Any judge to any celeb:
"You're too fat to dance. Train harder, go on a diet, or failing that, staple your lips together."

My wife/partner and kids hate this show and begged me not to do it.

I hope to gain some weight.

My wife/husband/partner hate me dancing the Rumba with my sexy partner, in fact they are punching their lights out as we speak.

Female Pro: My husband said if he touches me there one more time he won't still be 'trotting' come Saturday...

Ola: Chris Hollins' so sexy! James really like him and they are best buddies.

Brendan: You don't need pae-ssion for your dance, just wriggle your bum and heave your bossoms if you want to look sexy.

That routine was really complemented by the excellent camera work.

<any of the ballroom or latin dances> is quite an easy dance to learn isn't it?

[in the last seconds of the final show] I didn't want to mention this earlier, but I got married a few weeks ago/my relative recently died/I have children/I have nans/I get stage fright.

Len: You did two perfect heel turns, but who really gives a s**t apart from me?

Len: "Seven" (in a perfectly normal voice)

Bruno: it was an explosion of passion, I loved it! But you missed a heel lead so I'm deducting two points.

Any pro: Its fine that you're not competitive, I'm quite looking forward to October, November AND December off!!

Well, as contestant x has had to withdraw, we are a couple down - but that's OK, we've a contingency plan.

Or: Brucie:'You're my least favourite!'

Sorry I should have read to the end of the thread before I posted. Someone else has already said this!

Us! Have a contingency plan! Havin' a laugh aren't you?

Us at the BBC don't know what we're doing tomorrow nevermind what happens if someone p***es off part way through.

Claudia: Thank you for your inspiring words, Mr BBC boss who for legal reasons can now not be named .

"What time does Simon Cowell get here?"

"Ola's outfit covers her up too much"

"Give the band a Grammy"

Claudia to random celebs plugging their wares: You are not here because you like Strictly, do you?

BBC announcer: "We apologise for the last minute programme change, but the entire SCD show has come down with swine flu. So here's a repeat of Some Mother's Do 'Ave 'Em instead.

Hold on!!!!!!! That could happen.

I am useless at this kind of thing, but my top three so far in no particular order (as per SCD!) are





Keep them coming!

Bruno: "I'm going to give a different score to Len's this series>"

after watching john sargents dance, i realised, is there nothing on this show i wouldnt w**k to?

hehe, Frankie Boyle's joke to be fair

'Put some clothes on will you Ola?'

Judges/Pro's: Alesha?? She'll be shit!

The Finalists: For our showdance we're going to revive Colin Jackson's doll dance....

Celeb: Why did I decide to do Strictly?? To revive my flagging career of course!!













......(thats the BRUTALLY HONEST answer..)

Bruce:

We are inviting our past celebs back to show us how the rhumba and salsa is done:

Welcome Carol Voderman!

Welcome Matt Dawson!

Len: This year we welcome Alesha to our panel. She is here because....errr......errrr.....oh bugger it. Our first couple tonight is...

I'm afraid Tess can't be with us tonight, so I'm pleased to introduce my new co-presenter Karen / Camilla / Angela / Natasha / anyone really....