Episode 21 – Election Night Ward 9

“I’m gonna be queen, I’m gonna be queen”, gloated Jennifer as the hands were raised, a majority were now clearly in favour of removing Rachel. Jennifer was bouncing around clapping her hands in front of her chest, “I’m gonna be queen, and I’m gonna make THEM”, she indicated dismissively to where Rachels friends were gathered, “cook for me, clean for me and bring me pretty things. Oh it’s going to be so much fun”

“We’ve finally done it like” said Dale walking over to Jennifer and attempting to cuddle her. At his touch Jennifer pulled away and whirled to face him, a look of anger briefly crossing her face. After a second she seemed to calm down and spoke soothingly to Dale “Ahhh …… yes …… I tell you what, we’ll talk about the role you’ll play later. But if you loved me you’d let my enjoy my moment wouldn’t you?” This seemed to placate Dale who gave Jennifer an adoring smile. The watching Rex was momentarily reminded of an Andrex advert.

However the scene was interrupted by a cough from the stage. “Ahem”, coughed Luke, “whilst you enthusiasm is very touching beautiful Jennifer there are certain ….. forms which have to be adhered to. Not least of which is the matter of you actually being elected. Now I’m sure it’s a formality but the rules state we have to have at least two candidates.” He looked out at the gathered crowd. “Do we have any other nominations?” he asked.

“No. No. No. No. NO.” screeched Jennifer, “I’ve waited long enough. I wanna be queen and I want it NOW”. She began to stamp her feet and folded her arms defiantly across her chest, glaring at Luke. Luke sighed and leaned forward to whisper in Jennifer’s ear “You will be queen beautiful Jennifer, but this is something we really must do. After all, you wouldn’t want your rule questioned by charges of illegitimacy would you?” Jennifer continued to glare at Luke, but finally nodded her agreement.

Luke addressed the crowd again. “For the final time, I ask are there any other nominations?” There was a seconds silence then a voice rang out “I nominate Mario”, it was Mikey. “Nomination accepted” replied Luke smoothly “Will anyone second that nomination?”

“Yes Mario” said Lisa flatly.

“So there we have it” concluded Luke with great ceremony, “The choice is between Jennifer – and all that will entail” (as he said that he pointedly looked in the direction of Rex and Rachel’s friends), “and Mario. Can I have a show of hands please. Who is in favour of Mario?”

In the crowd Rex looked on helplessly. He looked at Darnell who could only shrug, “Checkmate dude. Now it’s a case of the lesser of two evils”. Darnell reluctantly raised his hand and Rex followed suit.

Luke spoke with great seriousness. “Well it would appear that the majority support Mario. I duly announce him therefore elected. Long live the king.”

At this new Jennifer became hysterical. “No,” she screamed, “no it’s not fair. I wanna be queen”, she grabbed Dales arm and pushed him towards Luke, “Don’t just stand there you useless small d**ked moron. Do something”

Dale looked lost. “It’s well not like fair like” he mumbled at Luke. In response Luke sneered “No. But its democracy in action.” He then smiled and watched the commotion in front of him. Rachel, who up until then had remained silent walked up to his side. “Enjoy this while you can Luke because a wise woman once said ‘Don’t push to far your dreams of China in your hand, don’t wish to hard because it may come true and you can’t handle it. You don’t know what you might have set upon yourself’”.

“Oh f**k off Carole Decker,” snapped Luke, “I’ll deal with you later. Guards! Guards” he shouted. At his summons Stuart and Dennis emerged from the crowd. “Please take ex-queen Rachel to the stocks”. They both grabbed an arm each and dragged Rachel away, but Rachel maintained eye contact with Luke, and just for a second his sneer flickered.

Next Episode – God? Overrated.

Too good to die...

Thanks COZL.

Woo Hoo, thank you!!
I read all the previous episodes, and the first part yesterday and loved it. I am so glad you are continuing this!

Ooo-errr Missus

i hoped some hot girl on girl action would lure you back

Episode 22 – God? Overrated.

