, rather than those of a true animal lover.
Honestly, I know I won't sleep nights now through worrying about her financial plight. How awful to think that all that lovely money she got for boring everyone on Sleb BigBrother has to go to the nasty HMRC ... and of course, that money's taxed first too.
I know she's asked her devoted readers not to send her money, but still ... I've a jam jar of one pence pieces sitting on a kitchen shelf. Must be all of ... I dunno, maybe three or four quid or thereabouts? Enough to buy Lizard a few bottles of Garnier Fructis or a nice acrylic cardie from Primark? I could drop it off at the Mail offices.
By the way, who was the American woman hotelier who said that 'only little people paid taxes'?
Comments
Actually, she did have a go at Mary Beard if I remember correctly. Some rubbish about how "ugly" people shouldn't be on TV, I believe. (where's that rolleye smilie?)
You are quite correct, Tatyana - see:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2138177/Samantha-Brick-Sorry-women-ARE-ugly-TV.html
Oh dear. But I still reckon that on the scale of sheer baleful spitefulness, Brick is way WAY down the list below the execrable Jones. As for Sibary, I'd put her a close second after Jones.
On another topic: any news of poor Prudence the Cat? Is she still held prisoner in the Jones Yorkshire fastness, along with the other seventeen cats, the toothless/sheep worrying dogs, sickly ailing horses? Or has the Baker's lovely ex girlfriend insisted that Prudence is returned? I think we should be told.
By the way, amikolaichek, I think your posts are brilliant.
In which I am in a Quandary.
Oh, dear God - decisions, decisions! What shall I wear today - the Victoria Beckham dress or the Prada one? Which designer footwear shall I put on - the Jimmy Choos or Christian Louboutin shoe-boots?
What news can I write in this week's Diary? Will David propose or do I really want him to? Is this the real thing or an extension of my youthful crush? Does David really love me or is he using me as a meal ticket?
Why oh why does all this happen to meeeee? How can I cope with all this decision making?
At this point my negative musing was interrupted abruptly when I looked across at David. He was scratching his crotch with one hand, picking his nose with the other while simultaneously lifting up a dropped cigarette butt with his toes!
Well, dear reader, I could only marvel at his amazing co-ordination.
Drear Diary
In which I weigh up my relationship options, by which I mean, I return to passive aggressive whining about why David, who doesn't measure up and sickens me with his foie gras eating and dirty ways, didn't want to throw me up against the column when I was young and fair. Because that's easier than taking some responsibility for my own feelings about him NOW.
Is it because I didn't HAVE a column back then? Is David really just in this for the column and the cashmere and the gold Dunhill lighters? Is life better without David and his inconsiderate procreative tendencies, and with more room for product placement? VB VB VB? What does he see in me now I am old and haggard? Why didn't he want me when I still had breasts? Is he a latent homosexual? Is that why he loves to bite my bottom? Or is it simply that he knows my bottom is gluten free and won't upset his coeliacs like the bread he piggishly insisted on eating while we drove from the South of France with my wedding finger still bereft of adornment? Does he simply want to devour me? Lord knows I would not be very nutritious due to my decades of anorexia which once saw me hospitalised on the end of a drip. Though I am at least grass-fed. If only I could convert David properly to veganism I wouldn't have to worry about that, at least.
I suffer from such low self-esteem because nobody ever told me I was pretty as a child. That is why I wanted to become a model, because everybody knows models look like aliens in real life. It was a horrible wakeup call to me to realise that I could not even be a model. One of the friends I always claimed not to have, but that I now admit to, told me I should just accept that I look like a perfectly normal human being, neither hideous nor stunning, but neither of these is acceptable to me you see. Years of malnourishment both cultural and physical left me with only one option: to be extraordinary.
Oh Dreary it is so draining to be extraordinary all the time! I have had to work so hard to cultivate my bile, you really have no idea. Every day I immerse myself in woman-hating media just to remind myself of my failings, so that I can lash out at someone. Anyone. Anyone at all! You, over there! You look like the carefree girl David aged 31 went off to play squash with 30 years ago, a little, if I squint. I blame YOU. For it all! ALL OF IT!
And then there is my family. You have no idea drear Dreary how fortunate it is that I am profoundly deaf. That ensures that their quiet middle-class expressions of gratitude go unheard. It makes it much easier for me to reveal their alcoholism and other failings in public. For that is not what an ordinary person would do, you see. No. It is the act of one who is extraordinary.
Extraordinary. Yes, I am that. That, I have achieved, though the upkeep is neverending. Worse than the plucking of my beard and knees. But David. David. Where I am extraordinary, David is... merely... extra.... ordinary.
But she can't be because she wuvs the ickle fluffy animals (and by all accounts has the use of a certain New Convertible Mercedes - I wonder who owns that?).
I agree that Brick is nowhere near as vile as Jones and is still mostly just laughable rather than harmful.
