5 months ago my one of y cats felix went mising and after extensive searching and phoning and canvassing we had no leads (still hoping) any way we decided to get a kitten a couple of weeks ago.

We still have Felix's brother Beans who is normally the cuddliest fluffiest cat ever (3 years old), but the new kitten Toffee keeps attacking him, I know he wants to play but he seriously wont leave Beans alone. This has resulted in Beans staying out, not coming downstairs and not coming near us for cuddles, our friends 5 doors up say that he's started to come into their house and sleep on their window during the day.

I feel like we're losing Beans and I don't know what to do

I've tried telling toffee off but he is one headstrong kitten

Any advice?

Thanks

We have had similar problems with our new cat, Ebby. She's not a kitten as such, but is much younger than our original cats, who are fast approaching 14. She ADORES them - everytime she sees them it's all "play with me, cuddle me, notice me" and they're not quite so keen. She used to stalk them in the garden and Sushi, the male, would get so wound up he ended up weeing everywhere and lost some fur due to stress.

However, (after seeking advice for Sushi's hairloss and getting him healthy and happy again) we let them get on with it and sort our their own pecking order, and Ebby soon realised that sometimes, enough is enough. She still jumps on them, but the older two no longer hiss and spit at her - they just bat her off, or have a tease back. They'll eat quite happily in the kitchen together, share my room or have a little greeting sniff without it leading to fights.

I think it's a case of waiting for them to sort out who's boss. I don't know what to suggest with regards to moving him back in, as neither of our cats went very far (sulking in the garden in the rain, awww), maybe you could visit him at your friends and let him know he's not being replaced. Lord knows how cats' brains work - maybe he thinks you've forgotten Felix and are replacing him? He just needs to know he has a home at yours and maybe he'll slowly come round to the idea of a new kitty.

This is a very common problem. Most people expect the older cat to keep the youngster in line but frequently it is the new young cat that causes the resident cat to move out. It's happened to me as well but luckily my cat didn't find a new home & eventually he got used to te new kitten & they became quite good friends.

I don't know how you made the initial introductions but I think that you need to go back to the start as Beans is probably feeling very unsecure & unhappy that his previously safe home has been invaded by the "kitten from hell". I know that Toffee is not really the kitten from hell but this is how Beans will see it. Unless you can convince Beans that his home is safe, secure & that he has his very own space that Toffee can't get into, Beans may decide to move out completely.

Firstly make sure that your neighbours do not feed Beans & try not to let him into their home.

Next, can you set aside a room in your house that is exclusively for Beans & that Toffee isn't allowed into? In this room you need to put everything that Beans needs, i.e. food, water, scratching post, toys, litter tray if he uses one, & most importantly, a variety of warm beds, preferably off the floor.

Put Beans in this room & shut the door for a while. Make sure that all members of your house visit Beans in his new comfort zone, spend time cuddling him, grooming him, playing with him, whatever he likes to do & anything that makes him purr.

Try to ensure that Toffee doesn't go in there but make sure that when Beans wants to go out, Toffee can't ambush him, attack him or even see Beans, if possible. The route into & out of Beans' new safe area must be a "Toffee-free zone" as much as possible.

Beans will need to spend some time chilling out in his new room & destressing & this may take a few days. During this time you need to get Beans & Toffee used to each others' smell but in a way that provides positive associations for both cats. So when any of you familly have been cuddling or playing with Toffee & are covered in Toffee's smell, then go into Beans' room with some extremely tasty treats that he only gets at this time & try to hand feed him.

After a few days, try to hand feed him with the treats when Toffee is outside the room (but with the door shut). Beans will know Toffee is there by the smell. Then gradually open the door a few inches & get someone else to distract Toffee with treats or toys while you hand feed Beans.

Once you can do this with the door open but both cats distracted & ignoring each other, then you are well on the way to allowing them to meet in other parts of the house.

Make sure that all meetings are positive experiences for both cats, i.e. the cats ignore each other while you & your family distract them.

If you can get to the stage when both cats tolerate each other, without any signs of aggression, fear & anxiety, this will be a huge bonus. Latest research shows that it can take up to 2 years for strange cats to become friendly & tolerant towards each other so don't rush things & don't be disappointed if they don't become bosom buddies. If they can learn to share your house amicably, this will probably be the best you can hope for.

Good luck with them both ~ I hope it works out for them.

I had the same problem when I introduced a kitten to my 14 year old cat. He terrorised her until she died 4 months later. I felt so guilty and would never do that again. I thought Tab would be ok with a new kitten as she'd lived with other cats before but it must have been exhausting for her.

Hi, i'm the OP's hubbie.

I'm trying to get hold of a baby gate so that we can shut the upstairs off to Toffee, and we can make it Beans' domain. Toffee won't be able to jump over it for a while.
I've told our friends up the road not to feed him or let him inside for the time being.

Fine for a dog but I wouldn't bet on that working for long with a kitten!
You could consider following Wilhemina's advice but putting in a selective cat flap in the room door so Beans can come and go as he chooses but toffee can't get in to Beans' room/safe zone.
Could also be worth harness training toffee so you can effectively prevent the ambushes while they get more used to each other.
You could also try to distract Toffee onto object play rather than him using Beans as the play object but ensure you don't inadvertently reward his intended ambushes.