After the commie assassin had completed his story a stunned silence gathered over the room. It was finally broken by Victor who laughed bitterly, “I’m sorry”, he sneered “but that’s the biggest crock of s**t I’ve ever heard. Marcus is god and you’re like an al-horse-eda terrorist. Nice try, but this is a task set by the voice who should be obeyed. I’ve just wasted a morning of my life.”

With that Victor headed towards the exit but stopped dead in his tracks as a dart whizzed over his head an embedded itself in the wall in front of him. He spun round and saw Perin holding the gun aimed at him. “Sit down tough guy” she barked, “or the next two shots shatter both your kneecaps which will remove your element of choice in the matter.” Weighing up his options Victor came to the conclusion that it was best to obey the crazy women with the gun and sank down into the nearest chair. Perin lowered the gun.

“Believe it or not what our devout friend told you is in essence right. Well right from his point of view anyway. Of course he missed out the religious genocide and terrorist outrage bits, but hell didn’t a wise man once say that the first casualty of war is truth? Well the truth is none have you have the slightest idea what the reality of your existence is. And you about to have a crash course in Real World 101.”

“You,” Perin snapped indicating Jon, “can you answer me a question? What is outside of these four walls?”

“It leads to a corridor, then the kitchen and the shower block” Jon replied. Perin rolled her eyes. “No I don’t mean this room, I mean the compound, what is beyond it’s outer perimeter.” Jon looked confused. “Outer perimeter?” he asked tentatively.

Perin turned to Victor. “And you,” she demanded, “what’s your first memory of your childhood?” Victor’s brow furrowed. “Childhood?” he asked.

“Yeah childhood. When you were a little guy before you became ‘da big bad gangsta’. Or did you think that you all sprung fully formed from the loins of Zeus. Because if those two” (she indicated Jon and Eugene) “are the spawn of Greek Gods then it’s no the wonder they died off. They clearly spent way to much time of World of Warcraft.”

Perin looked around. Her companions looked completely confused. Jon, Victor and Eugene resembled goldfish, whilst Marcus was gazing at the commie with a mixture of horror and curiosity, whilst the commie was on his knee in front of Marcus with his head bowed.

“Well guess what my meek friends”, continued Perin, “you are about to inherit the earth. Although I’m not entirely convinced we shouldn’t just hand it over to the cockroaches. And just think of me as the Not Virgin Perin who is about to give birth to the messiah, 166 messiahs to be precise. And your all going to help me, whether you like it or not. Now this is what we are going to do. Listen carefully …..”


Next Episode – 60 second makeover

Hmm...still remains to be seen how you're going to slot the BB11ers in - if at all?

Much appreciated.

Oh fabulous! Thanks for carrying this on. I'll have to go back to the beginning of the thread

encore *applause* encore

Episode 23 – 60 second makeover

Craig-1 moved his paint roller up and down, vigorously covering the wall with the white undercoat. How many times was this now he thought to himself? He scratched his head, now matter how hard he tried he just could never seem to remember. Come to think of it he just couldn’t remember this job ever having been finished, or even started for that matter, it just always seemed to BE. Sighing he slumped down onto the bottom rung of his step ladder and surveyed his world.

It resembled a large empty room. Paint splattered dust sheets covered most of the floor, at the far end of the room there was a large hole in the wall, a mini cement mixer was spinning idly a few feet away. Metal step ladders similar to the one he was sitting on were placed at regular intervals against the walls.

Some of his Worldmates were milling about in various sates of inactivity. The tentpole twins, Thomas and Andy, were playfully chasing Mel, who was clearly having the time of her life jumping from one mans knee to another, Sada was sitting on a colourful woollen rug trying to achieve the Lotus position, whilst Darren strolled past with his pet chicken on a lead.

A little further away Nick was busy scribbling in a very thick journal. This caught Craigs interest and with a sigh Craig stood up and stretched his back (“Christ when did I start felling so old” he thought) and headed over to Nick.

“Still plotting revolution Nick”, he said cheerfully, “all these strategies and tactics! Sometimes I think you think you’re on some kind of gameshow! You really ought to let it go.”

