To be perfect I think it should have ended: "design a strip for Mancester United".

So near and yet so far!

Good Morning, you're probably wondering why I've brought you here to Brighton Peir. As you know, Brighton has a large percentage of LGBT people living here. Just like straight people, gay people own frying pans, frying pans for making omlettes. Sometimes people don't want to cook, they just want a quick meal. McDonalds make more profit than any other fast food chain in the world. Your task for this week, find out The Colonels 11 secret herbs and spices.

You're probably all wondering why I've asked you to come to an ear, eye, nose, and throat clinic. Vincent van Goph cut off his ear. He also painted a picture of a blue chair. Cambridge University has a chair of advanced physics. Chelsea physic garden has many plants. Garden centres sell plants. And that's your task, to take over a garden centre for a day and sell plants.

Your probably wondering why your here, in a cell at Parkhurst Prison. Well, Emily Parkhurst was a well know member of the suffragette movement that campaigned for votes for women. Votes are often cast in a ballot box, and a box is a useful item for storing things in. They are also found in theatres, like the Royal Box, where the Queen sits. Graham Norton is also a well-known Queen, and Norton was a popular manufacturer of motorbikes. But not all bikes are motorised, some have pedals which drives the wheel forward via a chain. A chain, is constructed out of a inter-connecting series of metal loops, which sounds very much like hoops. Hula-hoops are round, and they been round forever, which implies they are everlasting, much like the gobstopper in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. "To feel a right charlie" is a popular expression for feeling embarrassed, and mark my words, one of you is going to feel a right nana when you get fired tomorrow. Of course, chinaware is fired in kilns, a type of oven for pots. Snooker requires the players to make a series of pots to win a frame, which are also used as a decorative border around paintings or photos. So you task today, is to come up with an advertising campaign for a new window cleaning product...

This is the best IMHO !

Really don't rate my own chances of being able to come up with anything better !

You're probably wondering why you're all here i my boardroom at the start of the task ...? Well the best selling board game in history is Monopoly where a "Get Out of Jail" card is found in the pack of Chance. Your task is to find a product that inmates of a jail can produce in 4 days flat and flog the product to corporate monopolies! Ignite you're going dahn to Wandsworth Nick and Empire Margaret will accompany you to HMP Holloway. Have fun!

You're probably wondering what you're doing at this pottery craft workshop
Well pottery is made from clay which comes from the ground and you'll be walking on the ground whilst doing todays task of trying to sell yet more tat to the unsuspecting public.

And at the end the task one of you will get FIRED

You're probably wondering why your here, in Margaret's bedroom. Well, Margaret and I have been having a passionate affair, and I couldn't be ars*d to get out of bed. Now, you'll see that my pants are over there on the floor, whilst my socks are hanging from the ceiling light. Ignite, your task, it to take my smalls down to the cleaners, and make sure they're spotless! I like a nice crisp crease down the side too! I shall be ringing up the launderette 24 hr helpline to check on the status of my Kelvin Klines. Empire, your task is to make my breakfast - egg and soldiers. Whichever team does the worst job, one of you will get fired!

ROFLMAO.

You're probably wondering why you're here, looking at me, Suralun Sugar, a small dapper man who looks like a teddy bear version of Syd James.

Well, Syd James made Carry On films, and you can carry on hand luggage when you go in a plane.

Plane means flat, that's a place where some people live.

Liv Ullmann is Norwegian, and people often mix up Norway and Sweden.

If you wanna sweden your tea, you use sugar.

And I am - oh b4lls can we do that again, I accidentally got back to where I started!

Lol !!

(and a great thread too)

You're probably wondering why you've been shrunk down to microscopic size and injected into a dying diplomat. Well, you're now travelling down a blood vessel. A ship is a kind of vessel. Camels are called ships of the desert, and have humps. Fergie from The Black Eyed Peas sang something about her humps, her lovely lady lumps. Sugar comes in lumps, and is used to make jam. But it must be jelly not jam, because jam doesn't shake like that. And your task today is to design new brand identity and packaging for a masculine version of Shake and Vac. But first, I'm going to even up the teams a bit. Howard and Kate, I want you both to put on diving gear and swim to the other teams' minature submarine, making sure you don't get eaten by any white blood cells on the way. Ignite, you'll find Nick waiting for you in the aorta. Empire, you'll find Margaret waiting for you in the lymph node of the left armpit. Good luck.

Amazing thread! I've had a go but I'll be hard pushed to beat the Jason Orange one!

