We should be centre stage, of course.

I have it bookmarked.

A little dirty what?



Could it be ...

I've only just mined this vein of gold!

Not greatly impressed so far by the performances, but it's not all the girls' fault with the awful songs. Add to that the sabotage of the hair, makeup and dress departments where they seem to be aiming at a 25 - 30 year old Dorothy and what chance have they got? What 15 year old farm kid would be teetering round on 5" heels for example? Maybe if they were aiming when older at being the legendary "Sophie" type of Farm Girls, but really!

No idea who will end up in the top 5, or even any opinion as to who should so far. Of the judges Sheila seems to talk the most sense.

True, but I have a sneaking suspicion that she will intentionally break her own hip in desperation to be excused from doing the entire series.

Well the Big Day is here again. We wait agog for another ALW "Barbie" moment, and John camping twixt Ladette and Leatherette*. Will Stephanie shout her way through another song, will Jessica be gurning again, will Steph turn in another X Factor performance, and will Sophie turn in another adequate but dead-eyed performance? All these and many other questions will be answered later for those who manage to stay awake through the proceedings.

*My apologies to Sheila, who I actually greatly respect, but for the sake of art and this thread I had to act on my whimsical cheap jibe!

Watch it? Hell no. I can't, I just can't.

I love you Graham Norty, and your little suits, but not even for you pet.

I shall leave it to you clever lot to tell me everything afterwards, and then - if there are recommended bits of footage that are too, too ghastly (or ferociously hysterically bad) - I shall watch them online afterwards. Let rip darlings, every nasty, squirmy bit.

I'll be watching an Almodovar film instead.

Oooh, look at you - all highbrow

I wouldn't miss the camp gorgeousness of it for the world. My favourite bit is the "ditching her so completely" song. And then the tears. And if I were a potential Dorothy, part of me would actually want to be booted so I could go on the moon thing.

^ I was going to leave it until tomorrow before speculating about who would be mooning, but since you mention it.....

Almodovar makes good cheese, goes nice with olives

I'm hoping that they give the girls totally innappropriate songs.

I'd like to see Jessica do any 80's Robopop, anything by Gary Newman which requires a completely expressionless face.

I'd like to see nice young Dani do L'agigulera's Dirrrty.

Going down the expressionless route for Jessica - what about Heart of Glass? I love Blondie's dead pan delivery of that song.

I see that the audience are still going down the "if it's loud, clap..." route.

But since that included the end of Steph's Out here on my own, It deserved some clapping.

(Note on clapping- Mrs Morse is still refusing to clap along to the show intro)

And on the subject of Mrs Morse- she looks like she has had the fake tan treatment this week...

I'm watching quite a bit behind real time, but just had to come on and totally appreciate that Steph's mum sang 'let me be your fantasy'

Really wish I'd said yes to the pictures now

You've clearly not met some of the 15 year old farm kids I have. Male AND female

Why did they bother putting together a number where they all had the same choeography so we could compare them all dancing and then prevent us from doing that with terrible camera work?

I LOVE this thread! Tonight's memorable moment for me (in a sea of unmemorable songs and performances - except Steph) was undoubtedly Lord A wittering on about George and Dave and the red button and Graham saying "I've no idea what you're talking about", or words to that effect. Hehe.

Dishonourable mention to the camera work, some of which was pretty bad from my sofa, but I do love those glimpses of the judges' faces while the performances are going on. If ever a face said WTF???? John's did tonight - more than once.

ALWs faces are always a treat albeit a rather alarming and sometimes stomach churning one

Graham's 'I'll catch it on i-player and then maybe I'll get t' was very funny.

My top moment of the night though was Shelia giving Danielle's comments about 'For one Night Only' and started talking about it being about a girl who just wanted a one night stand, then desperately trying to back track when she realised that Danielle is only 16

To go back a little - we have a theory about Emilie's teeth gap after her "bigging up" tonight. Is it that her head has grown at a faster rate than her teeth?

OMG - Hilarious threadage.

The one near the end of Danielle's performance was priceless.

Totally underwhelmed tonight.

And why are the panel constantly wittering on about the choreography being poor?

What the hell has that to do with the girls?

OMG!

Why is it that when BBC producers get hold of these girls they totally destroy them?

I've just caught up with the latest performances on catch-up and they are virtually without exception absolutely shocking!

All fairly shite apart from Steph, as usual.

Isn't her mother a knockout?

I'd love to hear Graham N discussing it off camera with his buddies. I don't know how he keeps a straight face on camera.