Do you feel sympathy for these parents?

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  • AddisonianAddisonian Posts: 16,377
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    skp20040 wrote: »
    Obviously the police feel differently to you



    Detective Sergeant John Carton, of Barrow CID, said any 'criminally reckless' circumstances were ruled out.

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2140375/Newborn-baby-suffocated-mother-let-sleep-sofa.html#ixzz1uAzmcDLj
    Fair enough. But that still doesn't mean that, even if the mother was drunk, it could be excused as "the father was there too".
  • .Lauren..Lauren. Posts: 7,864
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    Graathus wrote: »
    They did something every parent does without thinking of the tiny risk and were unlucky enough to get caught by it.

    Of course they have my sympathy.

    Agreed. Thousands would have no ill consequence, but sadly they did.
  • annette kurtenannette kurten Posts: 39,543
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    it`s always about the bloody mother.
  • Babe RainbowBabe Rainbow Posts: 34,349
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    Surely one doesn't have to think they were saints in order to feel a soupcon of sympathy with them.
  • CroctacusCroctacus Posts: 18,290
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    4am...the baby is asleep....you are sleep deprived....lots of people would probably leave the baby there rather than risk waking them. For 99.9% of babies this would pass off no problem. Just a very unlucky and unfortunate accident.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 25,366
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    Jerrica09 wrote: »
    No, you can't prop a baby up, even in a cot, they have to lie flat.

    Actually you can. Well they did with our son in hospital anyway.
  • bluebladeblueblade Posts: 88,859
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    Croctacus wrote: »
    4am...the baby is asleep....you are sleep deprived....lots of people would probably leave the baby there rather than risk waking them. For 99.9% of babies this would pass off no problem. Just a very unlucky and unfortunate accident.

    Yep, that says it all. Just a tragic combination of circumstances all coming together at precisely the wrong moment. 999 times out of 1000, there'd have been a happy ending.

    Parenthood is a stressful and tiring business. I remember how stressed out, ratty and obviously exhausted my sister got when she had her first child.
  • stoatiestoatie Posts: 78,106
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    blueblade wrote: »
    Yep, that says it all. Just a tragic combination of circumstances all coming together at precisely the wrong moment. 999 times out of 1000, there'd have been a happy ending.

    Parenthood is a stressful and tiring business. I remember how stressed out, ratty and obviously exhausted my sister got when she had her first child.

    Pretty much my thoughts. I've never had children, but I'd imagine the amount of advice and instruction you get from people as to the right way to do things is huge... and you're gonna be stressed and sleep-deprived, and still try to remember it all.

    I can't see that being particularly easy, to be honest.
  • maxinerulesmaxinerules Posts: 698
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    Not really Annalize, I have enormous sympathy with this woman but ask myself if the HV or GP should have flagged this woman up as unsuitable to be looking after a young child. The odd glass of wine is normal. Maybe taking cannabis is increasingly normal. To me taking methadone indicates serious underlying problems. I know that it's a drug to wean you off heroin and anyone trying to give that up shoud be applauded. But she was taking speed, valium and cannabis, was drinking and sleep deprived. Not behaviour that puts you in the best state for looking after a baby. I think it's tragic that she lost her baby and she should have had more support from someone.
  • skp20040skp20040 Posts: 66,874
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    Not really Annalize, I have enormous sympathy with this woman but ask myself if the HV or GP should have flagged this woman up as unsuitable to be looking after a young child. The odd glass of wine is normal. Maybe taking cannabis is increasingly normal. To me taking methadone indicates serious underlying problems. I know that it's a drug to wean you off heroin and anyone trying to give that up shoud be applauded. But she was taking speed, valium and cannabis, was drinking and sleep deprived. Not behaviour that puts you in the best state for looking after a baby. I think it's tragic that she lost her baby and she should have had more support from someone.

    She had 3 drinks and her prescription valium on the day concerned, but to be fair and whilst I am not condoning her using cannabis and amphetamines she did not use them when this happened

    A toxicology report also showed she had taken prescription valium, and there were traces of cannabis and amphetamine she used some days earlier when her mother had looked after the baby


    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2140375/Newborn-baby-suffocated-mother-let-sleep-sofa.html#ixzz1uBGAQz5x
  • Si_CreweSi_Crewe Posts: 40,202
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    Not really Annalize, I have enormous sympathy with this woman but ask myself if the HV or GP should have flagged this woman up as unsuitable to be looking after a young child. The odd glass of wine is normal. Maybe taking cannabis is increasingly normal. To me taking methadone indicates serious underlying problems. I know that it's a drug to wean you off heroin and anyone trying to give that up shoud be applauded. But she was taking speed, valium and cannabis, was drinking and sleep deprived. Not behaviour that puts you in the best state for looking after a baby. I think it's tragic that she lost her baby and she should have had more support from someone.