What IS it with female columnists being so nasty/totally nuts? Is it some sort of suvival of the meanest thing? We've had/have high profile "writers" like Liz Jones, Amanda Platell, Jan Moir, Melanie Phillips, Shona Sibary, Julie Burchill, Samantha Brick...it's like this endless list of vile/unhinged women who are either trolling for clickbait or who really are certifiably insane.
The only really awful male "journalists" I can think of off the top of my head are Richard Littlejohn and Dan Wootten in terms of being outright bullies.
I find it sinister and upsetting that the red tops seem to actively want to portray women in the media in such a bad light, but it obviously works for them.
That's horrible, DD. You should have every right to get her returned to you.
Ugh, LJ grows more disgusting with the more I learn about her.
Frankly while it would be awful, I can't see why she doesn't just declare bankruptcy and be done with it.
I have to admit that I just gave the column a cursory look but if she really is next to being bankrupt then what the hell was she doing buying a top of the range new car
Or perhaps she's trying to prove that DScrace can't be wanting her for her 'riches' even though she's indirectly bigged herself up this way by quoting friends/associates/employees in conversations e.g. 'he's lucky to have you, you're successful, lovely house yada yada yada'. I wonder if he knows about her financial straits or if he'll find out via the column?
If it's all true then yes she has a teeny bit of sympathy from me as her need for status symbols to prove her worth is a bit sad if it's ultimately led to this. But at the same time she's so damned nasty about other people - who could forget her 'fructis washing' jibe as if using a cheaper product somehow made them less worthy? Perhaps if Lizard had dumped the expensive shampoos (and other luxury brands) and washed her own hair in fructis she might not be in this mess. What good are posh shampoos if you haven't got a bath/shower to wash in?!
But ultimately - she's on a fantastic salary, what the hell does she do with all that money if she still owes so much to HMRC even though she supposedly gave them her fee for Big Brother?
EDIT: keep forgetting to say 'Bravo!' to all the people who post Liz satires on here, great work!
Her mockery of people who don't use her preferred brands, given her supposed financial state, just irks more than ever.
I presume quite a lot of the stuff she has did not cost her. I have a couple of beauty editor friends and they get so many freebies every year that they sell the stuff they don't want ultra cheaply to colleagues and donate the money raised to charity. That's AFTER they've nabbed the Creme de la Mer and prestige lippies in favourite colours. And they make a lot.
There's something rather passive aggressive, too, about this coming on the heels of the doomed minibreak narrative and the exhalting of the manicured lawns and brand new Mercedes. "I worked so hard argh argh to pay the money... I wanted one holiday, just one.... but still they press me for money. More money MORE MONEY!!!"
For someone who supposedly grew up in penury, LJ doesn't seem to comprehend the value of a pound.
Wasn't there an "issue" with HMRC a few years ago? Or perhaps this a continuation of the same thing?
If she's so broke, why buy the car? And can you walk into a Merc dealership and drive away a 40 grand car by putting down £800?
Not the world I live in, so not sure.
Also, had to smile at the subtle reference to her editor.
My thoughts exactly, Wynne_Evans. Not that I know anything about owning cars (never have, never driven) but it doesn't ring true, bragging she's 'bought' a convertible Merc. ... for eight hundred quid down payment? Really?
As for Dominodarling's comment today: she sounds far more charitable and kind than I'd be in the circumstances. As for emailing the Mail about Lizard's appalling comments about her - can anyone be surprised? The Mail Group doesn't care, ever, about the hurt and sadness it causes. Such as the distress that must be caused to her teenage kids by the awful Shona Sibary woman, invading their privacy just to make a few quid. And the Mail doesn't give a flying whatsit that Lizard traduces Scrace's ex girlfriend in print. But the greatest shame of all is that Scrace goes along with it.
Am I sorry for the Lizard? Lost her agent (now I'd like to hear about that)? HMRC after her for back tax? Car in danger of being repossessed?
No, I'm bloody well NOT sorry for her.
All her writing is based on being unkind to others and looking down her nose at us mere mortals.
The reference in today's Dreary about wanting to live a 'normal' life which in her world equates to ironing sheets and measuring flower stalks just about sums her up for me. She's totally out of touch with reality yet denigrates everyone else because they don't live their lives according to her creed.
Ask for not giving poor DD her cat back - that's appallingly behaviour and smacks of the actions of a very selfish individual, rather than those of a true animal lover.
I know she's asked her devoted readers not to send her money, but still ... I've a jam jar of one pence pieces sitting on a kitchen shelf. Must be all of ... I dunno, maybe three or four quid or thereabouts? Enough to buy Lizard a few bottles of Garnier Fructis or a nice acrylic cardie from Primark? I could drop it off at the Mail offices.
By the way, who was the American woman hotelier who said that 'only little people paid taxes'?