You're probably wondering why you're here, at the headquarters of Tesco. Tesco rhymes with al fresco which is Italian for outside. George Michael asked us to go outside. Michael Bond wrote the Paddington stories about a bear who liked marmalade sandwiches. Marmalade is a popular name for a cat. "Cat" can be an abbreviation of the name "Catherine" which was the name of three of Henry VIII's wives.

So your task this week is to get the best deal possible for your client in a divorce. Ignite, you'll be representing Mr Smith, Empire, you will be representing Mrs Smith. Simple: one team will win, one will lose, and on that losing team, one of you will be fired.

ETA: I felt a bit like Comedy Dave on The Chris Moyles Show when he does his tedious link

You're probably all wondering why we're in The Big brother House.Well apart from being another reality TV show where reality is twisted out of all recognition, you'll know that this programme is hosted by Davina McCall. Davina sounds like Divine who was a popular Hi-Energy drag act in the 80s with the number one hit "You think you're a man" -most boys think they're men just like that famous trio Boyz2Men-who come from Philadelphia which is the home of cream cheese. Cream cheese is spread on crackers-and that's your task. To write jokes to go inside Tom Smith's latest range of Christmas Crackers. The team with the joke that makes me laugh the most will win. The team that doesn't make me laugh will be back in the boardroom and one of you will get FIRED.

youre probably wondering why you're here on the ds forum. well ds is also a famous games console by nintendo which is a company from japan. japan is famous for its kamikaze attacks and thats your task. you will all complete a kamikaze attack and the team with the most survivors () will be the winners. ben youre first.

Some of these really made me laugh . It doesn't help that Sir Alun's voice is echoing in my head when I read them.

Your probably wondering why were in Gorgon Ramsays kitchen, when there's no bladdy cooking going on!

You may be wondering why you're here at New Scotland Yard. The police keep pictures and names of people wanted, dead or alive. Dead or Alive had a hit in the Eighties with You Spin Me Round; and that's a clue to your next task - you'll be running fairground rides. The team that takes the least will be back in the boardroom, where one of you will get fired.

Oh I do, I just assumed they'd mis-understood the briefing so to speak.


You're probably wondering why you're here on this North Sea oil rig, oil is a much sort after commodity in western countries, and so are sweets. Sweets are typically made in factories, mass produced by complex machinary programmed to mix, shape and mould them ready to be packaged. A common type of machinary used in one of these factories is a convey-a-belt, a belt is also a type of clothing. Another type of clothing is the t-shirt. Tea is a popular drink in the United Kingdom and Asia. Tea can be bought hot or chilled, when it is chilled it is known as ice tea. Ice is made by freezing water. People freeze water at home using a freezer, freezers are usually accompanied by friges... For this week's task, you will be designing and flogging a range of fridges. The team that makes the least profit, one of you will be fired!

This is the funniest thread ever!
I'm afraid the title didn't draw me in until today, so i nearly missed it!

Well done everyone on here:I'm off to clean the tea off my keyboard, and try and compose one myself.

Hilarious

Love this one, especially the bit about frying pans!

Your probably wondering why your here in Gaborone, Botswana... Oh f*ck it.

you're probably wondering why you're here.....me too. i havent the slightest clue on the f$uck was i thinking when i signed on for this sh!t

winner!