Nick didn’t look up and muttered under his breath “Live by the trowel die by the heavy bludgeon to the head!”, but finally had to bow to the inevitable and acknowledged Craig’s presence by glaring at him. “You couldn’t possibly comprehend the full scope of my plans brickboy”, he snapped, “but as it happens today is not the day to spring the trap, after all time is not something we seem to be short of. In fact I’m just noting down the weird thing that happened today in the shower area. Knowledge is power and you never know when it will be useful.”

“What weird thing?” asked Craig, only half interested.

“You tell me?” shrugged Nick, “I was going to the kitchen when I came across Victor and Eugene wrestling with thin air. Then an attractive woman appeared out of nowhere, followed by a steroid psycho. Then the woman went postal, shot up the place and scarpered. It was the strangest thing I’ve seen since Lea-7 got drunk, fell face down too close to the central heating, and you had to chip away the melted plastic with your chisel.”

Craig smiled a fatherly smile. “A woman appearing out of mid-air? Don’t take this the wrong way Nick but I think you need to occupy your mind more. A hobby maybe? A girlfriend?”

“Is that what you think Craig. Nick’s going loopy?”

“Well you got to admit it’s sort of looking that way”

“Maybe so, but would you like to explain that to the woman standing behind you with the gun pointed at your head?”

Craig spun round and found himself face to face with an attractive dark skinned woman who was toting a vicious looking weapon. She smiled sweetly. “Target designate Phillips, Craig”, she sneered, “I’m VERY pleased to meet you ….”

Next Episode – Follow the van

Do you have photos ?????

Haha photos only available after the next part

Episode 24 – The Sisterhood in Turmoil

Sister Caroline stood stiff backed in front of a curved table, her other nine sisters were staring at her with varying degrees of interest and incredulity, but Caroline could handle that. What she couldn’t handle was High Sister Makosi who was sitting staring at her with a look of contempt on her face. In her hand she held a ruler which she was tapping against her clenched fist. Caroline remained still and maintained eye contact but she felt her knees willing themselves to buckle. With impressive determination she steeled herself against the coming onslaught.

Makosi finally spoke, her voice dripping with suppressed anger. “So lets get this straight blondie. There you were. In world one. Just passing time, minding you own business. When all of a sudden some brunette bitch appears in a blue flash, grabs Craig, our potential messiah and THE ONE PERSON you were supposed to keep an eye on, and they both disappear in another blue flash. And not only does this happen but you have not the slightest idea were the hell this mystery brunette has taken him.”

“I know it sounds weird but …..” stammered Caroline in reply.

“No. Halfwit from 10 singing Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini when drunk sounds weird. This sounds like you’ve been taking one too many sucks of the crack pipe sister.”

An uneasy silence settled over the room which was only broken when Makosi loudly smashed her ruler against the table. Pointing at Caroline she raged “The only reason that you still have your head attached to your shoulders is because our ‘esteemed colleague’ Sister Alexandra reported seeing something similar. And despite all the evidence to the contrary I’m willing to believe that stupidity isn’t contagious. So in essence sisters we have tow missing messiahs and a mystery. Any theories?”

At this question Sister Bea put her hand straight up. “Not you” snapped Makosi and she dropped it again as if shot. Finally Sister Adele cleared her throat. “Could it be a new world we don’t know about?” she asked.

Makosi rolled her eyes. “And they be the Phantom people yeah, come and go in a flash of blue smoke and kidnap the men. Where is this new world? Narnia perhaps. Maybe we should all just open the wardrobes, bang mystery solved. No, this is something more.”

Sister Vanessa spoke next, “If I may high sister”, she began, “ I have no answers. It’s more of a question really. Recently I’ve been …. I don’t know ….. questioning things. Things just haven’t seemed right, or natural. Can I ask a question? Can anyone remember what we did before we arrived here? And where exactly is here? And who are we? Because try as I might I JUST DON’T KNOW.”

At this a number of the sisters murmured agreement, and even Makosi nodded her head. “So what are you getting at?” she asked.

“Well there is clearly something highly strange happening. Strange sightings of mysterious people. Not only this brunette but I’ve heard that Sree-10 claimed to have been beaten up by some unknown psycho in black. And well Saskia was saying that she was in the shower earlier today and she had a strange feeling that someone was watching her. Have you considered that we may have been put here for a purpose, and these were the people who put us here?”

