Hi everyone.

I have two kittens, now ten weeks old, and the problem is that one of them doesn't like being picked up at all.

She will mew and cry and will sometimes settle if you stroke her nose and hold her paws down, but will often struggle until you let her go again. I've tried handling her as much as possible, but it doesn't seem to be getting better.

Her sister is absolutely fine with being picked up, so I don't understand it at all. I'm worried it may get worse as she gets older.

Any advice chaps and chapesses?

There are some cats that will never like being picked up, if I was you I would just let the kitten be. She may decide to come to you of her own accord or she may never be a lap cat. I had three cats a few years ago. One liked being cuddled, the other was indifferent and the third would not let anyone pick her up and was quite an independent little cat.
Its not a good idea to keep picking her up especially if she struggles as cats can suffer from stress. You may also find that in your household she is the submissive cat. Quite often the submissive cat will let the dominant cat have all the cuddles and affection.
I would just let them settle down as they are both very young and their personalities have not developed yet.

Good luck...I bet they are soo cute

hi strawberry,

yes they are v cute indeed, and clearly love each other. they are affectionate and always play and sleep together.

It's odd about which cat is dominant, because the one this thread is about is faster and much more agile than her slower/lazier sister - and therefore gets the upper hand in playfights - but she is also more timid and runs away more easily. She is also never the first cat to explore new things and places.

I should say that it has been incredibly easy to train them both to use litter trays and neither have any problems with that.

thanks for your reply.

Lucky you, having to lovely little kittens

All cats are different, my cat Rosie, loves to sit on my lap, she lays on my bed, and even gets in my bed with me, but if I pick her up, she hates it ...and turns from a doppy fur ball into a mad mass of teeth and claws....so I don't pick her up unless I have to
I've had everything from a cat who loved nothing more than to be carried around all day, to a cat that nearly took my little finger off because I stroked the top of his head

As Strawberry says, your kittens are very young, and still have to develop their own personalities...I'd just let them be and see how they develop

Good luck, I am sure they will be fine

I agree with most of what others have said ~ it is best not to keep picking up the kitten that doesn't like it. If she struggles & makes it clear she's not comfortable being picked up, then to continue to do so will only make matters worse. After a while you may find she starts to avoid you when you try to approach her.

If you want to get her used to being handled, try sitting on the floor with her & let her chase a toy into your lap, or over your legs. When she's sleeping or relaxing just sit next to her & gently stroke down the sides of her cheeks & near her ears. Use a soft grooming brush (even a tooth brush) to groom her. Try hand feeding with small & very tasty treats that she doesn't get at any other time. All of this will get her used to being close to you & being touched without any stress & with only positive associations.

Like the others have said, cats react to being picked up differently. Do you know where these littens were raised? Could it be possible that one of the kittens was handled a bit too roughly as a new born? I've had lots of cats over the years, some very cuddly lap cats but others less keen on being picked up or sitting on a lap. However with all of them, they became much more cuddly as they got older so that even the cat that hated being touched was a cuddly lap cat at 10 years old!

Don't read any thing into the so-called "dominant / submissive" behaviours ~ cats don't have dominance hierarchies. One cat could be more motivated by food & may act more "possessively" around food, the other may value a warm, safe bed & another would regard attention from their owner as the most highly-prized resource in the house. Similarly with your kittens, one is more highly motivated to practice predatory skills by leaping around & play-fighting but the other is more motivated to explore new places & investigate new things.

This is part of the joys of owning cats ~ to watch them, see the differences, know what motivates them & interact with them in the ways that they like most.

If you are interested in cat behaviour & especially in kitten development, could I suggest you read a couple of good books? Any of Vicky Halls' books give good advice & insights into cat behaviour & are very easy reading. John Bradshaw's books (The True Nature of the Cat or The Behaviour of the Domestic Cat) are also very good & so is Sarah Heath's "Why Does My Cat.....?". This will help you know what to expect as your kittens grow up.