You're probably wondering why you've come to the Antarctic. The Antarctic has a lot of ice. Vanilla Ice was a rapper who had a hit with "Ice Ice Baby" with a sampled riff from Queen. The Queen lives in a palace. Palaces are made of stone, and you often find stones on river beds. Beds are places that you sleep, and when you sleep you shut your eyes. You also shut your eyes if a bright light flashes in your eyes. And cameras usually have a flash. Cameras are sometimes used in bird boxes so that people can see birds raising their chicks. Another animal that raises its young is the fox, and foxes are often found in urban environments. The antarctic is one of the less spoiled environments in the world. The Antarctic has a lot of ice. Vanilla Ice was a rapper who had a hit with "Ice Ice Baby" with a sampled riff from Queen. The Queen lives in a palace. Palaces are made of stone, and you often find stones on river beds. Beds are places that you sleep, and when you sleep you shut your eyes. You also shut your eyes if a bright light flashes in your eyes. And cameras usually have a flash. Cameras are sometimes used in bird boxes so that people can see birds raising their chicks. Another animal that raises its young is the fox, and foxes are often found in urban environments. The antarctic is one of the less spoiled environments in the world. The Antarctic has a lot of ice. Vanilla Ice was a rapper who had a hit with "Ice Ice Baby" with a sampled riff from Queen. The Queen lives in a palace. Palaces are made of stone, and you often find stones on river beds. Beds are places that you sleep, and when you sleep you shut your eyes. You also shut your eyes if a bright light flashes in your eyes. And cameras usually have a flash. Cameras are sometimes used in bird boxes so that people can see birds raising their chicks. Another animal that raises its young is the fox, and foxes are often found in urban environments. The antarctic is one of the less spoiled environments in the world. The Antarctic has a lot of ice. Vanilla Ice was a rapper who had a hit with "Ice Ice Baby" with a sampled riff from Queen. The Queen lives in a palace. Palaces are made of stone, and you often find stones on river beds. Beds are places that you sleep, and when you sleep you shut your eyes. You also shut your eyes if a bright light flashes in your eyes. And cameras usually have a flash. Cameras are sometimes used in bird boxes so that people can see birds raising their chicks. Another animal that raises its young is the fox, and foxes are often found in urban environments. The antarctic is one of the less spoiled environments in the world. The Antarctic has a lot of ice. Vanilla Ice was a rapper who had a hit with "Ice Ice Baby" with a sampled riff from Queen. The Queen lives in a palace. Palaces are made of stone, and you often find stones on river beds. Beds are places that you sleep, and when you sleep you shut your eyes. You also shut your eyes if a bright light flashes in your eyes. And cameras usually have a flash. Cameras are sometimes used in bird boxes so that people can see birds raising their chicks. Another animal that raises its young is the fox, and foxes are often found in urban environments. The antarctic is one of the less spoiled environments in the world. The Antarctic has a lot of ice. Vanilla Ice was a rapper who had a hit with "Ice Ice Baby" with a sampled riff from Queen. The Queen lives in a palace. Palaces are made of stone, and you often find stones on river beds. Beds are places that you sleep, and when you sleep you shut your eyes. You also shut your eyes if a bright light flashes in your eyes. And cameras usually have a flash. Cameras are sometimes used in bird boxes so that people can see birds raising their chicks. Another animal that raises its young is the fox, and foxes are often found in urban environments. The antarctic is one of the less spoiled environments in the world. The Antarctic has a lot of ice. Vanilla Ice was a rapper who had a hit with "Ice Ice Baby" with a sampled riff from Queen. The Queen lives in a palace. Palaces are made of stone, and you often find stones on river beds. Beds are places that you sleep, and when you sleep you shut your eyes. You also shut your eyes if a bright light flashes in your eyes. And cameras usually have a flash. Cameras are sometimes used in bird boxes so that people can see birds raising their chicks. Another animal that raises its young is the fox, and foxes are often found in urban environments. The antarctic is one of the less spoiled environments in the world. The Antarctic has a lot of ice. Vanilla Ice was a rapper who had a hit with "Ice Ice Baby" with a sampled riff from Queen. The Queen lives in a palace. Palaces are made of stone, and you often find stones on river beds. Beds are places that you sleep, and when you sleep you shut your eyes. You also shut your eyes if a bright light flashes in your eyes. And cameras usually have a flash. Cameras are sometimes used in bird boxes so that people can see birds raising their chicks. Another animal that raises its young is the fox, and foxes are often found in urban environments. The antarctic is one of the less spoiled environments in the world. The Antarctic has a lot of ice. Vanilla Ice was a rapper who had a hit with "Ice Ice Baby" with a sampled riff from Queen. The Queen lives in a palace. Palaces are made of stone, and you often find stones on river beds. Beds are places that you sleep, and when you sleep you shut your eyes. You also shut your eyes if a bright light flashes in your eyes. And cameras usually have a flash. Cameras are sometimes used in bird boxes so that people can see birds raising their chicks. Another animal that raises its young is the fox, and foxes are often found in urban environments. The antarctic is one of the less spoiled environments in the world. The Antarctic has a lot of ice. Vanilla Ice was a rapper who had a hit with "Ice Ice Baby" with a sampled riff from Queen. The Queen lives in a palace. Palaces are made of stone, and you often find stones on river beds. Beds are places that you sleep, and when you sleep you shut your eyes. You also shut your eyes if a bright light flashes in your eyes. And cameras usually have a flash. Cameras are sometimes used in bird boxes so that people can see birds raising their chicks. Another animal that raises its young is the fox, and foxes are often found in urban environments. The antarctic is one of the less spoiled environments in the world...