Makosi studied her for a second, finally she spoke, “That’s just conjecture and I want facts. But as it happens it is good conjecture. What we need is proof. So we are all going to our worlds and we are going to speak to everyone. Mock them, s**g them or torture them horribly, I don’t care, but we meet again this time tomorrow and by then I want answers, or you will discover how much pain a ruler can cause when it’s inserted into well chosen orifices. Dismissed.”



Next episode – The Mindscape of Jon Tickle

Keep 'em coming.

Episode 25 – The Mindscape of Jon Tickle

“Y’know this is a really fascinating implement Obi-Wan”, said Jon as he held the strange dagger like object in his hands. He was tossing it back and forth as if testing its weight, he finally laid it too rest in his right hand and stared at it lovingly. “I don’t think Perin would mind if I take the back off it and have just a teensy peek to see how it works. Now where’s my screwdriver …” He began to look about but was stopped in his tracks by a curt warning from Marcus. “I do think she’ll mind. In fact I think she’ll be royally p****d off. And she’s the one with the gun”

Jon sighed. “Maybe you’re right”, he looked over at Marcus who sat slumped down in a seat at the other end of the large control panel, the omnipresent Commie assassin was standing close by, unable to take his eyes of Marcus. “You’re frightened of her aren’t you Marcus.” Jon teased.

“She said she wanted to kill me within thirty seconds of meeting me” said Marcus simply.

“I wouldn’t worry”, replied Jon, “I felt that way about Kenneth-10. He’s still alive ….. which is probably in violation of all types of natural justice …. but he lives none the less”.

“Y’know Marcus I’ve been thinking about this”, he continued, “she’s right. I can’t remember anything but being here …. not that here is a bad place of course …. it’s kind of like a strange poem I’ve had going around in my head ‘You can check out anytime you want but you can never leave’. It’s kind of haunting tune, I get the image of a Golden Eagle in my head at the same time. It’s weird.”

“Hmmm” grunted Marcus idly picking at a piece of lint on his boot.

“I mean supposed were like rats trapped in a maze, or something, and there is some sort of almighty powerful being looking over us. Like a sort of a social experiment maybe, or a voyeuristic TV show, but I guess that would be too weird, I mean who would want to watch a bunch of egomaniacs in a large house? What could be learned from that that would be even remotely useful to the sum of human knowledge? But we MUST be here for a reason.”

“Do you think she’ll let me get a sandwich?” said Marcus

Jon seemed to be stirred from his philosophical process. “I’ve got a packet of Wotsits if you like”, He then addressed the Commie assassin “would you like anything … err …. Sorry I didn’t catch your name.”

The Commie glared at Jon then turned to Marcus expectantly. Jon studied the scene with interest and then finally said to Marcus, “I think our large friend is waiting for you to give him permission to speak.”

“Knock yourself out”, said Marcus with no real interest. The commie stared at him then walked over to a large fire extinguisher and ripped it off the wall and raised it above his head as if to smash it down on his own skull. “No!” screeched Marcus , “I mean go ahead …. You have permission to speak.”

The Commie looked relieved. He put down the extinguisher and then with pride he turned to Jon.

“My name is Felicity” he said.

“Felicity!” came the dual reply.

“Yes. It is a proud name, a warriors name, my father before me bore the same name with pride. I am the fourth generation Felicity to serve He. And it is my greatest wish that I should lay down my life to serve the greater good of He.”

“Stick with me Flick”, said Marcus bitterly, “I think that before this is over Perin will be only to happy to make you the happiest dead man in the world.”


Next Episode – Lesser of Two Evils

ooooooo

Episode 26 – The Lesser of Two Evils

“But Mawio, I really don’t see how all this is necessary!” protested an obviously flustered Luke. He was dressed bizarrely in an all over padded foam suit and sat across a desk staring at a similarly dressed Mario. The pink castle which had been his home under Queen Rachel had gone and had been replaced by a mail sorting office, his worldmates, all dressed in the same bizarre way, could be seen in the background, milling around the shop floor. Every surface was covered in protective cushions and yellow tape with the sign “Danger” was prevalent, cordoning off whole sections.