When we've introduced kittens to our older cats, we always put the kitten in a room on its own for at least a week, and didn't let it into the rest of the house. Then we'd let it wander around the house when the other cats weren't in, so that it could smell them and they would know it was there. Finally, after a couple of weeks, we had "arranged meetings", where the kitten and older cat were allowed to actually see each other. These meetings would only last about 5-10 minutes at first, and if either cat looked upset (which didn't happen often), we'd stop. The older cats would do a bit of hissing and paw batting when the kitten got too wild, which we regarded as part of the kitten's training - he had to learn who was in charge, and it wasn't him! After a few meetings where the cats had got on reasonably well, we allowed them to mix freely, but each cat always had its own territory to go to if it got fed up. So far, four cats on, it seems to have worked out pretty well.

Thanks for all the advice, Beans has no problem with the kitten when the kitten comes up to him he licks him and sniffs his but, but its when the kitten attacks (in play mode) which is everysingle time he sees Beans that Beans gets upset and hisses back and runs away - its always Beans who retreats. Beans does have his safe place he has a window ledge he has always slept on (we've tried expensive cat beds to no avail) that the kitten cant get to yet, plus Beans has the option to go out side, but I need the kitten to NOT react every time Beans comes into the living room- he literally chases him out- i know he just wants to play.

The introduction took place over 2 weeks before we go the kitten- he kept coming over for a little bit (1hr) every couple of days.

Children can be annoying to grown-ups, and it works the same way in the cat world, I guess. You can't stop the kitten reacting, but he will grow out of it. In the meantime, it's best to keep them apart as much as possible. It would be lovely if older and younger cats got on well together, but sometimes it just doesn't happen, and if the kitten is annoying the older cat and won't take the hint when he's hissed at, I don't see what else to do.

I ve (shamefully) been tempted to buy a water gun and squirt it at the kitten when he attacks Beans but i can bring myself to be that cruel

The sad thing is the kitten starts purring the moment he gets close to Beans

Can you try distracting the kitten when Beans is around or when Beans wants to walk into the room? You could try toys but it would be better to use treats if they are a strong enough distractor.

Please don't use the water pistol on the kitten as this could backfire badly! It could lead to the kitten associating a burst of cold water with an appearance by Beans which could make the kitten even more reactive or aggressive towards Beans.

You need to be more pro-active in managing their relationship. Don't just sit there & wait for things to go pear-shaped ~ get down on the floor & play with Toffee BEFORE he starts on Beans. Get Toffee interested in a toy or object smeared with fish paste or something very smelly & tasty. Or use a toy tied to a piece of string to get Toffee to chase it across the floor in the opposite direction from Beans.

At the moment Toffee's priority in life is to practice predatory behaviours & he considers that Beans is the nearest thing to moving prey around. Usually kittens practice on their siblings so you want to get Toffee more involved in interactive object play, rather than using Beans as the "punch-bag".

I'm sure it will sort itself out as Toffee grows older & is able to go out & hunt for himself but you need to manage the situation until then for Beans' sake. At least from the sound of it, Beans seems to be non-aggressive towards Toffee & willing to be amicable which is a good indicator for their future relationship.

OK, how about buying one of these electronic cat toys (difficult to describe) that spins a toy mouse around for the kitten to chase? That should keep him happy for hours. Or one of these moving laser lights, he'll be climbing the walls and too knackered to play with Beans! Fishing poles are a cheaper alternative (long pole with mouse-type toy on the end of a piece of elastic), but a bit exhausting for the owner.

Electronic cat toys & fishing rod type toys would be good ideas but I wouldn't recommend laser light toys as these can easily lead to OCD type behaviours.

Really? How so, my cat used to love that (until the batteries ran out and we haven't bothered to replace them!)

It is thought that the reason for cats & dogs developing OCD with the frequent use of laser light toys is because, whilst the chasing resembles predatory behaviour, the light has no smell & no physical "presence" so there is nothing to catch & kill. Chase behaviours are usually switched off by the catch & kill of something, even if it just a soft toy or a ball. There is nothing to catch & kill & therefore, to switch off the chase behaviour with a laser light, so the predatory type behaviours do not get satisfied.

Many dog & cat owners report that their pets spend ages looking for the light long after it has gone, to the point of obsessiveness & to the exclusion of other behaviours. It can lead to repetitive & sustained searching, leading to frustration & a doubling of effort to find the light. The behaviours can also be transferred to other objects such as sparkly christmas decorations, car headlights going past the house, a piece of jewellery catching the light etc.

OCDs are particularly difficult to fix & often need drug therapy as well as behaviour modification & can reappear at the slightest association with the previous stimuli. Some breeds are more susceptible to OCDs than others & there are thought to be links with animals living in impoverished environments developing OCDs.

Owners often say that their dog or cat "enjoys" chasing the light but I'm not sure that in some cases this is really "enjoyment" as such.

For these reasons I always think it is better to be on the safe side & not risk using laser light toys. There are plenty of other ways to provide physical & mental stimulation for our pets that much more closely resemble their natural behavioural sequences.

yip we are having exactly the same issue here. the kitten just does not give up, he drives my 5yr cat mad. I'm just letting them get on with it, the older cat reacts more when we are around, as I saw them on a monitor and they were ok sleeping upstairs!!