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DS Crisis Support Group? (Part 5)


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Old 06-12-2009, 11:58
stesupforit
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I'm so sorry, it is such a sad situation for you. You shouldn't feel terrible, and I don't think you could have done something or spotted something. Her unsent email shows that she loves you and cares for you, and she knew that you cared for her deeply. I'm sorry you are feeling helpless. Make sure you eat something sensible today and look after yourself. Hopefully once the shock has passed, you can begin healing. I noticed a few bereavement websites have some poems, would looking at them help you feel less isolated? It isn't something I've been through so I can't really help, but I know other people have been in similar situations and have felt all the things you are feeling.
I just want her back. I am normally an intensely private person. Only just told my parents because I could not hold it in any longer. They are coming to sit with me. I know I have to offload all my emotions. My pain and dispair. I just wish the guilt would go. All yesterday I got on with life. Got my christmas tree. I thought nothing of her next texting. Thought she was sleeping off her hangover. But she was dead. And I was enjoying my day.
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Old 06-12-2009, 12:26
sallygill1961
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ste have added you to my msn have had huge probs logging on
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Old 06-12-2009, 21:55
eveningstar
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Ste, my heart goes out to you, it is terrible to lose somebody and in such circumstances too. Like others have said, your friend obviously wanted you to know she loved you, hence the message. Nothing anyone can say to make it better, but in here you will find people who will care. Hope by now your parents are with you and that you are able to draw comfort from having them there.
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Old 06-12-2009, 22:03
sallygill1961
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hi polly how are you
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Old 06-12-2009, 22:35
eveningstar
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hi polly how are you
Doing OK thanks, who would have thought I would have been writing that after all the troubles I was having when I first came in here. I've been redecorating the house so not been in here for a while.
How are things with you & Nettie and the new home?
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Old 07-12-2009, 09:27
magnetictiger
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Ste, how are you getting on today?
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Old 07-12-2009, 22:16
stesupforit
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Taking every day as it comes. I have surrounded myself with people I trust to help me get through this. It is with out doubt, the most painful thing I have ever been through. I feel absolutely empty. Lost. I miss her every hour of every day.
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Old 08-12-2009, 09:08
magnetictiger
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Taking every day as it comes. I have surrounded myself with people I trust to help me get through this. It is with out doubt, the most painful thing I have ever been through. I feel absolutely empty. Lost. I miss her every hour of every day.
I really wish there was more I could say or suggest. I wish there was some magical words or phrase that would make things a little easier for you. It is good that you have people round you - are you managing to talk to them a little? Make sure you take care of the basics too - it can be easy to forget to eat decent meals and get to bed at a normal time when you are hurting so much.
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Old 08-12-2009, 10:35
stesupforit
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I really wish there was more I could say or suggest. I wish there was some magical words or phrase that would make things a little easier for you. It is good that you have people round you - are you managing to talk to them a little? Make sure you take care of the basics too - it can be easy to forget to eat decent meals and get to bed at a normal time when you are hurting so much.
First two nights I slept but it was alcohol induced. Last night I slept without alcohol but I ended up reading until I was fully tired. My parents call me all the time to make sure I am eating, which I am. Need to keep my strength up. Gonna try and keep busy today. Listen to some music. Do some jobs around the house.

Thank you for your words and concern. It is greatly appreciated and I really cannot thank enough, all those on DS who sent their regards and are helping my through this.

Stephen
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Old 08-12-2009, 13:59
nightsun1500
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Im in a crisis and need someone to talk to !!!!
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Old 08-12-2009, 14:02
magnetictiger
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Whats up Nightsun?
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Old 08-12-2009, 17:25
nightsun1500
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A couple of days ago ive had another seizure, last time I had seizure was a year ago. Now of course it cant be exactly called a seizure and the cause may not be epilepsy but its very difficult to find out exactly why it happened. Im feeling so lost and insecure, and im up to my eyeballs in work. I jsut want to dissapear.
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Old 15-12-2009, 09:02
magnetictiger
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Sorry for the delay in replying.

Nightsun, how are things for you - any more seizures? Have you been in touch with your GP/Specialist? I hope things resolve quickly for you. Are work understanding?