In the meantime, just enjoy them ~ this is a wonderful age to watch them as they seem to have so much fun, & get into all sorts of scrapes.

just like people they have such different personalities, your still getting to know theirs!

I have 2 cats and they are exactly like that. One (Daisy) is so pick-upable you just can't help it the other (Lyra) used to absolutely hate it. She would scrabble around and scratch until you placed her back down.

She does have something wrong with her chest bone though so we never knew if it was painful or she just didn't like it.

They are 2 now and although you could never pick Lyra and cuddle her very much, she is slightly better and lets me and my brother pick her up as long as it's done in a certain way.

I would agree with others that all cats are different though. You could try picking her up every now and then and giving her a treat after, and not over-doing it, so she gets used to it gently like ours did. She'll never be a cuddle cat but she has so many other wonderful traits I can't hold it against her

My cat is 11 or 12 years old now and she still doesn't ;ike being picked up. I can count the times she's sat on any of ours laps on one hand and even when she has, she's only stayed for a few minutes before moving off to sit next to us instead. She's a lovely cat and has never scratched anyone for picking her up or cuddling her but she struggles after less than a minute being held. We know what she's like so we will only give her a quick cuddle and she seems to put up with it for our sakes as long as we don't do for it too long!

Funnily enough, she was really lovely and affectionate and cuddly as a kitten. Must have just grown up, I guess! If we've gone away on holiday or just taken her to the vet (always a traumatic experience for her - she's not a lover of strangers and our vet can never even get her out of the basket) she'll often be more cuddly and will follow us around so we definitely still feel loved. Plus she'll nearly always chose to sit in a room where one of us is and she's a hell of a lot nicer to us than any visitors (most of my friends have only seen her tail as she bolts out the door away from them!). So yeah, I wouldn't worry, just accept your kitty as she is!

My advice is don't worry about it. My cat doesn't really like being picked up either. (Unless you 'aeroplane' her round the ceiling - for some weird reason, she loves that!) All cats are different! Some humans aren't very touchy-feely either - you can't force it on them!

I'd suggest just checking with your vet that there's no physical reason that the kitten doesn't like being picked up, like a sore spot or even a hernia which would make the pressure painful.

If all's well, try sitting down, before gently picking up the cat and putting her on your lap.

After all, if someone swooped you off your feet and dangled you high up in mid air, you'd feel afraid, too, so it's only natural that this little thing might be frightened.

If the cat still feels that she has some 'ground' [your knees!] beneath her paws she'll gain confidence more quickly.
Just take it gently and don't force her.

Both my cats are different: one loves to sit on my lap for a cuddle and doesn't mind being picked up (though not for too long) the other one hates being picked up and has hardly ever sat on my lap though he does come and sit near me and rubs himself against my legs. They are brothers from the same litter but have very different personalities - just like humans and that's what makes me love them

Mine are just the same. One will let me carry her the house if I wanted to, she loves sitting on knees (and chests and shoulders), the other likes being stroked and having her belly tickled but hates being picked up and has never sat on my knee.

One of mine was like that when my two were kittens and he still doesn't like to be held for very long (he's now 2). He likes his cuddles but on his terms ie laying on me but will wriggle if held in an unfamiliar position or if he simply is not in the mood. His sister is a little better but neither really like it. In the past my cat loved to be cuddled and carried around like a baby.

The best way to try to gain your kitten's trust is to carry her not like a baby but with her paws on your shoulder so that she feels that she can scramble up on to your shoulder. Eventually she may let you hold her in other ways. I'd try not to be too persistent with it as you'll scare her off for good but reward her when she does allow you to hold her and speak in a soft soothing way.

I talked to my two in a real stupid/soppy voice when they were young kittens and if I use the same voice and say the same phrases now, they reward me by doing rolly pollies all over the place. Big Babies!!

Good luck.

ours was like that, but when we were on holiday, she got let out by accident by the cat sitter, and he could not find her. She was locked out for about 36 hours, and when we got back she refused to come in or come near us. When she finally did, she curled up between us straight away, and now she does this every night, and sleeps at the bottom of the bed.

Really wierd but really nice