Quote:
“Big Brother!
Day 1 - Federico admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Anouska. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Nush is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Cameron later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Jon Tickle creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Tania hits him with a vibrater.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of London Bridge out of Pot Noodles. After much persuasion by Jon Tickle, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the London Bridge task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Cameron, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Pot Noodles. Tania is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the London Bridge task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Cameron farts and blows London Bridge over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Anouska cries.
6 - Jon Tickle gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Anouska admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a vibrater. Federico says he never wears condoms because they make his Bum hole sore and Jon Tickle agrees. Nush goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Cameron sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Jon Tickle.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Federico goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Tania and Anouska are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Federico.
9 - Tania and Anouska are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Nush sings them a song - Sex on the beach - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Anouska out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Anouska leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Anouska's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Nush has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Tania is visibly depressed and is comforted by Jon Tickle, who tries to touch her on her P*ssy.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Jon Tickle touching Tania's P*ssy over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Cameron refuses to run because his Bum hole hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Cameron finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Tania calls Cameron a lazy Bum hole.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Federico tells everyone individually that he thinks Tania is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Tania and Jon Tickle are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Federico.
16 - The nominations are announced. Tania can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Jon Tickle is equally stunned and turns to Tania for comfort. Cameron is distraught and confesses to Nush that he thinks he is in love with Jon Tickle. Nush says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote Jon Tickle out of the house. Tania says she is gutted and even gives Jon Tickle a clipping of hair from her Pussy to prove how much she cares. Cameron is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Jon Tickle leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Tania clipping the hair from her Pussy. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Orkney in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Orkney sounds like but Cameron says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Federico as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Federico successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Orkney but also God Save The Queen, Sex on the beach and the theme tune to Eastenders. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Federico tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Cameron and Nush are nominated.
23 - Cameron and Nush take their nominations well and sit down with Federico and Tania to discuss why they voted for them. Federico keeps quiet but Tania accuses Cameron of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Bum hole before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Nush out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Nush leaves.
25 - Federico becomes the first housemate to have a w*nk. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Federico's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a w*nker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Cow dung using only a vibrater. Federico is unsure but Cameron is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Cameron breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Cow incident from his childhood. Tania tries to persuade him to stay but Federico sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Cameron decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Cow dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Tania from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Federico asks Tania to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Federico nominates Tania to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Tania.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Tania graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Federico is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Federico takes his £70,000 and runs away to Orkney. Nobody, including Tania, ever sees him again.”
“Big Brother!
Day 1 - Federico admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Anouska. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Nush is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Cameron later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Jon Tickle creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Tania hits him with a vibrater.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of London Bridge out of Pot Noodles. After much persuasion by Jon Tickle, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the London Bridge task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Cameron, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Pot Noodles. Tania is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the London Bridge task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Cameron farts and blows London Bridge over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Anouska cries.
6 - Jon Tickle gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Anouska admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a vibrater. Federico says he never wears condoms because they make his Bum hole sore and Jon Tickle agrees. Nush goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Cameron sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Jon Tickle.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Federico goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Tania and Anouska are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Federico.
9 - Tania and Anouska are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Nush sings them a song - Sex on the beach - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Anouska out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Anouska leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Anouska's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Nush has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Tania is visibly depressed and is comforted by Jon Tickle, who tries to touch her on her P*ssy.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Jon Tickle touching Tania's P*ssy over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Cameron refuses to run because his Bum hole hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Cameron finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Tania calls Cameron a lazy Bum hole.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Federico tells everyone individually that he thinks Tania is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Tania and Jon Tickle are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Federico.
16 - The nominations are announced. Tania can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Jon Tickle is equally stunned and turns to Tania for comfort. Cameron is distraught and confesses to Nush that he thinks he is in love with Jon Tickle. Nush says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote Jon Tickle out of the house. Tania says she is gutted and even gives Jon Tickle a clipping of hair from her Pussy to prove how much she cares. Cameron is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Jon Tickle leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Tania clipping the hair from her Pussy. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Orkney in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Orkney sounds like but Cameron says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Federico as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Federico successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Orkney but also God Save The Queen, Sex on the beach and the theme tune to Eastenders. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Federico tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Cameron and Nush are nominated.
23 - Cameron and Nush take their nominations well and sit down with Federico and Tania to discuss why they voted for them. Federico keeps quiet but Tania accuses Cameron of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Bum hole before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Nush out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Nush leaves.
25 - Federico becomes the first housemate to have a w*nk. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Federico's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a w*nker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Cow dung using only a vibrater. Federico is unsure but Cameron is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Cameron breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Cow incident from his childhood. Tania tries to persuade him to stay but Federico sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Cameron decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Cow dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Tania from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Federico asks Tania to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Federico nominates Tania to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Tania.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Tania graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Federico is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Federico takes his £70,000 and runs away to Orkney. Nobody, including Tania, ever sees him again.”
, Gutted AGAIN that Jon tickle leaves early, but by goodness wasnt that just the best lol. I mean they (meaning this site - http://www.dc8p.com/bigbrother.html) got all the character right, amazing!
Enjoy
