ahhh yes, cats do know what we mean, they arent daft!

My cat stays out all night (tart), comes in to be fed (greedy)and petted (demanding) in the morning then sleeps all day(lazy). Nothing at all like me

Bloomin' teenagers! (The cat, not you.)

LOL it was a long time since I was a teenager!

Erm close the bedroom door then!

Nooo, that goes against the whole Philosophy of Being Cat.

Closed doors tend to be held in the greatest disdain.

I happily cave in to this particular rule (if only to prevent the equivalent of a feline French Revolution crashing down on me within 5 minutes), the trouble only starts when I have guests, who will invariably start closing all kinds of random doors, leaving Puss wailing, scratching and wailing some more until everyone is left with acute insomnia. Outcome = Puss one, guests nil.


Close those doors at your own peril.

Hmm. Interesting. I have my cats well trained. I live in a ground floor flat, I don't have the alarm system the OP mentioned but my security is good.

I can make them eat food by merely saying 'want your tea?" and putting it in front of them. Them sitting looking at me, then the food tray, and back, and putting a paw on me makes NO difference, I am in charge.

All the doors are, I suppose, cat sized ajar but that is ONLY because I like the air.

The (Cat decorated) fleece on my bed is purely for my warmth, not their comfort.

The cat flap is to ensure that I do not need to open the door, unless I want to.

I have trained one of my cats to be a 'weather cat', immediately jumping on my knee from being outside, letting me know (By amount of wetness on my clothes and hands) exactly what the weather is like without having to look out of the window.

I reserve a couple of places in the house that they can sleep on, and ONLY those places. (Computer chair, futon, window box, the fleece on my trunk for work stuff, my bed, the wicker chair, the mat in the kitchen, the rug in the bathroom, the window sill, the green visitor's chair, the hallway, the 2 seater in the living room etc)

So, you tell ME who is in charge?

EDIT and those herd of elephant sounding fights and plays at 5.00am are because I enjoy them, and let them do it, including the brother/sister yowling scraps under the bed. If I told them to stop, I know they would.

This is before I go upstairs, I stand at the top of the stairs and try to set the alarm with the cat in my hands.

LOL I know what you mean!

Tried that. She just scratches at the door and trills constantly

To the OP, I'd do as suggested and adjust your alarm.

I disagree with those who say the cats rule the home. I think not, I do Except when one of them attacks which I'm still trying to get to the bottom of

On a purely practical point, how does the cat set off the burglar alarm? She'd have to be actually sitting in front of the sensor, which is usually in the top corner of the room, as the weight of a cat (and most dogs) is not enough to trigger a response normally. Most modern security systems require a "double hit", i.e. the first sensor activation primes the system, but it won't go off until another sensor activation takes place. This was done because there were a lot of false alarms cause by spiders crossing sensors, balloons floating past them, etc.

One cheap thing that the OP could do is to stick some duck tape on the bottom half of the sensor to make it less sensitive to small moving objects like cats, but it will still respond to humans.

Lol, I've trained my cat just like you.

lol this is the funniest thing i have read in ages.
must say have one cat that comes and sleeps in the bedroom she runs in and curls up and thats it until the morning but the other two as soon as we go to bed they run around chasing each other and knocking things over. the amount of times been woken up by something been knocked over in the kitchen and shouting bloody cats! LOL.

Good idea, i'll try that.

You might have to experiment a bit to make sure the sensor still detects short humans, but it does work - we've now got special pet sensors, but we used the tape method when we had a dog, which was a bit heavier than the cats.

You lot have just got naughty cats, my Leo always goes to bed when he's told

My two small moving objects would find the duck tape a challenge to be overcome...

Well, as the detectors would be at least 8 foot off the floor, and in the corner of the room (assuming the OP means room detectors), I'd like to see a photography of that, it would be worthy of LOLcats!!

My boy, so placid in that picture, has brought down the lampshade in the lounge. It had a spider on it.

I have this problem with my sons hamster, it simply refuses to sleep AT NIGHT! It runs in its wheel etc..

Any tips?

Oil the wheel so that it doesn't squeak.

I'll lend you a cat.

Has your cat been at the same seminar mine has attended ?

Maybe he was at the BEDTIME lecture , mine was at the ]
Act the Brat lecture this week.




Lecture 4: More ways of getting attention.

Climb up a tree or a roof. Cling there, mewing. When your human tries to rescue you, climb higher. Eventually a large red engine and several beefy people in uniform will turn up. Wait until they start climbing the ladder, then leap effortlessly down.

Chew telephone wires and electric flex. You won’t have to chew very much before your human picks you up.

Walk over the computer key-board, being careful to press down keys. Use your body to shield the interesting additions to the screen. Stand on one key so that a character repeats itself endlessly.

Boycott the cat-flap. Sit on the window ledge until your human lets you in through the window. This is particularly good fun in a gale.

Eat a house plant. If you don’t like the taste, tear it to shreds. Eat grass in the garden then come in and throw up on the best settee.

Practise projectile vomiting on the new carpet, or better still on the bed. It’s a good gag to wake your human up in the middle of the night.

If all else fails, spray. Boy, does attention-seeking spraying work! A truly stupid human will try to clear up using a scented fluid. This will smell like cat urine and will make the marking point even more interesting. Top it up again.

That’s all for today, next time we will be learning about Mealtime Manners. Now go and practise all I have told you.

Yours

Ah, but they need a kicking off point, especially Maine Coons - wrong power to weight ratio for good jumpers! Ours is an excellent mountaineer, though, I've seen him walk along a one-inch wide stair rail quite happily.

Oil the hamster so it can't get a grip on the wheel.