in november of last year, we adopted a dog from the dogs trust. a male staffy x. he's a lovely dog, but very very anxious. he's terrified of everything - the smallest noise, and he's uncontrolable with fright. the kids (2 and 4) are scared of him, to the point we cant walk him together, has to be either me or hubby. he's quite big as well, (he was a small pup when we got him) and as the dogs trust didnt know what he was crossed with, they couldnt guess how big he'd get, and we feel he's just too big for our house and for having 2 young kids, especially as he displays excessive greeting behaviour due to his anxiety. we have spoken to the dogs trust and seen the behaviourist, but really there has been little improvement, and for the sake of the children feeling comfortable in their own home, we are having to consider returning him, which is breaking our hearts as we love him dearly luckily our local dogs trust is closed today, so we are not able to make a snap decision, and really have to sit and think about it. any advice and opinions would be greatfully received

JR and family x

I think in this situation you have to put your kids first, and by the sounds of it the dog isn't actually happy (no disrespect to your family) but at least now the shelter will know he is anxious and not good around kids and hopefully be able to re-home with someone who doesn't have kids??

Sorry - I sound really unsympathetic here and I don't mean to!! I personally think it's better off all round - if you feel you are not able to completely commit to this dog then maybe someone else will....

please dont appologise, i know where you are coming from. we feel awful that he hasnt improved, and obviously our family life does not suit him. we feel he'd need a quiet house with no kids, even though he gets on with them on a good day - has never been agressive, not even groweled at our 2! - and either with an older dog or as an only pet. we had considered getting a 2nd dog as a companion for him, but we simply cant manage it

Hi, I think you must, must, must put the welfare of your children first in this situation. Do you really want them growing up fearful of the dog? This may lead to them having a negative impression on all dogs and may even last a lifetime.

The kindest thing you can do is return the dog to the Dog's Trust and give them as much info as you can about the dog's behaviour and nature. They can then move things forward for the dog and get him the full-on care and supprt he needs to be rehabilitated.

I would not feel bad about it, you really have to do what is right for the children, god forbid something bad happens, just don't take the risk.

I know it's hard and it's way easy for a stranger likeme to say this stuff, but really, you should hand the dog back.


Good luck, keep us posted.

PS don't think too long about it, I think you know deep down what the right thing to do is .

Sometimes just sometimes things are not going to work out and it sounds like this is one of them, if he is that anxious and the children are nervous of him he would IMO be better off in a quieter home. Better to realise that before the situation gets any worse than allow it to drag on...

It will break your heart but the dogs trust are marvelous and they will work 100% to find him the home he needs.

speaking with hubby again, he thinks it would be better all round to have him rehomed, i think deep down i do as well, but right now i cant get past the tears to think properly. we both keep saying '1 more chance, we'll work even harder with him this time, we'll make it work', but i dont know if it will. sorry for getting a bit emotional, but i my heart is breaking! he was with me through a time when i was very unwell, and just cuddled in to me without expecting anything. i'd miss him terribly if he went

You don't need to apologise - all of use on this forum adore our pets and know how you are feeling!!

It's like making the awful decision to have a pet put down - sometimes we have to do things that break our hearts for the good of the pet.

Have you spoken to the shelter since semi deciding you may have to re-home him?? I am sure they'll be able to offer practical advice on the situation.

It's not a faliure on your part - you are just doing what is right for the kids and the dog

i tried to call them, then remembered that they are closed on a tuesday - hubby is on holibobs from work til tomorrow cos it was littlest bunny's 2nd birthday yesterday, completely throuws me when he's off! - but am going to cal them or visit tomorrow, as my dad is taking the kids out for the day. i think we have decided its best to let him go to a home that will be better suited to him. it WILL break my heart, but once the kids are a bit older, maybe a year or 2 down the line, we'll think about it again. and of course, once again, we'd adopt a dogs trust dog! im gutted, as we all adore him, especially me, but we have to put emotions aside and do whats best for firstly the kids, secondly the dog, and this is best all round.

thanks everyone for your support, it has been a dificult decision to come too, and you all confirmed mine and hubbys gut feelings. really helped to have advice from people who are not emotionally involved. will update once have spoken to DT x

JR

I don't have much to add to what the others have said other than I do appreciate what a difficult decision this is for you & whatever you decide to do, it will hurt.

All I can add is that, for your dog's sake, please be as honest as possible with the Dogs Trust staff & give them as much info as possible on your dog's behaviour, likes & dislikes. This will help them to find a home for him that will cater to his special needs & so that they can give as much advice to any potential new owners.