Mario sighed in a fatherly fashion. “Luke. The people have bestowed on me a great honour, and I intend to take it seriously. I will not, and can not, take risks with their health and safety.”

“Yes Mawio”, continued Luke, “and it is both wise and generous of you, but don’t you think it’s time we turned our attention to other matters. …… the question of the life chancellorship perhaps?”

“In time Luke, but the most important things first.”

“But Mawio, this wasn’t my …. sorry OUR ….. plan”

Mario looked confused. “What plan Luke”

For the first time in a long time Luke was speechless. “What I meant was, well, you know …. the complexities of running such a massive concern require an … er ….. focused strategic approach ….. which of course I will be happy to provide …. in your service of course … maybe if you just sign here”. Luke handed a pen and a clipboard hopefully, but Mario was already moving away, staring out of the window onto the shop floor.

“You know I always knew I was destined for greatness Luke. But I want the people to love me. You know I may go and walk amongst them in an hour or two, give them a chance to spend time with me, their king.” He sighed. “The burden weighs heavy Luke. Can you see to my request please.”

Luke was shooting daggers at the back of Mario’s head, but eventually he stood up, “As you wish Mawio”, he said curtly, “extra large crash helmets for all it is. I’ll arrange that.” And with that he stomped away.

But rather than collecting the helmets from stocks he slipped into a side room where two figures were sat forlornly in large cage trolleys. A third, smaller trolley was nearby, full of past it’s best vegetables. Luke selected a particularly rancid tomato and launched it with real venom at the figure in the first cage, but Mohammed didn’t seem to mind as the tomato exploded on his face. “Mmmm”, he simply commented, “but perhaps a touch or oregano”.

Luke let out a roar of frustration and grabbed another tomato and turned to face the second figure. He drew his arm back to throw it again, but paused when the second figure didn’t shy away but instead sat cross legged on her bunk with on hand on her chin staring at him. Presently ex-Queen Rachel commented. “If your going to throw that Luke do it now or you’re going to have one hell of a mess to clear up.”

Luke snapped out of his reverie and looked up, the tomato in his hand was starting to disintegrate and fall between his fingers. With a curse he threw what was left of it on the floor. Rachel continued, “Y’know, for someone who’s just obtained his lifetime goal of ultimate power you don’t look very happy.”

“So says the woman in the cage”, sneered Luke.

“Oh it’s not so bad”, shrugged Rachel, “I get three square meals a day, plus all the rotten vegetables I can eat. And what’s even better is I don’t have to do Mario’s elastic band emergency drill 15 times a day”. She surveyed the rotten tomato at Luke’s feet. “Although I must admit I’ve gone right off salad”, she continued, “it’s definitely off the menu when I get out.”

Luke laughed. “And now what makes you think you will ever ‘get out’?” he taunted.

Rachel smiled enigmatically. “Oh you know what they say, the best things come to those who wait. And if you know anything about me at all Luke, you’ll know that patience is one thing I have an infinite supply of.”

For a second Luke’s sneer flickered, but he quickly recovered his poise. “How inspirational!” he added sarcastically, and turned on his heel and left, pointedly whistling “To Dream the Impossible Dream”.

Rachel watched him leave intently. When the door slammed she sighed. “You can come out now” she said, and a figure emerged from behind a large post sorting machine.


Next Episode – The Flight Now Departing.

Wow that was worth the wait - i love Lukes long destined to fail battle with his true feelings for Rachel lol

Y'know, I'd had a really underwhelming day until this....welcome back COZL!

Nark'em forever!!!!

Welcome back Cult........well worth waiting for.

Wonder if there's room for a "Lost 11th Tribe"?

Interlude

"But why do they scream so Nana. They frighten me"

"They scream because they hate you Charlie. They scream because they want to hurt you. They want to hurt me. They want to hurt your Nana. Tie them up tighter Charlie. Protect me. Protect your Nana. I'm the only one who loves you Charlie"

"Oh yes Nana. No-one will ever hurt you. Do you really love me Nana?"

"Yes Charlie, your my brave beautiful boy. Tie it tighter Charlie. Tie it round his neck. I love you Charlie. You've done nothing wrong"

Welcome to the Drummond Motel....

LOL yes good one