I think SAS has missed his true vocation, he'd make a great stand-up comedian. Some of his comments tonight had me in stitches, e.g. "There's a village somewhere missing an idiot". Classic stuff.....what are your favourite SAS gems?

btw sorry if this thread has already been done - if it has, would someone be kind enough to post a link? thanks.
Last edited by laineythenomad : 30-04-2009 at 00:00

"I'll give you true vocation!" - SAS


"I'll give you a comedian!" - SAS


"Ill give you stitches!" - SAS


"I'll give you SAS gems!" - SAS

I liked "I'm harder to play than a Stradivarius!" - which are actually no harder to play than any other violin, just a lot more expensive.

Some great one liners in last year's famous kosher chicken incident.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1G256H_Q0bI

Michael - Yes I'm a good Jewish boy

SAS - Well if you're unsure you can always take pull trousers down so we can check

His face is so eloquent, a twitch of an eyebrow speaking volumes, and the speed of repartee, with not only style but also content.

I liked that impromptu gag about wotisname being like a cement mixer -- solid but set in your ways? Hilarious.

In tonights show, when discussing the items that were the most expensive;

"Bit like me really, not much to look at, but worth a lot"

Classic

Binnman

Yes but it seems like most of the time they're not his lines and genuinely spontaneous.
With lines like "I'm harder to play than a Stradivarius" it sounds like they've employed the same scriptwriter who works on 'The Weakest Link'.

I've definitely heard the "village idiot" line from Anne Robinson some time ago!

I loved it when he said "a total mess"

Believe it or not that phrase has been used for years. It wasn't invented for TV...

I hope who ever employs him keeps the receipt

PMSL am waiting for an oppportunity to use that

"There's a taxi driver outside, typing your address into his satnav" was a great one, and even managed to shut Ben up for a few seconds.

This is the Amstrad Sky Digibox


Hilarious

"I know the words to candle in the wind, don't make me Elton John"

"I know you talk down to people, I'm getting a rick in my neck looking up at you"

I loved this one as well!

Sorry but I find them boring and predictable.

I enjoy the Apprentice for watching the candidates and how they go about trying to pass the task. It's their behaviour in the boardroom that makes it - not Suralan's. Nick and Margaret are far better entertainment because what they say is entirely natural - it is, afterall, they who follow each and every task.

I'd love to see The Apprentice Uncut.

I said this to my son, who's a musician, and he said that his friend was allowed to play a Stradivarius and it IS more difficult!

Ooh, how patronising and supercilious. I was responding to the poster who said it sounded like "The Apprentice" had employed the same scriptwriter as "The Weakest Link" - implying a direct connection. I am aware that most quips have probably been used before in practically identical guises. It's a hazard of living for several millennia - things do get repeated...

'Someone may be in need of that commode by the time I'm finished'

I'm partial to a couple of gems from previous series,

"you're a lightweight - you're fired" and,

"as long as I've got a hole in my ar**e"
(unf, I can't remember the context of this little pearl but it was in the manner of "I promise you this, my friend", which he seems to have adopted in its place)

To anyone who knows both, is that kind of repartee more typical of Yiddish humour, or cockney?

I thought it was funny when he said the bleeding skeleton could have done a better job than the lot of you!

He was right. the skeleton wouldnt make a loss...

And that's the bare bones of it.

Here's a few older one liners from Sir Alan plus a few more.

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/s...d.php?t=354618

The stradivarius comment was the one for me so far - well, it was when he finished it off by telling them

"...and you're as easy to play as a Bongo Drum"

Bongo Drum?

The skeleton and Noorul is not far behind. I actually believe that one...