Me and my wife had two cats we had had for years who both died a year ago or more, and this other boy cat used to sniff around sometimes, but never got in the house as our male cat wouldn't let him. He had a collar and for a little while a tag with a phone number on which we never took notice of as though he was just being a naughty cat after another meal. After the male cat died, this little cat started to come see us more and more, and we would put out food for him, and he is such a little character, that he was a huge comfort after the loss of our two much loved other cats.

Then his collar disappeared, and he started to come round more and more and to be perfectly honest, we didn't discourage him, we love him (though we tried hard not to!) He started sneaking in at night and sleeping on our bed, sleeping on the sofa, living here basically. The collar has never been replaced, and we never have to deal with his toilet habits, etc, he comes and goes. He comes in roughly 18 hours a day in all now, and seems happy to do his own thing and we are happy to have him around on his terms. But we have always been in a quandary about what to do with him re jabs, being neutered, worming, etc, as, because he did have a collar, he could still have an owner who does all those things. (He hadn't been neutered btw as my wife found out one day when tickling his tummy! We haven't checked since. ) But we thought we would just play it by ear. The neighbours have seen him and no one knows who he belongs to, everyone knows now he kind of belongs to us.

We have been in a quandary even more the last few days though as he keeps throwing up his food. If he was deffo our cat (and I wish he was as we think of him as ours) it would be a no brainer and we would take him to the vets pronto, he still is happy and rushing about and playing, so am hoping it is nothing worse than changing cat food or worms.....but tbh, we don't want him to be ill. It's been 14 months now since he adopted us, but we don't want to think we are stealing him from someone, but on the other hand, they can't like him much if he spends most of his time here, only really going for the odd hour or two and often then he is in our garden. We would have him in an instance for good if we knew, and if he had never had that damn collar to start with, but have to admit the thought of trying to find his owners or finding out he is micro chipped and them taking him back fills us both with dread as we don't want to lose him however hard we tried not to fall in love with him, and think he probably feels the same.

So what do we do?

If you're happy to have him around then why not take him to the vets, they can check if he's chipped. It sounds like he's adopted you, he's obviously happier around you so why not do what you can for him? I would. Anyway nobody "owns" a cat and as long as his free to come and go as he wants no one can accuse you of nicking him.

as terrible as it would be for you both to find out he was microchipped and have to hand him over, i think this little cat needs to see a vet

i'm not sure how to put it as i know it would be absolutely gutting to have to give him up, but it's a toss up between watching him be really ill with you, knowing you won;t have him sorted out in case you lose him
or taking him to the vet, having him sorted out and knowing he would be healthy after that, even though he may not be with you afterwards

just out of interest can i ask where you live?

I would take him to the vet to get checked over. Then I'd put my own collar on him with your number. If he does have an owner and they see it they'll ring you. If you hear nothing I'd keep him like you have done as yours.

I agree with the others ~ he seems to consider that he now lives with you & prefers the facilities at your house. It's been a long time now & if he needs vet treatment then I would take him to the vet. Even if they find out he's chipped at least then you'll have the owners details & can ask them if they still want him. If not, you can get him neutered & keep him as your own. If they still want him you bet your life that as soon as they let him out he'll be straight back to your house anyway!

My bet is that he's not chipped & you'll be able to keep him & look after him as you've been doing. Thank god for kind people like you ~ I don't know what the stray cat population would do without kind & caring cat lovers.

A few years ago we noticed a strange cat hanging about outside our house the I asked the neighbours and they had noticed her to but didn't know who she belonged to. Over the next 6 weeks or so she was there when I came home from work everyday. I fed her and she slept at the top of our stairs. I took her to the vet to check if she was chipped -no.
She had a collar on so I put my phone no on a label and tied it on. I got a phonecall the following day from the owner. Mixie (as we had named her) had been leading a double life - at home in the daytime with us eve/night. I promised the owner I would shoo her away (which was v difficult). She stopped coming round after a couple of nights and I never saw her again

A month or so later the owner came round to say she had gone missing again and accused me of pinching her cat!!

Don't know if she ever got her back - hope so.

Funny thing is the cats real name was Pixie lol

The phone No thing is def a good idea!

Hope it all goes well

Thanks for all your replies everyone, haven't replied before as have not been on the net and hadn't much to tell. Really useful replies, especially like the idea of the collar, even if we do end up finding out he has another owner....but am reluctant to do so for alot of reasons. But may do it this week, it has only been since Friday we noticed his being sick....and it's not all day or all the time. But we would rather he was alive and not with us than dead.

However, after I posted this I had a big net search and read alot about possible causes of sickness, our other cats used to be sick a bit, but not like this. Without being graphic, I read where if it is not a 'pool of sick'...yuk...which it isn't, it is more than likely not reaching the stomach so is more likely worms or hairballs (but no hair so am ruling that out) or gorging. (He was sick this morning and it was so bad my poor wife gagged whilst clearing it, but he is asleep upstairs purring at the mo.) Anyway, apparently this can be caused by a cat gorging, very likely in strays who are trained in worrying they may not get another meal apparently..and we read to put golf balls in his food bowl to make him eat slower as he has to fight to get to his food....apart from this morning, he was not sick yesterday as far as we know.

I also, (as don't want to sound so selfish that we want to keep him and don't want to find out he has owners, and therefore irresponsible).....rang our old vets and explained the situation. They said if he is still playing and running about (which he is) that it could well be the above, is not too concerning and to feed him little and often and the golf ball trick could work, and not to worry unless he stops being happy and stuff. Then bring him in. They also recommended the collar thing as mentioned above.

So will probably moniter him for a few days and then take him to the vet if he is no better and/or do the collar thing but hope we do not have the same outcome as you Alfie, as will really miss the little mite. Will let you know what happens if anything changes as am very grateful for all the advice so far...if I read my post I would immediately say go to the vets, but it's so hard when it is your own stray, when I explained the situation to the vets, they totally understood our concerns as how do we know what else he is eating, if he isn't already undergoing treatment, and hence why they gave us food advice first....see thing is, if he hates his old home, would I really want him handed back there if he is not happy and they don't really look after him, he may not return to us and then what....... Anyway, rest assured we will do what is best for him, but am taking vet advice, plus yours and the golf ball advice to start with. Thanks again.

Just an update for all those who helped me wih this.....the golf ball trick seemed to work, unless he does have owners and they took him to the vet, he has only been sick once since we tried the golf ball thing, and that is normal for a cat.

We nearly did the collar round the neck thing, but decided against it when I was talking to a pal who had the same problem, put the collar round his neck with their number on and they got 19 phone calls from people who said their stray was being fed by them! I have a feeling our little stray may be similar.......so will cross that bridge when we come to it as he is back to his perky self now!