Stephen - how are you getting on? Been thinking about you often x

How is/where is everyone?
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Old 19-12-2009, 11:43
sallygill1961
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just thought i would show you all my new great-nephew stanley born just after 10pm last night x

http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos..._2774843_n.jpg
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Old 19-12-2009, 14:06
jane-hen12
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Sally he's gorgeous

I know I've not been here for a while, but just popping in to say hope everyone has the best Christmas possible. You all deserve it.
xx
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Old 19-12-2009, 19:14
sallygill1961
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Sally he's gorgeous

I know I've not been here for a while, but just popping in to say hope everyone has the best Christmas possible. You all deserve it.
xx
yes he is isn't he he is nickys 5th baby i am just glad he is here and healthy as her no 3 little one has retts syndrome so it was always a worry but she knew he was a boy so he would be ok on that score also we are glad he got here in time to meet his aunty steph as every day is precious for her
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Old 22-12-2009, 14:41
lorry
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Sal, I just wanted to say congratulations to you and the rest of the family on the birth of gorgeous Stanley!

Also I want to wish everyone who posts on this thread, and everyone who has contributed over the last couple of years, a very Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

I miss everybody "of old" (you all know who you are!) but I hope that means we're mostly crisis-free these days.

To everybody who is going through problems right now, my thoughts are with you and I hope things get better for you soon.

lorry x
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Old 24-12-2009, 17:26
yorkiegal
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I'm trying to stay cheerful for xmas but have been struggling with a recurrance of depression over the past few weeks. On top of that I found out yesterday that my Dad is poorly again. He was told three months ago that he was in full remission from his kidney pelvis and ureter cancer, but now it has spread to the lymph node in his neck. The prognosis isn't great and we have two weeks to wait until his next appointment, when they will talk about treatment options. Dad's trying to play it down because he's worried about my depression, which makes me feel a complete cow for adding to his worries.
Things could be worse I guess. He feels very healthy despite the diagnosis. My depression, whilst difficult to manage, is not as crippling as it has been in the past. Also dad and I get on a lot better than we ever used to. So I'm trying to look for the positives and concentrate on staying well in the new year so I can support him.
Just needed to write this out and post it because if I don't I'm just thinking about it too much, and I can't ring friends to talk about it because no one wants to have to deal with a moping friend over xmas lol.

Hope everyone on the thread is safe and well and has a relaxing xmas. xxx
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Old 24-12-2009, 17:36
magnetictiger
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Hi Yorkie, I'm sorry to hear about your depression and your Dad's illness. I'm glad you can see the positives. I hope the next couple of days will be okay for you. I know how you feel, wanting to stay positive and cheer so as not to ruin the mood for others. Can you scehdule some quite time for you (a long bath, walk or something) so you can have some time to feel sad if you need to and not have to put on a front? Are you getting support from the professionals at the moment? ((hugs))
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Old 24-12-2009, 18:44
yorkiegal
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hey hon. I am spending xmas day on my own (my choice) and already have plans to have a nice long bath with lots of Lush products, and then settle down to watch tv. If my mood does get the better of me I can always take a sleeping pill and spend the day unconscious lol.

Hope your xmas is a good one. xx

support from professionals? lmao. 5mins with a gp every two months.
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Old 24-12-2009, 18:49
magnetictiger
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hey hon. I am spending xmas day on my own (my choice) and already have plans to have a nice long bath with lots of Lush products, and then settle down to watch tv. If my mood does get the better of me I can always take a sleeping pill and spend the day unconscious lol.

Hope your xmas is a good one. xx

support from professionals? lmao. 5mins with a gp every two months.
Oooh, which Lush products? I just had a shower with the Xmas Cake soap from last year, and the Snow Fairy shower gel. I smell all nice! As usual, I've bought one of each of the Xmassy ones for me and one of each for my Mum.

I'm glad you've got a plan for Tomorrow, if spending it alone is the best thing for you, it is good you've arranged it.

Do they explain why you get no help? My new CPN was supposed to see me weekly, and help me get medication, but she hasn't been in touch at all. I've decided not to take medication from now on.
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Old 24-12-2009, 18:58
yorkiegal
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Ever since I got out of hospital with the borderline personality disorder diagnosis two years ago they've stopped all help. I just get meds from the gp and am instructed that it is better for people like me to try and manage on their own. I have no faith in the services anyway so it doesn't matter.
Hope you're coming off the meds very slowly if that's what you've decided to do.

