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DS Crisis Support Group? (Part 5) |
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#551 |
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 123
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Please understand MrsP, that it is not simply to get away from the pain your son was feeling for him.
I have had a really shit few years and following some CBT and teaching children to sew, I thought I had cracked it. Not better 100%, but able to face most days. Then 2 years ago, a family member did something really nasty, which I won't ever understand or get over. I have tried to come to terms with it, tried to follow the CBT methods, but I can't get over just how evil she was, and what she did to me. There is no way forward. The pain is there daily, the black curtain of depression falls more often than I can manage to pull it open. The harassment has continued and I can't fight anymore. Yes, I have a daughter and grandchildren, but they will be better without me being like I am in this state. Who wants that, as in the state of me, for a memory or a daily burden. When suicidal I think quite logically, have it planned and know exactly why I can't cope with the pain, nor continue to inflict it on others. Your son did not wish for you to carry his pain for him, nor cause you to suffer. Remember him with love for the man he was before. Do not carry guilt for something that is not your fault. |
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#552 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 6,501
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Quote:
Please understand MrsP, that it is not simply to get away from the pain your son was feeling for him.
I have had a really shit few years and following some CBT and teaching children to sew, I thought I had cracked it. Not better 100%, but able to face most days. Then 2 years ago, a family member did something really nasty, which I won't ever understand or get over. I have tried to come to terms with it, tried to follow the CBT methods, but I can't get over just how evil she was, and what she did to me. There is no way forward. The pain is there daily, the black curtain of depression falls more often than I can manage to pull it open. The harassment has continued and I can't fight anymore. Yes, I have a daughter and grandchildren, but they will be better without me being like I am in this state. Who wants that, as in the state of me, for a memory or a daily burden. When suicidal I think quite logically, have it planned and know exactly why I can't cope with the pain, nor continue to inflict it on others. Your son did not wish for you to carry his pain for him, nor cause you to suffer. Remember him with love for the man he was before. Do not carry guilt for something that is not your fault. If your child or grandchild told you that you would be better off without them, would you accept that? I also have a daughter and as much as I want to be here for her, there is a huge part of me that would like to join my son. Not that I want to kill myself, but that I would be okay about dying. Then I think about my girl and cannot imagine her going thru this nightmare of losing family all over again. FWIW, I think there is still a large disconnect between how people perceive physical pain and emotional pain. People who suffer terminal illnesses have people advocating on their behalf for assisted suicide, but there is a much different outlook for depression and other forms of emotional pain. I guess because we think it's curable. I'm still trying to understand it all. I want to believe that there is treatment for depression. Not just existing, but really wanting to live. |
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#553 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,258
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Gutted. A friend (bit of a father figure) died the other night and tonight I was up at the house of another friend of mine who was closer to him than me. He's obviously very upset and I thought I was okay and pragmatic about it all but found out the details of his death tonight and feel pretty terrible about it so perhaps not. Funeral on Tuesday. Until then I'll be snapping the head off anyone who so much as draws me a dirty look or disagrees with me. Mods might want to ban me in advance!
Not sure what to do really. Don't know the family beyond the son-in-law. Chapels and hymns aren't really my thing either. I guess there will be some sort of after-service, sandwiches and tea thing (I've been to plenty funerals before but always do them in a bit of a daze.) Strictly speaking I shouldn't even be that affected as there must be hundreds of people who were closer to him than me but I sure do feel pretty bad about it all tonight. |
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#554 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 21,747
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Quote:
Gutted. A friend (bit of a father figure) died the other night and tonight I was up at the house of another friend of mine who was closer to him than me. He's obviously very upset and I thought I was okay and pragmatic about it all but found out the details of his death tonight and feel pretty terrible about it so perhaps not. Funeral on Tuesday. Until then I'll be snapping the head off anyone who so much as draws me a dirty look or disagrees with me. Mods might want to ban me in advance!
Not sure what to do really. Don't know the family beyond the son-in-law. Chapels and hymns aren't really my thing either. I guess there will be some sort of after-service, sandwiches and tea thing (I've been to plenty funerals before but always do them in a bit of a daze.) Strictly speaking I shouldn't even be that affected as there must be hundreds of people who were closer to him than me but I sure do feel pretty bad about it all tonight. theres no logic to how we react to events like this so whether you think other people were closer to him than you or not doesn't matter , its your connection to him thats important to you , i lost both my parents in my 20s and can relate to the "being in a daze" feeling as thats how i got through both their funerals without breaking down completely all i can say is try to keep your chin up, try to keep busy and remember the good things. time and talking about it are the only cures to how you are feeling atm. |
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#555 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,258
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Quote:
i'm probably the last person you want a reply from after our disagreement in the other thread but for what its worth i just wanted to say something after reading this
theres no logic to how we react to events like this so whether you think other people were closer to him than you or not doesn't matter , its your connection to him thats important to you , i lost both my parents in my 20s and can relate to the "being in a daze" feeling as thats how i got through both their funerals without breaking down completely all i can say is try to keep your chin up, try to keep busy and remember the good things. time and talking about it are the only cures to how you are feeling atm. |
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#556 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: blazes of hell and damnation
Posts: 7,158
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went wit mum to the hospital yesterday to get her biopsy results, she very possibly has skin cancer and will have to have chemotherapy, good thing is it is very treatable but she is still very worried and so are me and dad
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#557 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: blazes of hell and damnation
Posts: 7,158
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my dad just got a call from the hospital and now they think it isn't cancer
she has to go for another scan at the hospital to get confirmation
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#558 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 6,135
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This is good news Steve
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#559 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: blazes of hell and damnation
Posts: 7,158
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Quote:
This is good news Steve
![]() poor woman has been through so much this year with her mental and physical health problems |
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she has to go for another scan at the hospital to get confirmation