It's such a shame that your children are nervous of him, especially as he's done nothing to them other be a bit too boisterous & excitable. I hope that as they grow older they will learn to be comfortable around dogs again.

the worst thing is that the kids ADORE dogs - especially my youngest! my mother in law has 2 yorkies, and boards dogs in her home as her business, so always has a variety of dogs, big and small, in the house. the kids love to play with, cuddle and 'help' walk all the dogs, its just our dog they are nervous of even dogs in the street - once they have asked the owner of course - they are desperate to pet and play with. our friends have an enormous rotty, and they love him to bits! he's obviously just been a troubled dog, and our family isnt the right one for him. he's only 11 1/2 months, so he's still young enough to make someone else very happy too

Im sorry and this isn't going to go down well. I think you would be doing the dog a favour rehoming him. If your not going to put the time and effort to retrain or deal with the problems,,,, then give him back to the dogs trust, I think its cruel. Sounds by what i have read, is you just want the 'perfect' dog and trust me they don't exist.
I know it sounds harsh but to many many folk get dogs and give them back when the going gets tough. I feel sorry for the dog , going back to kennels, poor soul.

i understand where you are coming from, and make whatever assumptions about me and my family you like, but you have read a very brief potted history. you are entitled to your opinion, but i assure you, you are incorrect.

Thats right i am entitled to my opinion and im going by what you have said in your posts. . So go to West calder tomorrow and give the dog back, and as for getting a dog again in a few years time ? I think thats sad. A dog is for life , i have met many people that give dogs away due to similiar reasons as yours and its a cop out. Always the same when families get pups and they get bigger and wee quirks start and it means work on behaviour problems.
Give excuses its the kids etc,, crap.

There is no need to be harsh I think the OP knows she has bitten off more than she can chew at this point, a lot of us have done the same in the past. The important thing is now to do the right thing as hard as it is and find the dog a quieter home. I do wonder why the rescue allowed a dog to go to a home with children though, it isn't something I would do....

you are entitled to your opinions. all i have to say to you is that your assumptions of our situation is incorrect. i will now choose not to respond to any further agressive posts.

I was in a similar situation 25 years ago OP now make very different decisions when chosing a dog and have a happy yappy home. It can all come good in the end.

I don't think my posts have been agressive, its called stating an opinion on a public forum, to which am entitled to do within DS t&C. It just so happens am not saying what you want to hear, and you don't like it. Im not in the wrong. im thinking of the dog .. I have said my peace and i feel sorry for the poor soul and wish it all the best if it goes back to west calder.

since adopting the dog, i have suffered with ill health - as i mentioned in a previous post, and do not wish to detail further - which has also contributed to our decision. once i am back to full health, and the kids are older too, then we hope to adopt another dog with the support of the dogs trust. getting this dog was not something we entered into lightly or without a lot of thinking and research first, and we do want to offer a good home to a dog in the future. we have persevered, but im unable to cope due to aforementioned ill health. if i had not become ill, this would be a very different story, hence why its so awful.

thank you for your reassurance

Its not harsh molliepops , am not going to be all sookie and nicey, nicey just to make the OP feel better. I have no idea why Dogs trust would give someone with health issues and 2 small kids a pup, maybe they thought it would be going to a good home ...........

I agree that the OP is doing the best thing for the dog by returning it to DT. The one thing that does worry me though is the statement that they may get another one in a couple of years. Please OP if you consider that, think back to this moment and be really really positive that you will be able to cope. Animals that are returned to animal shelters can be increasingly hard to rehome, and it would be awful for all concerned if it all went pearshaped a second time.

thank you, we will. once my health has stabilised and remained stable for some time, and the kids are older, we will be thinking back to this time, not for saving our own feelings, but for the welfare of any dog we may choose to adopt.

if there was any other way to help our dog, any way round having him rehomed, we would do it

The OP was not ill when they adopted the dog, the health issues came after - is that correct JR ?
and if i remember rightly when the OP originally posted asking about adopting a dog it took them a long while before making the decision to adopt so i think a lot of thought did go into this.
None of us are perfect and that includes our dogs...it just so happens that this little chap would maybe be happier in a home without kids. It happens !

I am sure the DT will understand and like others have already said give them as much information as possible so they can find him a new home that can cope with his issues and work on them.

Good Luck JR

yes, thats correct, i was in good health when we adopted him, my illness was very unexpected.

a quick update. my friend has offered to foster him for a short time to see if living with her dog calms him down a bit. he gets on very well with other dogs, and im hopeful that this will benefit him ... will speak to her today, as she texted me whilst i was at work last night so i couldnt speak to her properly.


her dog is also a dogs trust dog, and is a collie x, and a lovely dog with it. very well natured, very calm, but also very playful. i am praying she will be a calming influence on our dog

Re-home the kids.... even a neurotic dog will be less hassle in the long run.

I hope that your friend's home will work out for your dog. If it does turn out to be permanent, you should really notify the Dogs Trust though as they will need to know that you are no longer the owner ~ plus micro chip company & insurance co & vet!