    My sentiments exactly. :)
  • maxinerulesmaxinerules Posts: 698
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    skp20040 wrote: »
    She had 3 drinks and her prescription valium on the day concerned, but to be fair and whilst I am not condoning her using cannabis and amphetamines she did not use them when this happened

    A toxicology report also showed she had taken prescription valium, and there were traces of cannabis and amphetamine she used some days earlier when her mother had looked after the baby


    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2140375/Newborn-baby-suffocated-mother-let-sleep-sofa.html#ixzz1uBGAQz5x

    I am aware of when she took what and when. My point is that her state of mind was such that she took these things. For most people who have just had a baby getting high is the last thing on their mind. She obviously had emotional difficulties and did not get enough support so that she could deal with them without drugs. Rehab and drug counselling is woefully underfunded and this is one example of the human cost of that.
  • skp20040skp20040 Posts: 66,874
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    I am aware of when she took what and when. My point is that her state of mind was such that she took these things. For most people who have just had a baby getting high is the last thing on their mind. She obviously had emotional difficulties and did not get enough support so that she could deal with them without drugs. Rehab and drug counselling is woefully underfunded and this is one example of the human cost of that.


    I will say I dont think Health Vistors today are a patch on what they used to be, my sisterinlaw cancelled three HV appointments on the trot , the HV did not book a 4th and waited for her to contact them , maybe if they had insisted they would have realised my sisterinlaw was suffering from post natal depression and that was why she could not bring herself to get dressed and get out of bed, thankfully my brother did notice and she had a lot of family support , I shudder to think what could have happened if she had been a single parent with no back up.
  • AnnaliseZAnnaliseZ Posts: 3,912
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    skp20040 wrote: »
    I will say I dont think Health Vistors today are a patch on what they used to be, my sisterinlaw cancelled three HV appointments on the trot , the HV did not book a 4th and waited for her to contact them , maybe if they had insisted they would have realised my sisterinlaw was suffering from post natal depression and that was why she could not bring herself to get dressed and get out of bed, thankfully my brother did notice and she had a lot of family support , I shudder to think what could have happened if she had been a single parent with no back up.

    There's been a lot of talk about the cannabis and methodrone... not so much about the anti depressants she was taking.

    I understand HV's jobs are under threat, the roles have been drastically reduced and the funding cut.
  • maxinerulesmaxinerules Posts: 698
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    I was just going to say that HV these days aren't really up to scratch. It's a job that should be mostly done be mums with grown up kids- who know what they are doing but also know that every child is different.The one I had was a nice enough woman but hopeless as a source of advice.She was only interested in her charts and graphs and tick boxes and anything else was beyond her
  • 16caerhos16caerhos Posts: 2,533
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    Why would you leave your baby on the sofa anyway???

    Pretty stupid thing to do...
  • AnnaliseZAnnaliseZ Posts: 3,912
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    16caerhos wrote: »
    Why would you leave your baby on the sofa anyway???

    Pretty stupid thing to do...

    You're a bit late.

    You should have come out with this on page 2 if you wanted maximum outrage.
  • maxinerulesmaxinerules Posts: 698
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    My baby was a terrible sleeper and if he ever bloody dropped off I would leave him wherever that was just to get a break, and he shared a bed with me too. Logic goes out of the window when you are exhausted.
  • TagletTaglet Posts: 20,286
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    quoted for truth.

    Except you wouldnt go to social services you would speak to your health visitor or visit your baby clinic.
  • TagletTaglet Posts: 20,286
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    Si_Crewe wrote: »
    The article says she drank 3 cans of beer in the evening.

    I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, of course.
    Maybe she's just irresponsible and prefers alcohol to babies.

    Any way you slice it, mixing valium and alcohol with a newborn baby in the house is asking for trouble and it'd be nice if parents were councelled about that sort of thing, especially in cases where it's known that the mother IS on valium for post-natal depression.

    Course, for all I know, maybe they already are but if that's the case then this ex-mother is less deserving of sympathy than I assumed.

    She drank the alcohol the previous evening, the child's father was present and what evidence do you have that the alcohol contributed towards the child's death?
  • TagletTaglet Posts: 20,286
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    Addisonian wrote: »
    I wouldn't go as far as to say that. Just because the baby didn't die as a direct result of alcohol/drugs, doesn't mean that it is not an issue that shouldn't be raised. How do we know that the mother's judgment wasn't severely clouded when she propped the baby up on the sofa because she was drunk?
    As I said before, we cannot just take the Daily Mail's word for it but, at this point in the investigation, I wouldn't be dismissing it altogether.

    So three cans the night before would mean she was still 'drunk' the following day?
  • TWSTWS Posts: 9,307
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    But was ithe baby given the cushion as a pillow? As reading it makes it sound like the baby was laying on the cushion, not using is as a pillow IE head prop up on it

    it doesnt matter you arent supposed to put them on anything like that to prop them up because of the risks
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,924
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    16caerhos wrote: »
    Why would you leave your baby on the sofa anyway???

    Pretty stupid thing to do...

    Any parents out there that haven't put their baby down on the sofa?????
  • TWSTWS Posts: 9,307
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    Si_Crewe wrote: »
    That's not my intent.

    It just seems that it'd be a practical benefit to other parents in the same situation if they were made aware of the inherent dangers.

    If they are then great. If they're not then perhaps they should be.


    you are made aware and the amount of gumph you are given if you wanna read it is unreal, but they always always say that babies need to be placed at the bottom of their cots and not propped up etc so they cant slip down under blankets and suffocate same with pillows thats why they promote gro bags for babies now and proper temperature checks for rooms so babies dont get too hot.

    as they say a cold baby will cry a hot baby will die
  • TagletTaglet Posts: 20,286
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    TWS wrote: »
    it doesnt matter you arent supposed to put them on anything like that to prop them up because of the risks

    How was it propped when laying on a cusion?
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