Lush products are Sex Bomb ballistic because I love the smell, plus I have some of their natural face mask stuff which smells good enough to eat. I'm also going to give myself a manicure and pedicure and a deep conditioning treatment for my hair. And I'm going to spend the entire day in my dressing gown lol.
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Old 24-12-2009, 19:11
magnetictiger
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Ever since I got out of hospital with the borderline personality disorder diagnosis two years ago they've stopped all help. I just get meds from the gp and am instructed that it is better for people like me to try and manage on their own. I have no faith in the services anyway so it doesn't matter.
Hope you're coming off the meds very slowly if that's what you've decided to do.

Lush products are Sex Bomb ballistic because I love the smell, plus I have some of their natural face mask stuff which smells good enough to eat. I'm also going to give myself a manicure and pedicure and a deep conditioning treatment for my hair. And I'm going to spend the entire day in my dressing gown lol.
They don't say outright that it is because I have BPD that they don't help, but I imagine it is. According to my Second Opinion, I have PTSD, but current Pysch thinks it is BPD. I always get referred for things and assesses, but nothing ever happens.
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Old 24-12-2009, 23:51
FortyTwo25
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Not a crisis on the scale of things that have been posted here so I'm sorry for that.

I told someone I loved them the other day because that's how I do truly feel. I'm in love with her. The issue is that she's quite a bit older than me(as some of you may know I'm 18) with two children. She only told me a few days back that age is the factor in why we can't be in a relationship with me, but she'll gladly have sex and elate in the fact that I get attention(from guys) when we walk down the street.

What started as a purely sexual thing has developed into much more for me, although she told me numerous times that we would be nothing more than temporary gratification for each other.

I spent the night with her(yesterday) so she could 'selfishly crawl into a warm occupied bed' when she came back from her night shift. I wanted to be there though she gave me the option of turning up or not.

She brings the best out in me but on occasion she'll make a comment such as 'Oh what am I going to do with you?'. Like tonight I was saying bye and I kissed her and she stopped me and said 'stop it, just go' I can understand but does she need to be so insensitive covering these comments with the laugh and smile as though I'm that foolish especially when I bend over backwards to please her. It's sadly a 'Jump' 'How high?' situation.

Walking away I know would be the sensible option I don't want to it'll hurt too much almost daily I cry because I fear she'll find somebody else who'll check her boxes which would appear to me as rejection. I don't cope with rejection very well. I just don't know what to do I'm in too deep and I stupidly think that in the near future something will trigger inside her and she'll want a relationship.

ETA: I'll be with her Sunday through Tuesday

Fortytwo25
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Old 28-12-2009, 15:43
eveningstar
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Sal, I just wanted to say congratulations to you and the rest of the family on the birth of gorgeous Stanley!

Also I want to wish everyone who posts on this thread, and everyone who has contributed over the last couple of years, a very Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

I miss everybody "of old" (you all know who you are!) but I hope that means we're mostly crisis-free these days.

To everybody who is going through problems right now, my thoughts are with you and I hope things get better for you soon.

lorry x
Thanks Lorry, Happy New Year to all from me too.

I miss everyone of old too, and thought maybe we could all do an update. For those who remember, I first came into this thread about a year ago after my Mum died, my husband met someone else & left me, my best friend tried to commit suicide, etc etc. So many people were so kind, supportive and caring, I really don't think I'd have survived without them. I won't remember all names, but Lindy if you ever look in here, please know all your wisdom on anti depressants and their uses really helped, I took them for 6 months and have been off for the past month. Dors & GillyP, you made me laugh when I thought I never would again, and were a constant source of encouragement. Lorry, thanks for reminding me of the therapeutic benefits of knitting, I am still clicking the needles. SallyG, (what a gorgeous baby pic) always there with help & support even when you had so much to deal with. Sooty, Purdy, Ladydragon, Janehen, and so many more - a big THANKYOU.

Thanks to the 'I've been there' pm messages and the postings on here, I have moved on, learned to decorate a house and clear a garden, and a month ago I had my results to find I managed to get an MA with distinction, so extra thanks to those who wouldn't let me give up on that.

I didn't think I would ever say this, but I am more content now than I have been in years, and to any of you who are facing a rough time right now, take heart, life really can turn around.

Much love to all, have a truly great new year, Polly xx
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