The Official Digital Spy Ballroom Dance Glossary.

Strictly unapproved by the National Federation of Ballroom Dancers and Teachers. Or whatever it's called.

Tango. Man looks angry. Woman looks like shop mannequin. Stomp diagonally across the floor with bent legs. Stomp back. Do a few kicks. Stomp.

Foxtrot. Walking abaht.

Rumba. Walking abaht slowly while posing and hailing a taxi. Slowly. Woman dressed in bikini with tablecloth draped across her.

Paso Doble. Man looking like he is balancing a slug on his top lip. Woman looks angry. Or blank. Cape faffing. Drag. Walk. Drag. Walk. Drag. Man dominant. Though looks a complete berk. Ole' optional. Woman dressed in sheet that can become cape. Man in jacket several sizes too small.

Waltz. Head on shoulder cheesy opening. Or step bothering. Twirl. Left. Twirl. Right. Spin. Twirl. Tumble dry. End up smooching.

Quickstep. Hop. Skip. Stumble. Tumble.

Salsa. Flail flail flail.

Samba. Stupid. Man tries to break woman's back rolling. Run around together. Fall over. Bounce bounce bounce. Like Tigger. Woman dressed in half a swimming costume with feathers stuck to it.

Argentine Tango. Man tries to break woman's legs. Scissor scissor. Lift. Scissor. Woman tries to break something else of man's.

American Smooth. Walking abaht with some twirly stuff. Picking laydee up and twirling.

Viennese Waltz. Spin. Spin. Spin. Dizzy. Bucket. Vomit. End. Woman in dress with washing hanging off ends.

Jive. Trying to flick gum off your shoe while flailing. For small people. Not for tall. If choreographed by D Bennett some tie related activity. At end show off splits. Like drunk bird out of pub.

Cha Cha Cha. Flail flail flail to different beat. Hailing taxi. Fast. Woman dressed in old tasselled lampshade.

Group dance. Unrecognisable. Random jigging abaht. Everyone doing a different style to everyone else. All out of time.

Showdance. Weight lifting contest. Or manic grinning and leaping abaht to show tune. Or rolling a foil wrapped turkey around to a power ballad. Roll. Heave. Anatomy.

lol very good nancy1975

Acknowledgements.

I must thank (pause to wipe tears out of eyes while clutching worthless statue) the fellow FMs of the Definitely Not an Appreciation Thread for their valued contributions. I couldn't have written this without them. Thank you all. Oh my God. OK. Gather Gather. I did this just for you.

No actually I wrote it to try and get a mench on ITT. Hopefully.

Genius, I love it

I also now have an image in my head of Baldrick from Blackadder trying to do the Paso Doble

You're my favourite!

And mine

I think it's a staggering work of heartfelt averageness



not really, I love it too

trying not to be noticed by Craig.

Now THAT would be worth watching

Thanks Nancy1975 - should at least get you a mention in "post of the day" thread

This is the expanded version of a shortie version that was in there before.

Not that I'm in any way objecting to be in there again.

Brilliant nancy!

Have already seen some of it on the Non-App thread but more than worth a round of applause here.

You should win the award for "post of the day"!

hello Nancy, I'm popping from An Appreciation Thread
to say that The Official DS Ballroom Dance Glossary is great, I hadn't seen it before .... very funny

Thanks for bumping this!


Both of these had me grinning and cackling like a maniac.

Hi Nancy xxx, a new glossary entry needed:

Couple paired onscreen -

Brilliant , I bestow upon you a Malteser cake delivered from the Norty Step
http://www.debbiebone.co.uk/maltesers_cake.jpg

*Wipes tears from eyes.*

I'd like to thank my parents, my family, my dog, my teddy bear and everybody I've ever known or met or brushed by in the street for bringing me to this supreme moment in my life.

*Rambles about world poverty and oppression for 10 minutes.*

Thank you so much.

Lovely cake.

Thank you.

*long stick with hook on end yanks Nancy1975 off the stage*
*Band plays loud music*

And mine

Hi Nancy! x

*Stumbles back on again clutching cake.*

I just want you all to know...that all the hours I spend on here working so hard for your entertainment was the only true meaning in my life though since I bacame a member of the Supreme Church of Ganesh I've found another and.............................

Continued on Page 94.

With any luck I'll get adopted by Madonna. Or Angelina Jolie. I need money.


Well, that's made my year. Seriously.

Burmp....as really the above was not all my own work so I can't accused of shameless plugging I hope.

Purely to assist this year's crop of wannabes you understand.

Well done, Nancy - my apologies for failing to resurrect this little gem too .....

Still brilliant <applause.... applause...... applause>

But which one is it where the woman keeps stroking her hair like some shampoo advert while walking abaht and wiggling slightly?

Rumba?

The above vocabulary might work for Chelseeeeh.....